"Zayde's Hootin' Arrival" is a new episode of Pencil 2.O, and until recently, there has been neither number nor date associated. In this episode, During a surprise visit, Aristotelis hires Pen for his desired job, yet he must take a prerequisite at a rather shady facility first
- Sio: What? No way! This is terrible!
[On the other line is Map.]
- Map: I know, I can't believe that our Inventing Club has no funds.
- Sio: We really are in need for a secretary.
- Map: How about U-Eth-B?
- Sio: I don't think so, he's our club manager.
- Map: I'd say "of course", but what's the point, you know?
[There is a knock on the door.]
- Salvador: Who could that be?
- Zorah: Can you get it, Yarisis?
- Yaretzi: Sure, even though, y'know, you're closer to the door.
- Sio: Sorry Map, I've got to go. See ya tomorrow!
- Map: I'll be there!
[She opens it, and Aristotelis is on the other side.]
- Pen: Dad!
- Aristotelis: Γιαααααααααααά, how's my favourite son?
- Pen: Wow, this must be important! Usually Eraser's your favourite son.
- Pencil: Aristotelis, I ne'er knew'ee'd come 'ere. I thought'ee vowed to stay away from this 'ouse, yeah?
- Aristotelis: I did, at first. But then I realised two things: it's very stupid for me to hold a grudge, and it wasn't even you, Pen, who brought shame to our family. Just Match and Eraser.
- Ximena: What'd they do?
- Pen: It's too cringe-worthy, I can't say it.
- Aristotelis: Well, I'll be spending a few nights here if you'd like.
- Pen: How great.
- Javier: Yes, Grandfather taking residence up in this jam!
- Salvador: Bro, not exactly cool.
- Pencil: So why exactly're'ee stayin' 'ere?
- Aristotelis: Ah, I just need to get away from Katarzyna.
- Ximena: Did you have a big fight?
- Aristotelis: Oh, yes. But it was words that were thrown, not books. My wife has a really condensed vocabulary.
- Pencil: Well, thet's interestin'.
- Pen: I'll go get your room ready. Kids, want to come too?
- Saye: Yeah!
- Yaretzi: I'm all for helping!
[They all go with Pen, leaving Ari and Pencil together.]
- Aristotelis: So, Pencil, how is your father?
- Pencil: Busy's e'er, bein' the president an' all.
- Aristotelis: Now that we're done speaking about your side of the family, let's talk about mine!
- Pencil: Okay?
- Aristotelis: Have Pen and you had the talk with your kids?
- Pencil: Well, I con—
- Aristotelis: Does Pen snore when he sleeps? Upon waking up, does Pen take his oriform out and then wash it? Can Pen still recall what his therapist said to him when he was thirteen? Does Pen know any languages that you know? Is that "No Littering in the House" sign enforcing an actual law or can I just throw away this list of questions I intend to ask you two?
- Pencil: Wow, thet's a lot o' questions.
At the guests' roomEdit
- Ximena: Do you really think that Ari's going to sleep like this?
[The bed reveals itself to be upside down.]
- Saye: Are you kidding, Mona? It's just like the hotel we stayed in back when we went to Tahiti last month!
- Salvador: Yeah. Chez à l'Envers!
- Sio: Dad, is Grandpa a vampire?
- Pen: No, son, but he's dead enough to be a "vamp".
- Aristotelis: And that's when he fell onto his knees, as the paramedics thought he was in great danger, but instead he pulled out a ring and said—
- Pen: Alright dad, it's done!
- Aristotelis: Room me, yios!
[Exit Aristotelis. Pen goes to Pencil.]
- Pen: Y'know I finally got that bed on the ceiling. Say, Penc, you don't look well.
- Pencil: A girl'd sure love 'earin' thet.
- Pen: Do you have a problem with my father?
- Pencil: Aye– I mean no, I mean … if I e'er says "aye", are'ee mad at me?
- Pen: Why would I ever be mad at you? I'd love you even if you wanted to throw the entire city of Athens at my father.
- Pencil: Aww, now thet's wot I like ter'ear.
- Aristotelis: Hey, why are there self-help books under the— Otheemou, you're kissing!
- Pen: See, it's not that bad! And what's the worst that could happen?
- Sio: It was so nice of you to make a traditional dinner for us!
- Qalam-Rassas: Thank 'oo, Grandpa!
- Zorah: Hey, what's in this?
[Citlali elbows her.]
- Citlali: Oi! It's totes, like, rude to ask what's in food!
- Zorah: And there is a tote full of rudeness to correct someone about it!
- Aristotelis: All of my engonia, please heed my story. I spent much of my childhood in the 1960s and 70s in Israel.
- Pen: Yeah, and you spent it refusing to speak Hebrew and living on Yiddish and Greek.
- Aristotelis: May this be my story, please? Oykh, I couldn't learn much because our nation was in the war three times! It was after the year 1974 where I had to yerida to Greece, but before then it was all ten of us living under one roof, and all we had to eat was given to us under one plate. It didn't matter of what we bought from the market on such a little budget. You see, you children are very lucky to live in a childhood with an inheritedly rich father, but my own money was earned through employment and establishing a position at managership …
- Pen: Wow, dad's really talking deep stuff.
- Pencil: Aye, but the kids are surely inter'e.
- Pen: Pencil, y'know that if Dad talks about something that makes you feel uncomfortable, feel free to punch me.
- Pencil: Where?
- Pen: Anywhere is fine.
- Aristotelis: And now that we are done talking about you putz folk, let's talk about the origins of our food. Pen, how is the job going?
[A thump is heard from the table.]
- Pen: Ow!
- Aristotelis: Yes, that is what I am asking. How is the job going, my son?
- Pen: The job? It's going well!
- Cil: Daddy no hawe jowb!
- Aristotelis: Is that true? Have you no jowb?
- Pen: No—
- Aristotelis: That is, as the choice people say it these days, awesome.
- [ · ]: It is?
- Pen: Wait, it is! Sit around without a job as your rich parents still have money? Seems fine to me.
