This is a very sensational title, and I'm sure I made like half the fandom implode... if half the fandom visited this wiki. Not that I'm begging for people to look at my content, because that wouldn't be polite. Anyway, I've finally decided to give you some much-needed PencilxPen content! I've dropped too many not-so-subtle hints in FTPOT episodes and I'm starting to think people are starting to notice. I just want them together, okay?
I haven't worked on Pencil 2.O in a while, and I kind of regret that. But TPOT comes first on my list of priorities for as long as Jacknjellify are on their break. I've even been working on some TPOT intro remixes that I never thought would sound decent! (This one's a work in progress.)
Imagine a competition show where, instead of needing knowledge to do well, you need a strong emotional connection with another person, preferably your spouse. Can you hear "Honey honey, nearly kill me"? That's right, I'm talking about Tattletales, the game show of intentionally awkward questions. Either directly or subtly, I've already made a reference to this programme before, more often than not together with Among Us. Well, now you're going to find out what it would look like if the BFDI cast played this couples' challenge.
This episode (watch along here!) is from 15 July 1974, and I've no reason to doubt that it was filmed many weeks before that. To think that some crazy things happened during that time: Argentina got their first female president, Portugal became a democracy and TPOT 5 was released. Here are the BFDI stars and the humans that play them. I'll mostly refer to them by their object identities, so don't be surprised if you see a picture of Harvey Korman with "she/her" pronouns under him.
- The Announcer as Gene Rayburn, the special guest host. As you know, the Match Game star was already alluded to in TPOT 18, when he was played by Two, complete with a tiny microphone. If we're going by humans' terms here, the Announcer is the only hetero-something here... and he's an asexual robot.
- Four as Jo Anne Worley and X as Roger Perry, married until 2000. If anyone wants to see some wholesome 4X on this wiki, they know where to find it.
- Edit: omg four was on jessie--she played nana banana mouskouri
- Gaty as Donna Korman and Saw as Harvey Korman, married until 1977 (three years later!). I was going to put Coiny and Pin here, and then it was David and Naily and then it was Tennis Ball and Golf Ball and then Firey and Leafy (Leafy can't be blonde!) before I settled on my favourite lesbian ship in the series.
- Pencil as Anne Convy and Pen as Bert Convy (duh), married until 1991 and my absolute OTP for nine years now. Talking about Pencil and Pen, of course.
- I've decided that I must be a bit of a stan for Bert, considering how many times I've mentioned him on this website alone—this is his show, too.
- Pencil's personality here is closer to what it was in P2O and the first season of BFDI than it is now. If Anne acted like Pencil in BFB 1, i.e., if she had called Jo Anne Worley a bember or electrocuted her opponents with an actual lightning bolt, I'd watch the whole show... but then I'd feel very bad for everyone else.
- "Bert's always in a good mood, it's so depressing. I complain... Yeah, he's always happy." It's like you can boil down Pencil and Pen's BFB personalities just to that set of sentences.
Uh... here we go? I'll change the obvious stuff, like names and genders, but I'll do my best to keep it as close as possible to the original from fifty years ago.
- 1 The beginning
- 2 After commercial break 1
- 3 After commercial break 2
- 4 After commercial break 3
- 5 The ending
- 6 Have I learnt anything from this?
- 7 Notes
- TV: Alla på den här arenan har en monetär insats i ett av våra kända par, när vi spelar spelet om object show-skvaller, Tattletales!
[A giant door opens at startling speed. Out comes Announcer, the host.]
- TV: Och här är veckans stjärna av Tattletales, the Announcer! [Applause as the Announcer ambles about the giant room.]
- Announcer: This is my ballet walk. Briskly. Hello there. Nyuh. I guess you know the story here. I am here through the good offices of 🅱️en Schreiber.
- Pen: Yes... and Jacknjellify.
- Announcer: And, you know, he's a terrific host on this show—this is his show and he does a great job... [Great applause.] But I must say...
- Pen: But not much of a player, unfortunately.
- Announcer: No, no, I have really enjoyed his participation as a panel member because he's contributed a great deal of wit and fun and everything, and his pretty wife Pencil has been marvellous too. She's not only good-looking, but she's funny too. [I can tell by the way she called Ice Cube "garbage" in BFDI 15.]
