The Nightmare of Camp Nidhamu

Story is in Completed Mode! "Wow, spending so much time in this void has actually made me finish!" - Pen This story has officially been over. Go check out this episode's info page for information about music, characters, trivia and more! Also, please know that after 24 hours of this on an episode page, you must only edit it if the placement of words has the same amount of letters in it.

Warning! "Wot'n ale's fozz'r'ye doin'?" - Pencil This page contains profanity, like the sentence above. I have created two ways to censor those words, but I've also discovered that on mobile view, they lie uncensored. So please, show some cognoscience about what you may see. If you do have a problem with profanity, please refer to this page § 3.

"The Nightmare of Camp Nidhamu" is a new episode of Pencil 2.O, and until recently, there has been neither number nor date associated. In this episode, the family learn to cope with their new lives

Last time on Pencil 2.O

• Sio: Guys, it's time for me to reveal my new invention!

[He rides Crete off the stairs, breaking a railing on the way. The kids say a mix of either "Whee" or "Ah" as they crash onto the table, knocking some glass things on the ground.]

• Pencil: Yer under a punishment we're about to figure out!
• Javier: Please don't go with that thing you threatened us with all summer!
• Salvador: Summer camp?
• Mimi Cake: Camp is for five to twelve-year-old children only!
• Sio: Then I'll just be bored the whole summer!
• Pen: Penc, there comes a time in every father's life when he wants to leave his house.
• Lego: Being the son of high school omegas, I feel nothing!
• Pen: Benuded!
• Pencil: Was thet note there earlier?
• Pen: "You have been forced invited to … Island Dream for Battle … tomorrow." … What will we tell our kids?
• Pencil: Do enjoy yer run, dear.

[He opens the door. Two mysterious hooded fellows are on the other side.]

• Hooded Fellow #2: Oh, just come with us!

And that's what you missed, on Pencil 2.O.

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Sio returns to an empty home.

• Sio: I'm back! I had to stay the night at Lego's, and it totally wasn't … [he sees that nobody is there] … ice? Mum? Dad? Where are you? You totally couldn't hear that, and it was also pretty totally a joke!

[No answer.]

• Sio: Am I alone?

[No answer.]

• Sio: Sweet! That means I can finally watch the rest of that movie!

[He watches the screen.]

• Voice: No! No, please don't!
• Voice #2: It's your own fault, you lived the life of fame and luxury I only wished to have! Nya-ha-ha-ha-ha!
• Voice: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[Some electronic sounds are heard, followed by smoke.]

• Voice #2: And now, my minion, go forth and take her body! … And now, while her life is still running, her mind is with me now! Nya-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

[A card appears on the screen: The End? Sio turns off the television, and at the same time he receives a phone call.]

• Sio: Hello?
• Sharpener: [voice heard only] Sio? Did you watch the movie Occupy for Personal Use Only?
• Sio: I just finished.
• Sharpener: How did it go?
• Sio: It was super cheesy. I mean, those lame special effects could have worked out in 1958, but today? Forget cinematography, use a phone camera for making movies!
• Sharpener: Was it scary?
• Sio: Nope. There's no way that this could happen in real life.

[He hangs up.]

• Sio: Oh, shiㅌ!

[He calls Sharpener again.]

• Sio: I forgot to say goodbye!
• Sharpener: Knew it! Bye.
• Sio: Bye!

Human-sized van

• Pen: Y'know, when we asked for good transportation, this giant white van was not a smart choice.
• Pencil: Aye, but'e'll make it easier to call the police on'ee.

[The van stops. Pen and Pencil look out of the window.]

• Pencil: Match's 'ouse!
• Pen: And that's Match and Eraser, being led by these two figures!
• Pencil: Weird.

[They get thrown into the back seat.]

• Match: I don't care if you, like, throw me, I love it!
• Eraser: Hey, Pencil, Pen. Nice day to get kidnapped!
• Pen: I may be your younger brother, but I'm happily 25 years old. The proper term is "adultnapped".
• Match: Like, speak for yourself, D-face! I'm 23!
• Eraser: Hey, it was you who ordered these people!
• Pen: You ordered us to be taken by these hood people?
• Pencil: Match, we told'ee this before, but we've got differen' fantasies than'ee!
• Match: I know, but it was not I who had, like, summoned these people.
• Pencil: I always assumed they wen' after guys 'o go to sports bars.
• Eraser: No, they obviously coming to take us to Yoyleland, albeit in a cruel and unusual fashion, for the journey from our country to theirs takes much traversal of the Earth.

[They all look at him incredulously.]

• Match: It's okay, he did the addition this morning.
• Pen: Ah.
• Eraser: What if frowning is smiling but we're seeing it in the POV of an upside-down person?

[The car stops, and Naily gets picked up.]

• Pencil: Oi Naily.
• Eraser: Naily! Guys, this is—
• Naily: Naily! Omg, I can't, like, believe that I'm in this stupid and grungy van. Like, what is this? It's got, like, so totally Festive Regeneration in this joint, am I right?
• Pen: Yeah!
• Match: Totally! Penc-penc, can you believe how ditzy some people are? Omg, we're moving in this van but my reflection is, like, staying!
• Pencil: Aye, some people …

[A map of Kenya is shown, showing the van's route. On every stop, there appears to be a screaming sound. By the time they get to Yoyleland it is night time, and the car is packed.]