- Aristotelis: That's not a good excuse. From today, I shall assign you a job.
- Pencil: Thet's insane, m8!
- Pen: Why did you assign me a job rather than Eraser or Match?
- Aristotelis: Du veyst, their fates have already been chosen. Eraser's in illegal gangy trade and Match is not my daughter.
- Pen: But why must I have my job chosen for me? I've been in the Army for over twenty years and I can appoint a position as well as I can.
- Pencil: You promoted Firey, m8.
- Pen: He asked for it!
- Aristotelis: Do you not understand how powerful I am in the business world? They always call me the Trump of Tel Aviv!
- Pen: Dad, you might want to think of that as an insult.
- Aristotelis: Pen, what did you want to be as a neo atomo?
- Pen: A man … [Pencil looks at him curiously] … who makes a lot of money.
- Aristotelis: You're going to have to be more specific than that.
- Pen: I've always considered two potential job opportunities … that I move to the United States and become a professional football athlete, or work in a quiet and isolated office as a diplomatic representative to the United Nations.
- Aristotelis: Theemou, those two jobs could not be any more different. In spite of that, I can totally get you the job. I mean, I can easily fire anyone blocking your position so you can get the job.
- Javier: Wow, you must really like voting Republican.
- Pen: Er, Avi, I don't think now's the right time to talk about Irish politics.
- Sio: That might have been Ameri—
- Pencil: Omg, be the football star so I can brag to me friends o' me bae ownin' the football field.
- Pen: Now that's out of the question. Like, I don't want to move out of this land; think of what it'd do to my reputation as General!
- Pencil: I- I guess I can brag thet me husband's got a new job as a diplomatic representative, then.
- Pen: Thank you, Dad, for employing me … ?
- Aristotelis: Very welcome are you, my son. I expect to see you at Terwiter's Thursday at 8 AM.
- Pen: 'Kay, I will be th— Wait a second.
- Pencil: Did'ee says "Terwiter's"?
- Yaretzi: Terwiter's is a recurring location in our lives.
- Javier: It is an example of a venue that usually provides adult entertainment, predominantly in the form of—
- Aristotelis: That is most true, my little eynikl. You know, your father will have to be there for the special orientation on Thursday.
- Pen: Special orientation?
- Aristotelis: Yo! You can not achieve a diplomatic position until you achieve a dramatic position.
- Pen: But tomorrow is Thursday!
- Aristotelis: And that is the day that you will see me, nit?
- Pen: Of course.
- Saye: So my grandfather told us all a story about his childhood in Israel and how it was— Oh, hey guys!
- Popsicley: You should know that we're girls.
- Saye: Sorry, I'm sharing some fatherly jokes!
- Chocolatey: Why?
- Saye: It just so happens that my father's father has arrived from far away!
- Shelly: Wait, I thought he came from Switzerland Street a few kilometres north from here.
- Saye: That too! Y'know, "far away" is a relative term.
- Chocolatey: Wait, does that mean that you are busy Friday night?
- Saye: Well, there's a possibility that we'll do some really dumb family-related gathering.
- Popsicley: How unfortunate.
- Boat: Hey, at least she called it dumb.
- Chocolatey: Dang it, now it's just going to be Popsicley, Boat and me!
- Saye: What about Shelly and Minola?
- Minola: I can't go because my parents are bringing me to this church celebration. And yes, we people go to church on Fridays.
- Shelly: And I have to commute back to Düsseldorf before dawn straight after school.
- Saye: See, Mi'a's got a family thing and I'm the one whose suddenly uncool?
- Minola: And oho, I am now offended.
- Chocolatey: Sorry, we are the Friendship Group.
- Popsicley: And we never interfere with our friends' religious lives.
- Boat: Good. Because I can't have a voice like that!
- Saye: An' all this time me mum told me to be part o' the popular crowd.
- Pencil: Alright, everyone, dinner shall be served righ' now!
- Qalam-Rassas: Yay!
- Sio: Sushi for dinner?
- Salvador: It's the 2010s, everyone else is doing it.
- Saye: Yeah, everyone else.
- Zorah: For once I am happy!
- Saye: Yeah, because I'm not.
- Pencil: Saye, wot's the matter?
- Saye: I- I don't feel like talking about it.
- Pencil: But I do.
[Saye goes upstairs.]
- Pencil: Y' can't 'ide from yer feelings fere'er!
- Saye: Yes I can!
[Pencil follows her.]
- Ximena: Just totally delicious!
- Yaretzi: The Japanese do know how to make good sushi.
- Pencil: We need to talk.
- Saye: No, it's too stupid!
- Pencil: Wot is'e? I'm yer mother, it's probably somethin' thet 'appened to me too.
- Saye: [sigh] Mum, why don't the cool kids accept me?
- Pencil: Well—
- Saye: I mean, like, mum, you were one of them! What made you popular?
- Pencil: Easy. Jus' do wote'er they do, an' you'll rise in popularity jus' like yer mum.
- Voice: That's not how you become popular in school! I should know, I'm not one.
- Saye: Javier? What are you doing in the girls' room?
[She looks under the bed and finds him.]
- Javier: Sorry, it's just that food formed with a Japanese character that sounds like the one for "death" isn't something I'd like to eat. Y'know, if dad were here he'd mediate our course options.
- Pencil: Aye, too bad 'e's away with yer grandfather fer the night.
- Pencil: Omg, Ximena, it's beautiful! Let me hang'e on the fridge, yeah?
- Citlali: Hey! I can do it better!
- Pencil: Lallie, jus' acos yer older doesn' mean yer better.
- Ximena: Yeah, Citlal-no!
- Pen: Alright, let's get this over with.
[He gets into the usual queue to get in, but nobody is outside or inside. He enters the building.]
- Pen: Hello?
[An unknown somebody places a bag over Pen.]
- Pen: Holy ship, this is unacceptable!
[The person is revealed to be Aristotelis, shown with Argon Jacket and Ace Nolpe.]
- Pen: Dad? What are you doing here?
- Aristotelis: Pen, welcome to the job. May I introduce you to Mr. Argon Jacket and Mr. Ace Nolpe?