- Pen: Yes, got to watch out for her. Thank you, Announcer Thing.
- Announcer: That's right.
- Pen: That's nice of you.
- Announcer: But I just want to say that we've got the audience divided into three rooting sections, each section backing one celebrity couple.
Introducing X and 4
- Announcer: The people here with blue all over their faces... [Light laughter.] They're backing...
[X kicks up his feet, revealing blue shoes. They vanish a second later.]
- X: Blue.
- Announcer: X, who has blue shoes on. [Applause.] And Battle for BFB host Four...
[Four pops up on a screen in front of X. They have headphones on as they wave at the camera.]
- Announcer: Hello, Four.
- Four: Hello, darlings!
- Announcer: Hi, X.
- X: You're going to get them this day!
- Announcer: You're hanging in there?
- X: I'm not blue.
- Announcer: Okay.
- Four: He's a very blue person.
- X: No...
- Announcer: Are you wearing anything blue?
- Four: Four or X?
- Announcer: Um, Four.
- Four: In the middle of my little cornflowers is blue.
- Announcer: Okay.
- Four: We're covered for blue. We'll get you kids, don't worry. [Applause.]
- Announcer: Alright. Terrific.
Introducing Saw and Gaty
- Announcer: You folks here in the middle in the yellow section, you'll be rooting for beautiful Saw Lama and her wife Gaty.
[Applause as a be-headphoned Gaty pops up on a screen in front of Saw.]
- Gaty: Ha ha ha, ha ha ha.
- Saw: I'm wearing something yellow too, but I didn't really want to go into it, okay?
- Announcer: You don't want to tell us about it?
- Gaty: What are you all laughing about?
- Saw: Yellow happens to be my good friend Lollipop's least favourite colour, and this is the first time all week that we've been in yellow, so I have gr8 good wishes, guys. [Applause as Saw gives a steady wave to everyone.]
- Announcer: Alright. Are you wearing anything yellow, Gaty?
- Gaty: No, we're in gold, we're not in yellow.
- Announcer: Gold, well, that's close enough. We'll call it yellow. And good luck to them.
Introducing Pen and Pencil
- Announcer: And the people here in the red section will be rooting for Pen What's-His-Name and Pencil Schreiber.
[Applause as a be-headphoned Pencil pops up on a screen in front of Pen.]
- Pen: [opens his shirt (which he may or may not be wearing) and points at the red part] Red.
[He fist pumps the air]
- Pen: Here we go, gang!
- Pencil: 'Ello!
- Pen: This is it.
- Pencil: Ha ha, this is it!
- Announcer: Hello, Pencil.
- Pencil: Hello, Speaker Box.
- Announcer: Are you ready, darling?
- Pencil: Oh, I'm ready.
- Announcer: I said you were very witty and good on this show a little while ago when you couldn't hear me, and I want you to hear.
- Pencil: Oh, you said that, thank you.
- Announcer: No, you and Pen I think have been very terrific panel members all week long, Pencil.
- Pencil: Aww, aren't you sweet, thankies. We've had a terr...
- Pen: We're fine now, but we're...
- Announcer: It's been very helpful because he's the host.
- Pencil: Oh, we've had fun.
- Announcer: Okay.
[View of all six people on stage]
- Announcer: Now, a word about the scoring. We have $150 in the pot. And every celebrity couple who scores will share in that pot. If only one couple scores, they get the whole $150. Ready? Alright, here we go. Here's the question.
[Announcer takes a bright orange card and notices something has fallen.]
- Announcer: Oops. Something fell out of there. There's a paper clip... [throws it away] We don't need that. [Quiet laughter.] Now, you know on The Match Game...
- Four: You've got your job back, Pen. [Laughter.]
- Announcer: That's right. [Laughter.] On The Match Game, which is a show that precedes mine here—
- Pen: Yes, yes....
- Announcer: And which happens to be number one in daytime. [Applause.] Now, we have got these questions with blanks, and you fill in, you know, and we've adapted one here for... Tattletales. The questions for the TV people—and you guys have to match what they say. "Fill in the blank, people, when we ask you to. In general, men think about blank more than women do." "In general, men think about blank more than women do." [view of the panelists] Think about that. [Soft laughter.] Hold it. Quiet. We say goodbye to the TV people, but only for a short while. [Four, Gaty and Pencil disappear]
What's the answer?
