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Review post


This page is the author's commentary on a particular video on the Internet. You can find the original by clicking on the link below.

Warning! This page may contain spoilers of a popular video.
This video can be watched here.[1]
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It's supposed to look like this and be by Jacknjellify. If it's not either of those things, you're watching the wrong video.

Watching the first episode of TPOT is like waking up on the last day of school but you're already on holiday. Watching the last episode of BFB is like finally going to bed on the best day of your young life. These are two completely different beasts of animation that we have been blessed to watch this year, but I have a feeling deep in the hole in my soul that I shall one day understand how to bridge the gap between universes, which seem to me in a metaphysical sense as different as peering at the sides of a room from different angles, but only when the lights are low because of the obvious symbolism of coinciding with a festival in a religion, of which you aren't a practising—

Oh, to hell with the poetic bullshit I'm meant to be saying! Let me just give my honest opinion and say that I have never enjoyed a finale of an object show as thoroughly as I did today.

I didn't cry like a lot of people did (only 'cos I was in the middle of eating dinner), but I lied down for my pseudo-daily nap with a tender feeling in my brain.

And quite generous, too: I'm going to reveal the final-page portraits of Joaquin and Flora, whom you should all know as the two RLBFB finalists, in full-sized, uncensored form. As of today, you can only find this super special picture in this episode review; I'm not even going to post a link to it in the RLBFB timeline like I always do.

Joaquin and Flora UPDATED

Quote from episode 15: Sorry for what I said about Flora being mean! What I meant to call her was queen.

The episodes (emphasis on the "s")[]

Before we begin, I must apologize for not making any reviews for the episodes made after the BFB split. I blame my object show-related slump of 2020. Of course, it wouldn't make sense for me to stop this review abruptly and watch thirteen episodes in four hours or so (although I know there are people who want me to), so I've decided to do something a little different.

Remember the recap song from a few weeks ago? Not only will its instrumental be heavily featured in the episode,[2] but I'm going to type the second part of it as quickly as I can, without pause or use of backspace. This is a stand-in for my review.

Bfbs sbfdis four has now douplied the iz3 th sow back ont track four needs ahve couva alove vers tacos morune her scrst sesion firey stle the dairy blamed leafy sonc palyf ro what tehs h ake up newbia ellaiance jnwddya lfower save the bapurpel face goes elimination four finds out ahad merge to glto a party sory the enwbi ahdarearophealinfg pu ttue frtemple final for 6 proifly eliminated wher are therese foguy sbeer cmore evalliance doesnt sense gleatin alcoed leafy imuntiy hate duoaiuisomeh awwriy anouncr taking his hoq abxs aa alwyas befaroun they become tforertemproerraruaiy all teh chalenga sagain help from ofemrer flower imunity tianl w 2 waoith joelatin who will tht be somehown the anoucner eoun a her doygue asfdpepelt dletedles they come ups money purpel faanimation undone now fou fork over saaed furofou not bachocac agwocrack four two determined and both of them eredne tii otnoy once anw ein teh showoooooooow yorue viweors have decieded onyo oyiu rhoprizess tay stya tuned for the ifnal epsiode

The episode (emphasis on the "the")[]

With that in mind, it's time to start the review of this episode. Since this is going to be long, this review will be separated into two parts.

1 to 3 minutes: Blue Skies at Night, Four's Mind Ain't Right[]

Okay, this part of the review will be pretty NSFW, as in there will be some descriptions of things you may find icky.[3][4] Sorry about that, but I've been on the BFDI Reddit sub for quite a while now and I can't get that weird lifestyle-within-a-mini-universe out of my head.

B30 00

Don't stare, Match: It's an impressive feat, but that kind of stuff is reserved for Foldy.

Anyway, NFSW content exists on this page whether one likes it or not, and only, just only because of the scene at the beginning. Just like how BFDI 25 began with the eliminated contestants, it does here too: Stapy and Match are in the BFB universe, out of the Exit. Wait, what? So this is where they went after Four disappeared and, er, became Earth. Stapy tells Match to "check this out" and then ejects a staple in the form of Four, to which Match reacts in disgust. It's funny for all the wrong reasons, considering Stapy and Match are two of the most sex-addicted people I have ever seen in an object show[5] and there was even a Reddit post that said whenever Stapy pulls a staple out of himself, he's basically doing a cum. Match and Stapy suddenly agree that this nasty solid staple squooncka is moulded into the shape of Four, their favourite host, like, ever.