- Pen: Well, technically I've already been introduced to them.
- Aristotelis: Mr. Jacket is the head of security at all Nairobi venues.
- Argon Jacket: Have we met before?
- Pen: Oh yeah, the LN Show!
- Aristotelis: And this is Ace Nolpe, the club owner.
- Pen: As you are my boss, I should treat you as such. Good evening, sir.
[He tries to shake hands with him, but fails.]
- Aristotelis: My son, Ace is intangible. He is simply a hologram from 1923.
- Ace: Eh man, ya lookin' for a job at this speakeasy?
- Pen: Well I guess you do speak easily.
- Ace: I ain't talkin' about that, I'm here to explain you this job.
- Aristotelis: I shall leave it all to you, Signor.
- Ace: Listen, ya cake-eatin' sheik. I'm sure left ya bucket and want this scratch because ya don't want to end up a dewdropper. I'll be peaching to you this: What you gonna do is to be a goon at this stint. You're gonna let certain men enter this club. If they be a pack heat with a gat, they ain't allowed in, ya gonna stool-pigeon to then to them coppers so they get sent to the big house where they can have the big sleep. And lastly, check any babe who comes here. If they're alone, ask for the finger, yet let 'em out. Don't matter if they moll, bearcat or dumb Dora. Them needs their maḥram with 'em. You understand, capisce?
- Pen: I would capisce, but I'm ninety years too late.
- Aristotelis: He has explained all that you need, son, you're free to go.
- Aristotelis: Argonopoulos, why are you even here?
- Argon Jacket: I was worried that your other son would apply for the job. You see, he's more … er … meant to bounce than your twigstick of a son, and I knew that at once Ace starts to speak, he'd definitely try to slap a 90-year-old hologram.
- Aristotelis: Yeah, my wife and I don't speak to them anymore … [awkward silence] … so aren't you supposed to be somewhere else?
- Argon Jacket: No, at the building next to us there is a book club, and what could go wrong at a book club?
[A loud crash is heard.]
- Argon Jacket: Oh yeah, their topic is anger management.
- Pen: Honey, I'm home!
- Pencil: Oi, m8, 'ow'd'e go?
- Salvador: Did you get killed like they do in those bar movies? [they look at him] What? I know my cinefilms!
- Pencil: Why do feel as if it's time for your bedtimes?
- Citlali: No, don't send us to sleep!
- Yaretzi: We're awfully awake!
- Pen: Hey, Penc, how about we watch some gangster movies tonight, eh?
- Pencil: Alright, e'eryone fun's o'er, good night.
[They all go to bed.]
- Pen: What just happened?
- Pencil: 'Tis part o' me own Disassociation plan. Pen, e'er since y' lef' the Gang, I've been tryin' to steer our children away from any threats o' thet lifestyle. We can't connec' them with any Gang members, Gang insignia … we can't e'en says the word "Gang" around our kids anymore!
- Pen: Penc, don't worry. The kids are asleep. I also have pretty good news.
- Pencil: Which is?
- Pen: According to this text … [he shows it]
- Pencil: It's in Greek.
- Pen: I know! I used the Internet to translate it: My father found a hotel, so he doesn't have to stay here tonight!
- Pencil: Omg, this is good news!
- Pen: So from what year should we watch first? 1925 or 1926? The latter's got sound!
- Sio: Psst … psst … Avi …
- Javier: What?
- Sio: You're free for lunch tomorrow, right?
- Javier: I'm barely taken.
- Sio: How would you like yourself going to an Inventing Club?
- Javier: Me, invited to a club? Oh my gosh, that sounds amazing!
- Sio: Then I look forward to
exploiting presentinginviting you!
Inventing Club, the next dayEdit
- Lego: Good news, friends, Inventing Club has now started! Map?
- Map: Everyone is here. Except USB?
- Sharpener: Oh, that's because he found a new club.
- Map: Which one?
- Shieldy: The "Back-to-Nature" club.
- Javier: I'm here, I'm here! Don't start inventioning yet!
- Sio: We aren't going to.
- Map: That's why we need you to—
- Javier: Design a machine that would change objectity forever?
- Sharpener: We were going to say, walk around the school encouraging people to donate money.
- Javier: I will do what you please.
- Pen: Wow. It's so different during the day.
- Aristotelis: Yes, son, it's because nobody is drunk.
- Pen: Hey, is that Argon Jacket?
- Aristotelis: Yo, I have sent you to be taught by him.
- Pen: What do you mean—
- Aristotelis: Argonopoulos, what have you got for my son?
- Argon Jacket: Today, we are going to recognise international passports so you can tell who and who can not get into the club.
- Pen: Would you mind singing it instead? It's the easiest way to get the job done.
- Argon Jacket: No.
- Javier: Okay, so—
- Shieldy: How much money did you make?
- Javier: I made 18,000 shillings.
- Sharpener: What?
- Sio: But that isn't even enough to fund for one invention!
- Lego: I think the problem is that everyone's gone.
- Map: Actually, I think the problem is that you're not cute enough.
- Javier: I wasn't made to be cute! I was created to help analyse domestic tasks and responsibili— [He realises that they've all gone.]
- Saye: Alright everyone, I have exciting news!
- Shelly: They're coming out with a sequel to Shells: The Musical?
- Saye: Nope! My grandpa is now staying somewhere else, so I can come with you to Terwiter's tonight!
- Chocolatey: Omg, this is going to be so fun!
- Popsicley: I can't wait, you'll be with us!
[Enter Lego. He finds Qalam-Rassas with his friends.]
- Lego: Aha! I got you, QR!
- Qalam-Rassas: What do you want with me?
- Lego: We just need you for a club. Please hurry, I don't want your teacher, who clearly is not dining with you guys, to notice.
- Qalam-Rassas: Bye?
- Zonophoney: Adieu.
- Idaka: Why do you have no arms?
- Lego: Bye!
[He takes him to the portable where the Inventing Club is located, and gives the directions with the others.]
