Timelessen - Void scene

Story is in Completed Mode!

"Wow, spending so much time in this void has actually made me finish!" - Pen
This story has officially been over. Go check out this episode's info page for information about music, characters, trivia and more! Also, please know that after 24 hours of this on an episode page, you must only edit it if the placement of words has the same amount of letters in it.

Asterisk Hedge


"Wot'n ale's fozz'r'ye doin'?" - Pencil
This page contains profanity, like the sentence above. I have created two ways to censor those words, but I've also discovered that on mobile view, they lie uncensored. So please, show some cognoscience about what you may see.

If you do have a problem with profanity, please refer to this page § 3.

"Will He or Won't He?" is a new episode of Pencil 2.O, and until recently, there has been neither number nor date associated. In this episode, Saye plans a proper wedding proposal for Pencil and Pen, and some of the kids go to places they shouldn't go to

Thursday, June 19, 2014Edit


  • Ximena: But Mummy, I don't want to!
  • Pencil: Why not? Swahili's a beautiful language an' I'm compelled thet'ee speak the words o' my ancestors ... an' yours.
  • Yaretzi: Then why aren't we speaking Greek like Dad's ancestors ... and ours?
  • Ximena: Or French, like a normal person?[2]
  • Pencil: It's national television! Can't see any Grecian er Frankish immersion programmes on 'ere. An' besides, a prior knowledge o' Swahili'll gi'ee an advantage nex' year when'ee start takin' thet class.
  • Yaretzi: But why can't we watch the Minh and Sally Show?
  • Pencil: Well, yer brothers an' sisters complain thet you two watch the mos' television before school.
  • Salvador: It's true!
  • Citlali: Yeah, I can never watch those real housewives of East Africa.
  • Zorah: Never.
  • Sio: Wouldn't it just be better if they just stop watching the TV before school?
  • Yaretzi: Absolutely—
  • Zorah: Not!
  • Pencil: If they're goin' to watch the telly, it's got to be somethin' good. [the sound of the programme goes on] E'ERYONE SHUT UP, IT'S ON!
  • Ximena: Then why isn't Zorah—
  • Pencil: SHH!
Lily: Asubuhi njema, wanafunzi![3] Today is August 23, 1998. Leo ni Agosti Ishirini Na Tatu Elfu Moja Mia Tisa Tisini Na Nane.
  • Pencil: Omg, I remember this! Eight years old an' Needle was five. But fer some reason I hate thet year, 1998.
Lily: Jina langu ni Nyinyoro Akizungumza Kiswahili, it is what I'm called, but you can call me Swahili Lily.
  • Yaretzi: May we call you Hililily?
Lily: But don't ever call me Hililily, au polepole na chungu kifo atakuwa wakisubiri wewe.[4]

[Pencil gets a call on her phone.]

  • Pencil: Oh, it's the PTA! I'd better take'e outside.

[She goes outside.]

  • Saye: Guys, you don't know how happy I am right now!
  • Citlali: How come?
  • Saye: Tomorrow's the last day of school!
  • Javier: Yippee ...
  • Salvador: What's with the long face, long face?
  • Javier: They're showing us around for our new 7th grade classes.
  • Saye: What's wrong with that?
  • Salvador: Yeah, usually you love that place … what's it called, we're going there today.
  • Sio: School?
  • Javier: Yeah, school! I just heard there's this really mean PE teacher in 7th grade, and she's going to make us die next year. Saye, Sio, you've had Ms. Mhongafhoie, right?
  • Saye: We've had her, except …
  • Sio: We can't talk about her.
  • Javier: Aw, come on!
  • Sio: Sorry, Avi, we're not allowed to talk about any of the atrocities.
  • Javier: Atrocities?
  • Saye: Our minds have been cleared to forget it all.

[Enter Pencil.]

  • Pencil: Citlali, I've got good news … actually, it migh' be considered bad news … either way I've got news.
  • Citlali: Is it about my end-of-lower-division trip to Canada?
  • Pencil: Y'may wan' to listen now; yer class ain' goin' to Canada.
  • Citlali: What? So I won't enjoy Dad's old country?
  • Pencil: No. They've changed th' itinerary up so now yer goin' to the Zambezi Ri'r in Zambier an' Zimbabwe!
  • Citlali: Zimbabwe? Oh, I can't wait! Did you know one of our shillings in Zimbabwe is 1000000000—
  • Ximena: Stop at that zero, we're getting to an important part here!
  • Pencil: Ooh, wot is'e?
Tendaji: Nyinyoro Akizungumza Kiswahili, umefanya mimi mtu furaha katika dunia. Wewe kuolewa na mimi?
Subtitle: [off-screen] Swahili Lily, you've made me the happiest man in the world. Will you marry me?

[Audience cheering from the show's studio audience.]

Lily: Ndiyo, mimi kuolewa na wewe!
Subtitle: Yes, I will marry you!

[Audience "aww" sound.]

  • Yaretzi: When I'm an old lady like Hililily, I mean, Swahili Lily, I'll get my man to propose like that!
  • Ximena: On one knee?
  • Yaretzi: No, in a relatively bad neighbourhood in the city!
  • Ximena: Mummy, what was your proposal like? Y'know, when Dad went on one knee and asked that question …
  • Pencil: Oh, me proposal? Why, 'twas … actually … 's if I could remember …


Pencil: Sorry, I couldn't 'ear'ee o'er thet atmospheric pressure. Wot was'e z'ee wanted-er ask me?
Pen: [very flatly] Will you marry me?
Pencil: Aye, of course!

[Return to real life.]

  • Pencil: I don' think I've e'er received a proposal as proper as wot was shown in the telly!
  • Ximena: Daddy didn't propose to you?
  • Pencil: Well, 'e jus' asked if 'e could marry me tot' abruptly. Why, 'e's talked sweeter in an 'ostage crisis! It makes me wanna …
  • Ximena: Say it, mum!
  • Yaretzi: Is it shout, 'cause I can musically relate.
  • Pencil: No, it's—

[Enter Pen.]

  • Pen: Honey, which do you prefer as my Pen-ultimate Day look, Business Formal or the suit with P's on them?
  • Pencil: You lacklustre speech-writer!

[She pins him down on the ground.]

  • Saye: Oy vey, save your animal antics for your own room!
  • Zorah: Yeah, some of us are trying to eat here!
  • Pen: If you're mad about the P-suit, I did not steal it from you.
  • Pencil: No! I mean yer proposal!
  • Pen: What proposal?
  • Pencil: Oh, y'know, the one thet made our marriage legit?
  • Pen: I see, that proposal! Kids, back me up with this.
  • Sio: Dad, Mum's all angry that you didn't properly propose to her.
  • Ximena: Like they did on Swahili Lily!
  • Pencil: An' it's really makin' me upset; I was quite startin' to love this day.
  • Pen: No worries! I'll go get—
  • Pencil: Don't. You've put me h'in enough troubles o' the day.

[Exit Pencil. She shows herself through the door.]

  • Pencil: Now y'know why I hate 1998 so much, m8s!
  • Pen: And this, kids, is why you should never ask about fashion first.
  • Salvador: Right.
  • Javier: Mm-hm. Oh, and Dad?
  • Pen: Yeah?
  • Javier: What do you know about Ms. Mhongafhoie?
  • Pen: Sorry, can't say.

[Exit Pen.]


  • Sio: No way!
  • Sharpener: Seriously, you're in 8th grade and you never told us?
  • Map: But you're taking all 7th grade classes now!
  • Shieldy: I'm guessing they're just 8th grade classes with a bunch of 7th graders in it, am I right?
  • Lego: Actually, that sounds pretty right to me!
  • Sio: Wait a second … if you're in the 8th grade right now, that means tomorrow you'll be heading on your end-of-middle-division trip!
  • Map: Is it true that you're going to Los Angeles?
  • Lego: That's exactly where I'm going.

[They are all shocked.]

  • Shieldy: That's amazing!
  • Lego: Not really, I asked if we could go to Peru but they rudely declined my offer.
  • Sharpener: What do you mean?
  • Lego: They took the paper with the word "Cuzco" written on it in big block letters, and they ripped it apart right in front of me.
  • Sio: We're sorry to hear that …
  • Map: But Los Angeles is such an amazing place!
  • Sharpener: Yeah, I've heard that nobody walks there.
  • Sio: But the most important thing is that LA's got a World's Fair!
  • Lego: A world's fair? Haven't those, like, died out?
  • Shieldy: For some, but they're bringing it back!
  • Map: It's where people from all around the world show the latest inventions, trends and stuff like that all in one place—
  • Sharpener: And you're going there.
  • Lego: Oh, wow! That sounds pretty coolio! And I've got a surprise … I can take one person with me!
  • Sio: One person? Take me, I'm the son of the colour blue!
  • Map: Take me! I was on your show!
  • Sharpener: Well, I was on your show first!
  • Shieldy: No, I think I should be the one, after all I am being cool, calm and collected: the four C's.
  • Sharpener: Not to block your guard, but that's three C's.
  • Shieldy: AND CRAZY! Pretty please can you pick me to go to the city of Angeles?
  • Lego: Los.
  • Shieldy: Okay, I'll leave.
  • Lego: No, wait! I've got an idea! We'll invent something so that all of us can go together.
  • Shieldy: Yay![5]

[At the same time, Javier is being led around the school with his class.]

