Sunday, August 3, 2014
- Sio: Guys, it's time for me to reveal my new invention!
- Javier: And you did all of this by yourself?
- Sio: Yeah, my crew is practically dead for the summer, and I haven't made anything since June, and it's a withdrawal 'cause of that load of summer reading I had to do!
[Camera pan to one book having been read.]
- Citlali: But why'd you have to do it in our room?
- Sio: Do you see what goes on in the boys' room when you're not around?
[Scene cut to Salvador, Qalam-Rassas and Cil making a mess and Javier playing solitaire on his bed. Then cut back to the present.]
- Sio: Now, everyone, count down with me!
- Kids: Five! Four! Three! Two! One!
- Sio: Voilà!
[He reveals his invention. It is an inflatable raft connected to a motor.]
- Ximena: What is that?
- Sio: I call it Crete Ampelas.
- Qalam-Rassas: Why?
- Zorah: Isn't it obvious? Nobody cares.
- Saye: Okay, I'd better get down to those errands that Mum and Dad assigned me. Going downstairs!
- Yaretzi: Me too! I've got to get something to eat.
- Sio: Now all we have to do is to bring it downstairs and show it in action!
- Citlali: But it's too big!
- Javier: Yeah, there won't be any way to bring it downstairs.
- Sio: Not unless we push it.
- Salvador: Ha-ha, you said "poo sh—
- Sio: I know what I said!
- Pencil: Oi, this is the life.
- Pen: Yeah. Who doesn't want to sit by on a romantic Sunday and watch a fireplace display … with no kids?
- Pencil: 'Ope yer bein' sarcastic, th' 'ole reason we've got a digital fireplace's acos we can't use a real one after thet … fire incident.
- Saye: [going downstairs] Mum, are you watching anything now?
- Pencil: Not really.
- Pen: And if you think we are, it's a high quality animated programme detailing the rules of fire safety!
- Saye: Speaking of fires, do you think I can watch a little BFDIA?
[The parents look at each other.]
- Pen: You want to watch BFDIA?
- Saye: Of course! After all, it is the 1367th day-iversary since you both came home.
- Pencil: Aww, thet's so sweet! But why'd'ee decide to watch'e now?
- Saye: Oh, y'know, watching my parents in flattery in order to get those new 2014 sextuple-three mouthliners everyone else seems to have, nothing else is on the telly …
- Pen: Hold on, what did you say?
- Saye: Telly.
- Pen: No, before that.
- Saye: The?
- Pencil: I think someone's bein' nice to someone so they can get wot they want, yeah?
- Saye: Maybe.
- Pencil: 'Ere's the thing. If you can prove thet'ee can be more well-behaved by summer's end, we'll gi'ee the money to buy'ee the 2014 mouthliners.
- Saye: Yay, so does that mean I don't have to watch BFDIA?
- Pencil: Are'ee kiddin', put thet disc in, m8!
- Pen: Yeah, I want to see my ugly not-so-ugly self!
- Pencil: Oi, yer really beautiful, there. I should know, I rewatched yer scenes all throughout 2011.
- Saye: I'll put the disc in!
[She does so.]
- Saye: By the way … Day-iversary. New word.
The girls' room
- Sio: On the count of pi, push it!
- Salvador: Like this?
- Zorah: NO!
- Ximena: Not in our room!
- Salvador: But the bathroom's so far!
- Qalam-Rassas: That doesn't matter!
- Sio: Pi!
[They start pushing the raft, but it barely moves.]
- Javier: Lallie, aren't you going to help?
- Citlali: Why should I? Too much pushing things around isn't good for my psyche.
- Ximena: Neither is not helping!
- Pencil: Annnnnnnnnnn' … stop. This is the part o' me season you mus' ne'er forget. Girl, take notes acos this is 'ow marriage works.
- Pen: Not always!
- Pencil: Shut up, m8.
[She plays the archival footage.]
- Tennis Ball: Don't you think we're taking this too far?
- Golf Ball: Don't you want Dream Island?
- Tennis Ball: Yeah sure, I do. But we don't actually have to capture Leafy, do we?
- Golf Ball: Yes, we do.
- Tennis Ball: Why?
- Golf Ball: Because if we let Leafy escape, she'll steal Dream Island! Ah, Pen, which way do we go?
- Pen: Hmm … [he points] That way!
- Pencil: Pen, Pen! Just use the Leafy Detector.
- Pen: Leafy Detector?
- Pencil: I mean why prospect when you can detect?
[At some point, Saye looks at her mother and sees that she's mouthing all the words that she's said during the episode.]