• Eraser: Wow, Firey, it was great to separate us all into groups.
• Match: Yeah, like, now it's the, like, popular folk which is better than the unpopular folk which is better than, like, Leafy!
• Nickel: Speak for yourself, popular folk. While you all got the most space, we're cramped in here like animals. Animals!
• Pencil: Oi, Nickel, why d'ye got to write those mean things about me daughter?
• Pen: Yeah, even though she clearly felt no remorse for dating a racist!
• Nickel: What the mint? I thought this was my free pass out of school!
• Coiny: Well, now that we're all arguing, I'd just like to consider the fact that Firey's staring at me and it's creeping me out!
• Firey: Nuh-uh, I'm staring around you!
• Coiny: Don't you play those games with me! I can happily arrest you at my will.
• Pin: Hey, everybody, let's give peace a chance!
• Golf Ball: Considerably easy for you to say, Vietnamese girl.
• Pin: Oh, so I've been reduced into a nationality now!
• Tennis Ball: Golf Ball, please keep your racism to yourself. Remember that girl from Shōhakoku?
• Golf Ball: I don't care! And it's all because of you people that my older brother fought in that war!
• Book: Ice Cube, is this like the time when she voted you off all because you did not have dimples?
• Ice Cube: No!

[Everyone starts arguing, and the van gets really loud. Then the door opens and everyone makes Ooh noises.]

Yoyleland

• Book: Yoyleland!
• Ruby: How I've missed you so! [she kisses the ground] What? It's made of grounded yoyleberries! Get it? Because it's the gr— Oh, what am I kidding?
• Pen: So you went to this amazingly abandoned city and you didn't buy anything?
• Pencil: We couldn't!
• Match: Like, it's an abandoned city! It's practically one of the National Parks of Turkey, and there's no way you'll see anyone here, much less, like, buy anything!

[Bubble appears from one of the abandoned buildings.]

• Match: And I stand corrected! Hey, Bubble.
• Bubble: Hoiy, everyone!
• Gelatin: Bubble! My love fleeth not from me.
• Bubble: Woah, slow your roll, boy.
• Ruby: Oh my gem, Bubble, how did you get here so fast?
• Bubble: Woyel Airlines got a direct ploine ride here for free!
• Book: That is correct, that airline gives free trips to anyone of the Yoylish race.
• Pencil: Don' thet seem kind o' racis'?
• Pin: Not as racist as Golf Ball and her Vietnamophobia!
• Golf Ball: Hey, it's called patriotism. Love it or leave it.

[Everyone starts arguing. Suddenly the sound of the van's engine attracts their attention.]

• Naily: What the?
• Blocky: Are they leaving?
• Fries: Don't leave without us!

[The van leaves.]

• Pencil: Bubble, I'm sorry I started thet argumen' with all of us.
• Bubble: It's okay.
• Pen: Hey, that might be a good thing. Now that we've been stranded in the middle of nowhere, instead of fighting to determine who gets killed first, let's all be stranded together!

[Everyone apologises to each other.]

Van

• Hooded Fellow #1: Now we can take step one off our list: Kidnap all the BFDI characters.
• Hooded Fellow #2: What's second, boss?
• Hooded Fellow #1: Object synthesis.

Mall

• Hooded Fellow #2: What are we doing here?
• Hooded Fellow #1: Going through the objects' home one by one. First is the home of 8-Ball™.
• Hooded Fellow #2: Then why are we at the mall?
• Hooded Fellow #1: This is Mattel, Inc.'s East African office. And I thought you knew this, #3!
• Hooded Fellow #2: What? I'm #2, and I've been filling in for #3 this whole time ... #3's been on holiday in Kampala for that Henchmen's Convention.
• Hooded Fellow #1: Right, I knew that. And now we go to the house of Balloony!
• Hooded Fellow #2: My map says she lives in Mombasa.
• Hooded Fellow #1: Aw, that's on the other side of the country!
• Hooded Fellow #2: Don't worry, by the time we're done with the last person it will feel like we've been doing this for a few days ... well, that's because we'll have been doing this for a few days.

Yoyleland

• Pencil: Match, I can't see wot's wrong 'ere.
• Pen: Yeah, the general rule for national heritage sights here's that you have to take a government-mandated tour.
• Bubble: Still, I can't believe you took her awoy without her kicking and screaming!
• Match: Trust me, I, like, was. And it's not just that, it's, like, our tour guide!
• Announcer: And this is the Honourable Painting of Glorious Objects, painted by multiple fans of this show.
• Pen: Hold my invisible beer, I've got to embrace the glory!
• Pencil: Beer?
• Grassy: Hey, Balloony, it's you!
• Balloony: Really? Jade isn't really my actual shade, but I do look stunning for my looks, if I shall say so myself.
• Naily: OMTGWRUAOU! Balloony, like, your image disappeared!
• Balloony: What? Does that mean I'm dying?
• Announcer: No, this is a part of my vile plan.
• Spongy: Plaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa—
• Match: Omg, like, shut the fuק up, Spongy.
• Announcer: Hey, no swearing. You have entered a place of perpetual innocence.

