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Pencil and Pen shabbat

Unfinished story ahead!

"Tonight we have to avoid completion of things, like, y'know ..." - Pen
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Asterisk Hedge

Warning!

"Wot'n ale's fozz'r'ye doin'?" - Pencil
This page contains profanity, like the sentence above. I have created two ways to censor those words, but I've also discovered that on mobile view, they lie uncensored. So please, show some cognoscience about what you may see.

If you do have a problem with profanity, please refer to this page § 3.

"State Minds Drink Alike" is a new episode of Pencil 2.O, and until recently, there has been neither number nor date associated. In this episode, the family receive a visit from a very important person

Tuesday, November 9, 2012

Headmistress's Office

  • Golf Ball: And why have I summoned you today?
  • Salvador: I don't know, why don't you tell me?
  • Golf Ball: You said a bad word. Those things are not to be spoken about, young man.
  • Salvador: Why?
  • Golf Ball: I … well … I have summoned your parents about this. They will arrive right—

[Enter Pencil and Pen.]

  • Pencil: Oi, wot'd our son do this time?
  • Golf Ball: —now.
  • Pen: Yeah, what was it that I had to get out of my job for?
  • Golf Ball: Ha, like you could ever get a job!
  • Pencil: No, I've got the job, an' thet's the one involvin' me callin' me boss a' the floris's. 'E jus' usually says 'e's th' one with the job to fit 'is selfish needs!
  • Pen: Selfish needs?
  • Golf Ball: HEY! You two know why you're here, right?
  • Salvador: Golf Ball says I've been saying bad words!
  • Golf Ball: That's Headmistress Golf Ball to you!
  • Salvador: What, you say fuㅋ you to a teacher, and suddenly you're in the headmistress's office! What is going on?
  • Pencil: Aye, our school justice system's totally fuッケd up.
  • Golf Ball: Alright, I have created a schedule for you people, and you are to follow it so that your son does not speak that offending word again!
  • Pen: No, you can't tell my family what to do!
  • Golf Ball: Yes, I can. It so happens that this paper comes with a surveillance camera on the back.
  • Pencil: Oh come on!
  • Golf Ball: I will see you at midnight. [she winks] And if you don't comply, your beast of a son will be expelled.
  • Pencil: Omg, Salvador, did'ee hear thet?
  • Salvador: I'm a beast of a son!
  • Pen: Penc, I don't think she's kidding.
  • Pencil: Okay, we promise'ee we'll follow the schedule.
  • Golf Ball: I don't believe you, but I will give it a try.
  • Pen: We've also got a question.
  • Golf Ball: What is it?
  • Pen: How long do we have to follow this?
  • Golf Ball: 'Til I say so. Now GET OUT!

[Exit familia.]

Girls' room

  • Saye: I can't believe it!
  • Yaretzi: Me neither! Wait, what's going on?
  • Saye: It just so happens that the 8th Grade Mavuno Dance is in a week, and I haven't got a date.
  • Yaretzi: Why do you need a date?
  • Zorah: Isn't it obvious? So she can make the other girls jealous! That's going to be what I'll do when I'm old like Saye.
  • Ximena: I'm pretty sure that's not that, and I'm in the second grade.
  • Saye: I just really need a guy. Literally all the other people at school have someone! Oh, what's the point, I'll just go to the dance alone, sad, desolate …
  • Citlali: Now that's quitter talk! Saye, you're one of the most nicest people I know! I think a guy would be smart to be your boyfriend.
  • Yaretzi: Yeah, I suggest that you go to your phone and call every guy in your year! Somebody's going to have to take you by then!
  • Saye: Sorry, but I'm not going to take advice from Lower-Division girls. And calling? That's so 1992.

[Exit Saye.]

  • Citlali: Huh. I was sure she'd be a lot nicer.
  • Ximena: This is why she can't get a date.

[The other girls laugh.]