- Announcer: And we say hello to the If X-MAS in Among Us Was a BFDI Challenge folks. And... ask X how he thinks Four will respond to this. "In general, men think about blank more than women do."
- X: You know, you really should go with the obvious. Four's done your show and I think he—and I've seen him on it—and he usually goes with the obvious, so I will go with the obvious, which is, uh, Six.
[Applause and cheering.]
- Announcer: Bunch of fiends out here just gave you...
- X: Now we know!
- Announcer: A big round of applause there. Okay.
- X: Oh, we're a good combination, okay.
- Someone in the audience: Yay-ah!
- Announcer: X says the word is "Six"; if Four will say, let's bring 'em out here.
[Bing! Four appears on the screen.]
- Announcer: And we'll find out right now from Four how he responds to this: In general, men think about blank more than women do.
- Four: I think sweet, adorable X would say the chauvinistic answer by saying Six!
[Bing! Applause and cheering.]
- Four: Oh! Honey!
- X: What's so chauvinistic about that?
- Four: Well, it's in all the comic books and the movies; they always say "Men think about Six more than women", but we know now that's not true, don't we?
[Four pretends to fan their face. Laughter.]
- Four: Ha ha!
- Announcer: Okay.
- X: Who cares?
- Announcer: We've got the low number there, okay; that's what he said, Four.
- Four: Good.
- Announcer: You will share in the pot. Now, we'll move over to Saw, who's deep in thought.
- Saw: Yes. Um, I'm going to say very un-chauvinistically that it's money probably that my wife's going to say that men— [to the audience] You don't like it, l8ies?
[Laugher and various shouts from the audience.]
- Saw: What do you want me to say? Oh, w8 a minute, I see a guy going like this. [does two "zero" gestures]
- Announcer: Now, wait a minute, what is that? [to the audience guy] You think money? [The audience members say random things.] Hold it now, hold it.
- Saw: There isn't a— there isn't a plurality there by any means.
- Announcer: Wait, now. She, Saw, is the star and she's her own girl, so... [Uproar.] So let her say what she wants to say.
- Saw: Er, trust me, people. Money's going to be closer.
- Announcer: Money's going to be close.
- Saw: Closer than Six.
- Announcer: Alright, let's all be quiet now, as we bring on Gaty.
[Bing! Gaty appears.]
- Announcer: Hello, Gaty, darling, I've missed you.
- Gaty: I missed you, Announcer.
- Announcer: In general, men think about blank more than women do. What say you to that?
- Gaty: Hmm, I think men think more about money.
[Loud applause and cheering as Saw rises with a look of "I told you so".]
- Announcer: Gaty?
- Saw: Is that quiet? [Gaty smiles.] Whoa, baby. There's going to be lots of money in this for you, dear.
- Announcer: Gaty, Saw was saying money and her rooting section tried to tout her out of it.
- Gaty: That's why they're losers this week, that middle section. [Laughter—that's a very Gaty-like thing to say.] See?
- Saw: Easy darling.
- Announcer: Okay, so Gaty and Saw will share the pot, and we'll get over to Pen.
- Pen: Oh, I'm not going to pick on the red section, I'll tell you. Ah... y'know, I would say—I won't say "Six" because I don't believe it for a moment. I think women think about Six as much as men, perhaps a great deal more. And I don't think that Pencil will feel that way! I- I- the only thing that comes to my mind is something silly, and I— it's not silly because it's true, and I would say sports 'cause it's an obvious thing.
- Someone in the audience: Nooooo...
- Pen: You think Six, sir? What are you trying to tell me? [Laughter.] You really think Six, gang?
- Announcer: Yeah, alright if I get in on this conversation too?
- Pen: What d'you think, Awkward Speaker Cube? What do you think Pencil would say?
- Announcer: I don't know what she's going to say—I don't even know Pencil well.
- Pen: I don't even know—I was going to say— [getting defensive] Well, I think it would be something obvious that men think more about than women do...
- Various people in the audience: Sport!