- Qalam-Rassas: What's going on? I'm only happy because you took me out of Myetta's story about the Princess and the Cabage.
- Sharpener: Your job is to go outside the school, and talk to people asking for money.
- Qalam-Rassas: Yay!
[He runs out.]
- Shieldy: He's not coming back, is he?
- Sio: Just watch.
- Saye: No way, there's a new bouncer there? You know, my dad applied to work there two days ago.
- Chocolatey: Is he a wine waiter?
- Popsicley: Or a DJ?
- Boat: Or one of the dancers?
- Everyone: Ew!
- Minola: Boat, your mind is so dirty!
- Boat: Merci beaucoup.
- Saye: I don't know what he does, but—
[Qalam-Rassas goes to them.]
- Saye: Hey, QR, I didn't expect to see you here. Are you too going to ask for money?
- Qalam-Rassas: It's for the Inventing Club!
- Popsicley: [speaking slowly, as to condescend] We have money, but we're not going to use it on a baby like you!
- Qalam-Rassas: [to Saye] Tell her to use it on a children's dictionary so she can actually learn something.
- Saye: I shall meet you at 17:59.
- Chocolatey: Oh, absolutely not.
- Popsicley: It's a six o'clock thing.
- Saye: 6:00? But isn't that when the whole scene changes? All the families leave and they start getting stuff out …
- Boat: I know, isn't that amazing?
[Saye says nothing.]
- Saye: Hey, mum, I'm not guilty for anything!
- Pencil: Thet's good acos ye should say goodbye to yer dad. 'E's goin' ter 'ave a very busy night.
- Saye: Good night, dad!
- Sio: Bye!
[The other kids greet Pen, exiting, as well. Enter Qalam-Rassas.]
- Sio: Hey, QR, how did it go?
- Qalam-Rassas: Terrible. Mrs. 92 found me, yelled at me for leaving lunch early, and then took my money!
- Sio: How much money did you make?
- Qalam-Rassas: 1, 2, 3 … 160,000 shillings. And I can't even count up that high!
[Everyone gasps and turns towards them.]
- Pencil: QR, y' made thet much money … an' lost'e?
- Qalam-Rassas: It wasn't my fault, it was Sio's!
- Sio: [sigh] Fine, I had QR and Avi go around school asking for money for the Inventors' Club.
- Pencil: Wow, thet's low … if yer father were 'ere right now, 'e'd be so proud!
- Saye: Yeah, Sio, I'm sure we as a family can take care of your budget.
- Sio: Gee, thanks!
- Saye: Mum, I'm going to a friend's house.
- Pencil: Okay, be safe!
On the streets of NairobiEdit
- Saye: I really feel bad of what I did, but it makes me cool—
- Shelly: [from afar] SAYÉÉÉÉÉÉÉ-CHANNNNNN!
- Saye: Shelly?
[She runs to her.]
- Shelly: Hi!
- Saye: Hey, I thought you weren't going to Terwiter's and that you were heading off to catch the airport to Berlin.
- Shelly: I was, but I thought you might have needed a ride.
[The others are in the car.]
- Chocolatey: What's,
- Boat: Up,
- Popsicley: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrl?
- Saye: Hey guys!
[She gets in the car.]
- Popsicley: I can't wait for tonight!
- Boat: Me neither.
- Scherena: I can not believe that you're going to a book club tonight. I've always wanted for my daughter to come and join, but, you know, dass es eher uncool ist zu einem Buchclub an einem Freitag Abend zu gehen.
- Shelly: Mama, books are very good for them.
- Popsicley: Yeah, we're in the middle of reading one right now!
- Chocolatey: Ja, ma'am, it's about owls!
[They all look at her.]
- Chocolatey: What?
- Scherena: Well, we are here. And it looks as if a queue is forming at that restaurant, what was it? Terwiter's?
- Shelly: No!
[They pass by Terwiter's.]
- Chocolatey: Woah, check out that bouncer!
- Popsicley: Omg, he's such a babe!
- Saye: [looking up from her phone] He's my dad!
- Scherena: He is a babe!
- Saye: Aye, because he's 24!
- Scherena: The book club meeting is starting in a few minutes. Don't want you to be late! Also, I don't want myself to be late so I'm kicking you all out.
- Chocolatey: Bye!
- Saye: Bis Montag!
- Boat: Guys, we need a way to get in without Saye's dad looking for us.
- Popsicley: Don't worry. I got it.
Back door of Terwiter'sEdit
- Saye: Are you sure this is a secret entrance?
- Boat: This feels illegal!
- Chocolatey: Don't worry, Popsicley knows exactly what's going on.
- Popsicley: No I don't.
[A pitch black room is in front of us.]
- Boat: Should it really be that dark?
- Popsicley: I don't know, I'm usually not here at this time of day.
- Saye: Then it's a good thing that Shelly's mum dropped us off here. Germans are usually good at this timing thing …
- Boat: Found the light switch!
[She turns it on, and there is a wine cellar.]
- Chocolatey: Woah, look at all this wine! You know, my Belgian ancestors would rub that all over ourselves.
- Popsicley: Yeah, but then they got eaten.
- Saye: Let's not talk about our dead ancestors and rather leave this place. I don't think we should be here.
- Boat: Saye's right, underage drinking is illegal and potentially dangerous in this country.
- Chocolatey: Come on! It's only 2013, which is, like four years until we're old enough.
- Popsicley: On second thought, I feel dangerous being here. Maybe if we open the door, this whole nightmare will be over and I'll be sleeping in … on a Friday night? No way, that's, like, social sabotage. Okay, let's open this, I'd rather be at a party right now.
- Boat: Okay!
[She opens the door slowly. The Terwiter's restaurant is intact, as usual.]
- Chocolatey: This was totally unexpected.
- Citlali: Mummy, mummy!
- Pencil: Aye?
- Citlali: I made a small drawing of a house!
- Pencil: Is thet a small drawin' or a mural? Regardless, it's goin' on the refrigerator, jus' next to Ximena's.
- Ximena: No way. You can draw our house, but I can draw our planet!
- Citlali: I can draw our galaxy!