Stairs

  • Saye: [thinking] Ha ... 1992 ... that's so funny! Wait a second ... calling them actually sounds like a good idea! Gotta ask Mum how she feels ... [looking downstairs] Never mind, she's on the phone.
  • Pencil: Kesho usiku?[1] ... Hiyo ni nzuri; mimi atakuwa na familia na nyumba kuweka wote kwa ajili yenu. Asante kwa wito![2] ... Bye!

[she ends the call]

  • Pen: Who was that?
  • Pencil: Um ... I can't tell'ee.
  • Pen: Penc, are you trying to hide something I don't know about? Something Swahili-speaking?
  • Pencil: Wot d'ye think, this announcement involves all o' the family!
  • Pen: Then if it does ... KIDS, GET DOWN HERE, YOUR MOTHER HAS AN ANNOUNCEMENT!

[The kids run downstairs.]

  • Sio: Yeah, Dad?
  • Ximena: What's going on?
  • Cil: Goo!
  • Saye: What's the announcement, mother?
  • Citlali: Is this about me?
  • Pencil: Well ... sit 'round the dinner table, e'eryone! Thet way I can surely tell'ee with ye 'n captivated an' civilised!
  • Javier: Is it dinner? Because that is really important, and without it, we would die.
  • Cil: Goo!
  • Pencil: Eh ... sure.
  • Qalam-Rassas: I'm hungry!
  • Pencil: Kids ... tomorrow night, our house's gettin' a visitor.
  • Yaretzi: Alright!
  • [ Yaretzi · Zorah ]: Who is it?
  • Citlali: Can it be the Queen of England? I hear she's also the queen of fashion.
  • Pencil: Yer grandpa. 'E's the one comin' to visit.
  • Ximena: Yay!
  • Citlali: Is he going to bring his limo with him?
  • Sio: I've always wanted to ride in a limo!
  • Salvador: I've always wanted to trash a limo!
  • Pencil: No, not 'im.
  • Pen: Wait. If my father's the grandfather not coming here, then who is?
  • Pencil: Oi, ye can't know thet it's mine! My dad's th' one; 'e's comin' o'er 'et night.

[Everyone looks at her in shock.]

  • Salvador: Your father's the one coming over?
  • Sio: Your father, the most formidable Colonel Triangle Triángolo?
  • Citlali: The guy who appears in all of our history books?
  • Javier: Because it's mandatory under law?
  • Pencil: Aye, thet's 'im.
  • Pen: Oh, the actual Commander-in-Chief of the Kenyan Army coming here, tomorrow night?
  • Saye: I thought he was in some country in the Middle East!
  • Pencil: 'E was, but apparently now's 'is downtime so 'es free to come 'ere.
  • Pen: Oh, this is horrible! He's going to have great expectations of me again! You know that pressure kills you, eh?
  • Pencil: Wot's yer problem? I 'an' seen me father in so long, an' one wrong move'll make'e be ashamed I's e'er 'is daughter.
  • Pen: Oh, it's not that bad for you.
  • Zorah: Dad, what do you even know about shaming your father?
  • Pen: What do you know about shaming your father?
  • Zorah: May I start now?
  • Salvador: Zorah, unkindly shut up!
  • Saye: How about the time when we were at Shōhakoku during that debt thing in Greece?
  • Javier: Yeah. Ashamed of your ancestry, you tried to pass yourself as an Italian, and when asked what your favourite Italian food was, you said …
  • Pen: Moqueca capixaba.
  • Pencil: Thet ain' Italian, it was e'en one o' me mother's famous dishes!
  • Pen: I blanked out! I just thought of the "soldier's delectacy" when I was stationed at Guarapari.
  • Sio: Tell that to Grandpa, who was standing behind us the whole time.
  • Zorah: Hate to break your bubble of the past … wait! No, I don't. But we still have no game plan for tomorrow!
  • Pencil: Aye! With no preparation, 'e may ne'er come back again!
  • Pen: Tell you what … we do nothing tonight, and we put off until tomorrow, y'know, the day he actually comes here!
  • Saye: Ah, I see! It's the teenager method … [everyone looks at her] … Not that I've ever heard of it.
  • Salvador: Right …
  • Citlali: Mm-hmm.
  • Sio: So who wants to know about my crazy day at school?