- Pen: And I was going to say sports, I don't know.
- Announcer: You think Pencil will say sports?
- Pen: Well—I, yeah, let's go with that 'cause I don't think she'll say Six, uh... [nervously strokes the back of his cap]
- Announcer: [to the audience] Hold on, now, he's giving his answer. He knows his wife; he's been married to her longer than you have. [Laughter.] So... let's get Pencil on screen.
[Bing! Pencil appears.]
- Announcer: And get a response from you, Pencil, now...
- Pencil: Hey, Machine Thingy.
- Announcer: In general, men think about blank more than women do.
- Pencil: Well, I think I know what he said, but I can't think about that all the time; I have to make beetloaf and push the dust under the rug, and... Six.
[Someone in the audience screams out—he was wrong! Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzt!]
- Pencil: No?
- Announcer: Well, the audience tried to talk him into saying "Six"...
- Pen: Now, Penc...
- Pencil: What's he say?
- Announcer: But he thought you would say "sports".
- Pen: Y'know, Pencil—
- Pencil: SPORTS?! [Laughter.]
- Announcer: Sports.
- Pencil: Sports?!
- Pen: Penc, see, I figured, I was giving women credit, Penc...
- Pencil: Sports?
- Pen: For thinking about Six as much as women—as men do. [Laughter.]
- Pencil: It's—I don't think about sports at all!
- Pen: That's why. That's why I thought that maybe men would think more of—
- Pencil: Well, Six comes under that category, doesn't it?
- Announcer: Yes and no... [Great laughter.]
- Pen: It's an indoor sport.
- Announcer: Maybe in your household, I guess.
- Pencil: Could we have five dollars? [Laughter.]
- Pen: I'm sorry, gang.
- Announcer: Pencil, you've got a weirdo in the family; that's all I've got to say to you.
- Pencil: Oh, sorry!
- Announcer: So Pencil and Pen will not share in that pot.
- Pencil: Aww!
- Announcer: Who does? Four and X, Gaty and Saw, share in that pot $75 each. Pencil and Pen have not scored yet. And we'll see how this ends up in a moment or so, but first we've got this message for you.
After commercial break 1
- Announcer: Alright, everybody's rooting here. At this moment, it's 75, 75, 0.
- Pencil: Ugh.
- Announcer: And, er, these two sections know they can't walk out of here empty-handed because their celebrity couples have scored so far. Now, let's go on to the next—
- Pen: With me, it's, um, something altogether different with me, on the other hand. [Laughter.]
- Announcer: Well, the night is young.
- Pen: Yes, as they say.
- Announcer: You may score before the night's over, who knows? [Laughter.]
- Pen: Ha ha ha!
What's the answer?
- Announcer: Here we go with our next question, TV people. Which of you tends to look in the mirror more often?
- Pencil: Ha ha! [Laughter.]
- X: Which of these three?
- Announcer: No, no, no.
- X: Oh.
- Announcer: Which of you tends, uh, you or the partner in your life, which of you tends to look in the mirror more often is the question. Think about that. [Pen gives the audience a thumbs up and waves at them] Goodbye, TV people. [Four, Gaty and Pencil disappear.]
- Pen: It's in the bag, gang! [Laughter and applause.]
- Announcer: Okay, X. Who looks in the mirror more often? You or Four?
- X: Oh, well...
- Announcer: What will he say?
- X: What he will say? Or has to? He really has to say—it's him, of course.
- Announcer: He will say he will. [Applause.]
- X: Yes, of course.
- Announcer: [to the audience] You think he's right?
- Audience: Yeah!
- X: In windows...
- Announcer: We will find out.
- X: You know, the reflection on windows, anywhere, you know, on the car when it's washed.
- Announcer: Alright. Alright, let's get Four out here.
[Bing! Four appears.]
- Announcer: Four, which of you tends to look in the mirror more often?
- Four: Well, I think this whole question is set up to get Pen, is that correct? [Laughter.] YOU DEVILS!
- Pen: I don't know what that means.
- Four: Well, think about it, honey, you'll get it! [Laughter.] It's 'cause you're so gorgeous.
- Pen: Oh, thank you.
