Pencil 2.O Wikia

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Unfinished story ahead!

"Tonight we have to avoid completion of things, like, y'know ..." - Pen
Finishing an article? This story is not finished, and due to the creator's schedule, it may need waiting.

I suggest to all you readers that you be patient or make a suggestion with this story.

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"Wot'n ale's fozz'r'ye doin'?" - Pencil
This page contains profanity, like the sentence above. I have created two ways to censor those words, but I've also discovered that on mobile view, they lie uncensored. So please, show some cognoscience about what you may see.

If you do have a problem with profanity, please refer to this page § 3.

"The End of (Almost) Everything" is a new episode of Pencil 2.O, and until recently, there has been neither number nor date associated. In this episode, the traditional series wraps up as the family must cope with the bad things that befall them

Friday, September 5, 2014[]


  • Test Tube: Gooooood morning, people on the planet, here's Test Tube and I've got your Friday rundown of the science news.
  • Javier: Oh, I love hearing the scientific news. It's the only thing left without any bias.
  • Salvador: You know we have a TV!
  • Javier: Yeah, but I can't watch over that Kiswabili show Mona and Issie have recorded. They'd be mad.
  • Zorah: Issie, mad? Ha! She's only mad by being crazy.
  • Test Tube: And we have received an update about the newly-discovered Near-Earth Object that is headed in our direction.
  • Sio: Did they just say "in our direction"?
  • Javier: It's no big deal! They always seem to go this way, but most cases they miss. And look!

[He looks out the window—it is a bright summer day.]

  • Javier: There's no chance anything bad will happen.

The mall[]

  • Pencil: Ah!
  • Qalam-Rassas: Mummy!
  • Citlali: [from the other aisle] What did you do?
  • Pencil: Girl, I 'a'n' seen'ee h'in fore'er!
  • Match: Neither has me! And it's only been, like,
  • Pencil: Eraser, wot's'ee doin' 'ere?
  • Eraser: I only used two of my Uso accounts to like her pic instead of one.
  • Match: So I made him come here.
  • Pencil: An 'o's this girl?
  • Match: This is Yoanna. One of Eraser's relatives from, like, Greece. Her mum wants her to learn English from us.
  • Pencil: Yiá sas[1], Yoanna!
  • Yoanna: Good, like, fuκιγγ morning!
  • Pencil: [sarcastically] Smart choice. Now Match... I've got a surprise fer our family an' I wan'ee to know.
  • Match: Omg, I can't wait!
  • Citlali: Excuse me, what about a surprise?
  • Pencil: Nothin' o' your concern, child.
  • Saye: But we want to know—
  • Pencil: Do geh' n' play with one o' yer multiple cousins.
  • Saye: Hi!
  • Yoanna: Omg, how the fuκ are you?
  • Citlali: She knows the cool talk already!

[They separate from the adults.]

  • Match: I can't believe you're—
  • Pencil: Shh! 'O might 'ear'ee but me h'eavesdroppin' children?
  • Match: Like, sorry. I can't believe you're getting remarried at such a short notice.
  • Eraser: HA!
  • Match: Do, like, go and play with the sock puppets.
  • Eraser: Yooy.

[He hides in the other aisle.]

  • Pencil: I h'ain' gettin' remarried. I'm a-doin' the... wot's'e called, kufanya ahadi mpya[2]?
  • Match: Omg, something that I've never heard of, eh?
  • Pencil: Oh, the renewin' o' the vows.
  • Match: Omg, you're doing that? That's so, like, cool!
  • Pencil: 'A' ye h'an' Eraser thought o' doin' so too?
  • Match: I've renewed vows with five guys.
  • Eraser: [poking his head out] I've done it with six girls!
  • Match: Like, shut up!
  • Pencil: Anyway, you remember e'eryone 'o showed up to our wedding four years ago, right?
  • Match: Totally! You've said that it's everybody who you think has been, like, nice to you. And then some.
  • Pencil: Well, I need'ee to get those people to come ter our second weddin'. It's in our 'ouse, the h'eighth.
  • Match: You mean, like, an invitation?
  • Pencil: Aye!
  • Match: But... Pencil! You know you should never, like, throw a party on a Tuesday!
  • Pencil: Thet's a Monday.
  • Match: Omg, that's even worse! But, like, wait a second. How did you even come up with, like, Monday?
  • Pencil: Acos thet's the firs' day o' school fer the kids, an' they were the ones 'o'd come up with th' idea; remember when Cil told me h'an' Pen to propose properly already?
  • Match: It's still against the popular people rules.
  • Pencil: Wot?
  • Match: This friendship is, like, over!

[She storms out, almost comically. Enter the three kids.]

  • Saye: Did I just hear something about a friendship being over?
  • Pencil: Oh, it's nothin'. She's always like thet. [she looks up] Why I remember a time in 'igh school when—
  • Qalam-Rassas: We haven't any time for remembering! Yoanna really wants a special cheese that does not grow in Kenya!
  • Yoanna: Parakaló?[3] t, like, is, like, called, like, fe, like, t, like—
  • Pencil: Feta, we've got thet in th' aisle o' cold food.


  • Qalam-Rassas: We're back!
  • Saye: We come with great news.
  • Ximena: They cancelled school?
  • Saye: No, huh?
  • Citlali: Mum's got a surprise!
  • Zorah: You're repeating fourth grade?
  • Citlali: Not one bit! She isn't telling us what it is!
  • Sio: Speaking of, where is Mum?

[Enter Pencil, carrying a bag from the store.]

  • Qalam-Rassas: Over here.
  • Pencil: A little 'elp, eh?
  • Saye: We only had one bag!
  • Pencil: Aye, 't's filled o' Greek food, an' thet's really fillin'. Now come 'elp me an' make some o' this, yer dad's to be home soon.

The Vent[]

  • Infosym: [whose voice is still in his head] I'm counting on you, Schreiber, make this happen! Make this happen!
  • Pen: Why do I still hear him? I got this down!

[Instead of going down, Pen instead goes through the drain into the house once again. Silence.]

  • Pen: Nobody's here for once!

[A minute later, he has changed from his work clothes.]

  • Pen: Now how am I supposed to tell them? G-d, they'll be so worried.

[He looks downstairs where Pencil is telling something to the kids.]

  • Pencil: An' so, I'd said "Get out o' me car, y'insufferable loaf!" so I thrown'e to some person's 'ouse an' made'e walk 'ome.
  • Pen: You're not talking about me, are you?

[A. R. I. of welcome.]

  • Pencil: Oh, 'ow you h'ain' in work clothes!
  • Javier: I'm usually the one to blame for that.
  • Pencil: No, I was talkin' about yer brother. 'E was in me car acos Match ain' talkin' to me.
  • Pen: Right, because Nana's in town. Y'know Irini chose the wrong people to have her daughter learn English from.
  • Pencil: I know, right? So 'Raser's smokin' th'addition in the car an' I told'e thet 'e couldn' do thet 'roun' children, so I kicked'e h'out.
  • Citlali: Tell him why you're not, like, talking to Match now!
  • Pencil: Oh, it's acos o' th' 'ole... Nice try, girl.
  • Pen: With that out of the way, I've got some news too.
  • Pencil: Should the kids 'ear this?
  • Kids: Yes!
  • Pen: It's actually for... all of us.
  • Pencil: Ooh, wot 'appened?
  • Pen: At work, I found out that we're getting sued.
  • [ Pencil · The older kids ]: What!?
  • Pen: And the court hearing is on Monday.
  • Pencil: Monday, can't do thet! Can't'ee ask 'em to change'e?
  • Pen: You want me to change the legal system because of the... y'know...
  • Salvador: Monday, mark that down!
  • Javier: Got it!
  • Pencil: Oh, Pen, are we in trouble? I've ne'er been to jail!
  • Pen: It's really no big deal. With the money that I—I mean, we have, we're sure to do well.


  • Pencil: Zorah, thet's where you get yer confidence from.
  • Zorah: Duh!

Parents' room[]

  • Pencil: 'Ow's this fer size? Ha!

[Enter Pen.]

  • Pen: Penc, I've got a confession.
  • Pencil: Me too. 'S it yer bein' worried o' Monday?
  • Pen: Yeah. You know I heard some footsteps as I was walking upstairs.
  • Pencil: [realising] Ea'sdroppers. [towards the door] Okay! Daddy an' I shall be doin' 'ale romantic things righ' now!

[The sound of the kids retreating to their rooms in horror.]

  • Pen: I love when you do that.
  • Pencil: An' I love you.

[They kiss, but halfway through...]

  • Pen: Wait.
  • Pencil: Wot?
  • Pen: We're both worried about the same thing.
  • Pencil: I'm jus' scared about wot we'll be doin' fer the kids' surprise. Wot if yer court thing, y'know, goes on until it's time?
  • Pen: Don't worry! We win, we celebrate, even if it is a school night! [pause] And your saying "yer" court thing—It's our court thing.
  • Pencil: I know you're feelin' wasiwasi[4] 'bout this thing, but don' geh'n' put the blame on me!
  • Pen: Penc... You remember when I got my job...


Infosym: I have amended the rules of this company, so that all dangers resulting in such confidentiality breaches rest upon the employee's family.
Pen: Eh?
Infosym: Responsible for your actions you are.

[End flashback.]

  • Pen: That means whatever work
  • Pencil: Oh, all right. But if somethin' befalleth me, I shall get'ee h'in with me.
  • Pen: Deal.
  • Pencil: Aye, we're the Schreiber Together Nation. Like thet charity rap group our kids listen to.
  • Pen: I think you mean "Schreiber Insieme[5] Nation".
  • Pencil: Speakin' o'... Want to sneak downstairs an' grab the sugar tray?
  • Pen: You asked.
  • Pencil: Boy, you gets.
  • Pen: Yes, madame!

[Pencil turns the lights off, which jump cuts to...]

Saturday, September 6[]


  • Javier: Hey Chibi, is there any science news today?
  • Chibi: Hello, Jayveer, here is the science news of today. The name of the Near-Earth Object which is heading towards the earth is now up to debate...
  • Qalam-Rassas: Wow! You got Chibi now?
  • Sio: You've finally updated?
  • Citlali: Unlike you peasants, I don't have to deal with that mobile system.

[Enter Saye.]

  • Saye: Mum, I'm leaving!
  • Pencil: [from upstairs] Good luck!
  • Ximena: What's going on?
  • Saye: I'm off to the shopping centre for a job. If I'm lucky, I’ll be stocking clothes at H&G!
  • Zorah: Yeah, if you're lucky.
  • Saye: Got to go!