[A.R.I.]

  • Sio: Today, me and my buddies—I mean, my buddies and I saw this guy, like, eating lunch by himself.
  • Pencil: Aww, 'ow sad!
  • Javier: This is me every day!
  • Sio: And when we went up to him, we found out that he only speaks Spanish!
  • Pencil: ¡Guay![3]
  • Sio: Then I had an idea … what if we made this device that you could speak into in one language, and sound waves in another language came out?
  • Salvador: That sounds like the most boring invention ever!
  • Sio: Well, it's not. It actually helped Lego speak English more better!
  • Javier: More better?
  • Zorah: Even I know that's wrong.
  • Ximena: Uh, Mum? I've got a problem.
  • Pencil: Aye?
  • Ximena: Grandpa's coming over tomorrow night?
  • Pencil: Aye, why?
  • Ximena: I've got chalumeau lessons at eighteen hours!
  • Pencil: Thet's no problem, I'll jus' tell me dad thet I've got nine kids. Just let me confuse'e'n 'o Mona's in the family postcards.
  • Citlali: Nobody actually reads those postcards!
  • Salvador: Yeah, they're fu킹 worthless!
  • Pen: Oh! Chavo, you just reminded me.
  • Salvador: Fine, I'll add in two shillings.
  • Pen: No, we've got an announcement.
  • Yaretzi Another announcement?
  • Saye: Is it Holy Week already?
  • Sio: What've you got to say now?
  • Pencil: We had to go to school today acos yer brother's actin' a bit … 'imself.
  • Salvador: Gee, that's reinforcing.
  • Pen: And until she says so, Headmistress Golf Ball has made a schedule for us to follow lest Salvador get caught in bad behavior, or else he shall be expelled—
  • Salvador: —which means I get the longest school holidays ever!
  • Saye: Dad, that's so unfair!
  • Pen: What?
  • Saye: I'm a teenager, I'm supposed to say that.
  • Citlali: Are you really going to follow directions from that dimply old hag?
  • Yaretzi: Wow, your disrespect for authority really showed right there!
  • Zorah: That's my thing!
  • Citlali: I'm sorry, it's just … she Dress Coded my bow because it was the colours of a rivalling school!
  • Pen: Neon is not a school colour.
  • Pencil: Oh yeah, thet was yer 80s fashion phase!
  • Ximena: Well, that phase ending was good for all of us.
  • Qalam-Rassas: Is she really going to dispel my brother?
  • Salvador: If we don't stick to that schedule she will.
  • Javier: And it's expel, not dispel.
  • Qalam-Rassas: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
  • Pen: Alright, I think it's getting a bit late.
  • Pencil: You kids should all get to bed whils' Dad an' I plan 'ow ye lot shall see us tomorrow's changed men … I mean, changed man an' woman!

Boys' room

  • Qalam-Rassas: Sio?
  • Sio: Yeah?
  • Qalam-Rassas: What do Mummy and Daddy mean when they say that they're going to change?
  • Sio: They're just changing how they act for us.
  • Salvador: Yeah!
  • Sio: Hey, just so you know, we're doing this for you. Maybe you should, like, be a little grateful.
  • Salvador: What's wrong with big grapefruits?
  • Sio: [to QR] He can't hear us …
  • Qalam-Rassas: Good night, everyone!

Wednesday, November 10, 2012

School

  • Map: Hey, Sio, how'd Sysetta turn out?
  • Sharpener: Sysetta? I thought we named it Rostran.
  • Sio: I haven't taken it home. I gave it to Lego, though.
  • Shieldy: You gave an invention away? For free?
  • Sio: Yeah, why? We're friends with him, eh?
  • Shieldy: No, the language barrier is too big.
  • Map: You're learning Spanish right now!
  • Sharpener: Yeah, you shouldn't be so judgmental. [Aside.] It's like a shield problem, I'm telling you!

[Enter Lego.]