Then everyone goes nuts with fanaticism when Four shows up and claims Pencil and Bracelety as the final two. I like to think that this is some kind of fanfiction on Four's part, because there's no damned way that Pencil could make it this far in the series without a serious personality change. Anyway, Four tells Bracelety that her obsession with Ice Cube is completely insane—it might be one of the only mentions of a TPOT contestant in the episode, I thought, but I still had hopes.

B30 01

The protagonist of P2O shows some concern: "Where'd'ee go?"

The first minute of the episode is over as soon as Four overhears a conversation between Flower and Gelatin in heaven, and gains Evil Leafy eyes. Oh yeah, that was from the last episode! I didn't review it, so if you're coming here with, like, no prior knowledge of BFDI, Flower (a flower) and Gelatin (green "food") were having a conversation. Not in heaven, though. Them's sinful motherfuckas, even according to the Lord Himself. All the Exit contestants start crying tears of complex emotion because Four apparently decides to leave. Since when did these people suddenly become so loving? Where was that spirit in the old episodes?

B30 02

Leave me alone, mom!: Imagine what it's like not knowing what it looks like from above.

The whole world kind of falls apart, just like the last time that happened when Stapy tore the ground open with his office-supply-juices[6]—okay, I'm done with the nuh-ty stuff, I promise! So this is actually the part that nobody else saw at the end of episode 29, and it's Four screaming from hell, or at least his own personal version of it. He lets out a bloodcurdling scream and forces them to leave him the fuck alone, terrifying not only our two real finalists, but the viewers, too. That face! Flower apologizes because she knows better than to mess with an all-powerful being who literally means "death".

Flower realizes that something is seriously wrong and runs off because she is nice. Gelatin gets up a few seconds later because he's got other things in mind and because he is mean. Ha, that never happens!

B30 03

My tone is angry!: Profily sits like they're listening to X on podcast.

Profily tells X that he hasn't moved in a number of months. How does he take a shit? How does he avoid the health dangers of sitting around all day? How does he avoid smelling like desert breath? X sulks and tells the new contestant that he has been in the exact spot where Four descended into the desert, and he refuses to leave his blue partner's side. X goes on a partially angry tirade to Profily because of their being there, but his thank you is genuine. I bet Cary must have had a (tennis) ball recording those lines!

4 to 6 minutes: Blondie at Stake[]

The screen cuts to a projected view of the "Grand Cake", a throwback to the last episode of BFDI. It's a huge monstrosity of a pastry that contains all the cakes given out in past episodes, and it's all thanks to Announcer that this inedible thing was allowed to exist. Of course, he's been in the show the whole time so he should know his shit. No need to go to the Food Network for a masterpiece of that calibre. Bubble says it looks worse, which is quite a valid point. Aesthetics have really changed from 2011 to 2021, while bright pastel colours being favoured over high contrast.[7]

Flower and Gelatin intrude upon this strange situation, horrified at the world (physically). Announcer doesn't give a damn, so he decides to start the episode. This could well be the last time in the canon that we ever hear the beautiful dated-to-2017 theme song!

B30 04

Announcer has a heart of glass: I'm not the kind of cake who screams out just like that.

"We have a large crowd watching us today." Be still my heart, when was the last time you heard that? Well, this time Announcer is wrong, because not every recommended character in the show's history is in the audience.[8] In their place, there is only one recommended character, Birthday Cake, who sounds like Barf Bag or Taco doing a Ruby impression. They've all got the same voice; at least I think so. And I've already got a headcanon for them too:[9] in the RLBFB episode on which this one is based (aired in 1973), Birthday Cake is played by Debbie Harry, the gorgeous lead singer of Blondie, who had assumed the name Bertha McRae for this rôle.[10] That was before she had her big musical break… but that's outside the scope of what I'm meant to be talking about here! After all, this is BFB, not MTV.