  • Utafutaji-kote: And this is the last part of the tour.
  • Javier: Excuse me, but you forgot a teacher.
  • Utafutaji-kote: And which teacher did I forget?
  • Javier: Ms. Mhongafhaoie—
  • Utafutaji-kote: [hissing] Never bring up that name or forever hold your peace!
  • Javier: Well that wasn't very nice.
  • Utafutaji-kote: No, what's not nice are the evil things that she ever did to us!

[Javier sighs.]

End of the school dayEdit

  • Map: Are you sure we can't go on the 8th grade trip to LA?
  • Mr. Fanaismith: I'm sorry, but you know the end-of-the-year rules. Only Grades 5 and 8 get to go on the international trips with the class, and unlike Lego, you guys aren't part of the class. And even if he did choose one person to go with him, they would have to be in the eighth grade.
  • Sio: But that's not fair! Surely you can make at least one decision!
  • Mr. Fanaismith: There's one problem … my name's not Shirley. On another note, I won't be here tomorrow and there'll be a substitute, so I guess you should have a great summer then!

[Exit Mr. Fanaismith.]

  • Sio: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
  • Map: Where Los Angeles is on me?
  • Sio: No, I was thinking that how about we all meet up tomorrow somewhere secret, so Lego won't have us … y'know …
  • Map: Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.
  • Sio: I'll text the guys the whole plan!
  • Map: Coolio!


  • Pen: Kids, as you know, the official headcount tonight is 12. Who won't be here at the table tomorrow night?
  • Citlali: I'll be in Zimbabwe.
  • Saye: And I'll be off doing volunteer work!
  • Yaretzi: Wow, Saye, that's totally nice!
  • Pen: Anyone else?
  • Sio: I'll be hanging out with the Inventing Club for ... an after-school meeting.
  • Pen: That brings it down to 8 people. I mean, Citlali, Sio, Saye and your mother.
  • Pencil: Me? Why ain't I bein' 'ere tomorrow?
  • Pen: I don't know, I've just got a gut feeling someone's going to run off and you'll go get it.
  • Pencil: Well, 'ere's a state o' things!

Girls' roomEdit

  • Saye: The XYZ crew, have I got news for you.
  • Zorah: What is it this time?
  • Citlali: We're not going to be here tomorrow night.
  • Ximena: Oh, we know that.
  • Yaretzi: Yeah, Dad went over that at dinner.
  • Saye: But there is something you don't know, and that is where we'll be going.
  • Yaretzi: Ooh! I'm already intrigued.
  • Citlali: Tomorrow after school, we 8th graders are going to Victoria Falls.
  • Zorah: You're going to make Victoria fall?
  • Ximena: Wait, who's Victoria?
  • Citlali: Nobody's Victoria! It's just the name of the waterfall that I'm going to.
  • Zorah: You're going to a waterfall?
  • Citlali: Yeah, the largest waterfall in area, it's not really that—
  • Zorah: Like, all of that water falling down and potentially hurting anyone who tries to fall into it?
  • Yaretzi: I think that's what a waterfall i—
  • Zorah: Take me with you!
  • Citlali: Sorry, but 8th graders aren't allowed to take babies on a trip to the greatest country on the planet.
  • Yaretzi: Zimbabwe? Y'know I've heard their dollar is 0.0000000—
  • Ximena: We get it.
  • Zorah: I am not a baby! And besides, if you don't take me with you, who's going to criticise your beauty tips without your European fashion consultants?
  • Citlali: Okay, you can come! But you stay in my suitcase.
  • Zorah: Yay! At least I'm more independent when I'm inside a suitcase than I am out here.

Friday, June 20, 2014Edit

Boys' roomEdit

  • Sio: [checking the time] Javier, why did you change the alarm clock?
  • Javier: It wasn't me, but it sure seems like something I'd do.
  • Salvador: It was me.
  • Qalam-Rassas: Why? I have to school today, yesterday was my last!
  • Salvador: Yadda yadda yadda, we are going to play a prank on the girls!
  • Sio: Ugh, this again? I'm going back to sleep.
  • Javier: Me too.
  • Qalam-Rassas: So what do we do?
  • Salvador: We sneak into the girls' room as quietly as we can, and then when they wake up, we jump out and scare them!
  • Qalam-Rassas: Why?
  • Salvador: It's the perfect scare that will ruin their perfect day.
  • Qalam-Rassas: Wow, that's—
  • Cil: Nor what I've done, however I've done it, hath I ever said or which to have I doing.
  • Qalam-Rassas: Chavo, why did your voice change? Have you become that age?
  • Salvador: No, and if it wasn't me, and it wasn't you, and it couldn't have been Sio or Javicious because they're sleeping, so that means ...
  • [ Salvador · Qalam-Rassas ]: CIL CAN TALK!

Girls' roomEdit

  • Ximena: Huh. It's funny how the boys should have done their last-day-of-school prank by now.
  • Saye: Omg, Mona, you remembered last year?
  • Ximena: How could I not forget that?
  • Zorah: Guys, check out Lallie's suitcase! It's so sparkly that it's making me physically sick!

[It is filled to the brim with beauty supplies.]

  • Saye: Citlali—
  • Yaretzi: You can't talk to her in her beauty sleep, Saye!
  • Ximena: It's all a collection of the most popular lip styles! Let's see, she's got Ravacious Red, Splorangy Orange, Yakety Yellow, 'Gusting Green, Backhanded Blue and Purple. And then a lot more things I've never heard of.
  • Yaretzi: Saye, don't you also have to pack?
  • Saye: Oh, I've already packed; we took a lesson in packing for chaperones before finals week!
  • Yaretzi: That's coo—

[Enter Salvador and Qalam-Rassas.]

  • [ Salvador · Qalam-Rassas ]: Roar.
  • Yaretzi: ROAR!
  • Salvador: Okay, I wasn't expecting that.

Dining roomEdit

  • Saye: So last day of school, everyone! I hope for you all that it's the latest and the greatest.

[General responses varying within the populace.]

  • Pencil: Aww, Saye, 'tis nice yer bein' good to yer brothers an' sisters. I 'ope it ain' acos it's the las' day o' school.
  • Saye: Not at all, Mum! [Aside.] It's so she doesn't get mad if I do anything wrong on the trip.
  • Zorah: Sio, are you really staying at a friend's house tonight?
  • Sio: Nope!
  • Zorah: I knew you were lying when I saw you weren't actually looking at Dad, and everyone knows that's an honesty sign!
  • Sio: I'm actually going to Los Angeles for … a school trip!
  • Zorah: Mm-hmm. Wait a minute! Isn't that that trip that—
  • Pencil: More bae fer yer bagel?
  • Sio: No thanks, I like my bagel more gull.
  • Pencil: Okay! [Pencil goes back to watching TV]
  • Citlali: Oi, those flavour bars look a lot like suitcases!
  • Zorah: Huh, suitcases.
  • Javier: What's wrong now?
  • Zorah: I just really want to go on that trip to the biggest waterfall in the world.
  • Citlali: I said it before, but I'm sorry, you just can't go! What if you get called out by someone?
  • Zorah: I'll just hide in your suitcase!
  • Citlali: Are you sure about that?
  • Zorah: Yeah! It's big enough to fit your entire vanity, which says a lot.
  • Javier: There's probably so many chemicals in your make-up set that it will be more inhospitable to live in than the bathroom once Chavo's gone for an hour.
  • Salvador: It's true!
  • Sio: You know what? I think I can make your suitcase experience more comfortable! And less deadly. Just let me use your suitcase, Citlali, and I'll make that empty space into a house!
  • Zorah: Yay! I never thought I'd say this, but you're the best worst brother I've ever had!
  • Sio: That's so nice when it comes from you! … And what did you mean about "that trip" you said earlier?
  • Zorah: Oh, nothing. Score!

[Enter Pen. He sees everyone almost walking out the door.]

  • Pen: You're leaving now?
  • Ximena: Of course we're leaving!
  • Salvador: How else are we going to get to our last day of school?
  • Pen: I guess I can say this … bye, kids! Have a great last day!

[Corresponding responses.]

  • Pen: Oh, and Saye and Citlali, please be safe on your trips. We don't want another call from the police.
  • Pencil: Another?
  • Sio: Bye, Dad!
  • Citlali: Don't worry, we'll just bring ourselves!

[Exeunt omnes.]

  • Pencil: Pen, I've got to get meself to bathe an' contemplate wot to do once the kids'll be home fer, like, fere'er. [shudders]
  • Qalam-Rassas: Ooh, can I com-pli-mate with you?
  • Pencil: Ah! Qal, yer 'ere today?
  • Qalam-Rassas: Duh!
  • Pen: Yesterday was his last day of school, y'know. You shouldn't stray away from the school schedules of your ten children!
  • Pencil: Oh, be quiet, m8. An' I'm still cross at wot you did to me all those years ago.
  • Pen: Huh?