[Exit. Enter Pencil.]

  • Pencil: 'S yer sister gone yet?
  • Zorah: Yeah, she said something about a job.
  • Sio: None of us were listening.
  • Qalam-Rassas: Dinosaur, dinosaur, dinosaur, dinosaur!
  • Javier: Got it, got it, got it, got it.
  • Pencil: Wot'n'ale's goin' on 'ere?
  • Javier: Mum! Have you heard about the asteroid that's said to hit Earth?
  • Pencil: Avi, I'm smart enough to know thet they really h'exaggerate those things on the news.
  • Javier: I swear, it's a real thing! They're having a contest for what its name should be!
  • Pencil: An' thet's why QR's sayin' "dinosaur", innit?
  • Qalam-Rassas: I demand it!
  • Pencil: Demand? [looks at Salvador] I 'ope 'e says please.
  • Salvador: He would, I would not!
  • Citlali: Mum, have you heard anything from Aunt Match yet?
  • Pencil: No, fer some reason she h'ain' callin' me'n sayin' it's all a joke. I think she's really mad at me.
  • Citlali: Fancy that; she'll be so happy when I give back this.
  • Pencil: 'S thet 'er beaded bracelet... with the names of all 'er boyfriends there?
  • Citlali: Yeah...
  • Pencil: How did you—

[Citlali sees Ximena slipping away.]

  • Citlali: Mona, don't you run off!
  • Pencil: Oi, wot's 'appened?
  • Ximena: Remember that time you and Dad went to your high school communion
  • Pencil: Reunion?
  • Ximena: Aye, and then Aunt Match was babysitting us? Well, that's when Lallie and I stole it.
  • Pencil: You stole yer aunt's bracelet?
  • Citlali: And Mona tried to sell it online.
  • Pencil: Wot?
  • Ximena: It was her idea, I put it on eGhuba.
  • Citlali: Turns out nobody in Africa wants to buy a bracelet if it's got their cheating boyfriend's name on it.
  • Ximena: Are you going to punish us?
  • Citlali: Right before school time?

[They make "puppy eyes" towards her.]

  • Pencil: I guess not. Jus' remember thet stealin' is wrong an' could result in vigilante justice. Ye kids know wot thet means, do ye?
  • [ Citlali · Ximena ]: Yes, Mummy!
  • Pencil: I suppose I shall call Match an' tell 'er I've got 'er weird bracelet in our place.

[She calls Match on her phone, but is greeted by beeping sounds.]

  • Sio: [walking by] Don't forget to say "Goodbye!"
  • Pencil: She h'ain' there, 'oney. Somethin's clearly plaguin' 'er mind! Fortunately, as the h'adult, I've got bigger problems an' thet'll 'ave to wait.
  • Ximena: Who are you talking to?

[Enter Pen, not in formal clothing. A. R. I.]

  • Javier: Father, you have arrived!
  • Pencil: You h'ain' wearin' yer work gear!
  • Pen: I had time to change at the restaurant.
  • Pencil: You were there?
  • Pen: I couldn't use the washroom at the petrol station; it's lined with cars.
  • Javier: Morons!
  • Pencil: Oi, 'o's'ee callin' thet word?
  • Javier: A meteor is heading towards Earth and some people treat it like it's the end of the world!
  • Pen: While I was there, I saw Match doing yoga with a statue of Eraser.
  • Pencil: Thet's normal, innit?
  • Pen: On top of each other.
  • Pencil: [agitated] O-kay, let's talk about yer day at work.
  • Pen: Right-o. I found the reason why I in particular am the one getting sued.
  • Pencil: Aye, pray tell. It's bound to be stupid, am I right?
  • Zorah: Preach, woman! ... I mean, "mum".
  • Pen: One of our team members got in trouble for shutting down some website.
  • Citlali: PYM?
  • Pencil: Uso?
  • Pen: I can't say. Privacy reasons.

[Pencil grabs him by the shoulders.]

  • Pencil: Fer me? I bought'ee yer favourite bougatsa!
  • Pen: I love when you do that.
  • Qalam-Rassas: Gross!
  • Javier: Come, let's do our voting upstairs.
  • Qalam-Rassas: Dinosaur, dinosaur, dinosaur!

[Exeunt all the kids.]

  • Pen: Alright, his name is Row Gulera and he got in trouble for blocking the world's largest limbed-nationalist site on the Web!
  • Pencil: Limbed-nationalis'? Wot'n'ale's thet mean?
  • Pen: It's embassy-talk. It's those who believe that people with both arms and legs are superior and deserve their own land from everybody else.
  • Pencil: Well, thet ain' nice!
  • Pen: It just so happened that thousands of people used that website! So word got out that the block was found in our building, and... we're in legal trouble.
  • Pencil: We? Not e'en you should be in this trouble!
  • Pen: Penc, don't worry. We're rich!
  • Pencil: Aye, money solves nearly e'erythin'.


  • Pen: What goes on, buddy?
  • Javier: "Buddy"? Do I look like a sitcom from sixty years ago?
  • Pencil: Oi, don' geh'n' speak to yer father like that!
  • Pen: It's alright, I realise the fourteen-year age difference.
  • Javier: I'm sorry, I've just been so busy typing "dinosaur" that I've stopped knowing what that word means.
  • Pencil: Avi, you know you don' got to do thet.

[Q.R. appears from behind a pillow.]

  • Qalam-Rassas: Aw, he doesn't?
  • Pencil: Wot were'ee doin' back there?
  • Qalam-Rassas: Hiding. Avi, you don't have to keep typing "Dinosaur". You can go with "Yugbamwa".
  • Javier: You mean "Yugoslavia"? [to Pencil] The theme for the contest is mythical creatures.
  • Pencil: Do thet later, acos we're off ter eatin' out tonight.
  • Javier: We are?
  • Pen: We're finally taking you to your Aunt Match's restaurant!
  • Javier: Does this have to do with your wanting to get closure of what's been going on?
  • Pencil: N-O-no.
  • Pen: Your mum's right. We are going to have the best weekend before school starts!
  • Pencil: Aye, yer dad's callin'e "Family Saturday".
  • Javier: Wouldn't it be "Family Friday"?
  • Pencil: Ah! [to Pen] Outnumbered, sonny!
  • Pen: Okay, so "Selectively-chosen Saturday" would make more sense.

[Pencil elbows him.]

  • Pencil: Kids, come out o' yer rooms, we're all goin' out!

[Exeunt slowly.]

  • Saye: Oh G-d, I hope we're not going to Terwiter's.
  • Pen: No way.
  • Pencil: Thet place can be full o' weirdos.
  • Ximena: Nice to know.
  • Pencil: Instead, we're all off to geh'n' eat at Aunt Match's restaurant!
  • Sio: We're going to Hissers? I thought they don't take people under 18!
  • Pencil: Correct, but I've called the restaurant an' turns out thet th' adult entertainment don' start until after 9. Or 21:00 to yer father.
  • Saye: Oh my gosh, that's three hours after Terwiter's adult entertainment starts!
  • Pencil: [suspicious] An' 'ow'd'ee know thet?
  • Saye: [pausing] Lucky guess.
  • Pen: Come on, let's get walking. It's a bit of a bad day to travel by car, isn't it?

Hissers Fam Restaurant[]

  • Bubble: Hello, moi name is Bubble and I shall be your server tonoight.
  • Citlali: No way! You're Bubble from BFDI!
  • Pen: Hi, Bubble.
  • Bubble: Pencil, it's been oiges since we've talked!
  • Pencil: Aye, an 'ole week! Nice outfit!
  • Bubble: Thoinks, it's hard to find clothes for people with moi woight.
  • Pencil: Y'looks nice.
  • Bubble: I know. So what will you all have for boiverages? Hint: We have everything!
  • Pencil: Ooh, you're bein' all professional. We'll 'ave ten waters an' one generic soft drink.
  • Pen: I thought the ratio was eight-to-three!
  • Pencil: As they says 'ere, "'iss!"
  • Bubble: Let me distribute the moinus of food.

[She does so.]

  • Pencil: Thanks'ee, Bubble, do stay kind.


  • Saye: I have to order from the children's menu?
  • Pen: Saye, you are a child, remember?
  • Pencil: Especially compared to those 'o come 'ere, eh?
  • Yaretzi: Hey, they have a word search!
  • Zorah: Of snake species.
  • Salvador: Like the kind you use in your potions?
  • Zorah: No, those actually cost money.
  • Ximena: She gets them from the Black Market as usual.
  • Zorah: Oi!
  • Qalam-Rassas: Oy vey!
  • Pencil: Ther 'igh number o' ye, we're basically in public! Don' make me separate'ee.
  • Qalam-Rassas: Sorry.
  • Pencil: I'd 'ate fer all of us to get into department store formation in a place like this.
  • Pen: [to the kids] What do you think about this?
  • Javier: It's nice if you enjoy the rampant consumerism typical of these chain restaurants.
  • Citlali: I think that means it's cool.

[Match's eye pokes out of the kitchen door. She doesn't notice the family eating there.]

  • Pencil: Look, there's Match!
  • Sio: Why don't you say hello?
  • Pencil: No, 't don' seem right to make'e know thet I'm in the same buildin' as she without proper notice.
  • Saye: I see.
  • Citlali: I see it too!
  • Sio: Oh?
  • Citlali: It's the Girl Code.
  • Pen: It's true. The guidelines are a bit strange, eh?
  • Sio: Not as strange as the fact that they know what food we're getting based on the look in our eyes when we order our drinks. Now that's machine learning!
  • Salvador: Nerds!
  • Qalam-Rassas: Greeks!
  • Salvador: [correcting] Geeks.
  • Javier: Oh, fall down a cliff, Chavo.
  • Pencil: 'Iss!
  • Javier: Sorry!
  • Pen: We're all Greeks... [looking at Pencil] Mostly.

[Enter Bubble with the food and drinks.]

  • Bubble: Your num-nums, if you ploise.

[Javier looks away from the food and stares at the television: It has been playing a live news broadcast.]

