Pencil and Pen shabbat

Unfinished story ahead!

"Tonight we have to avoid completion of things, like, y'know ..." - Pen
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Asterisk Hedge


"Wot'n ale's fozz'r'ye doin'?" - Pencil
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If you do have a problem with profanity, please refer to this page § 3.

"State Minds Drink Alike" is a new episode of Pencil 2.O, and until recently, there has been neither number nor date associated. In this episode, the family receive a visit from a very important person

Tuesday, November 9, 2012

Headmistress's Office

  • Golf Ball: And why have I summoned you today?
  • Salvador: I don't know, why don't you tell me?
  • Golf Ball: You said a bad word. Those things are not to be spoken about, young man.
  • Salvador: Why?
  • Golf Ball: I … well … I have summoned your parents about this. They will arrive right—

[Enter Pencil and Pen.]

  • Pencil: Oi, wot'd our son do this time?
  • Golf Ball: —now.
  • Pen: Yeah, what was it that I had to get out of my job for?
  • Golf Ball: Ha, like you could ever get a job!
  • Pencil: No, I've got the job, an' thet's the one involvin' me callin' me boss a' the floris's. 'E jus' usually says 'e's th' one with the job to fit 'is selfish needs!
  • Pen: Selfish needs?
  • Golf Ball: HEY! You two know why you're here, right?
  • Salvador: Golf Ball says I've been saying bad words!
  • Golf Ball: That's Headmistress Golf Ball to you!
  • Salvador: What, you say fuㅋ you to a teacher, and suddenly you're in the headmistress's office! What is going on?
  • Pencil: Aye, our school justice system's totally fuッケd up.
  • Golf Ball: Alright, I have created a schedule for you people, and you are to follow it so that your son does not speak that offending word again!
  • Pen: No, you can't tell my family what to do!
  • Golf Ball: Yes, I can. It so happens that this paper comes with a surveillance camera on the back.
  • Pencil: Oh come on!
  • Golf Ball: I will see you at midnight. [she winks] And if you don't comply, your beast of a son will be expelled.
  • Pencil: Omg, Salvador, did'ee hear thet?
  • Salvador: I'm a beast of a son!
  • Pen: Penc, I don't think she's kidding.
  • Pencil: Okay, we promise'ee we'll follow the schedule.
  • Golf Ball: I don't believe you, but I will give it a try.
  • Pen: We've also got a question.
  • Golf Ball: What is it?
  • Pen: How long do we have to follow this?
  • Golf Ball: 'Til I say so. Now GET OUT!

[Exit familia.]

Girls' room

  • Saye: I can't believe it!
  • Yaretzi: Me neither! Wait, what's going on?
  • Saye: It just so happens that the 8th Grade Mavuno Dance is in a week, and I haven't got a date.
  • Yaretzi: Why do you need a date?
  • Zorah: Isn't it obvious? So she can make the other girls jealous! That's going to be what I'll do when I'm old like Saye.
  • Ximena: I'm pretty sure that's not that, and I'm in the second grade.
  • Saye: I just really need a guy. Literally all the other people at school have someone! Oh, what's the point, I'll just go to the dance alone, sad, desolate …
  • Citlali: Now that's quitter talk! Saye, you're one of the most nicest people I know! I think a guy would be smart to be your boyfriend.
  • Yaretzi: Yeah, I suggest that you go to your phone and call every guy in your year! Somebody's going to have to take you by then!
  • Saye: Sorry, but I'm not going to take advice from Lower-Division girls. And calling? That's so 1992.

[Exit Saye.]

  • Citlali: Huh. I was sure she'd be a lot nicer.
  • Ximena: This is why she can't get a date.

[The other girls laugh.]


  • Saye: [thinking] Ha ... 1992 ... that's so funny! Wait a second ... calling them actually sounds like a good idea! Gotta ask Mum how she feels ... [looking downstairs] Never mind, she's on the phone.
  • Pencil: Kesho usiku?[1] ... Hiyo ni nzuri; mimi atakuwa na familia na nyumba kuweka wote kwa ajili yenu. Asante kwa wito![2] ... Bye!

[she ends the call]

  • Pen: Who was that?
  • Pencil: Um ... I can't tell'ee.
  • Pen: Penc, are you trying to hide something I don't know about? Something Swahili-speaking?
  • Pencil: Wot d'ye think, this announcement involves all o' the family!