[Exit Pencil.]

  • Pen: Now that that's over, it's time for some pre-work television.

[He sees that the channel is set to Swahili Lily, where a continuation of yesterday's plot is set.]

Lily: Yesterday, this scene had arised.
Tendaji: Nyinyoro Akizungumza Kiswahili, umefanya mimi mtu furaha katika dunia. Wewe kuolewa na mimi?
Subtitle: [off-screen] Swahili Lily, you've made me the happiest man in the world. Will you marry me?

[Audience cheering from the show's studio audience.]

Lily: Ndiyo, mimi kuolewa na wewe!
Subtitle: Yes, I will marry you!

[Audience "aww" sound.]

Lily: That was a very perfect proposal! Najisikia kama tunapaswa kuolewa hivi karibuni.[6] But do you want to know how I got the perfect proposal?
  • Pen: Yes, how?
Lily: Here is how we make the perfect proposal!

[Pen pauses the TV.]

  • Pen: Wait, let me grab some paper!

[He grabs the paper, and unpauses the TV.]

Lily: The way to perfectly propose is as shown, by the vocabulary words at the bottom of the screen, in that omnipresent 1990s font choice with the yellow lettering and black outlines.
  • Pen: Vocabulary? That will never please a girl, not even one as linguistically gifted as Penc here!
Lily: "Umefanya" means "has made". "Mimi" refers to "me". "Mtu" means "man". "Furaha" means "pleasure". "Katika" means "in". "Dunia" means "world". Any questions?
  • Pen: No. [he turns off the television] I'd better go anyways, don't want to be late!

[Exit Pen.]


  • Voice Instructor: Breathe in … and breathe out … and breathe in … and remember that your kids are, when in a good attitude, just other versions of you … and breathe out. We don't want anyone to die.
  • Pencil: Ah … this yoga with kids CD I bought from thet shady area at the Shillingworld Fair's so worth the money … Nothin' can irritate me now.

[Qalam-Rassas bangs on the wall from the other side.]


[Pencil steps out of the bathtub.]

  • Pencil: Aye, wot's'e?
  • Qalam-Rassas: Cil talked again!
  • Pencil: Cil … talked? Y'mean ye've 'eard'e talk once, an' now 'e's talkin' fer a secon' time?
  • Qalam-Rassas: That's what "again" is!
  • Pencil: Finally, someone who believes me!
  • Qalam-Rassas: Y- yeah, I heard him talking about some weird poetry thing!
  • Pencil: A weird poetry thing?
  • Qalam-Rassas: Yeah! Even Salvie and I heard him saying words, when we woke up! What are you going to do?
  • Pencil: Thet's great, hones'ly! I've always wanted to prove thet 'e could talk, an' you are the firs' person! Come, let's tell Daddy.
  • Qalam-Rassas: You can't, because he's going to work.
  • Pencil: Thet … word I can't says!


  • Citlali: Take good care of Sueko the Suitcase, please! She's very special!
  • Sio: You do realise that there are actual suitcases named Suitcase, right?
  • Citlali: Oh, just take it!

[She gives him the suitcase and walks off to class.]

  • Sio: Wait, don't—

[He sees many people looking at him.]

  • Sio: I'd better head off …


  • Map: Woah, that's a really cool suitcase!
  • Sharpener: Where did you buy it, at the Elizabeth's Secret store?
  • Sio: Nope! It was the P.U.R.P.L.E. store, and I was forced to go there with my mum. Heck, this isn't even my suitcase!
  • Sharpener: Then why do you have it?
  • Sio: Kid Inventors of 2014, we have a mission.
  • Lego: A mission, at the end of the school year? But we still need to make a chain that can officially connect us!
  • Sio: Don't worry about that, because I've got the materials ready! But this mission is different.
  • Shieldy: What do we do?
  • Sio: Citlali's going on a Grade 5 holiday.
  • Sharpener: Good, I was kind of wondering why there's enough to out-pollute Beijing.
  • Lego: Hey, Beijingians are nice people! Or Beijingers, or Beijingese, or …
  • Sio: Here's the real problem here. Zorah wants to go too so she can what I assume push people into the Zambezi River, but she can't go with her since she's too young.
  • Map: Wait, which one is Zorah again?
  • Sharpener: She's the mean one, right, Sio?
  • Sio: Mean sister or not, we've got to work quickly. They might have to leave soon!
  • Shieldy: Okey-dokey!

[He lays the materials down on the ground.]

  • Sio: What we've got to do is this … Jump with me!

[They jump inside the suitcase.]

  • Sharpener: Whee!
  • Lego: Having fun here!

Inside the suitcaseEdit

  • Lego: Wow, it's a lot smaller on the outside.
  • Sharpener: Y'know, most people would say that it's bigger on the inside.
  • Map: Got the stuff, Sio?
  • Sio: I've got it!

[Montage of them building a full room inside the suitcase.]

  • Sio: And now, we've out just in time.
  • Lego: So they don't leave.
  • Shieldy: Well that explains the bus going by!

[They run to the bus, where Citlali is still waiting.]

  • Citlali: What took you so long?
  • Lego: We're sorry, it's a lot of stuff.
  • Sio: Don't worry, Lallie, it's just very heavy due to the house.
  • Citlali: Great, because Zorah's on the bus and nobody's noticed yet.

[The bus starts.]

  • Citlali: No! Wait, Mr. Bus Driver, sir!
  • Bus: I'm a ma'am.
  • Citlali: Sorry, I just have to wait to get my luggage up front!
  • Bus: If you don't get on the bus in twenty seconds, we're leaving without you.
  • Sio: Who knew that driving yourself would make you hate everyone else?
  • Citlali: Enough of the daddish banter, I've got to get this luggage in! Everyone's going to leave if I don't …
  • Bus: In five, four, three, two …

[Just in time do she and her suitcase get on the bus. She quickly traps Zorah in the suitcase.]

  • Zorah: What the—
  • Citlali: Don't worry, nothing is happening, I think.


  • Map: That was a close one.
  • Lego: Yeah, you might have got killed!
  • Sharpener: Oh, I don't think it was that bad.
  • Sio: No, he's right. I would have got killed by Zorah if she couldn't go on the Zimbabwe trip.
  • Map: So, Name Expert, what do you suppose we call our new interior suitcase décor?
  • Shieldy: Hmm … I've got it! Irina Lagunov.
  • Lego: How fancy!
  • Sharpener: Is that all? No more missions until the invention fair?
  • Sio: Not really. We still have to make something so Lego can count the four of us as one. Lego, how about you come up with it, since it was your plan.
  • Map: Ooh, paper burn! I mean, plastic burn.
  • Lego: I've got it! You still have those rubber bands from Irina Lagunov, right?
  • Sio: Yup! I've got four of them.
  • Lego: If we want this to work, just do it without disagreeing … wear these around your hands. So, Sio, you tie one with your hand to Shieldy, who ties it to Map, who ties that to Sharpener.
  • Sharpener: But I don't have any arms!
  • Lego: Oh. But don't worry; it's only going to be for a few minutes when they take the attendance check and then Headmistress Ball goes to the airport science lab where she works during school holidays.
  • Sio: Wow! How do you know so much about the teachers' summer jobs, Lego? Are you working for someone?
  • Lego: Not that I know!
  • Sio: We'd better go.
  • Sharpener: [upside down] This isn't really comfortable.
  • Sio: Don't worry, I've watched BFDI and my dad's been in worse situations.[7]
  • Map: Oh yeah! Back in Australia, we called him Colonel Draggy … Now he's General Draggy!
  • Sio: Anyways, I've got to get to the bus in time, who knows how early we need to be to avoid the summer crowds?
  • Lego: Good point, let's run!
  • Sharpener: Wait, nonononono, this was not expected!

Grade 8 busEdit

  • Sio: Let's hope our sub's okay with us ditching class.
  • Map: I can't believe we're the first ones here!
  • Shieldy: Should we wait for a chaperone or can we just sit down?
  • Lego: I don't think you guys should sit down, 'cause, y'know …
  • Sharpener: Don't mention it.
  • Sio: I can't wait to explain to whoever's chapping us that technically we're one person!
  • Lego: Yeah, who knew such good could come from government-funded rubber bands?

[The chaperones come onto the bus.]