- Ximena: Well, I can draw our universe in real size!
- Boat: I would like the Terwiter's special, a plain baguette with extra French sauce.
- OJ: So, three of you just want apple juice and one wants a Terwiter's special?
- Boat: Yeah!
- Chocolatey: Pretty much.
- OJ: It is 6:01 right now, and all children are expected to leave in nine minutes.
- Saye: Kids? We are not kids!
- Chocolatey: Yeah! Just because we're still in middle school doesn't mean we're kids!
- Popsicley: And middle school is just another word for college where we come from.
- OJ: Okay, I trust you all, but only because you got allowed in by our bouncer. He's really tough. Did you know that he was in the military for over 20 years?
- Saye: He's my father.
- OJ: Should I get him for you?
- Saye: Absolutely not.
- Ribbon: OJ, order #246 is ready for you!
- OJ: Yes, ma'am.
- Chocolatey: Isn't Baguette one of your friends from your old school?
- Boat: I don't want apple juice, and it's the only thing on the menu without any alcohol in it. We'll be safe.
- Pen: ID?
- Man: No, I—
- Pen: Get out of here!
- Man: Fine!
- Pen: [to the next person] Y'know, I haven't even used physical force to eject someone yet. They pay me just to intimidate! ID?
- Biṭāqat Al Hūyyah: Here I am! [he points to himself]
- Pen: I'm sorry, but according to your ID, you are a citizen of Saudi Arabia.
- Biṭāqat Al Hūyyah: Which means?
- Pen: Saudi Arabia is one of the seven countries where drinking alcohol is illegal even for expatriates. I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
- Biṭāqat Al Hūyyah: Wadāʻān Kenya, I'm off to Dubai!
- Eraser: Yo, Pen!
- Pen: [looks behind] Eraser, I'm kind of busy right now.
- Eraser: I can see that. Hey, can you let me in for free?
- Pen: What do you mean?
- Eraser: Well, I want something to eat, and I also want to see the dancers.
- Pen: Eraser, does Match even know about this?
- Eraser: No and don't tell her. But I forgot my ID, is that okay?
- Pen: It most certainly is not!
- Eraser: Bye!
- Pen: [to the next person in the queue] ID?
- Woggabaliri: I beg your pardon?
- Pen: Do you have any identification on you?
- Woggabaliri: Um … let me see, I'll check upon you in a few seconds.
- Gelatin: Oh, come on, she clearly doesn't have any! [to Pen] Hey BFDIA reject, some of us are trying to get rid of our obsession with Ostendo Objects here.
- Pen: Hold on. Ma'am, you're a woman?
- Woggabaliri: Yes, sir, is that an issue?
- Pen: No, but I have been informed that no woman shall enter alone unless accompanied by a male guardian, a maḥram, so to speak.
- Woggabaliri: What is this, Ancient Greece?
- Pen: No, they're the rules. Come, let me escort you in … ha-ha, escort. Sorry, the bouncer doesn't make good jokes.
- Woggabaliri: No, he does not.
- Pen: [going in with her] Whoever is next, you're in charge!
- Gelatin: Okay! [he goes on his phone and plays Ostendo Objects]
- Fries: Gelatin, can we go in now?
- Gelatin: Sure, yeah, everyone can go in.
[The whole queue enters.]
- Boat: Aw man. I feel so guilty.
- Popsicley: For eating your friend's kind?
- Boat: Yeah! I feel like I need to redeem myself by getting a winter job at a deli.
- Saye: Everyone act distracted! [she looks the opposite direction for a while]
- Chocolatey: Can we stop now?
- Popsicley: I'm getting a bit tired.
[Pen and OJ help Woggabaliri find a table, and they get her the table next to the girls. Nobody notices them.]
- Pen: If you need any help or security, ma'am, call either me or Argonopoulos, that guy over there. We call him Argonopoulos colloquially, because, well, it's not his name but it's his, y'know, game … ?
- Woggabaliri: I reckon your jokes are not funny.
- Pen: Coo-fu-raw-here ew-see-coo yeah-co!
- Popsicley: Alright, we can turn back now!
[They do so.]
- Javier: Come on, come on, why isn't this working?
- Sio: We can't add money into the club fund because we're just kids.
- Javier: Right … I totally knew that.
- Sio: Great, so all we need is the school code and we've got the money to keep running this club!
- Javier: Yay! There's just one problem: none of us have access to the school code.
- Sio: That's not true, you just have to look into your huge corpus of knowledge up there!
- Javier: No, as in, only the professors know that!
- Qalam-Rassas: What? Zorah has a lot of secrets that she won't tell us! That's a good idea, right? ZORAH!
[All of a sudden, Yaretzi and Zorah walk out of the room with their hands on each other's backs.]
That's it, sister, it's the fault of you,
So making up is hard to do!
(Down dooby do down down)
- Sio: Whoa, did I miss a whole musical number?
- Zorah: Yeah, you did. But now that you're hearing me, can I rant about how much of a goody two shoes Yaretzi is?
- Yaretzi: It's so true!
- Javier: Zorah, do you know the code for the school?
- Zorah: Yeah, I do. [she types the school code, and the funds are let in]
- Qalam-Rassas: Yay!
- Sio: Thank you so much, Zorah?
- Javier: What may we do in return?
- Zorah: For once don't tell anyone that I actually helped you people.
- Yaretzi: Kind of hard to not tell when half of us are here.
- Pencil: Aye, this is 'er mother. … No, Popsciquelle, I don' know thet our daughters are safe. Fer all I knew accordin' to me mummy senses, Saye can be in real danger. … Well I jus' know she's! [she hangs up]
- Sio: Eh-em!
- Saye: This is getting too bad, guys, this is the fourth time that I've risked being spotted by my dad!
- Popsicley: Don't worry, Saye, there are worse things in like!
- Saye: I've got to do something.
- Chocolatey: No, don't! You'll get us all busted!
- Boat: And then apparently you won't be cool anymore.
- Saye: Fine, I'll stay. But I'll be drinking more apple juice.
- Boat: It's what she does when she's nervous.