Sometime in August

Home, a few days later

• Sio: No, I still can't believe that I own this house! My parents have never been away any longer.
• Shieldy: I doubt it.
• Sharpener: Yeah, maybe they're on a really long honeymoon.
• Lego: I don't think so.
• Map: Hey, what if they went away like in OFPUO!
• Sio: That stupid movie we all watch? No way! That stuff happened in 1958.
• Shieldy: And it's 2014.
• Sharpener: Gasp! You know it'd be better to film a movie with your than to use all those dumb special effects.
• Sio: I know, you told me. But do you really think my parents have been replaced by impostors who look like them?

[Everyone hangs up.]

• Sio: And they've gone without saying goodbye!

Outside

• Hooded Fellow #1: This is where Pen and Pencil live.
• Hooded Fellow #2: Do they dorm together?
• Hooded Fellow #1: Well, in some languages, "dorm" means sleep, so yes.
• Hooded Fellow #2: Two guys sleeping together? Gross!
• Hooded Fellow #1: Pencil's a girl. Besides, stop being homophobic! We're evil corporate henchmen, not intolerant jerks.
• Hooded Fellow #2: ¿Por qué no los dos? Synthesis process happening in five … four … three … two …

[As he pushes a button, the image of Pen on the HpoGO is teleported onto the steps of the house, immobile.]

• Hooded Fellow #1: Don't forget Pencil too!
• Hooded Fellow #2: Oh yeah.

[The same thing happens. The Hooded Fellows step away.]

• Hooded Fellow #1: And now, you may step forth and take over the lives of your personas! Mya-ha-ha-ha!

[They start walking away.]

• Hooded Fellow #2: Oh yeah, we forgot to make them move.

[They somehow make them mobile.]

• Hooded Fellow #1: Now, you may step forth and take over the lives of your personas! And I'm not kidding this time.

[They both evilly laugh.]

Yoyleland

• Pencil: 'Ere we are!
• Pen: Is that Yoyle City?
• Match: You've been asking that question since we got here.
• Pen: Sorry, I'm just jealous that you've been in a place that I never got to go!
• Pencil: Pen, I can' believe I ne'er got to talk with this with'ee—
• Needle: Excuse me, Announcer, but what does the purple in the Yoyleberries come from?
• Announcer: Purple is a mix of blue and red.
• Grassy: What about green?
• Announcer: That comes from yellow and blue.
• Bubble: What about the yellow in the skoy?
• Announcer: Shush, sheesh. I will now move you to your places for the episode. Poof.

[As if done by a poorly-made PowerPoint object show, the cast disappear with a whoosh and appear as they would in IDFB 1.]

Atop the Yoyle Needy

• Book: Wow! That was a sensation exhilarating indeed.
• Pencil: Oi, where's Pen?
• Bubble: And where's Match?
• Announcer: [suddenly appearing] Match and Pen have been sent to the TLC, which is inside the LOL.
• Ruby: Lol! Is that irony or what?
• Pencil: Wot? Me husband an' bes' friend gone away without me?
• Ruby: Oh, calm your tips, Pencil.
• Book: Yes, you have gone fifteen years without them.
• Pencil: But ... they're me whole life an'a' been with me ... an' ...
• Bubble: Well, it isn't like you lost, like, twenty of your kids!
• Ruby: Actually it's ten. See, I've been reading the Gloryday Times!
• Pencil: Me life's been the same as it's been in me misery years! Why mus' this 'appen to me?
• Announcer: Perfect. We can synthesise your emotions onto your character in a few minutes once we start filming.
• Pencil: Grrrr! Wait. [to Ice Cube] Who are you?

Home

• Sio: Who is it?
• Pencil: It's Pencil!
• Sio: Nice try, but my mother doesn't speak that way!
• Pencil: What? Open this thing at once!

[He opens the door.]

• Sio: Mum! I've been waiting for you, you've been away for so long, and I ... I ... just can't believe you didn't leave me, what, with the kids all gone at camp and such.
• Pencil: I have so many things to say to you right now ... First of all, why do you look like that pen that's just gone away from me?
• Sio: Mum, it's okay! Whatever act you're going through, you can stop now because this is getting creepy.
• Pencil: But it's not—
• Sio: But since you asked with a strangely American accent, I'll just show you the answer on the computer now that the payments for the parental controls on the Internet aren't renewed.
• Pencil: Are you supposed to be the one who is talking?
• Sio: Yes.

Yoyle City

• Announcer: Island Dream for Battle shooting, take 26. And Ruby, please stop noticing the words in your eyes.
• Ruby: Sorry, I just love this feeling! It's like your being prompted in what you're going to say, like ... a karaoke machine!
• Pencil: Thet's acos we are bein' prompted. An' they call this a reality show.
• Book: All that is real in reality shows is the word "show".
• Pencil: Oi, I guess I'll trudge through this, knowin' the real pain o' me with no one I care fer!
• Ruby: Ouch! That hurt me.
• Announcer: But it didn't hurt me. Now can we get this show rolling?