Anyway, Announcer regrets that he didn't send out any of the invitations, so this Cake at Stake is going to be a very intimate affair. Yum. Announcer shows Gelatin and Flower prize #1, the Grand Cake, and they both tell him it looks like absolute crap, even though he's spent the entire day compiling it. Next is prize #2, a BFB, the same infinity mirror to which we were presented in episode 16. The final award is the BFDI, which Flower and Gelatin respond to by making crowd sounds. A possible throwback to episode 15, when Gaty and Saw were the only ones screaming at the lava, but they still made Noises of the Multitude™.[11] Anyway, Announcer is actually sad to give it away, despite his nostalgia-inducing, monotonous voice.

B30 05

Me!: A pre-requisite for joining Blocky's gang is that you have to think of yourself as better than others.

Next up is one of my favourite scenes in the episode, the one where the eliminated contestants vote and we get to see a little bit of everyone's personality—out of the final 14, that is. 'Twas heavily implied, based on the extra-episodial videos Jnj had been posting in the past year, that TPOT would be focused on character development and BFB on a bunch of characters sitting around and doing nothing like a bunch of catatonic earthworms. But that's wrong! Announcer goes through the queue of BRB-ers, but Blocky interrupts and says that he'd be a boss winner. (So he speaks among the eliminated contestants.) Announcer tells him to shut the fuck up. Fun fact: this scene was heard as a sneak peak at the end of Inanimate Insanity Invitational several days before the episode even aired! And they tell us they ain't even in the same universe, well.

7 to 9 minutes: Who? Among Flower and Gelatin. Dee You One Two In.[]

And the voting begins! Spoiler alert: It's not as one sided as it was nine years ago. I figured that since it is the finale, I might as well comment on what I think of the contestants now. Well, two weeks after the episode's aired.

  • Balloony: Votes for Gelatin, because why not. He's grown on me over the course of the series and is somehow the one for whom Satomi has spoken the most syllables.[12] That's something I never expected in the line analysis! He was also the first be eliminated in the "all new" BFB, so he hadn't got time to change, apart from his screams that can be heard at the end of almost every old new episode. But he does have an important rôle here, and in the end my opinion of him is probably almost identical to how I saw Pen in 2012, only he's more comedic and Scottish. I wouldn't mind if you people decide to call him "kilted Beep daddy".
  • Spongy: Votes for Flower just to be a contrarian. In the last few episodes I felt like he was giving off a basement-dwelling neckbeard vibe, but I couldn't put my finger on why or which scenes it was that made me think so. This is where his new personality solidifies, and I couldn't be prouder! I mean, at least he's not a pushover any more. He probably also voted for Flower because Gelatin was like "Whatever" when he was eliminated for one episode.[13]
  • Ruby: Votes for Flower too, much to Spongy's chagrin. Yes, they're unintentional vote-mates! If Ruby were stuck in TPOT, it would be extremely unfitting; her style of humour and even her voice fit more perfectly with the remnants with her alliance and friends, which consist of almost everyone else… she's the best example of the extroverted friend that every introvert needs
    B30 06

    Struttin' his style: He was born in the 1920s and still knows how the young people do it.