[The kids run downstairs.]

  • Sio: Yeah, Dad?
  • Ximena: What's going on?
  • Cil: Goo!
  • Saye: What's the announcement, mother?
  • Citlali: Is this about me?
  • Pencil: Well ... sit 'round the dinner table, e'eryone! Thet way I can surely tell'ee with ye 'n captivated an' civilised!
  • Javier: Is it dinner? Because that is really important, and without it, we would die.
  • Cil: Goo!
  • Pencil: Eh ... sure.
  • Qalam-Rassas: I'm hungry!
  • Pencil: Kids ... tomorrow night, our house's gettin' a visitor.
  • Yaretzi: Alright!
  • [ Yaretzi · Zorah ]: Who is it?
  • Citlali: Can it be the Queen of England? I hear she's also the queen of fashion.
  • Pencil: Yer grandpa. 'E's the one comin' to visit.
  • Ximena: Yay!
  • Citlali: Is he going to bring his limo with him?
  • Sio: I've always wanted to ride in a limo!
  • Salvador: I've always wanted to trash a limo!
  • Pencil: No, not 'im.
  • Pen: Wait. If my father's the grandfather not coming here, then who is?
  • Pencil: Oi, ye can't know thet it's mine! My dad's th' one; 'e's comin' o'er 'et night.

[Everyone looks at her in shock.]

  • Salvador: Your father's the one coming over?
  • Sio: Your father, the most formidable Colonel Triangle Triángolo?
  • Citlali: The guy who appears in all of our history books?
  • Javier: Because it's mandatory under law?
  • Pencil: Aye, thet's 'im.
  • Pen: Oh, the actual Commander-in-Chief of the Kenyan Army coming here, tomorrow night?
  • Saye: I thought he was in some country in the Middle East!
  • Pencil: 'E was, but apparently now's 'is downtime so 'es free to come 'ere.
  • Pen: Oh, this is horrible! He's going to have great expectations of me again! You know that pressure kills you, eh?
  • Pencil: Wot's yer problem? I 'an' seen me father in so long, an' one wrong move'll make'e be ashamed I's e'er 'is daughter.
  • Pen: Oh, it's not that bad for you.
  • Zorah: Dad, what do you even know about shaming your father?
  • Pen: What do you know about shaming your father?
  • Zorah: May I start now?
  • Salvador: Zorah, unkindly shut up!
  • Saye: How about the time when we were at Shōhakoku during that debt thing in Greece?
  • Javier: Yeah. Ashamed of your ancestry, you tried to pass yourself as an Italian, and when asked what your favourite Italian food was, you said …
  • Pen: Moqueca capixaba.
  • Pencil: Thet ain' Italian, it was e'en one o' me mother's famous dishes!
  • Pen: I blanked out! I just thought of the "soldier's delectacy" when I was stationed at Guarapari.
  • Sio: Tell that to Grandpa, who was standing behind us the whole time.
  • Zorah: Hate to break your bubble of the past … wait! No, I don't. But we still have no game plan for tomorrow!
  • Pencil: Aye! With no preparation, 'e may ne'er come back again!
  • Pen: Tell you what … we do nothing tonight, and we put off until tomorrow, y'know, the day he actually comes here!
  • Saye: Ah, I see! It's the teenager method … [everyone looks at her] … Not that I've ever heard of it.
  • Salvador: Right …
  • Citlali: Mm-hmm.
  • Sio: So who wants to know about my crazy day at school?