- Four: Anyway, uh, X is—and I don't look in the mirror that much as evidence, but since I'm a number and I put on my eyes and all, then I would say I do. [Bing! Applause.]
- Announcer: That's what he said. You will share in that pot?
- Four: They're going to get you, Pen!
- Announcer: Now let's see if Gaty and Saw continue their winning ways: Which of you tends to look in the mirror more often, Saw?
- Saw: Well, um,, she claims that I take much longer to dress and to get ready to go out.
- Announcer: Really? [Why do you think Saw was gone after BFB 9?]
- Saw: She claims that. And I do kind of look at myself a lot.
- Announcer: Little implication of vanity there...
- Saw: Checking the handle, seeing how it's holding up.
- Announcer: Yeah. Doing very well.
- Saw: But I think she's going to say that I think that she does, so I'm going to go with her, guys. Er, it's a little gamble.
- Announcer: Okay. Now, wait a minute, that's her...
- Saw: A gamble.
- Announcer: Listen, she [Saw] didn't lead you down the rosy path before and she may not be doing it now, and she, on the other hand, may be blowing it there.
- Saw: I think she's going to think I... I'm going to say she.
- Announcer: She, okay. Let's bring Gaty back.
[Bing! Gaty appears.]
- Announcer: Gaty, which of you tends to look in the mirror more often?
- Gaty: By a tenth of a second. I do.
[Bing! Saw holds her hands out—she's right. The audience go "yay!"]
- Announcer: [to the audience] Now that's twice you doubted her. Stop picking on Saw.
- Saw: Oof!
- Announcer: That's what she said. Okay, no, I'm talking to the audience, Gaty. Alright, thank you, Gaty, and now we move over here to Pen.
- Pen: Oh, boy. Are you—
- Announcer: Heh heh.
- Pen: Are you putting the pressure on me? [Quiet laughter.] These two guys keep on scoring and it comes down to old dumb-o here. [Laughter.] Alright, gang, but I'm reasonably sure of this one. We'll get it—we'll get on the boards with this one. It's, um, it's me, hands down.
- Announcer: You look in the mirror more often...
- Saw: No, he looks in the mirror hands down.
[Laughter. Pen puts his hands up and gives the two-fingered salute.]
- Announcer: Ha ha.
- Pen: Uh, I mean I think that's what she's going to say when we know that that's not so! I mean, we know that. [Laughter.] Ah... ha! But I think that she's going to say it's me; I don't know why she'll say that.
- Announcer: Alright, let's all cool it and bring Pencil back on camera.
[Bing! Pencil appears.]
- Announcer: And there she is. Pencil, which of you tends to look in the mirror more often?
- Pencil: Oh, gee, I'm sorry, honey, we are playing for money. If I want to really get a message across to him, I have to write it on the mirror. [Great laughter.]
- Pen: Oh ho ho!
- Pencil: Did he say me?
- Announcer: So you say it is Pen, is that what you're saying?
- Pencil: Y- of course!
[Bing! She's right. Applause as Pen giggles.]
- Announcer: He looks—that's what he said.
- Pencil: [relieved] Oh! [to Pen] Good! You scared me there!
- Pen: What a terrible thing to say!
- Announcer: [Applause.] So everybody has scored, all three couples share in this pot at this moment. The score is 50 to 125 to 125! [Music plays.] It's turn-around time! Bring the pretty TV people out...
[X, Saw and Pen run to their loved ones and all embrace (Pen sprints to Pencil and gives her a big hug). The Among Us people go backstage and Four, Gaty and Pencil are brought to the seats in the front.]
- Announcer: And send the If X-MAS in Among Us Was a BFDI Challenge folks back there, backstage there, and while we're turning around, we're going to have a look at this message of interest.
After commercial break 2
- Announcer: The turn-about has been completed. We've got pretty thinkers out here. The Among Us-ers are backstage. [Pen nods.] And just to touch bases, all the money you see up here, 125, 125 and 50, all of that will go to all of these people in the rooting sections. Bi-sections. And we'll see how it ends up a little bit later. [Applause.] Okay. Now, Among Us-ians, if you're ready, we've got this for you. [reads from the card] Instead of burning their bra, your partner has it bronzed. [Laughter.] Heh, and uses it as a j— [Louder laughter.] Heeeeh, heeeh, and uses it as a jello mould. [Great laughter.] Now... when it's taken out of the mould, would you recognize the jello? [Laughter and some looks of confusion.]