  • Saye: And guess what happened? She was, like, "No, Los Angeles is the same as Hollywood."
  • Minola: Oh, and I was like, "Well, not all Angelenos are Hollywenos", but then I corrected myself because, let's admit it, Hollywenos is a funny word.
  • Chocolatey: Woah! Hey, Saye, is that your brother?
  • Saye: [not looking back] Of course not, my brother would be too young to be on a— [she turns back] Omg, it is him!
  • Map: Heyyy, Saye!
  • Saye: What the hell are you doing on this bus for?
  • Lego: We sort of … stumbled on this bus in some strange circumstances.
  • Saye: Yeah, right.
  • Sio: We're eighth graders!
  • Saye: Yeah, right. And besides, that doesn't make sense!
  • Shieldy: How would you know when all you care about is boys?
  • Map: Ooh, plastic, I mean, metal burn.
  • Saye: [sigh] You have a point. Just please don't make me call security and get rid of you.
  • Sio: Can you just let us go here? We're Lego's plus one, and we are legally one person.
  • Sharpener: Yeah, do you see the government-funded rubber bands?
  • Saye: Yeah, I see the rubber bands.
  • Chocolatey: Don't worry, Saye, I'll just tell Headmistress Ball to stay outside so we can let all of our grade onto the bus.
  • Popsicley: I'll go too.
  • Saye: Okay, thanks. I'll let you four on the bus, as long as you don't do anything stupid, got it?
  • Lego: Sio's sister, when have we ever done anything stupid?
  • Saye: I can name 100 situations where stupidity was you people's first choice.
  • Shelly: Wow, I can name 101!
  • Boat: Don't worry, Sio, I'm sure that your parents have so many kids they won't notice one of your kids isn't supposed to be there, right?
  • Sio: Yeah, "one" of us …

Grade 5 busEdit

  • Tennis Ball: Good afternoon, passengers, and namaskar to all of those leaving elementary school. This is your captain speaking, Mr. Ball, and as is customary what with the recent attacks and issues going on in the world, I will be inspecting your luggage.

[He goes around the bus, inspecting as he speaks.]

  • Tennis Ball: Pre-inspecting luggage on the bus is important, because if luggage does not go inspected, there is a possibility that school rules will be broken and someone will get in trouble on summer vacation. I am sure none of you want that, right?

[Corresponding responses.]

  • Tennis Ball: Citlali, as always, your suitcase has been decorated most beautifully.
  • Citlali: Thank you, Mr. Ball!
  • Tennis Ball: Today we will be travelling, by bus, to the natural intersection between the Republics of Zambia and Zimbabwe …

[Zorah in her suitcase winks at Citlali.]


  • Cil: Goo!
  • Pencil: One day, you'll talk an' the whole world'll 'ear, I swear upon me grandfather.
  • Cil: Goo!
  • Pencil: Qal, why ain't yer younger brother talkin' as 'e did before?
  • Qalam-Rassas: Because you put cameras around his crib. He's going to talk once he knows nobody's watching!
  • Pencil: Well, 'ow can I watch'e speak without'e watchin' if we're really a-watchin'e?
  • Qalam-Rassas: Huh?

Super Secret RoomEdit

  • Infosym: Alright, Schreiber, you have a mission today: We have received reports that a member of your delegation of Canada has been detained in one of the most dangerous political states in the world: the Democratic People's Republic of Korea.[8]
  • Pen: And you couldn't say North Korea?
  • Infosym: Shh! I have good news for you! I'm sending one of our stronger diplomats to go in disguise and convince the authorities to release him back to Canada.
  • Pen: Aren't I the strongest diplomat here? I mean, representing a whole group of nations is in itself a hassle IYKWIM.
  • Infosym: This means I'm sending you home early so you can be with your kids; I know that it's the last day of school at Ibáñez.
  • Pen: Aw, thanks!


  • Pen: Hey, kids! How was the last day of school?
  • Salvador: It was awesome, I didn't even have to punch anyone!
  • Ximena: I spelt my name in macaroni, and then I ate it!
  • Cil: Goo!
  • Javier: Yeah, I guess.
  • Pen: Why do I think we're one child short?
  • Salvador: I don't think we are.
  • Qalam-Rassas: Let's go play, Avi! I need you to prove something!
  • Javier: [sigh] Okay …

[Exit Javier and Qalam-Rassas.]

  • Pen: Hey, there rest of you, I've got a problem.
  • Salvador: What is it? Is it someone who needs to get hurt?
  • Pen: Nope! It's about my proposal to your mother.
  • Salvador: Bye!

[Exit Salvador.]

  • Ximena: You didn't propose to her yet?
  • Pen: Why, is that a bad thing?
  • Yaretzi: No, I was just thinking that you should wait for us before you actually do something.
  • Ximena: Omg, I was thinking the same thing!
  • Yaretzi: So, what have you done so far?
  • Pen: Nothing.
  • Yaretzi: Yay!
  • Pen: What do you mean by "yay"?
  • Yaretzi: Sorry, we're just so happy that we've got no school!
  • Pen: Oh.
  • Ximena: Don't worry, Daddy, we'll make you the best proposal ever!
  • Pen: You really think so?
  • Yaretzi: I know so!
  • Pen: So, how should I start?
  • Yaretzi: Do you want to go with Plan A or Plan B?
  • Pen: Definitely Plan B. Why'd you ask?
  • Yaretzi: Code Orange, Ximena, he's asking for a Plan B! What shall I say?
  • Ximena: Don't worry, I've got it ... Just kneel.
  • Pen: How do I do that?
  • Yaretzi: Oh, I know this! You basically go as if you were sitting, but instead of your knees facing to the front, you get to face your back.
  • Pen: [he does so] How do you remember this?
  • Yaretzi: Daddy, I'm ten years old. It's in our anthology!
  • Pen: You mean curriculum?
  • Ximena: Same thing.

[Enter Pencil.]

  • Pencil: Oi, I need yer 'elp, the boys're surroundin' Cil's crib an' they won' leave.
  • Pen: What's so wrong about that?
  • Pencil: They wan'e to speak. Weird, innit?
  • Pen: Of course! Girls, I'd better go, because someone wants me to calm an anguished five-year-old.
  • Ximena: Bye, Daddy!
  • Yaretzi: Have fun!


  • Pencil: So, kids, 'ow'd'ee like yer las' day o' school?
  • Javier: Sure was better than the second-to-last.
  • Yaretzi: Yeah!
  • Pen: [who is silently counting] One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight ...
  • Javier: But what he doesn't know is that although the net gain of people at this table is 0, we still lost someone but gained Mum.
  • Pen: By the way, where's Zorah?
  • Yaretzi: Oh, sh- she's gone on holiday with her friends.
  • Pencil: Goin' away after school without tellin' us? Thet's so typical of'a! I'll go'n' alert the neares' police station.
  • Pen: How about you do it in your own room, eh?
  • Pencil: Okay, I guess ...

[Exit Pencil.]

  • Salvador: What the hell?
  • Pen: I'm sorry; I've got to ask you a question.
  • Qalam-Rassas: I've got one, can we get back to doing science and stuff?
  • Pen: Don't bother the kid! Besides, the question is ... Do you know if it's more romantic to have a women enter and find her fiancé kneeling or just have her come around and watch as I start kneeling?
  • Javier: I don't know, I stopped listening after you said "romantic".
  • Yaretzi: Well, it's always more romantic to walk into a home with your guy kneeling.
  • Pen: I'll write that down as my final choice.
  • Ximena: But I think he should kneel after she's gone in!
  • Pen: I'll take that into my considerations as well.
  • Salvador: I just stopped listening after he said "don't".

That nightEdit

  • Pencil: Pen, dear, I've got ter ask'ee somethin'.
  • Pen: Yes?
  • Pencil: Lately ye've been avoidin' me er somethin'. Wot's goin' on?
  • Pen: Honestly, there's just been so much going on in my life, with work and the kids—
  • Pencil: An' me?
  • Pen: Yeah. I just sometimes want to spend time alone, y'know, and, well, think about what happens next!
  • Pencil: Okay, but wherever the side yer in, I'll be with'ee. Jus' please don' shut me out on yer life like my own dad did with Mum!
  • Pen: No worries, I promise we'll live the rest of our lives trusting each other in honesty.
  • Pencil: Aww, yer a sweet boy. Sorry, I totally remember yer age but I forgot yer maturity fer a second.
  • Pen: That's sweet.
  • Pencil: Ain't I?
  • Pen: Now before the kids assume we're awake, let's pretend to be sleeping!
  • Pencil: Pretend to sleep? 'Ow can thet be good?
  • Pen: Oh, I'm sure you know what we're going to do, once we turn off the lights, eh?
  • Pencil: Aye aye, cap'n!

[She turns off the light.]

Saturday, June 21, 2014Edit

Boys' roomEdit

  • Cil: No, it may not be. Differences between cultures will never separate us. And Caecilius liveth in the souls!
  • Javier: [half-awake] Sio, stop talking in your sleep!
  • Salvador: He's not here today! It was Cil speaking!
  • Qalam-Rassas: Yeah, he's been talking for a long time!
  • Javier: Please give it a break, Cil can't speak, y'know. Listen to him!
  • Cil: Goo!
  • Salvador: Why does this always happen? Whenever we want Cil to talk, he just says that stupid word of his— What did he call it?
  • Cil: Goo!
  • Javier: Someday I'm just going to expect this to be a prank you two are pulling.
  • Qalam-Rassas: It's not a prank, I know Cil can really talk!
  • Salvador: And there's no camera.
  • Javier: Yeah, and the cow really jumped over the moon.

Parents' roomEdit

  • Pencil: Ah, wot a lovely mornin'!

[She gets out of bed, and as she goes into the living room she sees Match and Eraser watching television.]