    .
  • Loser: Votes for Gelatin because he can strut his style and go to jail. We get it; Loser's a hippie, or at least a hippie-adjacent… that's so sixties, innit? My impression of Loser is that he's not such a bad character, especially when he's not surrounded by people who keep fawning over him for no canonical reason. That was a reason for me to vote for him all those (three) years ago.
  • Taco: Votes for Gelatin… she knows that one vote can mean everything. I still wonder what would have happened if only one or two people had voted for Taco instead of Flower to be saved. The rest of the series after her elimination would be completely different, and at least there'd be some character development for her… right? I mean, she's still got her Team Gasbudamhdoadnao friends-then-enemies-but-now-friends, she isn't vapid and doesn't exactly fit the definition of a "Karen" as some on the Internet say.
  • Bubble: Votes for Gelatin. I used to ship them because they were in Iolanthe and The Gondoliers together. Anyway, she's so happy here! Her attitude is something that has improved a lot since 4a because she's no longer with the icky (with a few exceptions) people that make up iance. She also had that iconic moment with Lollipop when they did the space thing back in June…[14] that is the only thing I remember from that episode.
  • Blocky: Is basically an indecisive mess; changes his vote from Flower to Gelatin to Flower. He hasn't serially killed either of them. But of course he's going to vote for Flower, didn't they fuck in that YouTube fan-imation? There's also this really cute scene where he calls Taco Togster and she calls him Blockster (or so say the captions);[15] he's doesn't even try to be nice to people when he doesn't have his bros around to make an impression. I'm talking about our boi and Eraser, by the way, whom [in a deep voice] he left. Surely it's better that way.
  • Firey: Votes for Flower, who is now his friend. Didn't they keep saying they hated each other in the first finale? Suppose it just shows how much Flower's personality has changed over the years, and that's honestly really nice. I guess some of my cousins were right when they called Flower their favourite character in BFDI; it's not just because she's pretty and pink, but because she's got so much potential for development as a talking inanimate object. Flower rocks, people, and it's high time we go back in time and tell people that!
    • Oh wait, we're talking about Firey. He's under the radar most of the time, even in the older seasons, so WHY IS HE PEOPLES FAVOURITE MOPAMOPAMOPAMOPAMOPAMOPAMOPAMOPAMOPAMOPAM-OPAMOPAMOPAMOPAMOPAMOPAMOPA뻏MOPAMOPAMOPAMOPAMOPAMOPA
  • Woody: Votes for Flower. Just because Woody is still in the bottom half of my favourite character rankings (probably) doesn't mean I hate him. In fact, it's the non-canon short, the one where Pen shows up and announces that he's a part of one of those fad diets like a goshdamn stereotype, that really sold me on him. Also, his interactions with the others in this part of the season are often wholesome… and it seems that he's acquired a clear production of the English language. Is there a speech pathologist among the contestants?
  • Profily: Is confused at first but votes for Flower in the end. They don't really pick sides since they're more of an outsider in a near-literal sense, though they say they're friends with pretty much everybody. When Balloony makes commentary on Pat's outer monologue, his eyebrows disappear when he says the word "both". I spent a couple of minutes musing on what that might mean.
  • Purple Face: הוא לא מתמודד. There. I wrote it in Hebrew to win Yellow Face's attention. They're not friends, you know.
  • B30 07

    As they all stand and smile: Melodramatic Lollipop is best Lollipop.

    Lollipop: Votes for Flower (at first). A line after which everyone gasps but returns to the default smiling pose as Lollipop explains her j'accuse—we can't let that "Gelatin and Lollipop" chant go to waste now, can we? It was in a song! She's angry that Gelatin's not purple any more, but he explains that he died, so it's not that bad. Changes her vote to Gelatin. My favourite female contestant in this part of the season, and probably my favourite altogether; her elimination made me frown the most. She's just so… cool when she's unBooked.
  • Leafy: Votes for Flower because she's a plant. What a reference![16] Leafy isn't that bad in my opinion, especially in the much later episodes. I know that I used to be like, "She stole Dream Island so she don't do no threesomes no more never" throughout '19 and part of '20, but she's really sympathetic now, and even better than in the first 24 episodes of BFDI.
  • Teardrop: Votes for Gelatin, without any words. It's nice that she can do that now; remember BFDI 25 when she sadly abstained (although she most likely preferred Leafy to win)? Also, they're a part of the Newbie Alliance… but we can't forget when Teardrop did have that mall date with Flower in the giant oven of oven-ness.
B30 08

Misleading photo: It's more like the votes were being counted in real time until settling on the final result.

That's all of them. Small cast. According to Announcer, the votes are equal, so he thanks the eliminated for nothing. Ha! Debbie Harry offers to deliver a drum roll as part of her quick rôle, but she gets thrown into the beyond. I don't know where she ends up, but like most of the extras in the show, they barely show up. In the end, Announcer just lets the eliminated contestants make their most drum-like noises, and it's Lollipop, Leafy and Profily at the helm. You can almost tell how they act from the scene itself: Lollipop is structured but varied, Leafy has a tendency to quiver and heighten when excited and Profily is a little ball of chaos.[17]

The votes are in and Flower's got 48,891 votes—Gelatin has 48,890. So close to 100,000, although most people (who don't care about spoilers) know that's not true at all, particularly for the second bit. Announcer was just holding up a paper so Gelatin wouldn't feel bad about himself, that nice little robot. He actually got about 50% of Flower's total vote, and I'm proud to say that I am one of the people who voted for him.