[Awkward silence.]

• Announcer: And ... action!
• Ruby: Welcome to day 1,127 of our video diary where, today, we'll be eating the gumdrops that we've been collecting over the years.
• Ice Cube: Yeah!
• Pencil: An' thet's right! An' personally, I shall start with me favourite colour, the—wait, Ruby, le' me look a' the camera, m8.

[The purple background is replaced with that of FreeSmart.]

• Pencil: Ruby! Y' fergot to remove the lens cap this time! Oi, f'r 'ow live'ee's me camera gem once you fuック up simple things like this?
• Announcer: Cut.
• Ice Cube: Wha?
• Book: For the twenty-sixth time ...
• Announcer: Pencil, I have one complaint about your acting.
• Pencil: Which is?
• Announcer: Your accent. It sucks.
• Pencil: U'l 'ee'n am'e h'accen' e's too ba' 'cos 'e's 'aama talk 'aye like'e'r not!
• Bubble: You go, girl!
• Book: Yeah, whatever.

Home

• Sio: And in 2010, you got married to my dad.
• Pencil: But he's not my type!
• Sio: Yeah, you at first wanted a Christian wedding but Dad wanted a Jewish wedding, so in a spirit of compromise you guys had an interfaith wedding at the Nairobi Convention Centre.
• Pencil: Wow. I can't believe this love. We're not supposed to do that on BFDI, y'know. We have to think I'd be with Match all the time!
• Sio: Oh, about that ... At the wedding, something happened that I really shouldn't say.
• Pencil: Why not?
• Sio: Because my real mum doesn't know that I know this, and I don't want to upset your relationship with Aunt Match; your personality seems to keep more grudges than Mum #1.
• Pencil: Wait, so I, who has you, don't know that you know something you're not supposed to know? As that, you … are not good!
• Sio: But Mum, you expect this behaviour from your kids!
• Pencil: What? There's more of you?
• Sio: Nine more, actually. [Pencil gasps in horror] But they're all away at camp.
• Pencil: Oh my God! You are more bad now, little Pen!

[Enter the fake Pen.]

• Pencil: Hey, where were you? You have come from no where and then my eyes stop seeing you!
• Pen: I walk, but it was good. I even said hell-o to those who are in this!
• Pencil: Pen?
• Pen: Yeah?
• Pencil: We're in love.

[Pen's eyes grow in shock.]

Yoyle City

• Announcer: IDFB, take 32.
• Ruby: Welcome to day 1,127 of our video diary where, today, we'll be eating the gumdrops that we've been collecting over the years.
• Ice Cube: Yeah!
• Pencil: An' thet's right! An' personally, I shall start with me favourite colour, the—wait, Ruby, le' me look a' the camera, m8.

[The purple background is replaced with that of FreeSmart.]

• Pencil: Ruby! Y' fergot to remove the lens cap this time! Oi, f'r 'ow live'ee's me camera gem once you fuック up simple things like this?
• Announcer: Cut. Pencil, stop with that accent immediately.
• Pencil: No fucキn' way, m8. It's very cruel to take away me kids, BFF an' 'usband, but it crosses the line if you take off the voice thet's belongin' to me.
• Announcer: I don't care if it takes until August 29; we need the episode to be released on September 1^st at exactly 6:00 PM.
• Book: Ruby, just watch the episode be done by August 29.

Friday, August 29

Yoyle Needy

• Announcer: IDFB, take 33.
• Ruby: Welcome to day 1,127 of our video diary where, to—Ack, hey! Get away from here!
• Announcer: Cut. Gelatin, this is not your scene. Get out, and there you go. Alright, IDFB, take 34.
• Ruby: Welcome to day 1,127 of our video diary where, today, we'll be eating the gumdrops that we've been collecting over the years.
• Ice Cube: Yeah!
• Pencil: An' thet's right! An' personally, I shall start with me favourite colour, the—wait, Ruby, le' me look a' the camera, m8.
• Announcer: Cut.
• Pencil: I don' understand this.
• Announcer: What.
• Pencil: Whene'er I speak you mus' cut th' 'ole scene!
• Announcer: It's not you, it's your voice. You're supposed to sound like this.

[A holographic screen is shown, showing an archival episode of BFDI.]

Pencil: And I'm tired of you guys too!