  • Match: Penc-penc!
  • Eraser: What are you doing here?
  • Pencil: This is me house ... ? Wot'r you doin' 'ere?
  • Match: See, this is where it gets, like, awkward.
  • Eraser: Pen invited us here but he told us not tell you that we're here!
  • Pencil: 'Ow could I not 'ere'ee wote'er yer doin?
  • Match: Rase', I told you not to turn the volume up.
  • Pencil: Well, Pen's at work now. Don' know why 'e didn' invite'ee 'til then.
  • Match: It's comfy... I'm going to make myself at home right now!

[She reclines on the sofa. Enter the kids.]

  • Yaretzi: Good morning, Mummy!
  • Ximena: Mornin', Aunt Match, Uncle Eraser!
  • Salvador: Hey, what are you doing here?
  • Pencil: Thet's wot I want to know too.
  • Qalam-Rassas: Auntie Match! Do you have any cookies today?
  • Match: Yeah, but I ate them.
  • Qalam-Rassas: I'm going to my room ...
  • Match: [reading on her phone] "Now send Pencil on a walk with you around the neighbourhood." Penc-penc, would you like to walk with me in the neighbourhood?
  • Pencil: O' course! Eraser, y' watch the kids.
  • Eraser: Got it.

[Exeunt Match and Pencil.]

  • Ximena: Uncle Eraser, may we watch television, please?
  • Eraser: Here's the remote, I could care less.
  • Ximena: Yay!
  • Javier: It's a trap, Mona! Technically, it's "I couldn't care less".
  • Ximena: Oh, come on. It's, like, summer; we shouldn't have to deal with this crap! [she changes the channel to Swahili Lily]
  • Eraser: Hey, aren't there, like, ten of you kids?
  • Yaretzi: Yeah. Usually.
  • Eraser: Where are they? I'm in charge and I've got to know!
  • Javier: Saye's gone on holiday to Los Angeles for she's volunteering as a Grade 9 volunteer for the Grade 8 end-of-the-year field trip, Sio's off with his friends somewhere, nobody knows where Zorah is, and Citlali just got her field trip changed from Canada to Zimbabwe and Zambia. Then Qalam-Rassas's all alone in his room, so there you go about the whereabouts of the children whom you're supposed to be watching.
  • Eraser: What? I stopped listening after you started talking.
  • Javier: You too, Uncle Eraser.


  • Match: So he hasn't, like, talked to you lately?
  • Pencil: Well, no. I guess 'e's jus' tired an' a little agitated o' wot I told'e th' other day.
  • Match: Omg, gasp! What did you say to him?
  • Pencil: I was cross thet 'e didn' propose to be me husband properly.
  • Match: But at least he did it at an appropriate place, unlike mine did.
  • Pencil: Aye, please don' speak o' those times, m8.
  • Match: So ...
  • Pencil: So ...
  • Match: How do you feel about the weather?
  • Pencil: Cloudy ... cold ...
  • Match: It's, like, 19 degrees outside! This is warm to me.
  • Pencil: Mm-hmm.

Boys' roomEdit

  • Qalam-Rassas: Come on, say something!

[Enter Javier and Salvador.]

  • Javier: Hey, Qal!
  • Salvador: What's up?
  • Qalam-Rassas: I'm trying to get Cil to speak!
  • Javier: Give it up, he'll never speak.
  • Salvador: Yes, he did! We just have to not wait for him to speak!
  • Javier: You mean, so that he speaks whenever he wants to speak rather than us waiting to speak.
  • Salvador: No, stop talking about speaking!

[They sit silently.]

  • Javier: This will never work.
  • Salvador: You think?
  • Javier: Now, everyone, please get out of this room, I need to unstudy!
  • Salvador: Kay-kay.
  • Qalam-Rassas: Have fun unstudying!

[Exit Salvador and Qalam-Rassas.]

  • Javier: How to set up the perfect unstudying environment ... Step one: Listen to lacissalc[9] music, but do it really loudly and with headphones. Step two: Do it with a lot of distractions. [he starts some of Sio's inventions and brings out the party lights] Step four: Be tempted with food. Don't mind if I do!
  • Cil: Talking to yourself again, Javier Commandreas Schreiber?
  • Javier: What the what? Who said that?
  • Cil: Goo!
  • Javier: Oh, must be my imagination. [reading his book] Now, if you want to find the square root of any number between the square of a whole number and that same number added to one, then— Oh my G-d, this is boring! And that was step five: Have an anti-learning attitude. Oh man, at this rate I'll never get Ms. Mhongafhoie!

Dining roomEdit

  • Pencil: Is Eraser 'ere?
  • Ximena: Nope!
  • Yaretzi: He said he had to go save his girlfriend or something.
  • Pencil: Aye. Yer Aunt Match found a dirty magazine store off th' intersection on Burundi-Rwanda Street an' I couldn' get 'er away.
  • Yaretzi: Ew.
  • Ximena: So where's Dad?
  • Pencil: Still at work.

Boys' roomEdit

  • Javier: And the colour of the sky is ... blue! Green! No, it's worthless!
  • Salvador: You find that out now?
  • Qalam-Rassas: Shh, he's trying to unstudy.
  • Salvador: And what in the name of toilet bowls is that?
  • Javier: Isn't it obvious? Unstudying means the act of not studying!
  • Salvador: Why don't I help you?
  • Javier: Wait, you seriously want to help me?
  • Salvador: Duh, if it's going to make you dumber!
  • Qalam-Rassas: I'd better go somewhere else.

[Exit Qalam-Rassas.]

  • Javier: What exactly are you doing?
  • Salvador: Relax, I'm going to teach you. Well, un-teach you. Question 1. What is one plus one?
  • Javier: Oh, that's easy! Two!
  • Salvador: [slaps] That was wrong on so many motherfuㅋing levels.
  • Javier: Don't you know that slapping behaviour is a characteristic of bullying?
  • Salvador: I'll ask the questions around here, mate. Question 2. Um ... how about ... is a circle round?
  • Javier: Yes!
  • Salvador: [slaps again] WRONG!
  • Javier: Ow! What is wrong with you?
  • Salvador: It's only for questions you get right! Question 3. [reading from a book] What is the name of the official capital of Sri Lanka?
  • Javier: Sri Jayawardenepura-Kotte?
  • Salvador: Is that right? I can't really read that big of a word.
  • Javier: Yes, it i—

[He gets slapped.]

  • Javier: Why are we doing this again?
  • Salvador: I'm trying to make you non-smart, and so far you're too smart!
  • Javier: I'm sorry, but from this point we're no longer brothers.
  • Salvador: I've felt that way ever since you left the maternit—
  • Cil: Squabble not, my brothers, and aye, in that sense mean I.
  • Salvador: Woah!
  • Javier: Did you hear that?
  • Salvador: Cil talked!
  • Javier: No, he didn't! It was a voice from above.
  • Salvador: We have the video footage!

[He sees the cameras are on the ground.]

  • Salvador: No! Qal must have played with them! QALAM-RASSAS (middle name) SCHREIBER, COME HERE!

[Enter Qalam-Rassas with Pencil.]

  • Pencil: Wot's'e?
  • Qalam-Rassas: Was it Cil?
  • Salvador: Yeah, it was him, but we can't tell since the baby cameras are on the floor.
  • Qalam-Rassas: I'm sorry, I thought those were the new cars Zorah ordered from me from the Internet school shop!
  • Pencil: Aye, 'e says 'e's sorry, so don' get physical.
  • Salvador: Fine. But I swear you missed Cil!
  • Cil: Goo!
  • Salvador: Next time, try to not mistake our cars for baby monitors.


  • Ximena: It's Saturday, Daddy's late.
  • Yaretzi: Mum, may Ximena and I be excused?
  • Pencil: As long as'ee've eaten.
  • Ximena: Yay! May we borrow your whiteboard too?
  • Pencil: Wote'er.
  • Ximena: Yay! Come on, Rizzie, let's go!

Girls' roomEdit

  • Ximena: ... and there should be flowers all over the room.
  • Yaretzi: And we should cover the room in glitter!
  • Ximena: Yay!
  • Yaretzi: This proposal is going to be awesome!

[In the bathroom, Pen arrives. He hears Ximena and Yaretzi talking.]

  • Pen: Girls, what're you doing?
  • Yaretzi: Only planning the perfect proposal for you and Mummy!
  • Ximena: It's going to be amazing. Come read!
  • Pen: [reading] Huh. I ride in from the ceiling wearing a giant slab of meat, her favourite ingredient. There are two problems with this ...
  • Ximena: Yes?
  • Yaretzi: What is it?
  • Pen: First of all, I'm not the only person who'd have worn a meat dress; she may think I cosplay for Gaga. And second of all, meat's my thing, not hers.
  • Yaretzi: How would you know?
  • Ximena: I don't know, he married her!
  • Pen: Here's the deal. Tomorrow, your Aunt Match and Uncle Eraser will be back, this time with plans about the proposal.
  • Ximena: But how will we help?
  • Pen: You can help with the decorations!
  • Yaretzi: Yay!