Cheesy: Breaking news from IPiS a lot—that stands for the International Peace in Space a lot. Get it? Because it's the words "a lot!"
Bow: No way, Jose.
Cheesy: The name of the asteroid that is on everyone's minds has been decided. It will be named "Olivia" after the recently deceased pet ant of a child from Las Vegas. Must have been a bet.
  • Javier: But what about...
Cheesy: Some of the rejected names include "Yugoslavia" and "Dinosaur", which had been spammed five thousand times. Imagine a "Dinosaur" hitting the planet—That would be ironic, eh?
Bow: No, it would not.
Cheesy: [after being handed a paper] Additional news, the asteroid has recently been upgraded. It now lies on Level 10 on the Torino scale. Bow, do you want to explain what the cheddar that means?
Bow: The Floor-in-o scale is how tall your chair from me must be so you can feel all comfy! Hooray!
  • Qalam-Rassas: [who has been watching] Hey, Bow's in my class!
  • Javier: QR, they aren't choosing "Dinosaur" for the name of the asteroid.
  • Qalam-Rassas: What about—
  • Javier: No, not "Yugoslavia" either.
  • Qalam-Rassas: I was going to say that I feel bad for you.
  • Pencil: Aww, h'our son 'as learned not to be h'apathetic!
  • Zorah: He was fun while it lasted.
  • Pencil: Dig in, e'erybody!
  • Saye: With pleasure.


  • Bubble: Helloio, you people! Is dessert an option for you?
  • Pencil: 'Oe'er wants ter eat dessert, acos I really don' wan' right some, speak now.
  • Pen: Or forever hold your peace!

[Pencil elbows him.]

  • Bubble: You sure you goshdarned oild people don't want any dessert? Remember that if you doio, you are requoired to burn the calories off at the gym... a noice place to talk and stuff... [winks at Pen and Pencil]
  • Pen: We'll do that, eh, Penc?
  • Pencil: Sure. But I shall give'e h'amongs' the kids.
  • Bubble: Deal!
  • Pencil: An' while you're at'e... 's Match in a good mood?
  • Bubble: Is she ever?
  • Pencil: I'd like to speak ter'e h'about the... [winks at Bubble]
  • Bubble: Oh, okay!


  • Citlali: What was that about?
  • Pen: Nothing, your mother and I have got absolutely nothing planned.
  • Pencil: Boy.
  • Javier: I see, keeping your marriage on the down low, huh?
  • Pencil: Wot? Since when's me children sounded like thet?

[Enter Bubble and Match.]

  • Bubble: Here she is.
  • Match: Perfect, now, like, can we talk in, like, privacy?
  • Bubble: You can boss me around and Oi'll publish mean fanfics about you and Eroiser on Dotpad.
  • Match: [scared] Yes, ma'am!
  • Pen: Match, you sure she's not your boss? [laughing]
  • Match: Omg, like, eat something that isn't kosher.
  • Pen: I have!
  • Pencil: Oi, don' make me separate you two... too to...
  • Match: Omg, Pencil! It's so great to be with you, like, like, two days before the—

[Pencil clears her throat.]

  • Pencil: Pracuj ze mną.[6]
  • Match: Why are you speaking Polski?
  • Pencil: Did you zaprosiłaś everybody who will go to nasz ślub?
  • Match: [in the same tone] Nie.
  • Pencil: Wot?
  • Match: That's, like, "Yes", eh?

[Pencil shakes her head.]

  • Match: Omg, but the bad news is that half of them aren't coming.
  • Pencil: But it's a h'international celebration!
  • Match: People will, like, totally ghost you.
  • Pencil: Ghost, like, wot?

[They see that some of the kids have been listening intently to the conversation—QR, the sole polyglot out of all of them, has been on his MePad the whole time.]

  • Match: Er... who wants to play?
  • Zorah: No one.
  • Match: Sure you do. All kids younger than Saye, follow meeeeee!
  • Saye: Finally, I'm like an adult!
  • Match: Pen, Penc-penc, like, let's all go to the gym together! You, like, lead the way!
  • Pen: Aren't you the boss?
  • Match: Do I look like I like, like, working?

[Pen's about to talk.]

  • Match: Don't you say anything.

Snakelet World[]

  • Match: [bored-sounding] Welcome to Snakelet World, where your best reptile dreams will, like, come true. No hitting, no shoving, no throwing toy snakes farther than 2.573 metres; "survalonce", please enforce these rules and intervene only when a fight breaks out. [suddenly enthusiastic] Like, questions?
  • Javier: Yes, please. Why do Sio and Lallie get to be "survalonce"? They seem to be terrible leaders!
  • Sio: That's a bit cold...
  • Match: They do, like, take after their father. It's because of the, like, age "resticticon".
  • Citlali: Just 'cause I'm a grade younger than you doesn't mean I'm not older!
  • Match: Have fun!

[The kids are left by themselves, yet surrounded by other children.]

Hissers Gym[]

  • Pencil: 'Ow much's'ee liftin', bro?
  • Pen: 800 mg. You?
  • Pencil: 850!
  • Pen: You know I was in the army, right?
  • Pencil: An' y'know I'm the one 'o's got to pick up after the kids an' you. Thet's a lot, m8.
  • Pen: Corroborate this, Saye!
  • Pencil: 'A, she h'ain' listenin' ter'ee.

[Saye has been passively listening on her headphones to K-pop. Enter Match.]

  • Match: I'll, like, take it from here.

[She moves towards Pencil's machine.]

  • Match: Like, where were we?
  • Pencil: We thought you'd still be h'angry at us.
  • Match: Why?
  • Pencil: You di'n' 'eed me h'apology!
  • Match: Oh, that's because I didn't use my phone at all today. Eraser says that he read on the Internet that mobile phones, like, cause matchatitis.
  • Pen: [facetiously] Good thing we're not you, then.
  • Pencil: By the way, where's Eraser?
  • Match: He was supposed to be back from the airport to drop Yoanna, like, off, but the was five hours ago.
  • Pencil: Aye, she's goin' back to Greece, yeah?
  • Match: She stops in Egypt. Lucky girl, eh? I had a boyfriend from, like, Cairo and he was totally Egyptian—

[Enter Eraser.]

  • Eraser: Worst travel ever! Oh, you're here.
  • Pen: Ciao!
  • Pencil: Wot'n'ale's 'appened ter'ee h'at th'airport?
  • Eraser: It's really crowded. WHAT THE FUק, BRO!?

[He hits one of the machines.]

  • Eraser: OW! I don't know why I've just done that.
  • Match: It's, like, okay, baby. You're here now, but I can't say the same about your, like, addition problem.
  • Eraser: Did you know this is the last time Nairobi will send people to Egypt?
  • Pencil: 'S there a war er somethin'?
  • Eraser: It's the last flight... to everywhere.


  • Pencil: People are so gullible.
  • Match: Gullible people use, like, trust-like-worthy websites.
  • Pencil: Like, o'er this 'ole asteroid shiと. It's no big deal; we've got worse problems!
  • Pen: Yeah, like the people who aren't coming to our second wedding.
  • Eraser: Shh, that's a secret!
  • Pencil: It's fine, she h'ain' listenin'.

[Awkward silence.]

  • Eraser: Dudes, breathing is so much louder in this gym!
  • Pencil: At least I know our kids're behavin' well.
  • Pen: Better than usual?
  • Pencil: Eh...

[One-second view of Snakelet World, which has largely been destroyed. Sound of screaming.]

On the way home[]

  • Pen: I can't believe you all got in trouble.
  • Pencil: Wot'n'ale's appened?
  • Javier: Well... this might be hard to say, but—
  • Pencil: We know. Good job!
  • Pen: You've subtly mentioned it several times.


Javier: That's why I play for the other team. This guy at school found about my fear. Why can't we have such dudes in Nairobi?

[End flashback.]

  • Javier: Not exactly what I was talking about.
  • Citlali: Avi told the kids about the pomending palocalypse!
  • Pen: Impending apocalypse?
  • Citlali: Whatever. Good thing Sio and I were there to arrange a party on Mo—and nothing.
  • Pencil: Chavo, I don' suppose you h'ain' got a believable story, yeah?
  • Salvador: Some kid bumped into me.
  • Pen: And you beat him up?
  • Salvador: So? Zorah cast a silence spell on QR!
  • Zorah: It wear-ed off!
  • Yaretzi: He was screaming really loud!
  • Qalam-Rassas: That was you, Issie.
  • Yaretzi: Oh.
  • Pencil: Wait, wait, wait a second! You're a-tellin' me thet this world's goin' ter end an' our child caused a chaos?
  • Javier: No, there was chaos long before. I was just too stupid to notice.
  • Pencil: Oi, 'tain' right to call yerself "stupid".
  • Pen: So when's this asteroid going to hit us?
  • Javier: They'll announce it later.
  • Pen: Perfect. When we get home, you'll go straight to bed!
  • Ximena: But it's not a school night!
  • Pen: It is after you destroy a play place.
  • Pencil: Excep' fer you, Saye. Wan' to watch somethin' fer Cheesy Nollywood Saturday?
  • Saye: Er... I'd rather sleep early.
  • Citlali: Thank you for being a friend.
  • Saye: Next time, I'll be the one staying up.

Sunday, September 7[]

Early morning[]

  • Pen: [sleep-talking] Penc... Since when did we live near a rooster?
  • Pencil: I... don' care.

[Suddenly, a Japanese emergency alert sound plays. It sounds innocent, but usually leads to something worse.]

  • Pencil: Eh, wot's this?


  • Pen: Change the channel?

[She does so, but half of them are static.]

  • Pencil: Okay, this is weird...

[She finally finds a channel that is reporting the news in Spanish.]

  • Pen: Spanish, eh? My dad speaks a little.
  • Pencil: An' yer wife speaks a lot. I shall translate.

[She listens.]

  • Pencil: There... they've found the date'n which Olivia'll strike the planet.
  • Pen: Olivia?
  • Pencil: Thet's wot they call th'asteroid. It'll be h'on lunes.
  • Pen: Monday? That's tomorrow! We'd better get the kids up.

[He opens the door and finds...]


  • Javier: That's right, pack up everything that is important to you!
  • Qalam-Rassas: Everything?
  • Javier: Everything, Test Tube said it on the radio, remember?
  • Qalam-Rassas: Oh yeah.

[He runs upstairs, where Pencil and Pen are in the other room.]

  • Pencil: Woah, QR, wot's up with you?
  • Qalam-Rassas: Morning, Mummy! I have to pack my things.
  • Pen: Great, you're having a proactive attitude already.
  • Pencil: Pen, maybe we should start packin' too. If this thing's gettin' more serious...
  • Pen: I'll set a bag for my best work clothes.
  • Pencil: Oi, we're all goin' ter evacuate; there ain' no time fer work! Let me pack the television machine!
  • Pen: Do other planets have TV signal?