• Pencil: Thet voice? But it's jus' a carbon copy o' Firey's voice! An' it's way too American an' masculine.
• Book: For once, Pencil is right.
• Ruby: That's easy for you to say, Book, your voice is the same as Firey!
• Book: So is my partner, who just happens to be you!
• Bubble: Can we appreciate the fact that if Moitch were here right now, we might actually get an authentic oy vey?
• Pencil: Well, she says'e whene'er she sees an 'ot bloke a' the synagogue!
• Ice Cube: Wha?
• Book: You see, Ice Cube, oy vey is a Jewish word, and Match is Jewish.
• Ruby: Omg, Match is totally not blue-ish, her quatch is red!
• Pencil: 'Er quatch?
• Announcer: PEOPLE, SHUT UP.
• Pencil: Y'know I'm surprised you could talk loudly withou' raisin' yer voice! Me Pen does thet to the kids an' it's surprisingly effective.
• Announcer: I MEAN IT. Pencil, why will you not admit that your accent will prevent this sequel's success?
• Pencil: Wot th' fuック'r'ee sayin'—
• Announcer: Stop swearing, this is a safe spa—
• Pencil: Me accen' makes me who I am, an' you can't change me personality jus' to make me some unlikeable character on a reality show! Y'know, I's so naïve then to fall fer the corp'rate greed o' 'uman web videos but a' this poin', I've jus' ... I jus' ... need a break, okay? I got meself ten children an' 'usband I can't e'en see anymore, an' all I wan' is to get ter 'em!
• Announcer: I'm sorry you feel this way. Not. You are a reality show character, not an animate object. So ditch the backstory and start being mean to other people lest you be tied on the benches ... for legal reasons.
• Pencil: I accept!

[A few seconds later, Pencil has been tied to the benches.]

• Pencil: Why'd I accept?

Home

• [ Pencil · Pen ]: We are in love! We are in love! We are in love! We are in love!

[Meanwhile, Sio is revealed in the corner of his room, afraid and on the telephone.]

• Sio: I've never been so terrified in my life.
• Shieldy: So what exactly is the problem?
• Lego: His parents, or whom he assumes as his parents—
• Sharpener: Have been dancing the same exact moves since ... Sio, how long have they been dancing?
• Sio: I don't know, what's today?
• Map: Today is the 29^th of August, but in three time zones as of 14 minutes ago, it is the 30^th.
• Sio: Oh, so they've been doing this for a few weeks. I haven't counted off the days since the circus incident.
• Map: That's right.
• Shieldy: You did invite the circus over to show them the Perpetually Dancing Couple.
• Sio: And now that I just realised the time, I'd better go pick up my siblings at camp. Bye!

Yoyle City

• Announcer: Okay, everyone, we will go and try something new. Tennis Ball, have you got the Ropencil ready?
• Tennis Ball: [on the streets of Yoyle City] I do!
• Pencil: Wait a second ... y'made a robot version o' me?
• Announcer: No, Tennis Ball did.
• Tennis Ball: Yes, but I strongly advise against using it. I have—
• Announcer: Don't care. But knowing British Pencil, I can simply predict that this robotic Pencil will be a good actor.
• Pencil: Oi!
• Ruby: I don't think it matters.
• Book: Wait, why is it called Ropencil? It sounds like the name of a Canadian dictator!
• Ruby: Yeah, Pencil-bot seems more robot-like.
• Tennis Ball: Well, we couldn't use that name. It was copyrighted ... by a Canadian dictator.
• Bubble: Action!
• Announcer: Only I may say that word. IDFB, take 18,452. Action.
• Ruby: Welcome to day 1,127 of our video diary where, today, we'll be eating the gumdrops that we've been collecting over the years.
• Ice Cube: Yeah!
• Ropencil: And that's right! And personally, I'm going to start with my favourite colour, the—wait, Ruby, let me look at the camera?
• Announcer: Cut. Ropencil, you weren't supposed to answer that with a question mark. It was a declaration. Heck, it was a command.
• Tennis Ball: Announcer, I really don't think this is such a good idea.
• Announcer: What do you mean?
• Ropencil: What? I didn't do well? That's horrible! Omg, now that I can't be perfect, no one will see how, like, great I am! I am so, totally quitting this S-word!

[Ropencil angrily marches off set.]

• Announcer: What happened, Tennis Ball? I thought the Ropencil would most certainly be loyal.
• Tennis Ball: I didn't say loyal to you, I meant loyal to the system. When I designed the Ropencil, I had planned to use her personality within it, and therefore I believe it's very Pencilicious for her to care more about an unattainable ideology over an actual person.
• Pencil: Wot?
• Pen: Hey! Nobody talks to my wife like that—
• Pencil: Pen! I can't believe'ee's not dead!
• Pen: Believe it, because you and I are going to jet out of this place. [they start kissing, and the alliance look disturbed]
• Book: Do you know what this brings me back to?
• Ruby: High school?
• Book: Yes.
• Announcer: Hey. You know, in some cultures it is socially unacceptable to enter a reality show set un-announced.
• Bubble: Yeah, how did you goys get out?
• Pen: All thanks to this one guy named Saw.
• Announcer: Are you assuming Saw's gender?
• Pen: Oh, Pencil, I miss you! Please come back to me so we can spend the rest of our lives together!
• Pencil: Oi, thet's sweet, but yer missin' somethin'.
• Pen: Oh! And the kids.
• Pencil: An' … ?
• Pen: And our house.
• Pencil: An' … … ?
• Pen: Wait, there's more?
• Pencil: An' Match! If you can escape ther 'orrible prison o' the TLC, damn righ' can a girl o' similar amoun' o' strength get through.
• Pen: Similar amount of strength? With that in mind, we'd better go now!
• Pencil: 'Sbes' we go down the stairs o' the Yoyle Needy! [she opens the doors]
• Pen: I don't exactly have the time to go down the stairs. I'll just take the middle!
• Pencil: Pen, wait! Thet goes directly to the gr—
• Pen: What? Sorry, I couldn't hear you over the velocity!
• Pencil: If y'don' land safely, you'll surely die!
• Pen: Safely, eh? Strike a pose! [he vogues for a second] Oh, wow! The ground is suddenly getting closer! Luckily, they've already prepared us for this at basic.
• Pencil: Oi, 'o's 'ee talkin'a, m8?