- Pen: IDs?
- Beautiful: Oh yeah, sorry. [she shows her ID]
- Pen: Hey, today is your eighteenth birthday! We'll show you around … [reads her name] Ayari?
- Beautiful: Omg, my real name is Beautiful. We just got our licences taken in Japan.
- Pen: And are "we" coming here as well?
- Fabulous: Heck yeah we are! That is, Kaname, Mie, Subaru and Miryoku, better known as—
- Pretty: Looloolooloo! Do you really bounce like a ball?
- Pen: No, but I'm sure that if you can find a waiter around, he might do it for you … as long as his glass isn't spilt.
- Vanity: Treat my friends with respect, will ya?
[Pen notices Glamour.]
- Pen: Excuse me, but you look really familiar.
- Glamour: I know. I have the look of a tiger!
- Popsicley: Omg, do you know who those people are?
- Chocolatey: Popsicley, you're right! Those are the girls we followed around at their high school and then they told us to stop!
- Saye: I guess that since they're eighteen now, they're allowed to be here.
- Popsicley: Ooh, should I say hi to them?
- Saye: Please don't, they're being guided by my dad. And besides, I stil think Pretty reminds me of a tree frog.
- Chocolatey: Well, why don't we say hi to her? At least she's in the back of the queue!
- Saye: I know you really want to, but we can't do that. If you greet Pretty, she's going to alert Vanity who's going to alert Fabulous who's going to alert Glamour, and when all of the girls in a mixed-gender friend group stop and look at something …
- Boat, Popsicley & Chocolatey: The guys will stop to look too.
- Popsicley: So I shouldn't say hi?
- Saye: I wouldn't.
- Boat: Bonjour, mon amie du flacon de vernis à ongles connu sous le nom de Pretty ! [she covers her mouth at once]
- Saye: Nous sommes mortes.
- Pretty: Omg, Vanity, someone's calling me! [turning to the girls] Hey, Popsicley, Boat, Chocolatey and that girl who called me a tree frog!
- Vanity: What? Oh, hello girls! How's middle school?
- Popsicley: It's middle …
- Chocolatey: And school!
- Fabulous: Hey, girls! Are you studying hard?
- Chocolatey: Funny you should ask, because no!
- Saye: I think I'm going to drink some more apple juice.
- Popsicley: Same.
- Glamour: Who's calling me, Fabulous? Ha! I just said "Who's calling me fabulous", which in that case is everyone. [to the girls] Hey, girls! I thought you were too little to be here.
- Chocolatey: We are, but—
- Glamour: Security, look at the table over there! There are girls here who shouldn't be here!
- Pretty: This is a club with those type of people, Glams …
- Pen: I'm sure that I've checked their IDs to make sure that they aren't too young.
- Saye: Quick, everyone get under the tables so my dad doesn't notice us!
[Boat, Chocolatey and Popsicley get under the table, but Saye gets under last. She is too late, because by the time that Pen checks the table …]
- Pen: Busted.
- Popsicley: [revealing the rest of the table] Hey, Pen-tagram, can I tell your wife that you're with other women!
- Pen: I can't believe you snuck out of the house and out of all places of the earth to find refuge in, it's this place!
- Saye: Dad, we can really explain!
- Pen: There doesn't need to be an explanation for four un-guardianned 14-year-old girls going to a club like this?
- Chocolatey: Excuse me, but I am 15!
- Boat: I don't think now's a good time.
- Pen: Boat, Chocolatey and Popsicley, I'll be alerting your parents as well.
- Chocolatey: My parents are in Austria, sightseeing on the Alps with Shelly's parents.
- Popsicley: I thought they were in Germany.
- Chocolatey: Shh!
- Pen: I have to go.
- Saye: What?
- Pen: Security only gets one minute bringing an unaccompanied woman to her table. Mine is up right now, but I'll be right back.
- Saye: Oh man, I feel terrible!
- Popsicley: Why?
- Saye: If my dad reacted this way, how would my own mother feel about this?
- Pencil: Aye, she's fourteen years old, an' about this tall … O' course I knew you can't see me visuals, but y've got all the other physical details of 'er, yeah? … No, I am not lookin' fer meself, I told'ee earlier, I'm a-filin' a rescue team to get me daughter, Pencil Camania Sayéne Schreiber! … Y'do? … Thank'ee so much. [about to hang up]
- Sio: Don't forget, mum!
- Pencil: Aye, an' good bye. [she hangs up] Yer stupid Uncle Coiny!
- Javier: He's a cop!
- Sio: Does he know where Saye is?
- Pencil: Aye, 'e knows an' 'ell send 'e home in about an hour.
- Yaretzi: Yay! Where is she?
- Pencil: I don't know where she's, acos yer uncle says thet it's illegal 'ere to distribute details o' the location of a missin' person. But she'll be back soon.
- Zorah: Can we stop with the Saye-hunting? It makes mum sound totes cray.
- Citlali: Hey, being totes cray is my thing!
- Pencil: Come on, Saye's yer sister. Wot if somethin' bad 'appened to you an' nobody was there to save'ee?
- Zorah: Opal lease, people would be there to save me!
- Ximena: Uh-huh.
- Pen: Match, do you have an ID?
- Match: Yeah, like, in fact I have two!
- Pen: Two? What did you do?
- Match: Eraser. I stole his so he couldn't come here and ogle at the dancers.
- Pen: Y'know, you kind of were a dancer here too. Won't it be weird seeing people you sort of, like, left?
- Match: Eh, it's, like, #FrowbackFriday on Uso right now.
- Pen: That's not how it works. Anyways, as you have no male guardian you must follow me and I have to wait a minute for you.
- Match: No fair, this never happened with, like, the old security guy!
- Pen: Hey, while you're with me would you like to see the underaged patrons I caught entering after hours? You might know them.
- Match: Sure!
[They go in. As there is no security. A rogue enters, and he is no other than Snowball.]
- Chocolatey: Hey, everyone, I've gotta go to the washroom.
- Popsicley: Ooh, me too!