That nightEdit

  • Qalam-Rassas: Good night, Chavo!
  • Salvador: Good night, QR. Good night, Javier.
  • Javier: Good night—
  • Salvador: Don't make me slap you again! "Good night" is what you should usually say at night.
  • Javier: [sigh] Good morning, whoever you are. Good morning, Cil.
  • Cil: By Jove, it isn't morning, rather night!
  • Qalam-Rassas: [fully awake] Dad, is that you?
  • Javier: No, it's Cil; listen!
  • Cil: Goo!
  • Salvador: Tsk tsk tsk ... The logic when you're supposed to wake up at, like, seven.

Sunday, June 22, 2014Edit


  • Pencil: Y'get'e, Pen, dear.
  • Pen: [picking up the phone] Sleeping residence, please call us later.
  • Match: We're coming over here, like, right now! Eraser, say "hello" to your brother.
  • Eraser: No!
  • Match: And there's his contribution.
  • Pen: I'll meet you there, once we get her to ... y'know ...
  • Match: Oh, I know.
  • Pen: Sounds awe— [he hangs up without knowing] —some.
  • Pencil: Wot was'e?
  • Pen: Something I can't tell you.
  • Pencil: I tell'ee e'erythin', why can't'ee tell me wot's 'appenin', y'little—
  • Pen: See that, Penc, that's what I was supposed to talk about.
  • Pencil: Mm-hmm.

This morningEdit

  • Qalam-Rassas: What is this show?
  • Ximena: Swahili Lily!
  • Yaretzi: It's something Mum told us she watched when she was young …
  • Ximena: So now she's passing it on to us! I've got episode 1 here for you to watch!
  • Qalam-Rassas: Can I go now?
  • Ximena: NO!
  • Qalam-Rassas: But I want to watch my TV shows!
  • Ximena: Shh, it's on!
Lily: Asubuhi njema, wanafunzi![10] Today is March 19, 1989. Leo ni Machi Kumi Na Tisa Elfu Moja Mia Tisa Themanini Na Tisa.
  • Yaretzi: OMA, it's the first episode ever!
  • Ximena: It's the one where we learn basic greetings!
  • Qalam-Rassas: Why is her hair so crazy?
  • Ximena: It was the 1980s.
Lily: Jina langu ni Nyinyoro Akizungumza Kiswahili, it is what I'm called, but you can call me Swahili Lily. But don't ever call me Hililily, au polepole na chungu kifo atakuwa wakisubiri wewe.[11]
  • Cil: Why does Swahili Lily wish for death upon those who shorten her name inappropriately?
  • Ximena: Holy curse word!
  • Yaretzi: That wasn't in the script?
  • Qalam-Rassas: It's Cil! He speaks! And I'll prove it to you now!
  • Cil: Goo!
  • Qalam-Rassas: Oh, not again! Yar', you believe that he can speak, right?
  • Yaretzi: Of course! Swahili Lily would never question herself.
  • Qalam-Rassas: He can talk! He can talk!

[Enter Pencil, counting the children.]

  • Pencil: Three, four, fi', six … Does anyone know where Sio's gone, I'm startin' to get nervous!
  • Yaretzi: What about Zorah? She isn't here right now!
  • Pencil: Zorah's somewhere, but don' worry, I'm sure if she's in danger she can jus' go into creepy mode er somethin'. But Dad's called someone an' didn' say "goodbye", which made me worried acos Sier always comes up to yell at us fer not sayin' thet after a call.
  • Qalam-Rassas: Maybe he lost his phone.
  • Pencil: Oh, if 'e lost 'is mobile I'd be e'en more worried, as it cost'e 45 kapaa, m8. Y'know, I'd be'er go on a walk to gi' rid o' this feelin'.

[Exit Pencil. At the same time, enter Match and Eraser through the other door.]

  • Match: Omg, hey guys!
  • Eraser: We're stealing your TV.
  • Yaretzi: Okay!
  • Ximena: So, you came for our dad, right?
  • Match: That is true. Where have you seen him today?
  • Eraser: Knowing him, he's probaly sleeping his sorry little off in bed.
  • Match: Hey, no swearing before the, like, children! [to the kids] Sorry, he can really be so fuכing annoying sometimes.
  • Qalam-Rassas: Right.
  • Ximena: Hey, Qal! Since you're here, do you want to help with Daddy's proposal?
  • Qalam-Rassas: Proposal? As in marriage? I'm out!

[Qalam-Rassas runs to his room.]

  • Yaretzi: It was worth a shot.

[Enter Pen.]

  • Pen: Alright, people, we have exactly one hour until my wife gets home from trying to find Sio!
  • Eraser: One hour? How do you know that?
  • Pen: How wouldn't I know that? [gazing lovingly towards the sky] She's soooo predictable.
  • Match: Hey, that's not nice!
  • Eraser: How ain't it nice? Without him she's just be pre-table.
  • Match: Okay, that's a time out!
  • Eraser: Whatever.

[He stands in the corner.]

  • Yaretzi: So how are we going to do this?
  • Ximena: Can we decorate the whole room in flowers?
  • Match: Actually, before we decorate the room, we're going to, like, make a smaller version first.

[Montage of building the diorama.]


  • Pencil: Gotta find out wot I've to say ter 'em: 'Elp me guys I've lost a son 'o's probably somewhere I've not expected'e to be?

[All of a sudden she runs past Sio and his friends.]

  • Pencil: 'E's about as tall as those blokes 'o passed by me— Wait! [she runs back] Sio Schemordekai Schreiber, wot're'ee doin' 'ere?
  • Shieldy: Schemordekai?
  • Sio: Interesting, ma'am, you look a lot like my mother!
  • Sharpener: How many new old people will we meet in Hollywood?
  • Pencil: Why 'aven'ee called me on yer whereabouts?
  • Map: They stole our phones.
  • Pencil: My, y'got robbed!
  • Lego: Actually, our phones got confiscated by the evil Ball Headmistress!
  • Pencil: [presuming] Wot did I tell'ee about illegally trespassin'?
  • Sio: Ask for a parent or legal guardian's permission before doing it.
  • Shieldy: But Mrs. Schreiber, we weren't trespassing.
  • Sharpener: We were just going on the end-of-the-year trip for eighth graders!
  • Pencil: Oh, I remember thet trip! Summer 2004, an' Golf Ball was workin' at th' airport science lab.
  • Map: Well for some reason she got us.
  • Pencil: 'Old on a second. You, a group o' seventh graders, were goin' on a trip with people a grade 'igher than'ee?
  • Sio: We went to the Inventing Fair!
  • Pencil: Ooh, really?
  • Map: That's actually the reason we got sent back to Kenya.
  • Shieldy: We got you souvenirs!

[He presents her a bag.]

  • Pencil: Omg, Hollywood stars fer e'eryone! 'Xcep' Cil.
  • Sharpener: Well, yeah. We figured that since he can't speak he won't be able to lash back at us for not giving him a gift.
  • Pencil: About'e not talkin' …
  • Lego: By the way, Mrs. Schreiber, may we stay at your house?
  • Shieldy: Yeah, I really don't feel like going on a plane back to North America.
  • Pencil: Fine, you can stay at our place.
  • Sio: Yay, thanks Mum!
  • Sharpener: So you're not mad at us?
  • Pencil: Mad at us 'ow?
  • Sharpener: Well, I figured you'd be angry that we snuck onto an airplane without your permission, spent most of our money on souvenirs and Expo tickets and broke a crucial school rule!
  • Pencil: Oh. 'Ad'n' thought of'e thet way.


  • Match: Wow.
  • Pen: Our finished project is beautiful!
  • Eraser: Pen, we used your wife's jewellery for the decorations.
  • Yaretzi: And it's all thanks to us!
  • Ximena: Yeah, and the Build-a-House Workshop.

[Exit Salvador.]

  • Salvador: What the hell? It's not even Christmas!
  • Yaretzi: It's our house! Like it?
  • Salvador: No, I do not. I'm bringing it to my room!

[He takes it into his room.]

  • Yaretzi: No!
  • Ximena: Wait!
  • Match: Don't you dare!

Boys' roomEdit

  • Salvador: I hate this cake that looks like our house!
  • Qalam-Rassas: Then destroy it!
  • Salvador: I can't with those violones and flumpets in the background music! Hey, Avi. You think classical music is good for unstudying?
  • Javier: No ... yes ... Don't slap me!
  • Salvador: Well, a better choice for music is ... METAL AS FUㄲ!

[He changes the radio to rock music.]

  • Javier: This isn't metal as anything, it's just surf rock from, like, the early 1960s!
  • Javier: I mean, this is metal as whatever you said!
  • Qalam-Rassas: Here's one! [he tries to lift it, but falls down instead. Salvador catches it]
  • Salvador: THIS IS FOR THE CAKE!
  • Qalam-Rassas: What?

[He smashes the house into pieces, breaking it and covering Pencil's jewellery in liquids. Enter Pen.]