[Pen makes it on the ground as he falls on his two feet.]

• Pen: And Schreiber has landed in safety! Quick, Penc, we've got to get out of here!
• Pencil: I'm a-followin'ee!

[They run out of the Yoyle Needy.]

• Pencil: Wait, wot about Match?
• Pen: Well, while you've got me, she's got charisma!
• Pencil: Ooh! 'Sthet the new guy she's been datin' in the TLC?
• Pen: Nope! She's actually leading a group of ex-contestants out of Yoyleland as we speak!
• Match: ♫ The objects go marching one by one!
• All: Hoorah! Hoorah! ♫
• Pencil: I says we follow 'em. [shouting upwards] Come on, team!

[One by one, every object from IDFB walks off the set.]

• Announcer: Well, there goes our show. Now to find actors who'll actually comply.

Near the abandoned Yoyle Town Hall

• Pencil: Y'know, I don' understand why we're walkin'. I mean, it's 'ighly possible Announcer an' 'is BFDI people're still goin' after us as we speak. An' besides thet, me Pen's runnin' so why can't I?
• Match: Well, two things … One, I'm too lazy …
• Pencil: Wot's two?
• Match: Oh … I was too lazy to say "one" instead of "two". I mean, like, the word "two" has two sounds in it, the "T" and the "Oo", but in "one", there's, like, three, which are, like, "W", "Uh" and "N", and I honestly, like, totally can't bear myself into wasting too much time in saying one single word, and … Penc-penc?
• Pencil: [running after Pen] Don' worry, me boy, I'm a-comin' after'ee like I do in yer dreams!
• Pen: Well, Pencil, this is what we left for. Y'know, I've never actually deserted a mission like this before.
• Pencil: This ain' no mission, it's jus' a scheme fer us to leave each other an' get undesirable personalities, m8!
• Pen: But I'd—
• Pencil: No words, Pen, I can't think of anythin' on earth 'et could be a more imminen' danger ter our personal beings than BFDI! As yer wife, I'd a-h'expected'ee to be so much more loyal than that.

[Awkward silence.]

• Pen: Hey, do you feel something different?
• Pencil: Sort o' … I feel meself bein' kind o' blue.
• Pen: Oh you, I get that feeling all the time! And the cure is … don't be me. [he playfully pushes her a bit]
• Pencil: Oh you. [She wrestles him to the ground. Eventually the rest of the group leave the two young lovers behind as they watch in shock.]
• Book: Hey, you two! Get a room for that shi特!
• Firey: Yeah, if this were being filmed live, my children are watching!
• Golf Ball: Or how about you do it the right way: don't do it at all!
• Tennis Ball: Yes, that is the true American way.
• Pencil: Oi, we should better catch up.

[They start wondering.]

• Pen: Y'know, it's so great to finally be back together as a … wait. The kids! Oh my gosh, the kids! Are they okay?
• Pencil: O' course! We sent all the kids to summer camp, remember?
• Pen: Oh, Pencil, I really regret the decision we made. Do you think we went too far?
• Pencil: Well, they've been a' camp fer so many weeks, an' … Omg, for sure they miss us! Oi, they're probably cryin' an' missin' our absences as we speak!

Car ride back home

Song
Vocalist(s): The kids

♫ Kids: Bamberga was a lady of three and twenty four,
And through the German winter, she picked at least four more,
Heidelberga and Tamara, Columbia and Gudrun
And following fair Svea in two and eight'n a moon,
Was Adalberta, Etheridgea, and the bestest of them all was,
Siri Siri Siri Siri Siri Siri Siri Siri Siri Siri Siri Siri ♫

[The kids all laugh.]

• Sio: It was so nice to drive us all from camp, Mrs. Late.
• Tautonalatey: Oh, it was nothing! Anything to help these happy campers!

[Sio looks back and sees that all of the kids are smiling.]

• Sio: Please don't ask about our parents, please don't ask about our parents ...
• Salvador: Hey, Sio, where are our parents?
• Sio: Who? Our parents?
• Salvador: Yeah! Y'know, Mum and Dad?
• Javier: They didn't come and pick us up!
• Yaretzi: Yeah, where are they?
• Sio: I think a better question would be ... Where is Saye?
• Citlali: She left earlier on the TeenMobile.
• Ximena: The chic-est, fleek-est mode of transportation for ndogo mshauri.
• Sio: Wow, Mona, your Swahili's really got better.
• Ximena: They say, don't study at camp, I say, to heck with that rule!
• Sio: Wait a minute. Saye got dropped off already?
• Qalam-Rassas: At 14:30. I think. I forgot how to read time because they have no clocks at camp!
• Sio: Oh no, that means that she's already at the home! [after realising his error] It so happens that leaving a child unattended at home is a really dangerous thing!
• Citlali: She's fifteen! What's the worst that could happen?