- Boat: Same. Saye, since you were alreading there because you were "not crying", can you keep our food warm?
- Saye: Sure thing.
- Boat: Thanks!
[They go, as a group. Saye is left alone as OJ takes the rest of the girls' food away.]
- Saye: Gosh, I feel so bad. And now that they've gone, I can finally apologise to Dad!
[She gets up, but Snowball practically rushes to the seat next to her.]
- Saye: Er, excuse me, but I've saved this seat for my friend who's not here right now. … No way, you're Snowball from BFDI! I love your show, and how for some reason you were friends with my dad.
- Snowball: Yea, I was a holler.
- Saye: May I get a picture with you for my sister? She loves when she sees celebrities. She says that instead of going to a university she'll end up at beauty school and compete in shows when she gets old.
- Snowball: Willst thou photograph us or what?
- Saye: Alright, alright … Never did I realise that BFDI characters have the same personality in real life. [she gets her phone out for a selfie. Snowball makes a really gross face that bears a human resemblance] Say "duck"!
[Cut to the girls' washroom. Popsicley is washing her hands.]
- Popsicley: Glamour, why do I think that someone's swearing?
- Glamour: I don't know, but that no-swearing pact you guys made really worked out, right Boat? You should know, you created it!
- Popsicley: She's taking a bath.
- Boat: [from the closed door] It's really fun!
[Cut back to the table with Saye and Snowball.]
- Saye: Alright, SB, you can go now.
- Snowball: What dost thou enjoy for entertainment?
- Saye: I like playing football with my friends.
- Snowball: Thou deviatest from popularity in choice of sport, no?
- Saye: N- no, why?
- Snowball: Well, I like to see thee for entertainment, young maid.
- Saye: Aren't you, like, really old?
- Snowball: Mattereth that?
- Saye: [really agitated] Um, Popsicley, Chocolatey, get out of the bathroom!
- Snowball: Ha! Nobody can hear thee screaming. It is open Friday bar night.
- Saye: Really? I really have to go to the bathroom. Please don't follow me.
- Snowball: No, girl, thou shalt stay and not go thither.
- Saye: [breathing more heavily] Help, someone?
- Snowball: Maybe after here we shall go to a corner store, alone. They are not that popular at this time of day.
[The other girls return from the bathroom.]
- Popsicley: Like, I can't believe you called that professor a "rejected tissue box" behind her back, and ba-da-bing ba-da-boom she was there!
- Vanity: Yeah, Beautiful has her ways!
- Chocolatey: Hey, isn't that Saye?
- Fabulous: Wow, she didn't guard your food.
- Pretty: Maybe it's like one of those movies where you think that it's here, but it isn't!
- Glamour: Yeah, that table has an old man there too.
- Boat: Guys, I think that it's really Saye.
- Vanity: What? We can't hear you 'cause of the noise!
- Chocolatey: OMC, it is Saye!
- Saye: [from the table] GUYS, HELP ME!
[They go to the table, despite not hearing her.]
- Popsicley: No way, you're Snowball from BFDI! Are you really the old guy who still bullies people?
- Snowball: How old are you, girls?
- Chocolatey: Ey, who wants to know?
- Pretty: Ooh! Glamour is twenty, Fabulous is nineteen, and we're all eighteen!
- Snowball: Talk to me not, old people.
- Chocolatey: Saye, we have to go! Boat's done with her bath, but she still has water in her! We need to take her to shore!
- Boat: Wait, what?
- Saye: I'm sorry, but I can't leave now. In case you haven't known, this creepy old guy is stalking me.
- Snowball: Can I have thy digits?
- Saye: See?
[Glamour, Pretty, Beautiful, Vanity and Fabulous have already walked away.]
- Chocolatey: Hide me, Book!
- Boat: No way, I'm the one who needs to be hidden!
- Popsicley: I actually am scared … someone, help!
- All of them: HELP!
[Nobody notices as it's so loud. Suddenly, Pen is seen touring around Match.]
- Saye: Yes, it's my dad!
- Chocolatey: Isn't he still mad at you?
- Saye: I don't know, but he is security.
[Match is being taken on a tour.]
- Match: Omg, this brings me back.
- Pen: And here you see … no way. Snowball's here? And he's about to kiss my daughter!?
- Saye: There's no hope!
- Snowball: Nay, no hope existeth for thee!
- Saye: Help!
[Snowball perks up at the sound.]
- Pen: [in his old drill sergeant voice] HEY! That's my daughter you're messing with!
- Saye: Daddy!
- Snowball: What art thou doing here, Pen? Thou never comest to these venues; thou art sober as fuㄲ!
- Popsicley: Welp, there goes our non-swearing pact.
- Pen: I'm not here as a customer. [he opens his jacket to reveal his shirt saying "Security"]
- Snowball: Shiт!
- Pen: And stay out of here for as long as I work here!
[He pushes him out onto the streets.]
- Pen: I'll have the next person, please?
[The next person is Ari.]
- Aristotelis: Oyiosmou, oyiosmou!
- Pen: Dad? I mean, [going back to regular voice] Dad? You saw me throw out Snowball?
- Aristotelis: Saw it? Why, I recorded all of it with my moving picture machine, and I'm going to post it on Velt Shtern Lend Hopken!
- Pen: Please don't. Anyways, what are you doing here, on a Friday night?
- Aristotelis: What, a middle-aged Mediterranean man can't get his drink on Paraskevi's day?
- Pen: True. Do you have an ID?
- Aristotelis: Here. [he shows his IDs and is permitted in] Oh, and by the way, you're fired!
- Pen: Oh, thank G-d. [he rips his jacket] I've been wanting to be just a customer this whole time!
[Argon Jacket hurries to the bouncer position once more.]
- Argon Jacket: ID, Schreiber?
- Aristotelis: I've already got mine, Argonopoulos.
- Argon Jacket: And about you?
- Pen: Nope!
- Argon Jacket: Get out of here!
[Argon Jacket pushes him out onto the streets, although since he is stronger the place onto which he is pushed is no other than on Saye's walk home.]
- Saye: Dad?