  • Lego: Hey guys!
  • Sio: Hey, Lego! How much English have you learned?
  • Lego: A whole bunch, actually! One might say I'm fluent!
  • Sharpener: Oh, and you've got an Australian accent with you!
  • Lego: Yeah, I do! [to Sio] By the way, you can have Sysetta back.
  • Map: Ha! Told you her name isn't Rostran!
  • Sio: Thanks, but I don't what to do with it. My mother speaks every language known to … a common group for all of us!
  • Lego: Well, you should keep it as a relic of the time you really helped a friend.
  • Sio: Okay, I will! I'll go and do that.
  • Lego: ¡Adiós!

Home

  • Pencil: Clean up yer 'alf o' the room, m8, the social worker's a-comin' to make us suitable.
  • Pen: Oh, come on. I'm pretty sure every social worker gave up on us just because they saw our family, eh, Cil?
  • Cil: Goo!
  • Pencil: Don' blow this jus' yet, me boy, also remember we're a-fightin' to keep our son in school, wot with Bossy Bot's orders.

[There is a knock on the door.]

  • Pencil: Oi, they're 'ere! Fake smiles ready?
  • Pen: I've read smiling makes you look more attractive. If it's supposed to be fake, my name's not General Pen Dion Schreiber!

[Pencil opens the door. Match is on the other side.]

  • Match: Pencil!
  • Pencil: Match!
  • Pen: Excuse me, Match, but, we're trying to get ready for the social worker to come here.
  • Match: What're you talking about? I am the, like, social worker!
  • Pencil: Omg, yer the Madam MZ in the paper?
  • Match: Duh!
  • Pen: I can't believe you'd take a job.
  • Match: Well, Ari refuses to, like, pay me anymore.
  • Pen: Hmm.
  • Pencil: Jus' to be curious, why are'ee workin' this? 'Ave'ee got a date?
  • Match: Omg, yeah! One of my sideboys is, like, a time-traveller from, like, 1888, and I, like, learned all of the basics of Victorian etiquette!
  • Pencil: So, yer jus' goin' around teachin' others 'ow ter act in a repulsive sexis' society?
  • Match: No, it's a gorgeously beautiful society! It's just, we don't get … down much.
  • Pen: There's a baby in the room, y'know.
  • Cil: Goo!
  • Match: Cil, OMG! You're right—Sorry guys, but, like, I've got seven minutes left with you, so I will, like, pack as much information as I can give you.

[Seven minutes later. Pencil and Match are casually talking.]

  • Pencil: Omg, I can't believe she thought dark red an' ligh' red would work on'ee!
  • Match: I know, like, obviously it doesn't! Do you see why I can't, haven't, like, got my hair dyed in, like, three years?[4]
  • Pen: I hate to burst your talking and stuff, but, like, I think your seven minutes are up.
  • Match: Omg, you're right! Bye, everyone!
  • Pencil: Wait, don' leave yet!
  • Match: Huh?
  • Pen: Don't you want to save our son?
  • Pencil: An' me honor?
  • Match: Oh, sorry, but I've got to go. There's a bar mitzvah at, like, Beth Israel and I've been ordered to go there.
  • Pen: It's not even shabbat!
  • Match: Doesn't have to! Anyways, here's, like, a book of Victorian etiquette I made for you people!
  • Pencil: An' this is fer free?
  • Match: No. Pay up, fam! Minimum tip is 387 shillings![5]
  • Pencil: Oh. I ain' got no money. Pen, y' got some?
  • Pen: Actually, I do. But can we pay, like, not up front?
  • Match: Sure! Penc, you'll give me some next time we go to the mall, right?
  • Pencil: O' course!
  • Match: Shalom!
  • [ Pencil · Pen ]: Bye!

[She skips out of the house and closes the door.]

  • Pen: Hopefully this book will actually teach us.
  • Pencil: Good thing I'm good at readin' quickly! By the time the kids come 'ome, we'll be ready.

Notes

  1. (Sw.) "Tomorrow night?"
  2. (Sw.) "Alright, I shall have the family and house all set for you. Thank you for calling!"
  3. (Sp.) "Cool!"
  4. XX 0651
  5. IV 0501
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