  • Pen: What did you do to the house?
  • Salvador: Dad, I thought it was cake and that wouldn't be good for your diabeticism.
  • Pen: Chavo, I'm not ill ... that I know of. But I can't get building again! The girls are too busy watching television to rebuild the house, so I just- just can't do this, y'know what? I'm giving up on this proposal, it's already been done before, and I just can't, like, do it again without being a big fail.
  • Salvador: Good luck with that!
  • Pen: Yeah, maybe I don't have to be a big fail after all.
  • Javier: Hey, at least you won't have the evidence for Mum!
  • Salvador: Okay, do you want to be slapped?

[He sees that Pen is still there.]

  • Salvador: I mean, gently reminded that our mother won't see what's going on.
  • Javier: Blah blee bloo blue bah.

[There is a knock on the door.]

  • Qalam-Rassas: I'll get it!

[He gets the door, and Sio and his friends are at the door looking tired.]

  • Qalam-Rassas: OML, Sio's back! Daddy, he's here!
  • Pen: Oh, thank G-d ... [they hug] And I see you've brought friends. Talk to me.
  • Sio: May we go inside first?
  • Pen: Sure.
  • Lego: All right!
  • Sharpener: So, we were in Los Angeles for the World's Fair—
  • Map: That's where people from around the world show their inventions.
  • Shieldy: And when we were caught off the official trip, we got banished by Ibáñez authorities—
  • Sio: Also, they took our phones so that's why we could not call you.
  • Pen: Wow. Who knew that at age eleven you kids would have such an active imagination? Y'see, mine died at eight when your Aunt Match—
  • Sio: We're not kidding, Dad.
  • Shieldy: We really went to LA!
  • Pen: Are you sure? Because my eldest daughter is also there, and she—
  • Sharpener: Here's our lelfie we took.

[The boys are shown in a selfie in front of the Hollywood sign.]

  • Map: We know that it isn't cool to take a selfie with your legs, but I feel like Sharpener deserved it after how badly we treated him on the bus.
  • Sharpener: Also, we're not cool.
  • Pen: I can't believe you ran all the way from Los Angeles to Kenya! You know there isn't a land bridge from Alaska anymore, eh?
  • Lego: Actually, we took the air travel option, all the way from Yoyleland.
  • Sio: Don't worry, Dad, we got you a souvenir.
  • Pen: Goodie! But why do you guys look so exhausted?
  • Sharpener: Your wife.
  • Sio: My mother.
  • Map: She's been crying since we saw her, and she was crying all because of you; apparently something about you not loving her and that's making her so depressed or something.
  • Sharpener: I don't want to see her cry, so I suggest that late at night you sleep in the same bed as her and you both—
  • Pen: Okay! But I'm pretty sure no sane person gets a super duper feeling directly after their—

[Match and Eraser come downstairs, looking very tired, even moreso than the boys.]

  • Sio: Woah!
  • Lego: What happened to you?
  • Match: [in a slurred voice] Oh, you know, Eraser and I—
  • Eraser: Really queasy right now, but I still have a super duper feeling.
  • Match: We'd better go to couple's counselling, goodbye friends of Javier.
  • Eraser: That's Yaretzi you're talking to.
  • Match: Is it? The room's still blurry.

[Exeunt Match and Eraser. At the same time, enter Pencil crying indistinguishable syllables.]

  • Salvador: Mum, I've made you a cake with your jewellery!

[She cries some more, and then goes upstairs.]

  • Map: What's with her?
  • Javier: Dad, this is why you should really propose to her.
  • Salvador: No, he shouldn't. Let him be.
  • Javier: Yes, sir!

[Sio and his friends are watching TV with Yaretzi and Zorah. Pen sighs.]


  • Pen: Let's see if we've got the lucky thirteen: there's Cil, QR, Salvador, Ximena, Javier, Yaretzi, Sio, Sharpener, Lego, Map, Shieldy, me and Pencil! Bee-tee-dubs, honey, are you okay?
  • Pencil: I guess so. I mean, I shouldn' be thet crazy o'er love, i' jus' makes me an embarrassment to ye.
  • Sharpener: Thanks for the dinner, Mrs. Schreiber! What's on our plate?
  • Pencil: Legumes, okra, vinegar an' edamamé.
  • Shieldy: It's very representative of the food of ... what's that country?
  • Javier: One that doesn't exist.
  • Salvador: It's good when you don't eat it every other day.

That nightEdit

  • Pen: Alright, boys, you sleep in the boys' room with J, S, QR and C.
  • Salvador: Yeah, 'cause who wants that to happen?
  • Sio: Race you upstairs!

[They run upstairs, ending the day.]

Monday, June 23, 2014Edit

Zambezi RiverEdit

  • Tennis Ball: And now, after three days of journeying out to the country, we finally get to see Victoria Falls!

[The class cheers.]

  • Tennis Ball: While it is neither the tallest nor widest waterfall, Victoria certainly has the largest amount of area in the world. The locals of Zimbabwe on the other side of the waterfall call this "Mosi-oa-Tunya", though it is still called Victoria Falls in Zambia, the location on which we stand right now.
  • Citlali: [as Tennis Ball speaks] There she is, Zorah.
  • Zorah: Who?
  • Citlali: Urhixidur Raumfelsen, she's the meanest girl in my grade.
  • Zorah: How mean is she?
  • Citlali: She's horrible to, like, everyone! She acts like an angel in front of all the teachers, but to any of the students who aren't rich, she's just bossy and makes fun of us for being poor!
  • Zorah: Oh, so like Aunt Match? Y'know, I don't understand why you've got to be so cross at her. I mean, if she's doing it to the whole class …
  • Citlali: Want to know what she said to me, though?
  • Zorah: No.
  • Citlali: She said, "Oh, it's little Lallie lolling to the wazalishaji!"
  • Zorah: Well, she's not wrong.
  • Citlali: I know, but I would really take the chance and push her off the waterfall.
  • Zorah: Seriously? A bad deed on a school trip? … You really are my sister!

[They hug.]

  • Citlali: Now, if you want to push her off, just go into Invisible Mode so no one can prove anything!
  • Zorah: Oh, I can't do that!
  • Citlali: You can't? Why not, we're losing time meant for pushing!
  • Zorah: It's called Unforeseen Mode!

[She becomes invisible.]

  • Citlali: She's the one rock standing in the back, in the middle.
  • Zorah: Got it!

[She pushes Urhixidur off the shore.]

  • Urhixidur: Ahh! Hilf mir! For some reason the earth hates me! I'll put in the waterfall! Oh my Heidelberg, help!
  • Tennis Ball: [unnoticing] Take in the beautiful sounds of the Zambian morning.
  • Urhixidur: Help! Kusaidia! I've fallen and can't get up! No, not even an American television advertising can get your attention? Seli, Siggi, hilf mir!
  • Selinur: Nein, wir können das nicht![12]
  • Urhixidur: Warum nicht?[13]
  • Sigune: Wir haben gerade unsere erste Zeichen Entwicklung, die man in einer Szene unwürdig für eine separate Folge zu verlassen![14]
  • Citlali: Um, Mr. Ball, I think one of your students accidentally got pushed off the falls.
  • Tennis Ball: Is she going to be okay? Oh, I hope that I don't have to do any paperwork on this.
  • Citlali: Yeah, she's okay.
  • Urhixidur: [from the bottom] I am not okay!
  • Tennis Ball: .- .-. . / -.-- --- ..- / .. -. / .- -. -.-- / .--. .... -.-- ... .. -.-. .- .-.. / .--. .- .. -. ..--..
  • Citlali: What the hell— I mean, kuzimu was that?
  • Tennis Ball: It was just Morse Code. I've been stationed in Italy in '87, and Morse Code is International so I thought she might understand it!
  • Urhixidur: Help!
  • Tennis Ball: Are you in physical pain?
  • Urhixidur: No, I hate to be rock all this waterfall! Get me out!
  • Citlali: Huh. I guess that's what she gets. You see, Mr. Ball, and I don't want to be rude, but Urhixidur has been a really mean b—


  • Salvador: Itches: If a human itches, do they have head lice?
  • Javier: Sauce!
  • Salvador: Next question. This one is about p- polit- polit … what is this saying?
  • Javier: Poop!
  • Salvador: Holy shiㅌ! I think you got it!
  • Javier: Got what?
  • Salvador: You are dumber than I thought, y'know that?
  • Javier: You're welcome.

[Exit Javier.]

  • Cil: You know that was a very wrong thing to do.
  • Salvador: Oh, shut up. Y'know, I don't even care if you talk anymore!