- Saye: Really, Mum?
- Pencil: Well, I may not be British 'ere but I've still got'e!
- Sio: Aaaaaand … it's out! Thank you guys so much for helping me, you're basically the Inventing Club of summer 201—
- Salvador: Enough with the talk, how does this thing work?
- Sio: Well, at first I tried to steer this down the stairs.
[Flashback to Sio going downstairs rather slowly with the raft.]
- Sio: But then, I had an epiphany!
- Javier: You mean "exodus"?
- Sio: It turns out that it's not that it can't go down the stairs, it's that it doesn't want to go down the stairs!
- Citlali: How do you know?
- Sio: I took a class on machine psychology last year. Avi, you should take that class!
- Javier: Yay, they always said I have a knack for talking to things that aren't alive.
- Salvador: They said you "only talk to things that aren't alive".
- Javier: Oh.
- Sio: Instead, I've decided to ride Crete off the stairs!
- Ximena: Good luck with that, can you imagine how Mummy and Daddy would feel if you broke their staircase?
- Qalam-Rassas: But they're downstairs!
[He waves at Pen, who waves back.]
- Sio: Come on, summer's almost over!
- Zorah: Don't remind me.
- Sio: If this is the last thing we do before school starts, this will be awesome, right?
- Salvador: Yeah! I love destroying things!
- Ximena: Okay then …
- Sio: So who's ready to tear down these walls like Ronald Reagan?
- Qalam-Rassas: Who's that?
- Sio: Someone you'll learn in seventh grade.
- Ximena: He's American, isn't he?
- Sio: On the count of one, we go!
- Salvador: Yay!
- Sio: Before we continue, please keep your hands and arms inside Crete at all times.
- Ximena: Woah, you know Swahili?
- Sio: No, I just remembered what they told us at the Shillingworld Fair.
- Javier: I'm feeling a mix of excitement and pure terror.
- Qalam-Rassas: I'm not! By the way, is this safe?
- Sio: If you want! One!
[He rides Crete off the stairs, breaking a railing on the way. The kids say a mix of either "Whee" or "Ah" as they crash onto the table, knocking some glass things on the ground.]
- Javier: Oh …
- Zorah: My …
- Qalam-Rassas: Table …
- Pencil: Wot'n'ale?
[She gets up from the couch and runs to the table.]
- Pencil: Pen, 'elp me!
- Pen: Sorry, I'm too busy replaying myself!
- Pen: Hey guys, look!
- Pen: It's like watching someone really hot on the screen, but the really hot person is you!
[Pencil's eyes light on fire.]
- Pen: Okay, you're hotter; I'm coming.
- Salvador: Mum!
- Zorah: Dad!
- Javier: O beloved parents, send for us peace!
- Pencil: I wanna know wot's goin' on right now an' why this swimmin' raf's on the table!
- Sio: Okay, it was totally my fault. I've just had such a bad summer that I had to make something, so I made Crete.
- Pen: Very good craftsmanship, eh, just like his father.
- Pencil: Oi!
- Pen: I mean … son what are you doing with your life your slope in respect to success is negative.
- Ximena: We're so sorry!
- Salvador: Yeah, just punish only me, I love being grounded!
- Sio: It was totally my fault, I swear.
- Pencil: Well, yer under a punishment we're about to figure out!
- Pen: Oh, come on Penc, it's not that bad.
- Zorah: Dad, look under.
[He sees some shards of broken something on the floor.]
- Pen: What? You guys broke my General Sofer-Is-Watching-You action figure?
- Ximena: But we heard him say "again" in Kiswahili!
- Salvador: If anything he was asking for it.
- Pen: That's ten-hut! Penc, what should we do?
- Pencil: Well, I think it's rather obvious o' wot we've got to do.
- Javier: Please don't go with that thing you threatened us with all summer!
- Pen: And now we've an idea!
[Enter Yaretzi, carrying some food.]
- Yaretzi: Welp, I've finally got those six-week-old apricot sandwich cookies you got from Leafy and Firey's baby shower! They're a bit stale, but …
[She sees that the kids are in Crete, still sad.]
- Yaretzi: Something's going on. You're not happy!
- Zorah: Of course we're not … we're being punished with something people like you like!
- Yaretzi: Really? What is it?
Monday, August 4, 2014
- Salvador: Summer camp?
- Javier: Well, it's more like a third-summer camp.
- Pencil: Thet's right. All nine o' ye'll be goin' to this camp from today ter Augus' 29.