- Gaty: Could you repeat that?
- Saw: No! No.
- Announcer: Do you understand the question? I'll give it to you once, I'm trying to br— "Instead of burning her bra, your partner has it bronzed and uses it as a jello mould. And once taken out of the mould, would you recognize the jello?" is the question. You know, the way you take jello out of a mould and you turn it over and you put it on a flat dish, and, well, what we want to know is, eh, goodbye, sus.
[X, Saw and Pen disappear.]
Wait, what's the question?
- Announcer: Alright. Four, how is X going to respond to this?
- Four: Well, I would only serve it in the privacy of our own home. Ha ha! [Laughter.] But, uh, I think... X, bless his heart—CLOSE YOUR EARS, EVERYBODY!—I think he might.
- Announcer: He would recognize it. [Four nods.] Okay. Alright. Let's, um, call X back here.
[Bing! X appears and Four crosses their fingers.]
- Announcer: Hello, X.
- X: Yes, I don't understand the question.
- Announcer: You don't understand the question.
- X: Nope!
- Announcer: Alright. Instead of burning the bra...
- X: Yeah.
- Announcer: Had it bronzed.
- X: Right.
- Announcer: And used it as a jello mould.
- X: Right.
- Announcer: And filled it full of jello.
- X: Right.
- Announcer: Put it in the refrigerator.
- X: Yeah.
- Announcer: And let it get hard, and took it out, and turned it over on a dessert dish, a flat dish, and, er, took the bronze bra off, you see. The question is, would you recognize...
- X: The nipple or what? I don't understand. [Great laughter—I'VE SEEN FOUR WITH NIPPLES BEFORE OH MY GOSH]
[Four turns around.]
- Announcer: The question is... [Laughter continues.] Now. X, listen to me now. X.
- X: Yes.
- Announcer: Can you hear me?
- X: Would I recognize?
- Announcer: Ye- now wait a minute. You see then, the bronze thing is turned over on a dessert dish, a flat dish. And there is a shape there. The question is, would you recognize that shape or that mound of jello? [Laughter.] Ha?
- X: Well, I would have to say yes.
[Bing! Applause—X would totally recognize Four's... jello.]
- Announcer: That's what he said.
- Four: What a hard way to make a little money for you guys!
- Announcer: Thank you, X. Let's go over here to Gaty. Gaty, would you like to talk to me? Do you understand the question?
- Gaty: Yes.
- Announcer: And what is she going to say?
- Gaty: And after fifteen years, if it was chopped liver, she'd better recognize what it is.
- Announcer: Ah, okay. You're a gal after my own heart. And any time... [Gaty laughs.] You've captured me.
- Gaty: Ah!
- Announcer: Now, shall we bring Saw back out here and let her stay...
[Bing! Saw appears.]
- Announcer: Yeah, Saw, you can come back here, allowed!
- Saw: Yeah, yeah.
- Announcer: Do you understand the question?
- Saw: Oh yeah. [Laughter.]
- Announcer: You do.
- Saw: Yeah.
- Announcer: Alright. Now after, you know, it comes out of the refrigerator.
- Saw: Mm-hmm.
- Announcer: And this bronze mould is turned over onto a dessert dish.
- Saw: Mm-hmm.
- Announcer: Would you recognize this massive jello?
- Saw: I couldn't miss it anywhere.
[Bing! She's right.]
- Announcer: Okay, that's what she said, Saw. She said you'd recognize it if it were chopped liver.
- Saw: Right, it's not quite congealed. I'd recognize it.
- Announcer: Okay. Thank you, Saw, and now we come to Pencil.
- Pencil: Oh yes.
- Announcer: How say you?
- Pencil: Well, Pen has said to me so many times, "Honey, I would know your jello moulds any place." [Laughter.] He said that to me just a while ago, so I'd say—
- Announcer: He said that to you, so you say yes, he will say yes.
- Pencil: Yes, he will say yes. [Gaty laughs a bit.]
- Announcer: Alright, here comes Pen Schreiber.