Living roomEdit

  • Pen: Hey, Avi, Grandpa's making me play this Hebrew alphabet game, but I forgot what comes after Qoph.
  • Javier: I don't know.
  • Pen: Oh, thanks for … [he stops] Did you just say "I don't know"?
  • Javier: I don't know. Did I?
  • Pen: That's really weird, usually you know everything! Is something wrong?
  • Javier: Nes!
  • Pen: Okay … something is wrong and it's messing with your intelligence.
  • Javier: Fine, I'll tell you … Chavo's been unteaching me.
  • Pen: Unteaching?
  • Javier: When teaching makes you smarter, unteaching makes you not smarter.
  • Pen: I know, but why? Did you do anything that upset your brother?
  • Javier: No, it was my own choice!
  • Pen: And why would you do such a thing like that?
  • Javier: It's just … on Thursday we saw our teachers for the next year, but Ms. Mhongafhoie is evil.
  • Pen: Let me take a wild guess … you're trying to unlearn everything so you can fail the midsummer exams for Grade 7, so you can stay back another year and not have Ms. Mhongafhoie.
  • Javier: That's exactly correct!
  • Pen: Why would you do that?
  • Javier: So I can be in the same grade as Citlali; she's the one who didn't skip a grade. And I want to be a good older brother.
  • Pen: Y'see I doubt that's the real reason.
  • Javier: [sigh] Well, at first I didn't really want to do it because Grade 7 seemed kind of fun, but then I started to actually take it seriously once you stopped doing your proposal.
  • Pen: Oh. [quietly] So, this whole thing's because of my lack of motivation.
  • Javier: Yeah. Are you mad?
  • Pen: No, it was totally my fault. Adults make mistakes, too, and for once I was one of them.
  • Javier: Like Ms. Mhongafhoie?
  • Pen: About that … Javier, you're a good student. And even if she does yell at you and do horrible things to the class, you'll be brave enough to stand it, because remember this … you're my son.
  • Qalam-Rassas: [suddenly appearing] When in a good attitude.
  • Javier: Oh my gosh!
  • Qalam-Rassas: Well, that's how Mummy's yoga CD makes it sound. Daddy, Sio's gone with Mum, they're going to drop everyone off at their own homes.
  • Pen: Mummy's gone?
  • Qalam-Rassas: Yeah!
  • Pen: That's perfect! KIDS, FRONT AND CENTRE!

[Enter Ximena, Salvador and Yaretzi.]

  • Ximena: What is it, Daddy sir?
  • Pen: The proposal's back!

[Ximena and Yaretzi cheer.]

  • Yaretzi: Yay!
  • Ximena: We thought our summer was going to be booooo-ring.
  • Pen: And I need everyone's help on this one.
  • [ Javier · Qalam-Rassas ]: Okay!
  • Salvador: Permission to opt out, sir?
  • Pen: Not this time! Maybe, Salvador, you can take an alternative service job. Guard the door and make sure anyone other than Mummy enters.
  • Salvador: Yay!
  • Pen: Now don't go running away or else no dessert!

[Exit Salvador.]

  • Pen: What am I saying?


  • Salvador: Ah! Mum! Why are you here?
  • Pencil: I live 'ere, 'ow hard's'e ter explain around 'ere?
  • Sio: Is something going on inside there?
  • Salvador: No!
  • Pencil: I'd better go in an' see.
  • Salvador: No! Sio can go in though.
  • Sio: Yay!

[Enter Sio into the house.]

  • Pencil: Why can't I go in?
  • Salvador: Well, because there's a … something going … it's a—
  • Pencil: 'Old on, I'm a-gettin' a call. [she calls] Hullo! … This is 'oo? … Wot d'ye wan', m8? … Is she okay? … Thet's terrible!

[She hangs up. Sio opens the door partway.]

  • Sio: Seriously? No goodbye?
  • Pencil: Tell Dad I've got to go to th' airport!
  • Sio: But Saye's not coming back until 6 o'clock … on Friday.
  • Pencil: It's Lallie! I've got to go, they're arrivin' soon.

[Exit Pencil.]


Song: Unknown singer

It's not a wedding, the nuptials exist
(Oh, it's not!)
It's all for his girl, she's been very pissed
(Yes, she has!)

They changed the lights to alter the ambience
That special family wants to turn to champions
Getting ready for the words to be spoken
"Will you love me" said through a voice broken!

At the airport, she calls for her daughter
From Zimbabwe, she really sought her
But now she's back and with the lost one too
And she'll ask both of them, "What did you do?"

Meanwhile, the man and all the kids do work
Filling the house with oh so many a quirk
To make this offer mean so, so much
It's not too hard, but it's no soft touch!

They've done the job to alter the ambience
That special family wants to turn to champions
Getting ready for the words to be spoken
"Will you love me" said through a voice broken!

[Saxophone solo. Meanwhile, the kids are talking.]

  • Yaretzi: Daddy, may we decorate the house in flowers like we did before?
  • Pen: Maybe we should hold off with that, just in case Salvador destroys it again.
  • Ximena: [cringes] Please don't mention the Diorama Crash of 2014!
  • Pen: Well, I'd better be upstairs and change into something more formal!

The mum's appearance could strike fear in each one,
But they were busy having too much fun
They'd only stop when dreadful noises are heard
Such as the one when—


  • Pencil: I'm 'ere, e'eryone!
  • Citlali: Maybe you should try ringing the doorbell.
  • Pencil: I don't think that should work—

[Zorah rings the bell, drowning out the music. Sio gets the door.]

  • Pen: Good ... what time is it?
  • Pencil: About three.
  • Sio: Good afternoon, Mrs. Schreiber, also known as the maternal figure in this very fine and large family.
  • Pencil: Ooh, fancy! Wot's goin' on 'ere?
  • Sio: Why don't you open the door and see?


  • Pencil: Brown lightin' on the walls?
  • Yaretzi: Only your favourite colour![15]
  • Pencil: This 'ouse decorated like an airport around Christmas? Flowers in the shape o' clouds? Wot's goin' on 'ere?
  • Ximena: Oh, just wait.

[Pen goes down the stairs wearing a slightly less conventially-contemporary vest as he did in the past. He trips and falls.]

  • Qalam-Rassas: Oh!
  • Zorah: What the hell?
  • Sio: He alright?
  • Pen: Yeah, I'm fine!
  • Pencil: Why're'ee wearin' a ves', thet's so 1995!
  • Salvador: It's going to backfire!
  • Pen: Don't you remember 1995?
  • Pencil: Omg, I remember! Now I see why y'wore thet dress, in 1995 you says t' Eraser thet you wanted to get married t' a woman!
  • Pen: [smirking] Now, you get it … Hey, aren't you going to tell me to get up?
  • Pencil: O' course not! [she pulls him up] Oi, I think I might know wot's to be 'appenin' right now.
  • Pen: I feel as if you've been waiting for this.

[He goes down on one knee. Some of the kids cheer silently.]

  • Pen: Pencil Badhrasa Carmencita Ohisa Triángolo IV-Si-Duas-Gerações-Puladas … you've become the most beautiful wife I've ever seen, and I've become the most beautiful husband I've ever seen.
  • Javier: Man, old people flirting is weird.
  • Citlali: Wait, what's going on?
  • Pen: And so I ask this to you … [he pulls out the same ring] Will you … wi … y …
  • Pencil: Don' jus' stan' there, do wot?
  • Pen: Ac … will you a …
  • Cil: [actually popping out of his cage] HE'S ASKING IF YOU ACCEPT THIS PROPOSAL, WOMAN!

[Everyone gasps.]

  • Citlali: He can speak?!
  • Pencil: Omg, aye, yes, ndiyo!

[Everyone cheers.]

  • Pen: I can't believe I spent half a saxophone solo propped into this!

[He rips his shirt off, an apparent object tradition when proposing marriage.]

  • Pencil: Oi me God, y'know I love when thet 'appens! Come, let's go upstairs!
  • Pen: Oh, I will … but I won't trip this time!
  • Pencil: You sure won't!

[They essentially take the party with them as the lights fade into regular lighting.]

  • Citlali: Wow, it must have snowed crazy-flakes down in here.
  • Zorah: At least you weren't stuck in a suitcase for three days.
  • Citlali: Hey, it was smaller on the outside!
  • Zorah: You mean—
  • Sio: I can't believe I made four dreams come true today! You, Citlali, Mum and Dad!
  • Yaretzi: Oh, if only Saye were here.
  • Citlali: Yeah, if only our oldest sister who I could very much take notes off were here!
  • Salvador: She's probably going on a really boring tour about history and school stuff.

Los AngelesEdit

  • Saye: This is, like, so paradise, but I do miss Kenya.
  • Popsicley: Are you kidding, I'd never want to go anywhere anymore!
  • Chocolatey: Yeah. Well, Saye, maybe there's nothing going on at your house anyway!
  • Saye: Oh, p-lease.


  1. This is NLG: Oh, I didn't notice.
  2. It's true; French is the top foreign language Kenyans wish to learn.
  3. (Sw.) "Good morning, students!"
  4. (Sw.) "or a slow and painful death shall await you."
  5. C: Please don't use that type of humour here. Just because I hadn't used that character's dialogue tag for 10 lines doesn't mean you can make a dialogue excuse for a bathroom break.
  6. (Sw.) "I feel like we should get married soon."
  7. IX 0600
  8. This actually happened.
  9. As in, classical music produced backwards.
  10. (Sw.) "Good morning, students!"
  11. (Sw.) "or a slow and painful death shall await you."
  12. (De.) "No, we can't do that!"
  13. (De.) "Why not?"
  14. (De.) "We have just experienced our first character development by leaving you in a scene unworthy for a separate episode!"
  15. III 0437. She didn't say that it was her favourite, though.
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