- Pen: And that is 25 days - it means you'll be here for 612 hours, no more, no less.
- Citlali: Yay …
- Javier: Hey, that's just like school!
[Salvador slaps him.]
- Javier: Ow. What was that for?
- Salvador: We skip school!
- Javier: Oh.
- Qalam-Rassas: Can I go home now?
- Pen: Already? Oh, come on. Isn't camp the new thing the kids do these days?
- Pencil: Aye, when we were younger camp was fer things like—
- Pen: Good night, everybody!
- Sio: Y'know, I actually remember seeing signs at the end of the school year saying "See you at Camp Nidhamu".
- Pen: See, Sio's trying to have fun!
- Zorah: Being here was his fault!
- Ximena: No it wasn't!
- Salvador: Yeah! It was your fault!
- Qalam-Rassas: No, it's my fault!
- Pencil: Oi, me guilt children … they get thet from me.
[Someone arrives at the counter.]
- Mimi Cake: Hello and welcome to Camp Nidhamu. For English, press 1.
- Pencil: 'Ello, I'd like to register me children fer Camp Nidhamu. Ten, please?
- Mimi Cake: And will you give me their ages?
- Pencil: 15, 13, 12, 12, 10, 10, 9, 9, 7 an' 5.
- Mimi Cake: And by that do you mean one child in the 5–6 range, one child in the 7–8 range, four children in the 9–10 range, two children in the 11–12 range, and one ndogo mshauri?
- Pencil: Aye, thet is all.
- Mimi Cake: Your total is 59,840 Ksh. Would you like to pay cash or credit?
- Pencil: Wot shall I pay?
- Pen: Aw man, why'd you have to always turn to me for financial decisions?
- Pencil: [showing her a credit card] We choose—
- Mimi Cake: You have chosen the cash. Please pay at once.
[A number of incidents counting money later.]
- Pen: And … 59,840.
- Mimi Cake: Thank you for your contributions and donations. Your children are now permitted to enter the campsite.
- Pencil: Okay, kids, says goodbye to Mummy an' Daddy!
- Pen: Make sure you have the best one-third-of-summer experience ever!
[Audiuntur responsiones impositiciæ. Then they run through the gates except Sio.]
- Sio: Mum, Dad, why aren't they letting me in?
- Mimi Cake: Are you the one who is thirteen years old?
- Sio: Yes, I am.
- Mimi Cake: Well, to put this in rather simple terms … CAMP IS FOR FIVE TO TWELVE-YEAR-OLD CHILDREN ONLY!
- Sio: But you let my older sister Saye in, and she's ancient!
- Mimi Cake: That's different, she has been set up to be a ndogo mshauri, a position at camp primarily attainable by 15-year-olds.
- Pencil: Come on, let's go.
- Pen: Yeah. … What, I got nothing.
- Sio: Mum, Dad, please don't punish me or anything!
- Pencil: We don' want to punish'ee.
- Sio: You don't? Then I'll just be bored the whole summer!
- Pen: No, you won't. We're allowing you to visit your friends rather than be at our house.
- Sio: Y'know, most people would think of that as a punishment, with the whole "not being allowed to go to your own house or anything". But I'll take it!
- Pen: Yes!
- Sio: In fact, Lego's resident home is down that street. Care to drop me off?
- Pencil: 'Ere goes!
[They go to the house.]
- Sio: All right, Mum, Dad! See you tonight!
- Pencil: Bye!
- Pen: Have a nice trip!
[Exit Sio. Pencil and Pen act sad as they drive off, but after that they start cheering.]
- Pencil: Finally the kids are gone fer the las' month o' summer!
- Pen: Hey, at least one they're happy I'm happy!
- Pencil: So wot shall we do on our Rest an' Relaxation Party o' 2014?
- Pen: First of all stop calling it the Rest and Relaxation Party of 2014 … and second of all … I have no idea.
- Pen: So anyways, what's for dinner?
- Pencil: Y'wan' to go out an' eat?
- Pen: Are you kidding? Penc, there comes a time in every father's life when he wants to leave his house.
- Pencil: So to Match's it is!
- Pen: I'll go get my tuxedo!
[Exeunt euntque to Match's restaurant.]
- Sio: We're finally finished with our final project of the summer!
- Lego: Don't forget our only collab!
- Sio: Yeah, this snow machine is really going to blow my neighbours' minds!
- Leguito: Yay, an invention! What is it this time?
- Lego: We're finally going to show the Asuharas what snow looks like with our Ayseline MacEinar!
- Leguito: You're making something nice to people?