- Pen: I just got pushed out of here.
- Saye: Sorry to hear that?
- Pen: Eh. I don't work there anymore, so that's good enough!
- Saye: Are you still mad at me?
- Pen: I wouldn't say that.
- Saye: Omg, you're the greatest dad ever!
- Pen: I know. But why'd you do it?
- Saye: Yesterday at school, my friends thought that I was uncool just because Grandpa came over.
- Pen: Well—
- Saye: So when I came here, I thought that I could prove that I could be cool, just like them!
- Pen: Y'know, take it from a former cool guy right here.
- Saye: I know, you have your old football uniform still in you and Mum's room.
- Pen: Well, sometimes I think that if you just want to be popular, just do what everyone else is doing. My dad always told me "Don't be a leader, be a follower because I can get you a good job this fast."
- Saye: Hey, Mum says the same thing! Except without the job part.
- Pen: But at your age, you should know that you're responsible for what you're doing. So you can just follow the crowd, but nobody's going to try to tell you to not follow us.
- Saye: Thanks, Dad. There's just one thing I request from you.
- Pen: Which is?
- Saye: Don't say any of this to Mum.
- Pen: Good, because y'know if I spilled the beans, both of us would be in trouble.
- Ximena: I can draw so much better than you! See, look? It's me and Mummy!
- Citlali: Well, I drew myself with the whole family. Except yoooooooooou.
- Ximena: Mum, Lallie's being mean to me!
- Citlali: No she's not!
- Pencil: Wot's goin' on?
[They both start talking at once.]
- Citlali: Uh uh!
- Ximena: Nu uh!
- Pencil: An' why're'ee fussin'?
- Ximena: Lallie thinks that she can draw better than me just because she's old!
- Citlali: Ximena's playing the baby card!
- Pencil: I don' e'en know wot'e is. But look a' the fridge now.
[There are no more drawings.]
- Citlali: Why isn't there anything on the refrigerator?
- Pencil: I'm sick an' tired of 'ee arguin'. Y'know, Salvador suggested thet'ee two be h'a-throwin' rocks at each other. Would'ee rather do thet instead?
[The girls look at each other.]
- [ · ]: No.
[They both hug her.]
- Pencil: It's so nice seein' y' two make up. I'd rather love two girls 'o are good an' good a' drawin' than girls 'o're good an' better.
- Citlali: Aww, thanks!
- Pencil: But if I see another girl walk into this 'ouse …
- Saye: I'm home!
- Pencil: Omg, yer not dead! Y'don' know 'ow worried I was'm findin'ee.
- Pen: You didn't call the police, did ya?
- Pencil: No ... [laughs a bit] but where were'ee?
- Pen: Um—
- Saye: Well—
- Pen: Y'know—
- Saye: Germany! [they both look at her, confused] I was there, yeah Dad?
- Pen: I for one am to say that she was in Germany.
- Pencil: [suspiciously] Really? Y'expec' me to believe with 2013 air technology thet you spent yer Friday in another continent? Acos I do!
- Saye: Yeah, it was a pretty bumpy flight back to Kenya. There were lots of [looks at Pen] words exchanged.
- Pencil: Thet's great, dear, now run off to sleep so Daddy can tell me of 'is new job.
[She runs off to her room.]
- Pen: Oh, by the way, can you print out restraining orders?
[Pencil is confused.]
- Match: Ari! What are you doing here?
- Aristotelis: What, did you decide to dance here?
- Match: Nope! I quit that job!
[A voice comes from under the other table.]
- Voice: Just apologise to her already!
[He lifts the table, and Glamour who has heard all (with her friends) show themselves.]
- Aristotelis: Who are you?
- Vanity: Nothing you can't understand, old man.
- Aristotelis: [to Match] Anyways, I've decided that I shouldn't be holding this grudge against you.
- Match: What?
- Aristotelis: Yes. And I've come to apologise that we haven't spoken to each other in years. That's why I'm making you my honorary kori!
- Match: Omg, I've always wanted to be in the house!
[They laugh quietly.]
- Minola: How was Friday?
- Boat: It was seriously one of our best nights.
- Popsicley: Yeah, you should have been there. There was singing and dancing, but mostly dancing.
- Chocolatey: And a creepy old guy too, but he got taken down by Saye's dad.
- Minola: No way, that's crazy!
- Shelly: Hey, where is she?
[Saye finds them in the hallway.]
- Saye: Hey guys!
- Popsicley: There's the girl I was looking for!
- Saye: Y'know, Friday night … really amazing, eh?
- Chocolatey: Seych, we just wanted to apologise for our behaviour.
- Boat: We shouldn't have forced you to go to Terwiter's just to make you invited cool.
- Popsicley: We totally should have realised that you're pretty cool enough!
- Saye: Aww, thanks so much! I'm just glad that this whole situation ended on such a happy note!
[The iris out starts to zoom into them.]
- Saye: Jus' as long as nobody mentions creepy ol' Snowball again.
[Someone throws a snowball at her, ending the episode.]
- ↑ All translations shall be done at the info page.
- ↑ Though he quoted this from Wikipedia, I won't reference the article here: there are young people reading this.
- ↑ 司=死
- ↑ I was going to write a song, but Peru's passport colour isn't blue, and neither the Philippines' nor Benin's colours are green.
- ↑ In 2013 U.S. Dollars, that is basically $216.
- ↑ (Ger.) "It is rather uncool to go to a book club on a Friday night."
- ↑ (Ger.) "See you Monday!"
- ↑ (Ar.) "Goodbye"
- ↑ (Almost Swahili) "Enjoy your night!"
- ↑ Yay, a song! This one's a parody of the 1962 hit "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do".
- ↑ (Fr.) "Hello, my nail polish bottle friend known as Pretty!"
- ↑ (Fr.) "We're dead."
- ↑ C: I don't think Pen would react that nicely to his daughter having snuck out of the house to a club like this.
- ↑ I'm sure after reading this, you've probably lost all respect for Snowball here.
- ↑ Or rather, in comparison to the scene at Terwiter's.