Home

• Saye: [thinking] Weird. The only time this happens is when the owners feel ... a disturbance.

[She rings the doorbell. No response.]

• Saye: Good thing I have a key! [she notices the bite marks] Wait, this is Shelly's key! Oh shiと, I just remembered our key trade!
• [ Pencil · Pen ]: [faintly] We are in love! We are in love! We are in love! We are in love!
• Saye: Ha. First the random snow, now the TV on? Sio must really hate the earth.

[She sees the TV is not on.]

• Saye: Uh-oh. It's not even on, which means ... intruders … in our house! IN OUR HOUSE!?

[She kicks the door open.]

• Saye: Ow.

[Then she sees Pencil and Pen rocking back and forth, still chanting.]

• [ Pencil · Pen ]: We are in love! We are in love! We are in love! We are in love!
• Saye: [as this happens] Mum? Dad? ... Why are you rocking back and forth? Why didn't you answer the door? Why do you sound like the world's worst duet?
• [ Pencil · Pen ]: We are in love! We are in love! We are in love! We are in love!
• Saye: Whatever, I'm just glad that you're safe; I'm going to get something to eat, is that okay with you?

[As the fake Pencil directly sees Saye, she and Pen immediately stop chanting. The sound of a record reversing echoes in the background.]

• Pencil: Two of me.
• Pen: Two of her.
• Pencil: Another me.
• Pen: Another her. But there can only be one.
• Pencil: And there will be only one.

[At this point, Saye backs away. She stops.]

• Saye: WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?

Mrs. Late's car

• Sio: Who am I kidding, she's probably fine.
• Tautonalatey: Alright, sir, we have entered the Nairobi city boundaries. I know you requested a special route.
• Zorah: Special route?
• Tautonalatey: Which road shall I take?
• Sio: Koreakusini Road.
• Javier: That road? That's where Avó lives!
• Salvador: But I want to go home! You will go to our home, chocolate lady, and not listen to a word Sio-nt says to you!
• Tautonalatey: Frankly my hert, I don't give a barrage.
• Javier: Omg, Chavo, stop being such a racist!

[Eventually the group arrive at 2500 Koreakusini Road.]

• Sio: Thanks for the trip, Mrs. Late!
• Tautonalatey: Any time!
• Sio: One day I'm going to give you a five-asterism review on Floober.

[Qalam-Rassas knocks the door. Estigua answers and, if there were a studio audience, as usual with a special guest they would cheer.]

• Estigua: My grandchildren!

[She hugs each one of them.]

• Estigua: What are you doing here?
• Salvador: Yeah, what are we doing here?
• Sio: Whatever the reason is, we need safety and a place to stay.
• Estigua: Did something happen to your mum? I haven't heard from her in a while.
• Zorah: Here's the thing, Grandma.
• Yaretzi: We really need to stay here, but none of us know why!
• Estigua: I'd love to, but in Brazil we have this saying ... Minha casa não é a tua casa.
• Javier: In Portuguese, that means "My house is not your house."
• Estigua: But, I would like to drive you home. You kids shouldn't be out here at night!
• Citlali: Aww, why not? At least then nobody can notice that my cap's not on all straight!
• Estigua: Come, everyone, get into my car, and quick.

[They all get in.]

• Salvador: Okay, Sio, I demand to know what happened to Pencil and Pen!
• Sio: Well, now that we're going home regardless … [sigh] Fine, I'll tell you.
• Qalam-Rassas: Gather 'round, people!
• Ximena: It's story time!
• Sio: The truth is ... I have no idea where Mum and Dad are … really.

[Silence in the car. Then everyone starts laughing.]

• Sio: This isn't a joke, I swear upon Yia-yia's will! One day, when I returned from Lego's house, I was home alone, and then someone wanted to enter, so I let him in.
• Javier: You let a strange man into our house?!
• Salvador: What if he was homeless?
• Citlali: What if he had an … STD?
• Sio: I didn't know, but he did convince me something … He looked a lot like Mum.
• Estigua: That's so stupid.
• Sio: But he didn't sound like her.
• Yaretzi: Maybe "he" could have been Mum on those funny medicines! She always sounds like a … a …
• Zorah: A gazelle on steroids.
• Yaretzi: I was going to say a gazelle on aba-nolics.
• Javier: You mean alcoholics?
• Estigua: Actually, when my daughter gets drunk, she sort of sounds like a jazz singer from the 1930s.
• Sio: [thinking] Oh great, just what this conversation needs. How will I convince them of what's going on?

Outside the house

• Pen: Thanks for walking us home, Leafy.
• Leafy: It was really nothing. Also, your neighbourhood happens to be really complicated.
• Pen: Oh, we know how that feels.
• Pencil: Thanks, Leafy! An' to says the truth, we're really sorry we've been a-treatin'ee like shiト o'er the years. Will'ee h'ever fergive us?
• Leafy: Why wouldn't I? After finding true sanctuary in Yoyleland for a coupe of years, this new Leafy always forgives. Want a hug?
• Pencil: O' course! [they hug each other] Oi, come in 'ere too, yer part o' me!
• Pen: If you say so! [he sort of awkwardly joins in]
• Pencil: See, Pen? You didn' 'ave to be taken ou' fer ice cream when our friend Leafy was a-goin' to save our arses anyways!
• Leafy: Well, I'd better leave now.
• Pencil: Bye!
• Pen: Bye! Say hi to Firey for me!
• Leafy: I'll do that!