[Bing! Pen appears.]
- Announcer: Hello, tall, good-looking, handsome fellow who looks in the mirror all the time. [Pen turns his head]
- Pen: Alright. [Pencil giggles.]
- Announcer: How do you respond to this? Would you recognize that mound of jello after it comes out of the mould?
- Pen: Uh, well, uh...
- Announcer: And it's put on a dessert dish.
- Pen: Yeah, I'm trying to picture it. [Laughter as Pencil just about does a facepalm.] Does the word "gumdrop" mean anything to you? Uh...
- Announcer: All we want is a simple yes or no.
- Pen: Yes, ah, yes, I would.
[Bing! He's right. Great applause and cheering.]
- Announcer: [trying not to laugh] So everybody's sharing the pot. So, let's see: Everybody shares in this pot and everybody's added to the score: 100, 175, 175. They're all winning money, folks. And we'll see how much more money we're going to give out to our audience right after we see this message.
After commercial break 3
- Announcer: This moment—hello, there.
- Pen: Hello! [Light laughter.]
- Announcer: How are you? We're ready to carry on with Tattletales and it is doubling time now, and that means the pot is worth $300 instead of $150, and the Among Us-niks are all there ready, and, em... [reads from the card] Men in general, do you believe that women are more loving and tender than men are? Do you believe that women are more loving and tender than men are? That's a general type of question, a thought-provoking one. A little heavy, but think about it, and we'll get back to you in a moment or so. [X, Saw and Pen disappear.]
What's the answer?
- Announcer: Four? In general, do you believe that women are more loving and tender than men are? How will X respond to that?
- Four: Well, X is very loving and tender.
- Announcer: Good.
- Four: Ah, but being the genderless number chauvinist pig that I am, haha! I will say that the women are.
- Four: He—yeah—he will say that the women are.
- Announcer: Okay. Let's get X back out here.
[Bing! X appears.]
- Announcer: X, how do you respond to this? In general, do you believe that women are more loving and tender than men are?
- X: [thinks a bit] I think so, yes.
[Bing—applause and shouts of "Yay!", for they're right... although we all know that the true answer would be "We don't have that where I'm from".]
- Announcer: That's what she said. Okay, Four and X's group have a share in that pot. And now we come to Gaty. What do you think Saw's going to say?
- Gaty: Mmm... I hope, for the whole world, that we're all the same, and I think that men, women are not more loving than men. I think that... men are not—I, I don't mean to say men are more loving!?
- Announcer: D'you think we're all equal?
- Gaty: Yeah!
- Announcer: But you've got to make a choice here.
- Gaty: Then what is the—
- Announcer: In general, do you believe that women are more...
- Gaty: No!
- Announcer: Loving and tender than men are?
- Gaty: No! That doesn't mean that men are more.
- Announcer: Yeah.
- Gaty: But I don't think they are—women are more.
- Announcer: What will she say?
- Gaty: She will say that women are not more.
- Four: Clever of you to figure out that way. [Gaty raises a finger of acknowledgement.]
- Announcer: Hold everything now. Let's get Saw back here.
[Bing! Saw is back.]
- Announcer: How do you respond to this, Saw? In general, do you believe that women are more loving and tender than men are?
- Saw: [shakes her head] Absolutely not.
[Bing! She's right. Maybe it's the stereotypes, but I'd imagine that many lesbians actually believe this is true.]
- Announcer: Okay. She's got such a quick mind. Took me a long time to understand what Gaty was saying, but I finally got it and I thank you, Saw. And now we come to Pencil.
- Pencil: Yeah?
- Announcer: What is Pen going to say?
- Pencil: Well, it shouldn't be that way, but I'm afraid there are too many men who haven't loosened up yet, and I'm afraid he will say that yes, women are. Is that right?
- Announcer: [reading] In general, do you believe that women are more loving and tender?
- Pencil: Yes.
- Announcer: And he'll say "yes", women are more loving and tender.
- Pencil: In general, yes. Although it shouldn't be that way.
- Announcer: Okay, let's find out what he does say. Come back, Pen, wherever you are.
[Bing! Pen appears.]
- Announcer: There you are, Pen.