  • Pencil: I'm a-talk with our... televangelis' of a son.

[Pencil goes downstairs.]

  • Pencil: Good mornin', Avi!
  • Javier: Mother, we have a problem.
  • Pencil: Aye we do—Should anyone be bossin' people 'round this 'ouse, 'twill be me.

[She steps on the coffee table, but steps down.]

  • Pencil: Don' wan' to set a bad example. Okay, e'erybody, pack all thet you need firs', all thet you wan' comes las'!
  • Ximena: [walking by] How about beds?
  • Pencil: There are beds where're we're meant to be goin'!
  • Salvador: [walking by] What's the giant rush?
  • Zorah: The asteroid's coming Monday, we still have, like, a day.
  • Pencil: We could, but Sio h'ain' advanced enough to make a jet pack.
  • Sio: [walking by] Mum, I've invented my own mega-compressor. You pack what you want into a space you want, all from the push of a button... in a colour you want.
  • Pencil: Okay, let's pack ther 'ouse. KIDS!
  • Sio: Mum, there's just one problem.
  • Pencil: Aye?
  • Sio: It doesn't work on houses. Look!

[Sio goes upstairs and pushes a button. Suddenly, everything from his side of the room has stored in the specially designed suitcase.]

  • Pencil: Omg, thet's wonderful!
  • Pen: [opening a dresser] I've got extras!
  • Pencil: KIDS, COME GET SOME MORE SUITCASES; 'TWILL REALLY 'ELP WI— [coughing] I'm a fine.

[All of the kids run upstairs to the boys' room at the same time. A. R. I.]

  • Sio: Check it out! All you need to do is point the remote and bam! Your stuff is inside!

[The kids all laugh, and we get a split-screen view of the kids "vacuuming" all of the things in the house. Pen goes downstairs to see that it has been completely emptied.]

  • Pen: Oh my G-d... what the heck happened?
  • Pencil: I did.
  • Pen: But—It was—
  • Ximena: Dad, it's one of Sio's inventions!
  • Javier: Everything from outside is in our suitcases!
  • Pen: Nice job, son! Now we can go.


  • Pencil: Where'n'ale's we supposed to be goin'?
  • Pen: The best place to go when the world's about to end: the airport!
  • Saye: Looks like I'm going to drive you all there! I'll get the car.
  • The others: No!
  • Pencil: Thet's wot you'd do'f yer world're ter end... on yer two feet! Let's follow thet lot o'er there!

[She points to the moving crowd.]

  • Yaretzi: Crowds, my favourite!
  • Sio: It looks like they're going to the airport anyway.
  • Qalam-Rassas: This is an adventure!
  • Javier: You really do not understand the gravity of this.
  • Qalam-Rassas: I know gravity! It's what makes us not be floaties!
  • Pen: Alright, stay close together, department store rules strictly apply.
  • The kids: [saluting] Yes, sir!
  • Pencil: Aye, stay close!

[She holds on to Pen as they join the crowd of minor characters.]

  • Pen: My arm.
  • Pencil: Oi, why ain' yer people doin' anythin' to stop this thing?
  • Salvador: Yeah, like fu킹 NUKE IT?!
  • Pen: My arm...y buddies? You know we don't have those weapons, Penc. We're not all British.
  • Pencil: [mocking] Okay then.
  • Citlali: [on the phone, in tears] And I just want you to know... that even if you didn't want to make me famous... I want to thank you so... so much! Because—
  • Pencil: [to the other kids] Wot'n'ale's yer sister doin'?
  • Yaretzi: Calling all the film and music companies. They put her on the best invisible journey ever!
  • Pencil: Lovely! Not.
  • Javier: Lallie, it's not going to help. Test Tube said that the governments of many countries have just installed programmes to get people into space.
  • Citlali: What about America?
  • Javier: They do, but only if they can afford it. Those famous people... they definitely can.
  • Citlali: [crying] Oh no-ho-ho-ho, we're going to die!
  • Zorah: I've got it.

[Zorah steps on Citlali's foot.]

  • Citlali: Ow!
  • Zorah: Now you're crying about something different!
  • Yaretzi: Hooray!
  • Saye: That wasn't nice.
  • Yaretzi: [realising] Oh...
  • Pencil: Oi, this ain' a time fer fightin'! The world's about ter end!
  • Pen: We've just a few kilometres left. We can make it!
  • Javier: Who wants to sing?
  • The rest: No!
  • Pencil: We can sing when we know we're at peace.
  • Salvador: Boy, does this look like peace? DOES IT!?

Jomo Kenyatta International Airport[]

  • Qalam-Rassas: Mummy, I want sweets!
  • Pencil: I've got a lollipop in my sack.
  • Lollipop: [who has been eavesdropping] Mm-hmm.
  • Javier: Did you know that, traditionally, airports used to be home to very strange people?
  • Salvador: Yeah, and I'm looking at one. Haha!
  • Pen: I've got to call my mother.
  • Javier: Artemis? The Canadian government has already sent her.
  • Pen: Just to make sure.
  • Javier: They haven't got cell service in space!
  • Pencil: Aye, Pen, focus on the real issues 'ere!

[An airport voice rings out on the megaphone.]

  • Megaphone: Pamoja Airlines Flight 81 to Exosphere has finished boarding. Pamoja Airlines Flight 82 to Exosphere will now begin boarding.[7]

[He repeats this in Swahili, although nobody moves through the doors.]

  • Pencil: Wot's goin' on?
  • Megaphone: Please wait until your specific group is called. Otherwise, members of the bureaucracy, please start board. Tafadhali subiri mpaka kikundi...
  • Javier: That's totally unfair!
  • Megaphone: It appears that nobody in the government is amongst us now. High-ranking members of this country's army and such veterans, please start to board.
  • Saye: Dad, that's you!
  • Tree: [in the crowd] How high?
  • Megaphone: Above the rank of a modern major-general.

[The family go through the crowd. They run into no other that the one letting them through, who is Triangle.]

  • Pencil: Dad!
  • Kids: Grandpa!
  • Triangle: [ignoring them] Halt now! Sofer, pass through.
  • Pen: Yeah, thanks![8] Wait, if I go in, may the rest of my family come too?
  • Triangle: Why?
  • Pencil: Acos you'd like yer only daughter in Kenya right now to geh to space un'armed?
  • Triangle: Fine, you may enter, even if it is against my values.
  • Pencil: Yay, we h'ain' goin' a-die!
  • Sio: Hold the phone!
  • Citlali: Kay-kay. [holds on to her phone]

[A. R. I.]

  • Megaphone: [in the background] All of those who are lower than the rank of major-general, please start boarding.

[The family all step aside as more people enter the queue.]

  • Pencil: Wot's'e now?
  • Sio: We've forgotten Cil!
  • Pen: Oh my G-d...
  • Pencil: We've done'e h'again—left our son behind!
  • Triangle: Excuse me, my daughter and co, why haven't you left yet?
  • Pencil: Yer younges' grandson's been left on Earth. Pen, you take the kids onto the h'aeroplane, I shall geh'n get'e meself.
  • Pen: I can't have you do that—
  • Pencil: But our son...
  • Pen: Without me coming along!
  • Javier: You two progenitors move along now.
  • Ximena: Time to go to the plane!
  • Pencil: No way, ye come with me.
  • Pen: That's right, we are the Schreiber Insieme Nation!

[The kids audibly cringe.]

  • Salvador: Okay, we'll go.
  • Qalam-Rassas: We want to help our brother.
  • Pencil: Then let's geh back later!
  • Kids: Right-o!

[They run out of the terminal while everybody else goes in the other direction.]

  • Saye: I'm not listening to the Fruit Together Nation after this.
  • Citlali: Neither am I.

What is left of home[]

  • Pencil: Where is 'e?
  • Pen: I'll check the old kitchen!
  • Javier: I'll go to the remnants of the bathroom!

[Pencil screams.]

  • Pencil: 'E'S GONE FOREVER!
  • Pen: Penc, we don't know that for sure.
  • Pencil: Look 'round. You see h'e h'anywhere?
  • Pen: Well—
  • Pencil: I shall call the neighbours, see'f they've seen a little boy oozin' ink out of'ee!

[She starts to cry.]

  • Sio: Found him!

[The other kids run upstairs.]

  • Pencil: Pray bring'e down 'ere then!
  • Sio: He's watching TV!
  • Pencil: Cil, as yer mum I command'ee to come an' evacuate this 'ouse with!

[The children go downstairs.]

  • Pen: [to the camera] We have a son and we've forgotten him or the world ending. I don't know which one is worse.
  • Pencil: Oi, 'e's been found, you can stop yer video diaryin'.
  • Pen: I told you, it's a journal vivente—
  • Pencil: Do 'urry up, all o' ye, we've got a plane ter 'a'e!

[They all run outside.]

  • Cil: Goo!
  • Sio: Don't worry, I didn't forget you.
  • Cil: I shall give thee the utmost gratitude.
  • Sio: Oh, I know.


  • Cil: So you're telling me that the world is going to end tomorrow, yet people are starting to panic today?
  • Javier: Yeah, pretty much.
  • Cil: Wow.

[The family look around and it seems as if everybody has become more angry.]

  • Pencil: Omg, this don' look like ther 'appies' place on Earth, does'e?
  • Megaphone: All people who make between 20,000 and 30,000 Ksh per month, please start to board. Females who are have not had a job in the past three or more years, become the start of the queue...
  • Pen: Aw, we missed our flight?
  • Pencil: Now we've come with the poor people!

[People are getting louder and a bit angrier.]

  • Pencil: Oi, wot's goin' on?
  • Chocolatey: We're having a revolt, that's what!
  • Pencil: Wot?
  • Chocolatey: Mrs... Schreiber.
  • Saye: Yaaaas, Chocolatey, you're not dead!
  • Chocolatey: No!
  • Citlali: Why aren't you on the plane?
  • Chocolatey: They asked for Dutch kids and the kids from Luxembourg. Where the hell are the Belgians going?

[Enter Fanny.]

  • Fanny: We're protesting the system! It is completely unfair that some people get to go before us!
  • Pen: That is a legit reason.
  • Pencil: Oi, Frances me girl, you're steamed.
  • Fanny: I know. I hate it!
  • Javier: What a good reason to rebel.
  • Fanny: It is, isn't it?
  • Yaretzi: I'm all for standing up to what I believe in!
  • Megaphone: Pamoja Airlines Flight 83 to Exosphere will now begin boarding. Kukimbia 83—
  • Fanny: WAR!