- Sio: I know, right? Being the son of high school alphas, I feel kind of warm inside!
- Lego: And being the son of high school omegas, I feel nothing!
- Leguito: Wait, but I thought the Asuharas are from Japan! We learned in third grade that it snows there!
- Sio: The Asuharas haven't seen snow in 73 years after they moved here.
[They go outside.]
- Sio: Alright, let's get this show on the road!
- Lego: More like snow on the road, huh?
- Leguito: Hey, that's not cool!
- Sio: But the snow is.
- Leguito: Okay, I'm going inside. You two are too weird!
[They press the snow button, but instead ice comes out of the machine, slightly damaging the Asuharas' roof.]
- Lego: Uh oh.
- Sio: Should we help?
- Lego: I think we should ... It would take a frozen heart to not care for our wellbeing of our elderly neighbours.
- Sio: Oy vey ...
- Pencil: Oi, m8, bes' date o' me life!
- Pen: Yeah, who knew that without kids you could still think of romance? ... But why'd you rip off my tuxedo? That costed twenty thousand shillings!
- Pencil: I'm sorry, but when thet girl was checkin'ee out, I'd no choice but ter 'it'a!
- Pen: Then I bet the sight of my being benuded made her check me out some more!
- Pencil: Sure did to me ... [she sees a note on the table] Was thet note there earlier?
- Pen: It might be one of Javier's floating letters from camp! Let's read what it says!
[Pencil opens the letter and starts reading.]
- Pencil: Oh no. This is bad.
- Pen: What is it?
- Pencil: Read'e!
- Pen: [reading] "Dear Pen and Pencil: You have been
forcedinvited to attend the filming of the pilot of Jacknjellify's new eternal show, Island Dream for Battle, that will be filmed in Yoyleland tomorrow at 20:00 as a continuation of Battle for Dream Island Again." Omg!
- Pencil: You know wot this means!
- Pen: Yeah, they're going to make you into a really mean jerk who abuses her alliance, and they're going to make me go inside the TLC for several years, and my primary fashion consultant says rugged is so 2013!
- Pencil: Oi, 't'ain' nice to call our daughter yer only fashion consultant!
- Pen: Penc, we've got bigger problems ... What will we tell our kids?
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
- Pen: Oh, I had such a bad dream.
- Pencil: Did'e h'involve our being kidnapped?
- Pen: Yeah, I think we had the same nightmare!
- Pencil: Aw, shiト!
- Pen: What?
- Pencil: We ferget to pick up Sio!
- Pen: I told you about him last night, remember?
[Flashback to last night.]
- Pen: [half-sleeping] Tomorrow can you pick up our son?
- Pencil: No, 'ey're off a' camp.
- Pen: Okay ...
[Return to real life.]
- Pencil: Now thet I think of'ee, thet was a very telepathic facepalm.
- Pen: Well, I'd better go outside and finally take that early morning jog I've been dying to do.
- Pencil: Tryin' to make yerself presentable fer when the BFDI people get'ee?
- Pen: No, I just believe a man has a right to go for a run every day. And that he look presentable.
- Pencil: Oy vey. Wote'er, we're not goin' to Yoylelan' to later!
- Pen: [kisses her] I'll have fun.
- Pencil: Do enjoy yer run, dear. An' don' meet up with the boys a' the ' All-Day Sports Bar to watch the game!
- Pen: Aw, but it's so fun ... I mean, I'll probably not watch the game.
[He opens the door. Two mysterious hooded fellows are on the other side.]
- Pen: Okay, I am definitely not watching the game.
- Pencil: Oi, wot d'ye want from us? We're jus' an innocen' average non-traditional family!
[They don't speak.]
- Pen: Are you, like, the Grim Reaper or something because let me warn you. We are household run on slightly Jewish values and we don't exactly believe in that stuff.
[The figures back away a bit.]
- Pencil: Wot's 'appenin'?
- Pen: It's bad enough that they're Anti-Semitic, now they enter people's houses just to slowly back away!
- Pencil: They were'nt ent'rin', they'ven' got inter our 'ouse!
- Pen: Technically they did pass the sidewalk that says "Welcome to the Clubhouse of Awesomeness starring the last living member of FreeSmart and her gallant war hero husband".
- Pencil: I' don' says thet!
- Pen: Yes, it does.
- Pencil: Maybe in yer dreams, m8, y'know the one where you get to rule th' entire military again.
- Pen: How do you know what I dream?
- Hooded Fellow #2: Oh, just come with us!
- Pencil: Pushy much?
[Exeunt Pencil and Pen.]