But just so they couldn't emphasize it further, Flower wı

10 to 12 minutes: Not Going to Tell You What to Do[]

7 May edit: Yeah, I'm just getting to work on this part after a ridiculously long break. Please excuse any inconsistencies or repetitive material from the above sections.

̇ns!

The music goes all gay (in a "light-hearted and happy" sense) because, just so I can say it again, Flower wins BFB! Gelatin congratulates her and says, "Good game." You know, I once said that in elementary school and got slapped. By the way (and spoiler alert), Gelatin doesn't turn evil and try to steal anything that rightfully belongs to Flower, namely because there isn't that much time. Yeah. We have 34 minutes left and Gelatin doesn't spend any of them wanting to purloin because he is nice.

B30 09

Heavenly contraption: I wonder if that will be part of the new merch.

The infinity mirror thing suddenly turns white and Balloony and Firey start pondering what the fuck is going on (Firey: Is this thing deep frying?). As fire, he needs to know that. That's when the BFB reveals its true form, a picture of all the contestants (plus a giant Profily) placed under a recycled meme filter, coupled with other images, including a squashed portrait of Four from the BFDI wiki. Oh my gosh, the people who run this show acknowledge that the Other Wiki is, like, a thing![18][19]

B30 10

New Bee Er Lie Inch: I could have sworn Flower was a part of that, wasn't she?

So yeah, the BFB is declared to be the most beautiful thing in the universe and Ruby is so ecstatic that she puts mustard on it, but Announcer takes it away because Ruby is not a winner. Meanwhile, Flower is still amazed that she has won the title of BFB victress, and one of the carrot cakes from the other episode flies in her direction with the aim of giving her a happy thought. I think this is the cake that didn't make a second appearance (like the one with the high-pitched voice from… uh… last episode?), so even with the placement of minor characters, Jnj have done a good job at keeping balance. Flower receives her happy thought, which is Gelatin winning Dream Island all the BFB prizes and rejoicing with his Newbie Alliance, after which Flower congratulates him for winning even though this is supposed to be a happy thought. Wow, so moral!

Firey begins to pry into Flower's thoughts and wonders if she's still jerking over how Ice Cube never said that she looks beautiful, but Flower reveals her most profound musings. Firey tells her that as a BFB loser he is in no position to be imperious but reminds her that shit happened when he was a winner, which led to the whole Fireafy debacle, and that she has an opportunity. The episode isn't over yet, dude. Oh my gosh, Firey has become a moral compass here too! And not only that (and this is something that only I noticed), but he's also acquired a vocal affectation in which he pronounces his Ls in a very, uh, interesting way. Hluh. Hluh. Hlohlohlohlohlohlohlohl. Rolihlahla Dalibhunga.[20]

B30 11

A scene of friendship: I never saw anything like this in BFDI 25 besides the Fireoiny frame.

After Gelatin tells Lollipop that he hasn't been aware of competing for three years, Flower tells him that maybe the real prize was the friends he made along the way because Gelatin is an Argentinian social caterpillar and Flower is a crusty old Bostonian hermit. Wait, doesn't he hate Leafy still? Anyway, Flower happily gives Gelatin the BFB because she's already got a lot under her belt. And she means it. Wait, is the music playing the same song that was heard when Death P.A.C.T. were playing in Four in episode 15? Omg, it is![21] As Lollipop puts it, "that [is] so cool!"[22]

13 to 15 minutes: BFDI Is Gone[]

B30 12

Paused on a shippable moment: Sentimental, sure, but they're not a thing any more.