[Exit Leafy.]

• Pencil: An' now to go where we started.

[As they walk through the house, they notice the door is missing.]

• Pencil: Wot the …
• Pen: Looks like our son's probably used it in an invention or something.
• Pencil: So, 'ow long should we ground'e? Five, ten years?
• Pen: I was just going to take him out for ice cream.
• Pencil: Oi, would'ee jus' ferget abou' the ice cream? An' now to find a door repairman.
• Pen: At three hundred? No one's coming at this time.
• Pencil: Oh, I'll jus' use me charm.
• Pen: That makes two of us.

[They enter the house. At once, both the real and fake Pencil gasp.]

• Pencil: [to Pen] Since when di' Sio's inventions involve the clonin' of us?
• Pen: I don't know, but look at that beautiful specimen.
• Pencil: Aye, I do look nice cloned.
• Pen: No, I was talking about the cloned version of me! Damn, since when did I start getting so good at my appearance?
• Pencil: Oi …
• Pencil: Two of me.
• Pen: Two of me.
• Pencil: Another me.
• Pen: Another me. But there can only be one.
• Pencil: And there will be only one.
• Pen: Wait, isn't it "there will be only two"?
• Pencil: Shut up and make sure we get their place.
• Pencil: Oi, get their place? No one replaces us but us!
• Pen: Er, maybe you should listen to yourself before you speak, Penc?
• Pencil: Shut up an' make sure we get their place.

[Exterior shot of the house. Many action noises are heard.]

Saturday, August 30

The next morning

• Estigua: Here is your house!
• Ximena: Thanks for driving us home!
• Yaretzi: Love you!

[She drives off.]

• Salvador: Alright, Sio. We're going to the "house of horror" that you told us about. Let's watch out so we don't get eaten by the dark!
• Sio: [walking slowly] Okay, but we'd better walk slowly …
• Qalam-Rassas: Why? I don't think it's that scary!
• Yaretzi: Yeah, it's daytime! All the scary stuff happens at night.
• Javier: Guys look! There's no door.
• Sio: Okay. So what I want you all to do is run inside, cover your eyes, and scream as loud as you can!
• Zorah: Come on, Sio. This whole thing is just a bunch of hooey.
• Salvador: Yeah. But I do love screaming!
• Ximena: Hey! Maybe we can use these baseball bats I won from our baseball game!
• Sio: That's a great idea!

[Everyone gets a bat and they run inside screaming.]

• Kids: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

[Nothing happens. Enter Saye.]

• Zorah: OMG, IT'S THE FAKE MUM!
• Saye: [on the phone] … And then Nickel said that he wanted to get back together with me, and … wait, my brothers and sisters are home. Bye, Mi'a! [she ends her call] Hold down that bat, Zorah. It's just me, her firstborn daughter. And you really should be quieter. Mum is sleeping.
• Sio: Wait, what about the fake Mum and Dad?
• Saye: Oh, them? Our real Dad took them out.
• Yaretzi: He killed them?
• Salvador: I've never been so proud in my life!
• Saye: That is not what I meant!

Icy's Cream

• Pen: So, you come here often?
• Pencil: What, do you think I was made one day ago?
• Pen: Yeah, it was really a lot.
• Pen: Well, I'm just glad that we've worked this out and become friends. G-d only knows what would happen if, y'know, the wife and I actually ended you guys. But it turns out you guys are pretty coolio!
• Pencil: But you're way more coolio!
• Pen: Aww, stop it.

[Suddenly, as if they were holograms, the fake Pencil and Pen evaporate.]

• Pen: Does that mean I'm paying for this date?

Dinner

• Pen: And then they disappeared right before our very eyes!
• Pencil: Well, there go the weirdes' version of ourselves we've ever met. But enough about our summer, 'ow was you lot's camp experience?
• Javier: It was so fun!
• Ximena: Yeah! Thanks, Sio, for getting us in trouble … big time.
• Yaretzi: And we're sorry for not believing you.
• Salvador: Yeah. So so— so— sor— What Issie said.
• Pencil: Ah, it's so nice thet we're a-finally h'eatin' together, as a family! We ha'n' done thet in so long, but now I can safely say thet we're finally together.

[A.R.I.]

Yoyleland

• Announcer: Actors. Actors. Where are my actors.

[The fake versions of all of the contestants appear from the holograms that disappeared earlier that morning.]

• Announcer: Perfect. And I know just what to do!

Ruby: Welcome to day 1,127 of our video diary where, today, we'll be eating the gumdrops that we've been collecting over the years.

Ice Cube: Yeah!

Pencil: That's right! And personally, I'm going to start with my favourite colour, the— Wait, Ruby, let me look at the camera.

[As the not-so-fake Pencil removes the lens cap, the whole episode of "Welcome Back" continues into the credits.]

THE END