[Everbody screams to get through the gates.]

  • Triangle: [in the distance] All these people... are not in the bureaucracy! Help!
  • Pen: Let's go see what your dad wants.

[They approach Triangle, who is now hiding behind a glass wall as people go through the doors.]

  • Pencil: Dad? Wot's'ee doin' there? You says y'ne'er get scared!
  • Pen: Colonel Triángolo, you have told us many a time that fear is not a thing experienced by men.
  • Triangle: Samahani[9], but as soon as the Rapture happens, everyone in the world goes into chaos! As do I.
  • Pencil: Rapture... 's thet wot you call'e?
  • Triangle: Yes, my daughter, it comes from the word—
  • Saye: Okay, we're going now.
  • Pen: Agreed!
  • Pencil: See'e on th' other side, father.


  • Javier: Dad?
  • Pen: Yes?
  • Javier: Remember when they said "Flight #81 out of #100"?
  • Pencil: 'Twas a bit 'ard to tell wot they's sayin'.
  • Salvador: Is there going to be any rockets left for us?
  • Pencil: I don' know... they look like they're goin' up pretty fas'. An' Issie, this's partially yer idea!
  • Yaretzi: Huh?
  • Pencil: If it weren't yer idea to start a rebellion, e'eryone would be still at th' airport!
  • Zorah: You're evil! I knew it!
  • Yaretzi: I don't think it was my idea. Your friend Fanny just likes war!
  • Pen: [to Pencil] Yes dear, and there would also be a strict class system plaguing the end of the world as we know it.
  • Pencil: So saith me little revolutionary! [she gives him a kiss]
  • Pen: Little?
  • Pencil: Well, compared ter Eraser, you're a bit o' the small type...
  • Citlali: Omg, we forgot!
  • Qalam-Rassas: Aunt Match and Uncle Eraser!
  • Saye: They must be worried sick!
  • Citlali: I'll call them.

[She enters Match's phone number.]

  • Pen: Penc...
  • Pencil: Wait, I'm callin' yer brother.
  • Salvador: I'm calling the pizza delivery!
  • Zorah: That's dumb! Everybody knows they don't go to airports.

[In the background, the last rocket flies away.]

  • Pen: Penc!
  • Pencil: 'Old up!
  • Pen: There are no more rockets!

[Pencil and the rest turn around, where a crowd has formed.]

  • Sio: Oh no, we're too late!

[All the background characters complain.]

  • Pencil: You know wot's unfair?

[A. R. I. from the kids.]

  • Pencil: Thet could 'a' been us! Why wouldn' they let us onto the rockets?
  • Saye: Yeah, we always get what we want!
  • Javier: We are disgustingly privileged.
  • Citlali: Like, don't talk about privilege when we're surrounded by poor people!
  • Sio: We should find somewhere more private for our gripes.
  • Zorah: Where are we going to go for privacy, huh?
  • Citlali: I want people to see me!

[Her phone makes a noise.]

  • Citlali: Hello?
  • Match: [on the voicemail message] Hello, like, this is, like, like, like, Match, and, like, like, if you are a boy, like, like, totally hit me up! My PYM, eMelody and Jiwe account names are, like, the same, like, it's—

[Citlali hangs up.]

  • Sio: Why?
  • Citlali: It was a voicemail!
  • Pen: Maybe Match is in space already.
  • Zorah: Like her head's always at?
  • Javier: Well, the asteroid is coming at 11:11 tomorrow.
  • Pencil: 'Ow d'ye know?
  • Javier: It said it on the sign.

[View of the sign as soon as he says that word: "Asteroid coming at 11:11 tomorrow. Prepare while you can!" in English and Kiswahili.]

  • Pencil: Aye, y'know when you see the sign it opens up yer eyes.
  • Kids: Huh?
  • Pencil: Not yer generation, thet's wot!
  • Ximena: What time is it now?
  • Pencil: No idea; 'tdon' show up on the phone.
  • Saye: Everyone who worked on the clocks has already left to space!
  • Pen: Why don't we run to a country with a rocket system?
  • Pencil: You'd be willin' to gi'e up the country you fought fer?
  • Pen: Penc... it's for the children.
  • Pencil: Fer the children me backside!
  • Sio: We're right here!
  • Zorah: Come on, I think we should... we should—
  • Cil: Goo!
  • Qalam-Rassas: Cil is right. Let's move!
  • Pen: Good idea. Before you know it, this place will be crowded.
  • Salvador: We're past that point already.

[They head in the opposite direction from the approaching masses.]

  • Citlali: But I like the crowds!

Almost night[]

  • Pencil: Wan' to take a break?
  • Pen: No... [breathing heavily] I'm running very slowly... that's what.
  • Zorah: Why is it that dads get less fit when they get old?
  • Pen: What was I saying!
  • Pencil: Oi, wait! Look!

[She points off to the horizon.]

  • Saye: I see.
  • Javier: The sun still exists when the world is in panic.
  • Pencil: No, there's an 'ouse o'er yonder!
  • Qalam-Rassas: We can run there!
  • Cil: Good!
  • Pen: And we're running again.


  • Sio: Maybe it's one of those places that are bigger on the inside.
  • Pencil: Aye, h'I'd quite like thet.
  • Javier: How do we know they will let us enter?
  • Pencil: 'E'll 'ave to let us in acos I'm beautiful.
  • Pen: What about me?
  • Pencil: Aye, you too. In a mume[10] sort o' way.
  • Ximena: Shall we knock on the door?
  • Pencil: Sure!
  • Salvador: Ooh, let me!

[He bangs on the door for at least a few seconds because Pencil carries him away.]

  • Pencil: [knocking lightly] Samahani!

[The door opens. On the other side is Ma Ailun.[11] Javier squeals in excitement.]

  • Ma Ailun: Hujambo![12]
  • Pencil: 'Ello. We are Pencil, Pen an' co. 'S it alright thet I should stay't yer 'ouse tonight? We're very desperate to find a plan ter escape Earth.

[Ailun says nothing.]

  • Javier: Mummy, Mummy, Mummy, may I pull you aside?
  • Pencil: No, wot?
  • Javier: That is Ailun Ma!
  • Pencil: Ailun 'o?
  • Javier: Ailun Ma, Ma Ailun, he's that famous science guy who, like, gives money to space companies and throws forks into space!
  • Pencil: Oh, so some man from yer science show on the telly, eh?
  • Javier: Yes, that guy. I had no idea he lives in Kenya!
  • Pencil: Would'ee do the honours an' speak ter im? You're basically fallin' in love.
  • Javier: I would, but he doesn't speak any English.
  • Pencil: 'Ow's'e do his show then?
  • Javier: He uses technology to dub his own voice from Mandarin to his own voice in English.
  • Pencil: Oh, an' I suppose thet acos I speak Mandarin, I'll be she 'o speaks ter'im?
  • Javier: Please?
  • Pencil: Alright. I'll give'e h'a go.
  • Javier: Yay! [to the other kids] Mum's going to talk to Ailun Ma!
  • Pencil: [to Javier] What's I says again?
  • Javier: "Hello, we are..."
  • Pencil: Oh, aye, aye, I've got it. [to Ailun] 您好!我们是什赖伯家族。如果我们今晚待在您家里,还好吗?[13]
  • Ma Ailun: [thinking for a while] 当然,为什么不留在这儿?[14]
  • Yaretzi: Hey, he speaks Chinese! [sing-songy] Just like you-ou!
  • Zorah: Oi, I'm on holiday! I do not have any time for languages! [Beat.] He said "Come in."
  • Ximena: I thought we weren't supposed to trust weird houses!
  • Sio: At least somebody is living in this one.
  • Pen: I thought so. Forwards, march!

The house of Ma Ailun[]

  • Pen: When you start to look at it, it's really not that bad!
  • Pencil: Omg, not in front of our 'ost! 'E may not speak the bes' English but 'e's got technology ter understan' e'erythin' you says. Now ye mus' all says good things about this place without bein' pushy.
  • Ximena: Pushy?
  • Pencil: A time I's at me friend Bubble's 'ouse an' I's like, "I really like yer telly" an' she's like "You can hoive it" an' I's like, "Omg, I mus' 'a' done a cultural faux pas, thet's wot!"
  • Yaretzi: I want to say something nice! Mummy, can you please transliterate for me?
  • Pencil: Eh?
  • Javier: It means translate plus obliterate.
  • Sio: That's how wars happen.
  • Pencil: Children, I'll say wote'er it is ter'e, 's long as it's somethin' thet'll get us to the moon.
  • Pen: Penc, do you need to be that self-centred right now?
  • Pencil: Ah, you're right.
  • Citlali: Hey, you can't say that!
  • Saye: Yeah, guys are never right!
  • Javier: Nuh-uh! That would mean gay people would always lie to each other!
  • Salvador: [gasps] You fu킹 said the G-word in Kenya!
  • Ximena: So?
  • Zorah: As if you haven't said every swear world in this ending world.
  • Qalam-Rassas: Girls have cooties!
  • Pencil: Oi, this is the kind o' self-centredness an' tribalism we're speakin' o'!
  • Saye: Who had talked of tribalism?

[Pencil shh's her, but it sounds like a hiss.]

  • Pencil: Aye, we've got our faults, but we've got to put 'em aside... this world's about ter end soon an' I've no idear on 'ow long until it does. So to then, make peace!
  • Pen: You're right, eh?
  • Citlali: Told you!

[Everyone looks at her.]

  • Citlali: Did somebody turn out the lights because it's, like, totally awkward!
  • Pen: The only thing we can do now is to work together.

[Enter Ma Ailun, wearing a white bathrobe.]

  • Ma Ailun: [through his dubbed voice] How y'all doing then?
  • Sio: Great.
  • Yaretzi: We love this house.
  • Ximena: We're not even lying this time!
  • Pencil: The children an' I find'e to —er, 孩子们和我发现房子是最美的。[15]
  • Ma Ailun: Thank you next.
  • Pencil: 如果您不介意,我们宁愿现在睡觉。[16]
  • Ma Ailun: Always a pleasure.
  • Qalam-Rassas: Woah! Did you hear that, Ora?
  • Zorah: I think that was the word for "sleep"!
  • Salvador: Pencil, did you tell that man we have to sleep now?
  • Javier: He's not just a man.
  • Pencil: Aye, I'm exhausted from all thet walkin'.
  • Pen: People usually get less fit when they get old.
  • Zorah: Told you!
  • Qalam-Rassas: I don't want to sleep!
  • Ximena: The only one who wants to sleep is Cil!