Lollipop wants to know how this BFB works, considering that the only physical versions that exist in our dimension are things like trousers and fancy-ass desktop ornaments. I checked. Gelatin tampers with the magical thing and it floats in mid-air because that's what BFBs do. Then it suddenly grows to the size of a YouTube screen[23] and we get a glimpse of Pen running in front of the BFB background. Wait, you don't mean to say that Gelatin has won Pen, right? Shit, if this Wiki were a contestant, we'd lock this prize in our basement… right?[24]

It took an alarmingly long time (like two seconds) for me to realize that Gelatin has actually won a replica of the entire BFB series in physical form. He can even press forward and stuff—and that's when we see some of the other random scenes in the series, including a glimpse of all the contestants who would move on to TPOT. Ah, Four's not there. Well, he is there. But not there. Because… things. There's this weird, fourth-wall-breaking-esque moment where Gelatin hears his voice from 1970 or so (when he was voiced by Graham) and he goes, "Why did my voice sound so weird back then?"[25] Good question. What would be an in-universe explanation? That he went through a third puberty or took a voice-changing drug?

Oh yeah, and there's a scene where Gelatin beatboxes in front of the BFB—as he had done in an earlier episode[26]—and Lollipop tells him to shut the fuck up. The syllable analysis for this was fun. At that moment, Lollipop gets all Pillow-y and finds it fascinating that Four has compressed the entire season into a single block. Without ads. I wonder what would happen if they skipped to the end while watching the BFB. I think the Earth would implode.

B30 13

Spontaneous un-combustion: Where'd he come from?

Flower says that she is owed one more prize, and Announcer begrudgingly gives her the BFDI to some serious music, but he won't let go. That's when Purple Face appears out of literal motherfucking nowhere and runs off with the BFDI like the terrifying line drawing he is. Flower chases after him, as do half of the contestants (roughly corresponding to the ex-Have Nots) on Firey's moral command (Firey: Hlet's hehlp Fhlower grab her prize!). It's so cool that we get a chase scene and for once it's not contestant on contestant!

Taco says that Purply Bro is running towards the Gold Bus of Goldness. I'm waiting for a YouTube poop where she says "sus" instead of "bus" just because that seems like the best chance to have that word show up in an episode. This is the part where P.F. has his villainous moment and loudly announces that he will hide the BFDI under a bus seat because nobody looks under bus seats. I think my missing bus pass from, like, pre-pandemic is hidden under one of those seats. Anyway, Purple Face starts driving armless and he's not even wearing a seatbelt. WEEwooWEEwoo, safety alert! Don't you dare show this Satanic propaganda to impressionable children! /s

B30 14

Give him a break, he just wants to relax!: His mouth asset is noticeably more flexible than it was in BFDI.

Purple Face continues his monologue by saying that he is finally away from all those annoying objects, and that's where we see Spongy leaning back in his seat. He doesn't want anything to do with the others; he just wants to relax in peace. My word, this is the most relatable version of Spongy I have ever seen in years!

All of a sudden the other contestants enter the bus, but really slowly. They're not exactly in a rush.

16 to 18 minutes: Profily, Profily, Profily[]

Spongy tells the others where Purple Face has hidden the BFDI, even though he has promised not to say a word (Purple Face: U… U)… but only on the condition that he could relax. Alone. Away with ye, pesky contestants!

B30 15

A finale I'd watch: Look at Bracelety's expression and tell me she's not happy!

B30 17

Fallen from heaven: It's not supposed to be noisy up there.

Meanwhile, X and Profily ([Their human name is] Pat, Pat, Paaaaaat) have a conversation in which the former reveals that Four is creating weirder and weirder hypothetical versions of BFDI in his head, the most recent being one in which Pencil and Bracelety are the final 2. Four has gone mad, let's face it. Profily makes it known that Four has been feeling like absolute fæces lately, and they want to make it up with X by showing that we do care. Through the power of friendship, boyonocerous! X exits the scene, leaving Profily alone with the Four-turned ground.

B30 16

Don't touch that cactus!: Doesn't this part look like the number "40"?

Meanwhile, Pencil celebrates her "victory" in the core of the brand new Earth. I suspect that her victory is a reference to how she won Total Firey Island all those years ago. Jnj were predicting their fourth season's alternative finale back in the 2000s. That's when Profily starts to knock on the "sky", scaring everyone. They all tell Four to stay in the green-grass universe forever.

19 to 21 minutes: Four Is Over Party[]

B30 18

Whatchu lookin' at: BFB-universe Match is almost as devious as the original is.