- Pen: Here I am. [once again feeling lost but now and then]
- Announcer: Now, how do you respond to this: In general, do you believe that women are more loving and tender than men are?
[Pencil holds on to both sides of the screen, waiting for Pen's response.]
- Pen: Um... in general.
- Announcer: Yes?
- Pen: Yes.
[Bing! He's right. Loud applause and cheering from the audience.]
- Announcer: That's what she said, Pen.
- Pen: Good.
- Announcer: And that team shares in the double pot there.
- Pen: [cocky] I am good.
- Announcer: Now, so we divide that pot among the three celebrity couples there, and what have we got here? We've got 200, 275 and 275, and we've got a tie in the blue and the yellow section.
[View of the audience—very seventies-looking people, and I presume the objects look like that as well. Applause from everyone.]
- Announcer: We'll give you the final score in a moment or so, but right now, we want to give you this message.
- Announcer: Alright, the blues and the yellows are very, very happy because they've got two winning celebrity couples up here, $275 each, they split the $1,000, means you are going to divide among you $1,550, congratulations to you.
[Applause in the audience, from Four and X as well.]
- Announcer: Congratulations to all of you. Thank you, Pen Schreiber, for letting me do this; I've had the time of my life. The Announcer Box here, goodbye, join us next time for Tattletales.
- TV: Detta program har redigerats för sändning. Detta är TV som talar för Tattletales, en produktion av Jacknjellify.
Have I learnt anything from this?
I can't do a Tattletales parody unless the final seven think about Six all the time.
- I was inspired by this extremely convincing post on the Reddit.
- For those who are here from Fake TPOT, that's my other main fanfiction. The one where everyone thinks like a 16-year-old and Pencil and Pen go from friends to lovers to spouses to parents.
- I was going to call this the "straightest game show in the universe". In hindsight, I think that (dis)honour would go to The Bachelor(ette). The 1970s was full of backwards thinking about LGBTQ people (usually out of ignorance rather than complete hatred)—The Bachelor of the modern era acknowledges them, but they still insist on gender rôles and stereotypes in an era where most people know they're unnecessary.
- I DIDN'T MEAN IT that way fellow aces aduosiadjsaoidaoids
- Then again, he's not the weirdest person I've ever been a superfan of. There's Takeo Ischi, the Japanese yodeller who has captivated audiences in strange lands, and before that there was Rosina Brandram, the wonderful woman who, in 1879, created the rôle of Kate in The Pirates of Penzance (among others).
- Oh yeah, TV's speaking Swedish for continuity reasons.
- Frick, I have to think up last names for the others... I could always use an old set.
- Makes me happy to write that Pencil is Pen's wife again.
- What does Saw wear that's yellow? Could it be a new handle?
- I can't remember: Did Pencil change her last name in P2O when she got married?
- Oh yeah, I'm going to tone down Pencil's accent. So sad, but I've had complaints that people whose native language isn't English can't use Google to translate what she's saying. Sorry for that.
- This reads like a Wattpad story.
- Four is still genderless, not a girl. Although I have seen an AU in which Four is a girl.
- What else do X, Saw and Pen have in column? Hmm... they've been called "cute" before.
- Did anyone mean it that way back then?
- I love that Bert being obsessed with his reflection is such a well-known fact in this 1970s universe... and that it's carried over quite nicely to Pen. Since I started writing fanfiction of him, you've seen that he puts a lot of emphasis on his looks! And I didn't plan this, people, asiposaipaidsmpsidampdsaidadsada
- I think the only thing Four, Gaty and Pencil have in common is that they were called "T" according to that personality website.
- I've seen Four in a bra. The Internet's a weird place.
- I should have switched Four and X, holy crap.
- Who's more naïve here? Roger or X?
- These coincidences are too good to imagine!! Though in the case with bosomed Four, I'd have to think on the contrary.
- Never mind, Four and X can stay themselves.
- They should have used that quote in the Battle for Dream Island: Official Character Guide.
- Who would say no?
- Really? It seems to me that the answer is yes. Then again, I'm thinking about my parents.
- My father is unemotional, okay?
- Come on, Bert, you're just writing Pen's dialogue for me!
- And just like Jacknjellify's Among Us specials, these game show parodies have run their course after the second run. That's all, folks!