[Cil is seen sleeping on top of the coffee table.]

  • Cil: [snoring] Goo-goo-goo-goo-goo... I'm a-take over your souls...
  • Sio: They have board games! We can play all night!
  • Pen: Without any Internet you've really got no more options, have you?
  • Saye: Please, Mum, may we stay up?
  • Pencil: Wot with the please-mum, sure. Don' stay up too late... 's if you've got a choice an' the world endin'.
  • Salvador: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
  • Pencil: [to the kids] Good night!
  • Pen: Buona notte!
  • Pencil: Oi, let me one-up'ee... [to Ailun] Wan-an![17]

[A. R. I. of night greeting.]

  • Ma Ailun: Opposite of bad day. I shall reside in the kitchen during the night.

[Fade to later on in the night. Approximate time: 20:00.]

  • Sio: Perfect, they're asleep! We have over eight hours of finding a way to get ourselves into space.
  • Javier: What use is a brother with an engineering degree if he can't use it?


  • Javier: Me, I'm talking about me!
  • Kids: Oh!

[They all look over to see if the parents will wake up at that remark.]

  • Yaretzi: Shh...
  • Kids: Oh.

[The children split into the science group and the games group.]

  • Salvador: Have we really just made teams here?
  • Qalam-Rassas: Who cares? This is so fun!
  • Citlali: We stay up every night anyway.
  • Qalam-Rassas: But now we're in somebody's house!
  • Saye: What do you want to play first?
  • Salvador: This one.
  • Citlali: Omg, let's hold off of Darberts and Damplins.
  • Zorah: You secretly know how to play it, don't you?
  • Citlali: Be quiet, Zorah!
  • Saye: Children, stifle your anger.
  • Sio: [from the other side] "Stifle". Why?
  • Saye: It's a word of the day.
  • Qalam-Rassas: More like the word of the last day!
  • Sio: I can hear you from here.
  • Salvador: That's kind of the point. Duh!


  • Zorah: It's very, very quiet in here.

[With the science team.]

  • Yaretzi: You know, if the world doesn't end, I can say that I did maths while on holiday!
  • Sio: You're a saint, kid.
  • Yaretzi: By the way, you forgot to carry the "2"
  • Sio: Really?
  • Javier: Sio, you're basically sleep-calculating!
  • Sio: Well, I haven't been in the same maths level as you two are. And I'm old, so... the whole sleepiness and stuff.
  • Javier: We have to find someway to save ourselves.
  • Sio: How about these books? [pointing at the books scattered over the floor]
  • Javier: If we move them, will this place explode?
  • Sio: Why would you think something like that?
  • Yaretzi: Got it!

[She takes the book from the floor and nothing happens. Finding out that it is a mathematics textbook, she turns to a page.]

  • Yaretzi: Is this the key to our problems?
  • Sio: Probably not. The answers to issues don't come out of nowhere.
  • Yaretzi: But they do appear in Kiswahili.
  • Sio: Hey, would you look at that!
  • Javier: A language I can hardly understand!
  • Yaretzi: But I know it!
  • [ Sio · Javier ]: Hooray!

[With the game team.]

  • Salvador: [loudly whispering] Can you two shut up?
  • Saye: You are louder over here than they are over there!
  • Ximena: Yeah, say you're sorry!
  • Salvador: I will once Saye tells me what she's doing.
  • Saye: I'm writing a letter to Mum and Dad.
  • Citlali: Shall I get tissues?
  • Saye: What? No! I have to explain to them why I got suspended from the first week of school.
  • Zorah: You got
  • Saye: Shh!
  • Citlali: Can I read it?
  • Saye: Well, you read every personal thing I have anyway, so...
  • Citlali: Give! [Saye reluctantly gives her paper to Citlali]
  • Ximena: I expected a "please" in that.
  • Citlali: [reading] "Dearest Mother and Dearest Father: Have I got news for you! Remember when I was at that H&G job interview?"
  • Saye: Read it softer, eh?
  • Citlali: "Whilst I was being interviewed—"
  • Saye: See, I used "whilst" to make it all fancy.
  • Citlali: "There was a burglary in the store. That girl Pretty, the friend of the girl whose quinceañera I had attended, was caught stealing a giant wall mirror. I didn't do anything to stop her, on account of her being, like, totally one of my BFF's of another generation..."
  • Saye: Okay, stop there.
  • Citlali: [still silently reading] You got thrown in mall jail because you allowed a stealing?
  • Salvador: Ooh, shame on you! Everybody knows stealing is wrong!
  • Qalam-Rassas: Just like Leafy!
  • Citlali: Hey, don't talk bad about Leafy! Mum and Dad happen to be friends with her again!
  • Qalam-Rassas: Why?
  • Citlali: I follow all the other BFDI people on PYM!

[With the science team.]

  • Sio: Avi, have you got the blueprint finished yet?
  • Javier: It's more like a "blackprint".
  • Yaretzi: That must be because it's dark outside.
  • Sio: All we need are the materials. Where are we going to get materials at a place like this?
  • Javier: Remember what Ailun Ma told us? He said he would be exploring the kitchen!
  • Sio: Should we ask him if he's got anything?
  • Javier: Sure! There's only one problem.
  • Sio: What's that?
  • Javier: He doesn't speak our language.
  • Sio: There is nothing wrong with that!
  • Yaretzi: Hmm... so we can't speak English with him, but he can speak with us!
  • Sio: How does that happen?
  • Javier: It will take somebody who knows languages.

[Jump cut to the first group going to the second one.]

  • Sio: QR!
  • Qalam-Rassas: Yes, I'm a bit busy right now.
  • Saye: We're playing Apples Against Objectity. Can you let us finish our game?
  • Yaretzi: Okay! We have all night anyway!
  • Zorah: "There's nothing wrong with watching Angolan Girls[18] with a dead body."
  • Kids: Ooh!
  • Qalam-Rassas: "There's nothing wrong with watching..." What's this say?
  • Saye: Housing d... discrimination. Let's skip this round, eh?
  • Javier: Yeah, let's go.
  • Sio: Wait! QR, we need you.
  • Qalam-Rassas: Why?
  • Yaretzi: You speak Mandarin Chinese, right?
  • Qalam-Rassas: Yeah!
  • Sio: Can you please ask Ma Ailun if he has any spare parts?
  • Qalam-Rassas: Kay-kay! [Beat.] Who is that?
  • Javier: The guy who lives in this house!
  • Qalam-Rassas: Hmm... no.
  • Javier: Come on, dude!
  • Sio: It's for the world.
  • Qalam-Rassas: But Mummy speaks Chinese!
  • Zorah: "People from the centre of the Earth always go..." Wait, wait, wait, somebody say Chinese?
  • Sio: We need you to ask Ma Ailun for spare parts.
  • Zorah: Gross!
  • Javier: Girl, can you be more official than that?
  • Zorah: Fine.
  • Qalam-Rassas: Do it for the world!
  • Zorah: Yeah, whatever! This door, right?
  • The three: Yes.

[Exit Zorah.]

  • Yaretzi: So when do you think she's—

[Enter Zorah again.]

  • Zorah: I'm back!
  • Sio: That was fast.
  • Yaretzi: What did he say?
  • Zorah: He said, 对不起,我没带他们。[19]
  • Javier: She means, what did he say in our language?
  • Zorah: He said he's only got stuff in his other home in... that city.
  • Javier: Beijing? Montevideo? Entebbe?
  • Zorah: Huh?
  • Javier: Everybody knows that Ma Ailun owns holiday houses in at least fifteen cities.
  • Zorah: He does not; I bet you 800.
  • Salvador: Who owns holiday houses in fifty thousand cities?
  • Saye: Okay, is anyone, like, playing this game or not?
  • Citlali: Sorry, Saye, this is more interesting.
  • Saye: Then you win! Typical.
  • Sio: We don't have the parts.
  • Citlali: Gross!
  • Sio: We're writing objects; what the heck is the subtext here?
  • Javier: Sio's saying we don't have the parts to make our own rocket.
  • Ximena: You're making a rocket?
  • Yaretzi: We were.
  • Saye: There is no way you can make a rocket about these stuff.
  • Javier: Why not? There are clocks all around us!
  • Saye: Yeah, but you can't take them apart. Don't want to get thrown out!
  • Javier: Great, we've got nothing.
  • Yaretzi: That's not the attitude to have right now!
  • Zorah: [almost mocking] Yeah, it's posser-tivity!
  • Yaretzi: No, I was saying we should all sleep.
  • Sio: Good idea. The world may be ending, but we've got a short day tomorrow!

[The children hurry to their makeshift beds.]

  • Cil: Goo—
  • Javier: —d night!

[A. R. I.]

Monday, September 8[]

House of Ma Ailun[]

  • Pen: [jolting awake] Right-o!
  • Pencil: [waking up] Oi m8, no one said anythin' ter'ee.
  • Pen: Sorry, I keep reminding myself that I'm not much of a so—
  • Pencil: Omg, the kids!

[She looks over and finds the children sleeping.]

  • Pencil: Aw, they h'ain' awake!
  • Pen: I bet Mar Island did something about this.
  • Pencil: "Mar Islan'", m8? [Beat.] Actually, thet ain' a bad assumption. An' we geh'!


  • Pen: 'D morning!
  • Pencil: Oi, don' be nice! [to Ma Ailun] We know'ee's done it!
  • Ma Ailun: [through his synthesised voice] I very well respond myself not but in un-English.
  • Pencil: Thet I's meant to says was... 我们知道你为孩子们做了些什么![20]
  • Ma Ailun: Of what thou speakest I do know no thing. The prior night, before the night, has one in you's brood spoken with me for parts; alas, have I none, for this house is not.
  • Pencil: [to Pen] I'm er-ask wot 'e's speakin' o'. [to Ailun] 我们不知道你在说什么。[21]
  • Ma Ailun: This abode is mine not.
  • Pencil: Thanks fer 'is 'elp, anyway.

Living room[]

  • Pen: I don't speak machine-translated phrases, but I'm pretty sure he said that this is not his house.

[Javier suddenly wakes up.]