Four gets suspicious when Bracelety emphasizes "we" in her little happiness speech, and all the EXIT-ers begin to do something a little strange. Notice that they're no longer speaking to each other like regular characters, but only to Four. Four has come to the conclusion that all of this is made-up and that the EXIT-ers don't make an actual appearance in this finale because they're now the property of TPOT. But at least they got to speak, right? I got to hear the glorious voice of Bracelety once more, tra la la!

B30 19

Even in his imagination: David can only say his line.

This scene of almost ambiguously positive support turns into one of ridicule, in which all the eliminated contestants start pointing out Four's character flaws. Even his false friends hate him. That's, that's sad! They'll never be as good! Four analyses the idea that the contestants made him go away and now they want to bring him back, because it's just too implausible, and then he disintegrates 8-Ball with his eye lasers (Liy: And you wonder why they all rejected you). This is too much for Four, and he zaps them all away with a snap of his fingers (Four: Pop!), and Four grows to the sound of evil laughter. Ooh, a cliffhanger![27]

B30 20

It an' a' pure hurt me!: Love those two.

X approaches a modified line-up of the Have Cots and convinces them to help him save Four, and they agree because X is really non-controversial and well-regarded among the simple objects. You saw how the TPOT people all reacted when he was taken away in episode 17, didn't you? Balloony objects to this at first because he's worried that Four might pull his finger again (oh yeah, that happened), and Ruby doesn't like it because there was no punchline. I suppose that makes Balloony's painful finger-pulling experience just about worthless! But they all go anyway because Four is necessary to be exist.

Meanwhile, Profily is building sand castles out of Four’s body parts and the disgruntled host makes another superterranean appearance as a demon-eyed land formation (Four: LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!)

22 to 24 minutes: Actuahl Answer Hright Hnow[]

We're halfway through the finale. Leafy says that she's going to grab the BFDI from under the bus seat and Purple Face rushes over and grabs it back, rejecting Leafy with a bunch of no's. See, Leafy, that's the problem with taking sides in an unforeseen action series; you just can't announce your plans out loud!

B30 21

Now he can fly with Black Hole and friends: Every time you demand an answer, a drawn face gets his wings.

Taco asks "Purple Breath" what the hell his deal is and why he's so obsessed with getting the BFDI, and he gives some kind of a jocund reason: when the camera was pointed at the final fourteen back in episode 16 or 17, viewers didn't know that standing on the sides were Profily and the Announcer, and that Purple Face was also there, flying with his "evil big wings".[28] Ha! Those wings really suit him.

Firey points at P.F. in true Southern gentlemanly fashion and demands to get an answer out of him, whether he likes it or not. Gone with the Wind moment. Purple Face begins to weep uproariously and reveals that he only wants the BFDI because no one treats him with respect. What? He's not even a real contestant!

Outside the bus, Four (in structural form) explains his recent backstory to Profily and tells them that he would rather be alone and forgotten. A true destiny were there one, it seems. How many of you have gone to the census archives and found a person with a really cool name? We don't know anything about what they were like in real life—even whether or not they were a complete asshat—just that their name sounded nice. I think people would think exactly the same about Four, turning them into just a number and not a sentient being.[29] It sounds awful from Four's end, but as he says it, at least he'll be in peeeeeeeeeeee! That's when the blue desert turns into a desert-coloured desert and Profily is surely thinking, what the hell.

B30 22

Moving blues: Wouldn't it be cool if we could transport cars in the same way?

Profily alerts the others upon their arrival that Four is heading that-a-way, back to the Pillary Ruins.[30] So that name is canon now, isn't it? RLBFB editor's note: It's clear to me that this is no longer Kenya. I should have said it earlier, but the Pillary Ruins, and therefore the setting for most the post-split episodes, are in the middle of north-western Afghanistan.[31] So they have to travel east, but how? Well, Ruby saves the day by freeing the FreeSmart Supervan from its tiny treasure compartment.

B30 23

*bird sound*: No, it can't be Lollipop; that's the bus, not the supervan.

So Ruby tells everyone to shut up and get in the van like a certain someone else did,[32] in a nicer way of course, and she begins her journey with the others down the Hippie Trail. You can tell this takes place in 1973! As you might be aware of, travel to Afghanistan is very dangerous and this could never be recreated today, even by non-Americans. Ruby tells everyone that she wants to sing and Lollipop tries to stop this sudden musical madness, followed by a small glimpse of the bus and the sound of a bird screeching. I like to think that's Lollipop who made that noise.

Purple Face lists reasons to the Announcer and the other contestants why he feels left out. Leafy and Flower comfort him, but not before the latter tries to get him to give her the BFDI. Once the scramble (combined with slippery hands) sends the object flying, the BFDI goes into the possession of the Announcer, who still says that it is his show... but why? And so begins an intense sequence in which the contestants pick up the BFDI and tell each other why they deserve it the most. Flower won that, remember?

We're not finished yet! Click here for the second part of this review.

Notes[]

  1. To my knowledge, the first URL where only 20% of the characters following the "v-equals" are made up of one type, in this case, capital letters.
  2. That was a spoiler. One of the many that will appear in this review, in fact.
  3. If you don't like that stuff, kindly leave the article or skip to the second section of the review. Maybe try the first part so that your eyes don't accidentally stumble over the blasphemous content.
  4. I should really change the template for this; it's specific to a P2O episode and not a BFB review.
  5. Headcanonically, of course... though not entirely in the case of Stapy.
  6. BFB 5: 9:09.
  7. That's why I didn't realize that Cloudy was a hoarder until T.B. and Flora started playing with his things while he was dead in episode 15.
  8. That would require taking Winner and Price Tag out of their fantasy TPOT-land and transporting them out of the universe of Two.
  9. Since the information on RLBFB (1973) is complete—i.e., everything is known—Bertha McRae is confirmed female and is referred to as she/her.
  10. Not related to Cake by a mile, but a number of people on the Other Wiki think so.
  11. BFB 15: 2:10.
  12. Even when including the non-canon videos.
  13. BFB 16: 5:04.
  14. BFB 20: 3:10–3:13.
  15. That's actually where "Jeepster" for "G.P." comes from; Ady said the same thing forty-eight years ago!
  16. BFDI 25: 3:19.
  17. Or at least I think Profily's a ball. They could always be a two-dimensional circle.
  18. Okay, I knew this already. I just didn't expect it to make its way into the series proper. In RLBFB, this picture was of a page of Britannica.
  19. At least it's better than them using a picture from the Other Other Wiki or DeviantArt—I think people have posted detailed pictures of each contestant giving birth to a miniature version of themselves on there.
  20. I think it was consciously applied by Michael here, only because he doesn't use that for any of the other characters he voices. If I dare to hear Four call X something like "hline-bendinghly appeahling ahlgebraic variabhle, then I shall tell you as soon as I make it through all the new shipping material.
  21. BFB 15: 6:45-ish.
  22. 12:02–12:03.
  23. Depending on what you're watching it on; your mileage may vary.
  24. I've been watching way too many Lifetime movies. Recently I saw one where this woman became obsessed with a weird indie singer and got furious when he liked her red-headed best friend more because, you know, she wanted a normal relationship with him, so she… I won't spoil it because it might be of interest to us simps object show fanatics, but that's what I was thinking when I saw this scene for the third time. I do not condone locking anyone up in a basement, let alone grown men with connections to serial killers.
  25. I honestly couldn't tell the difference. Gelatin in BFB 23 sounds more like himself now than he did in BFDIA.
  26. BFB 16: 12:14–25.
  27. Not the first one in the episode, I may add.
  28. He just broke the non-existent conversational maxim of English adjective order! I knew something was off about that guy!
  29. I'm going back to count the number of times the word "four" was spoken without reference to the character.
  30. The captions said "Hillary Ruins".
  31. According to the Other Wiki, the ruins resemble Ancient Greek ruins and the background looks like Tianzi Mountain in Hunan, China. According to Dinah Shore, East is East and West is West, but the Greeks—specifically the Macedonian ancestors of Ari (Pen and Eraser's dad)—have bridged both directions. They actually established their own localities in Central Asia, centred in Afghanistan. So that's where the 1972 episodes of RLBFB were filmed.
  32. BFDIA 5a: 12:54–56.
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