  • Javier: Actually, every Maailunologist knows that he owns property in over fifteen cities.
  • Pen: Avi, son, you're suddenly awake!
  • Javier: We are objects. Do you think we really sleep? You say something prompting and we spring to life.
  • Pencil: Child, yer father an' I h'ain' thet intelligent in the science area. We're more into sport.
  • Javier: A fact I loathe.
  • Pen: I have a bad feeling that FC Ibáñez are losing their first game of the season, don't you, Mona? [Beat.] Wait, you're sleeping.
  • Ximena: [getting up] No, I'm not! Our school team can not lose!
  • Pencil: An' with th' impendin' end o' the planet, Landroid're goin' out o' business!
  • Citlali: Not without my support!
  • Pencil: Oh, the firs' day o' school's today! Can't be late!
  • Salvador: You can't make me! I'm really sleeping.
  • Pencil: No you h'ain'!
  • Pen: This is fun and all, but the big issue is that.
  • Qalam-Rassas: Am I in trouble? It sounds like you're talking to me.
  • Pen: [to Pencil] No, the issue's the fact that this is not Ma Ailun's house.
  • Zorah: Avi, you owe me 800!
  • Pencil: I think we should take a break.
  • Sio: And miss work?
  • Pencil: Well, three to go.
  • Zorah: I'm not going to let my twister miss my being awake. [to Yaretzi] YARISIS, WAKE UP OR YOU'LL MISS THE SCHOOLBUS!
  • Saye: Hey, I was sleeping here!
  • Yaretzi: Morning already? Yay, I'm so happy!
  • Pen: Well, now that you're all awake, I'd like to make an announcement. This is—
  • Pencil: Not Mar Ailun's 'ouse. Some other bloke owns this place an' we've been a-trespassin'!
  • Yaretzi: Oh no, are we going to jail?
  • Pen: Are you kidding?
  • Pencil: Thet's part o' why I love thet man dearly.
  • Salvador: Pencil, can you not say that... Ever again?
  • Sio: I don't know, Dad, a bunch of bad stuff has been happening to us.
  • Saye: So we're going to jail?
  • Citlali: Ew, I'm going to be orange!
  • Zorah: Excuse you!
  • Citlali: And now that I say it that sounds, like, totally wrong.
  • Pencil: We're not to get in trouble, all o' ye. H'if we h'escape er leave a note. Fancy thet'f 'e come 'ome, 'e might as well be h'in space now.
  • Pen: I'll carry the suitcases.
  • Pencil: I've got th'other! Kids, take wote'er you've brought with'ee, an' only thet. Remember thet the basic floorplan of our 'ouse is in these.


  • Sio: Like I could ever forget an invention.
  • Qalam-Rassas: Do you remember Sysetta?
  • Sio: Is that a friend of yours?
  • Javier: Guys, this is bad! We still don't have a way for us to go into space.
  • Saye: Why can't we just stay here?
  • Citlali: Because there are no people to see me! Duh!
  • Zorah: Saye! Saye! Saye! Look.

[She show her her phone and there is a video of what the earth would look like if an asteroid hit it.]

  • Qalam-Rassas: That's scary!
  • Javier: It's horrible!
  • Ximena: It's also one of her favourite videos ever.
  • Zorah: This blasteroid can happen without witch magic! This is what people call "imper-bides comedy".
  • Javier: I think you mean—
  • Zorah: No.
  • Yaretzi: I think Mummy is calling out for us.
  • Saye: Yeah, let's get these things out of here.

[As soon as they are close to rushing out of the house, the house's presumed owner enter; his name is Thothington.]

  • Thothington: What the beep are you doing in my house?

[The children scream in terror.]

  • Pencil: [from outside, having not seen the owner] Kids, you h'okay?
  • Qalam-Rassas: We're running! We're running!
  • Zorah: Be gone, pepo!
  • Ximena: Quick, get the shoes!


  • Javier: Hahaha, it's funny because when you run, the shoes make a "Goo" sound.
  • Sio: Goo... wait, Cil's in there!
  • Javier: I'll wait for you!
  • Saye: I'm not.
  • Javier: [to Saye] Yeah, me too.


  • Pencil: Five, six... seven... eight... [to Pen] We're a-missin' two.
  • Sio: Don't worry, we're fine!
  • Cil: Goo!
  • Pencil: Oh, the two of'ee h'are safe!

[Salvador intentionally clears his throat.]

  • Pen: The ten of you are safe!
  • Pencil: Aye, the way it should be. [She looks down.] Oi, where'd'ee get those shoes?
  • Yaretzi: On the ground!
  • Pencil: Now you know not to tke somethin' thet ain' yours.
  • Ximena: But the world's about to end!
  • Pencil: Thet ain' an excuse!
  • Salvador: I steal stuff, Leafy steals stuff. What's the rush?
  • Pen: Leafy is a criminal.

[Pencil whispers something to him.]

  • Pen: Was a criminal.
  • Javier: Who are you and what've you done with my shipping?
  • Pencil: Now it's my job to bring back these trainers ter the rightful owner...
  • Pen: Penc, it's a bit too dangerous to go into there. You know how some rural people are.
  • Pencil: Oi, you city slickers wouldn' las' o'er a night out 'ere anyway! Now, I shall 'a'e ter undo these, startin' with younges'. QR, you're firs'.
  • Ximena: Ooooooooh!
  • Qalam-Rassas: Okay. But I don't know how to tie these.
  • Pencil: [inspecting the shoes] 'Tis fine, th'appears to be a button doin'e for'ee.

[Pencil pushes the button, but it sends QR springing up in the air.]

  • Pencil: I'm guessin' those factory workers wanted to do us a great, big trollin', eh?
  • Javier: Mum, what have you pressed?
  • Pencil: Oi, 'twas intentional!
  • Ximena: What is "in-ten-tio-nal"?
  • Pencil: I did'e h'acos I wanted to.
  • Ximena: Okay! Mona, I stole your drawing because in-ten-tio-nal.
  • Yaretzi: Ooh, that would get you full marks on the—hey!

[QR falls down to the ground in the same exact place.]

  • Qalam-Rassas: [muffled] Did I do that?
  • Ximena: You know...

[Ximena tries to speak, but is drowned out by everybody else freaking out over the events.]

  • Saye: What's just happened?
  • Citlali: Those are jumping shoes!
  • All: Huh?
  • Citlali: I think when you press the button, you start to jump!
  • Zorah: Wow, that's not impressive.
  • Pencil: Jump... as in... geh up 'igh in th'air?
  • Pen: That's the idea.
  • Pencil: Oi, don' backsause me't a time like this.
  • Javier: Ooh! Ooh! I know what happens next! If we jump up high enough, we'll end up in space!

[A. R. I.]

  • Saye: Lallie, how did you know about these shoes in the first place?
  • Citlali: Duh, it was on BFDI!
  • Pencil: Omg, thet makes sense!

[Pencil looks up in a flashback.]

Pencil: Hey, I want a gift!
Leafy: Oh, ah, oh, ah, well.
Pencil: Give me!

[Leafy takes off the shoes that Bubble is already wearing and gives it to Pencil.]

Leafy: Here.
Pencil: Gee, thanks!

[End flashback.]

  • Pencil: Oh, those BFDI people 'ave always made us wear the stranges' o' costumes.
  • Pen: And then they locked us up.
  • Ximena: You know—
  • Pen: Avi, do you think we can jump high enough to get into space?
  • Javier: I can try. Somebody push a button!
  • Pencil: Somebody push a button, please—
  • Yaretzi: No, it's actually on your shoe.
  • Javier: It is?

[He bends down.]

  • Javier: Ow.

[He pushes the button and flies so quickly that it looks like he has disappeared. He leaves a sonic boom.]

  • Kids: Ooh.
  • Ximena: You know—
  • Qalam-Rassas: [to the sky] Are you in space yet?
  • Salvador: He's not going to answer.
  • Javier: [from above] NO—AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!

[Javier falls head-first onto the ground.]

  • Pencil: Me baby!
  • Cil: Goo!
  • Pencil: Me older baby!

Ailun's House[]

[She runs towards him, and the rest of the family follow.]

  • Javier: I'm fine!
  • Salvador: You didn't see space, did you?
  • Javier: I saw the sky turn black and looked at the earth below me; that's got to count as space.
  • Yaretzi: But why did you fall down?
  • Pen: The shoes are obviously not working. Sorry kids, but we're going to have to bring them back.
  • Zorah: There is a crazy person who's willing to kill us all!
  • Yaretzi: Did you just say "kill"?
  • Ximena: You know—
  • Pencil: Yer daddy's right; if these shoes can't ta'e us into space an' keep us there fer good, then there's no way fer us to use these.
  • Pen: I'll take the shoes.
  • Pencil: No, you freaks out at anythin'. O' course, thet's not yer fault entirely, but...
  • Saye: Too late, Dad's on the run.
  • Pencil: Oi, get back 'ere! Kids, I want'ee to stay where you're right now.
  • Ximena: You know—
  • Zorah: Wait for us!

[Pencil follows him to the house of Thothington. The children tread behind her, despite her pleas not to.]

  • Pen: [knocking on the door] Hello?

[Thothington opens it. He does not get into a rage.]

  • Thothington: What do you want?
  • Pen: We've come to return these shoes to you—Don't kill me!
  • Thothington: Why would I kill you? You look like those secret rich guys who live in the wilderness and can afford a Recovery Centre.
  • Pen: Was that a compliment?
  • Pencil: Wait! Don' kill'e; 'e's a lightweight!
  • Thothington: Why is everybody assuming I kill people? You're not inside my house, so there is not a reason.
  • Pen: [uncomfortable] So... you'll let us keep these shoes?
  • Thothington: No, that's the issue. You may keep only one pair of shoes, and give the rest to Ailun.
  • Zorah: Ailun? You know Ailun?
  • Thothington: Yes, we are partners.
  • Pencil: As in scientific business partners?
  • Thothington: Are you the government?
  • Pencil: No, the government's gone all up in space.
  • Thothington: Then no. Please, give us the shoes back.
  • Pen: When you put it that way... [turns around] Alright, everyone, bring the shoes forward!

[The children essentially form a, bringing the shoes from one to another.]

  • Saye: Wait, why are we doing this? The world's about to end!
  • Pen: Okay, throw your shoes in his—
  • Kids: Right-o!
  • Pen: No, wait!

[The rest of the shoes are thrown at Thothington.]

  • Thothington: Ow.
  • Pen: I meant to say "in his direction"!
  • Thothington: [panicked] It's not that; did that young person just say that the world's about to end?
  • Pencil: Wot? No! Wouldn' wan' to get'ee all worked up o'er somethin' so.
  • Thothington: It's fine; the world's not about to end.
  • Pencil: But the news says—
  • Thothington: That's just a bunch of conspiracy theories.
  • Zorah: Maybe we should believe him.
  • Javier: No! All the science says it's right!
  • Ximena: You know—
  • Javier: [to Thothington] I'm sorry; you may be the partner of an engineer as honourable as Ma Ailun, but you are a pseudoscientific monster!
  • Pencil: Wot'd'ee says?
  • Pen: Sous scientific... I think it's like sous-chef.
  • Pencil: Oh.
  • Thothington: You may call me names, little boy, and take this pair of shoes. The world does not revolve around you. In fact, the world does not revolve at all. What good would a flat disc be if it spun?
  • Yaretzi: The world is a flat disc?
  • Ximena: I won't forget it like that!
  • Pen: I'm sorry, but I'm assuming that this is goodbye.
  • Thothington: Don't believe the lies!

[He slams the door.]

  • Javier: And he lives with a scientist!
  • Ximena: You know—
  • Pencil: Now let's go before 'e really sends us off.


  • Pen: Penc, we only have one pair of shoes with us.
  • Cil: [running past them] Goo!
  • Pencil: Thet explains why our son's runnin' faster than e'er.
  • Pen: How shall we get to space with just one shoe?
  • Pencil: I don' know, but if our son don' stop, we'll run as far as space!
  • Pen: True. [to the kids] Someone call him for us?
  • Zorah: Why can't you do it?
  • Pen: It's hard to raise my voice since my service days.
  • Pencil: OI, KID, GET BACK 'ERE!

[Cil starts to run backwards. Sio catches him.]

  • Sio: Here you go.
  • Pencil: Thanks, me son.
  • Cil: Goo!
  • Citlali: Now Cil, it's not proper for a young man to run about like that. You can get eaten by wild animals.
  • Cil: [indignantly] Goo!
  • Qalam-Rassas: Can we... stop running?
  • Pencil: Sure.

[They all stop at different intervals.]

  • Javier: And now to look at these shoes.

[He accidentally pushes the button and sends the shoes flying into space. Everyone screams.]

  • Javier: It's okay; they're falling back to Earth! We just need to wait.


  • Ximena: You know—
  • Ximena: Because, I know how we can get to space with one shoe!
  • Pencil: 'Ow?
  • Ximena: I can't tell you if we don't have the shoes!

[The sound of something dropping into a body of water.]

  • Pencil: [not looking back] Those were the springin' shoes, weren' they.
  • Pen: I think so.
  • Pencil: Shall we run?
  • Pen: Before it sinks?
  • Salvador: Just run there!

[They all run towards a lake, where the sole pair of shoes bobs up and down.]

  • Citlali: I'm not going in there.
  • Ximena: Who do we know is a good swimmer?
  • Saye: Dad?
  • Pen: Don't look at me, I worked from aeroplanes.
  • Ximena: I was talking about me! I was in a swim class for a day!
  • All: You were?
  • Ximena: I know, I've forgotten it too.

[She jumps into the water.]

  • Javier: Where's she gone?
  • Zorah: [flatly] Oh no, we hardly miss ye.
  • Pencil: Oi, she'll make'e h'out!

[Silence for a few moments.]

  • Pencil: Er not.

[A. R. I.]

  • Sio: Guys, we haven't got much time! The world's about to end!
  • Pencil: An' we can't call the police; they're all up in ou'er space!
  • Pen: As if the police have anything to do about this anyway...

[Ximena pops up, carrying the shoes.]

  • Ximena: I'm out!

[She crawls out of the lake.]

  • Qalam-Rassas: Wow! You can crawl too!
  • Pen: Alright, how much time have we got before the world ends?
  • Salvador: [checking his watch] 10:00.
  • Pencil: Thet don' make sense, 'twas like six hours two minutes ago!
  • Pen: Six hours? You mean—
  • Salvador: I meant 11:00.
  • Pencil: WOT?

[Everyone gasps.]

  • Pencil: Yer meanin' to says thet it is soon to be h'eleven-eleven?
  • Yaretzi: My phone says it's 11:00.
  • Pen: Thank you for being truthful, eh?
  • Saye: [from the other side] Who cares? The asteroid's going to hit our planet in eleven minutes and we still don't have a way to get to space! This is horrible!
  • Pencil: Child, it really ain'. Yer father's workin' on the shoes at this moment!
  • Pen: I am?
  • Javier: I am.

[He takes the time to de-waterlog the shoes.]

  • Saye: Why can't we be in space but everybody else can? It's so like being uncool!
  • Pencil: Well... I too wish we could be h'up there, away from this place. But you can't be un'appy by complainin' about things! 'Tain' right.
  • Saye: I've blown everything! I can't win at card games, I can't do these shoes, I got arrested—
  • Javier: Done!
  • Yaretzi: All thanks to this girl's water-drying skills!
  • Pen: Good job, you two.
  • Pencil: Wait, you were arrested?
  • Ximena: Now we need to jump.
  • Pencil: Saye, you've got arrested!?
  • Salvador: I like jumping!
  • Zorah: [rolling her eyes] Yeah, when it's on somebody else's face.
  • Pen: Guys, we can do this! After all, we are all—
  • Javier: Please don't say "Schreiber Insieme Nation!"
  • Pen: I was saying "one of the only families still on Earth", but now that you've reminded me...
  • Javier: Hey, why don't we each put one foot in the shoe?
  • Yaretzi: That's mean; some of us don't have any—
  • Zorah: Girl, you've got legs. It's arms you don't have.
  • Citlali: Ew, I am not putting myself next to other people!
  • Pencil: Oi, jus' do'e! 'Twill end up in a shapeless mass anyway.

[To some heroic background music, the family each fit one foot into the springing shoes.]

  • Ximena: Have we just joined together?
  • Kids: Yeah!
  • Pencil: Can we talk o' this 'ole gettin' arrested bit, firs'?
  • Saye: And we are the Schreiber Insieme Nation!
  • Pen: I thought you hated that name!
  • Saye: At this point I don't even caaaaaaaa—

[Everybody in their backpacks gets shot into space.]

Ma Ailun and Thotherson's House[]

  • Ma Ailun: Asteroids are fake news.
  • thotherson[char tag?]: So was your false inability to speak English.
  • Ma Ailun: What shall we do now?
  • thotherson[char tag?]: Wait for the time that asteroid comes and laugh at the stars.
  • Ma Ailun: Why?
  • thotherson[char tag?]: They won't hear us say "I told you so."

[Ailun and Thotherson laugh mockingly.]


  • Qalam-Rassas: What's going on?
  • Pencil: Ask yer father, the Captain o' Space!
  • Pen: It was Captain of Aeronautics!
  • Pencil: Wote'er!
  • Javier: Why is the sky suddenly dark?
  • Sio: You do advanced thermodynamic equations and you don't know why the sky is—oh, it's, like, totally black.
  • Pen: How about we swim towards it?
  • Pencil: Steady, Captain o' the Waters, I think we're already doin' thet.

[In the same fashion as in "Gardening Hero", the family find themselves in a lattice of static characters.]

  • Pencil: Oh, 'ello.

[Everybody around them speaks Hindi.]

  • Saye: Omg, it's Hindi! I was going to take that class in school this year!
  • Citlali: Can we swim where we can find our alliance?
  • Pen: Penc, lead the way. You know your alliance better than anybody else.
  • Pencil: Alright then.

[She "swims" in a random direction. The family reluctantly follow.]

  • Qalam-Rassas: Mummy, I see the Earth!
  • Pencil: Aye, hin a while thet Sir Dinosaur er wote'er'll be destroyin'e.
  • Zorah: Can we stay and watch?
  • Pencil: Y'wants to see h'all thet you've e'er li'ed fer be h'ended o'er the course of a few minutes?
  • Zorah: That depends. Is it going to hit Kenya?
  • Pencil: Come on, I think I sees Ruby!

[They all swim towards her.]

  • Qalam-Rassas: This is weird!

[As they approach her.]

  • Pencil: Psst... Ruby! It's me, Penc!
  • Citlali: How's your relationship with Book?
  • dioptase[char tag?]: Hi, Ruby's my sister! But I think that she and Book are doing very well.

[Pencil sighs.]

  • Pencil: An' which one are you?
  • dioptase[char tag?]: Dioptase, but you can call me—
  • Pencil: Dio, I still remember, m8, Ruby's made us memorise 'er sibling nicknames fer the pas' few years. Could you please point me towards yer sister?
  • dioptase[char tag?]: Sorry, I haven't seen her! I was sent from the airport at Sydney for a meeting of a business that doesn't exist any more.
  • Salvador: What's... your business?
  • dioptase[char tag?]: Saving the planet.
  • Pencil: Come on, kids, let's all aimlessly wander. [to Dioptase] Nice talkin' ter'ee h'again!

[The kids follow her.]

  • Pencil: Oi, Pen, you two!
  • Pen: Sorry, I was thinking.
  • Pencil: Then go think somewhere else with us!
  • Pen: Kay.
  • Saye: It's o-kay, Dad.
  • Pencil: Oh, cage's wot you're in when you's got arrested.
  • Saye: Ah, about that...


  1. (Gr.) "Hello"
  2. (Sw.) "making a new promise"
  3. (Gr.) "Please?"
  4. (Sw.) "worried"
  5. (Ita.) "Together"
  6. (Polish) "Work with me."
  7. Credit to WheeliumThe2nd for a better line.
  8. XXV 0525
  9. (Sw.) "I'm sorry"
  10. (Sw.) "husbandly"
  11. I had no idea that "Ma Ailun" is the name of an actual person. I was going for a Chinese-language tribute to Elon Musk.
  12. (Sw.) "Hello!" (to one person)
  13. (Ch.) "Hello! We are the Schreiber family. Is it alright if we stay at your house tonight?"
  14. (Ch.) "Sure, why not stay here?"
  15. (Ch.) "The children and I find the house to be of utmost beauty."
  16. (Ch.) "If you don't mind, we would like to sleep now."
  17. (Ch.) "Good night!"
  18. "Angolan Girls" is a television show about four elderly women (one of them Portuguese) who live in Luanda and have adventures.
  19. (Cn.) "I'm sorry, I did not bring—"
  20. (Ch.) "We know you have done something to the children!"
  21. (Ch.) "We don't know what you say."