  • Sio: Today, me and my buddies—I mean, my buddies and I saw this guy, like, eating lunch by himself.
  • Pencil: Aww, 'ow sad!
  • Javier: This is me every day!
  • Sio: And when we went up to him, we found out that he only speaks Spanish!
  • Pencil: ¡Guay![3]
  • Sio: Then I had an idea … what if we made this device that you could speak into in one language, and sound waves in another language came out?
  • Salvador: That sounds like the most boring invention ever!
  • Sio: Well, it's not. It actually helped Lego speak English more better!
  • Javier: More better?
  • Zorah: Even I know that's wrong.
  • Ximena: Uh, Mum? I've got a problem.
  • Pencil: Aye?
  • Ximena: Grandpa's coming over tomorrow night?
  • Pencil: Aye, why?
  • Ximena: I've got chalumeau lessons at eighteen hours!
  • Pencil: Thet's no problem, I'll jus' tell me dad thet I've got nine kids. Just let me confuse'e'n 'o Mona's in the family postcards.
  • Citlali: Nobody actually reads those postcards!
  • Salvador: Yeah, they're fu킹 worthless!
  • Pen: Oh! Chavo, you just reminded me.
  • Salvador: Fine, I'll add in two shillings.
  • Pen: No, we've got an announcement.
  • Yaretzi Another announcement?
  • Saye: Is it Holy Week already?
  • Sio: What've you got to say now?
  • Pencil: We had to go to school today acos yer brother's actin' a bit … 'imself.
  • Salvador: Gee, that's reinforcing.
  • Pen: And until she says so, Headmistress Golf Ball has made a schedule for us to follow lest Salvador get caught in bad behavior, or else he shall be expelled—
  • Salvador: —which means I get the longest school holidays ever!
  • Saye: Dad, that's so unfair!
  • Pen: What?
  • Saye: I'm a teenager, I'm supposed to say that.
  • Citlali: Are you really going to follow directions from that dimply old hag?
  • Yaretzi: Wow, your disrespect for authority really showed right there!
  • Zorah: That's my thing!
  • Citlali: I'm sorry, it's just … she Dress Coded my bow because it was the colours of a rivalling school!
  • Pen: Neon is not a school colour.
  • Pencil: Oh yeah, thet was yer 80s fashion phase!
  • Ximena: Well, that phase ending was good for all of us.
  • Qalam-Rassas: Is she really going to dispel my brother?
  • Salvador: If we don't stick to that schedule she will.
  • Javier: And it's expel, not dispel.
  • Pen: Alright, I think it's getting a bit late.
  • Pencil: You kids should all get to bed whils' Dad an' I plan 'ow ye lot shall see us tomorrow's changed men … I mean, changed man an' woman!

Boys' room

  • Qalam-Rassas: Sio?
  • Sio: Yeah?
  • Qalam-Rassas: What do Mummy and Daddy mean when they say that they're going to change?
  • Sio: They're just changing how they act for us.
  • Salvador: Yeah!
  • Sio: Hey, just so you know, we're doing this for you. Maybe you should, like, be a little grateful.
  • Salvador: What's wrong with big grapefruits?
  • Sio: [to QR] He can't hear us …
  • Qalam-Rassas: Good night, everyone!

Wednesday, November 10, 2012


  • Map: Hey, Sio, how'd Sysetta turn out?
  • Sharpener: Sysetta? I thought we named it Rostran.
  • Sio: I haven't taken it home. I gave it to Lego, though.
  • Shieldy: You gave an invention away? For free?
  • Sio: Yeah, why? We're friends with him, eh?
  • Shieldy: No, the language barrier is too big.
  • Map: You're learning Spanish right now!
  • Sharpener: Yeah, you shouldn't be so judgmental. [Aside.] It's like a shield problem, I'm telling you!

[Enter Lego.]

  • Lego: Hey guys!
  • Sio: Hey, Lego! How much English have you learned?
  • Lego: A whole bunch, actually! One might say I'm fluent!
  • Sharpener: Oh, and you've got an Australian accent with you!
  • Lego: Yeah, I do! [to Sio] By the way, you can have Sysetta back.
  • Map: Ha! Told you her name isn't Rostran!
  • Sio: Thanks, but I don't what to do with it. My mother speaks every language known to … a common group for all of us!
  • Lego: Well, you should keep it as a relic of the time you really helped a friend.
  • Sio: Okay, I will! I'll go and do that.
  • Lego: ¡Adiós!


  • Pencil: Clean up yer 'alf o' the room, m8, the social worker's a-comin' to make us suitable.
  • Pen: Oh, come on. I'm pretty sure every social worker gave up on us just because they saw our family, eh, Cil?
  • Cil: Goo!
  • Pencil: Don' blow this jus' yet, me boy, also remember we're a-fightin' to keep our son in school, wot with Bossy Bot's orders.

[There is a knock on the door.]

  • Pencil: Oi, they're 'ere! Fake smiles ready?
  • Pen: I've read smiling makes you look more attractive. If it's supposed to be fake, my name's not General Pen Dion Schreiber!

[Pencil opens the door. Match is on the other side.]

  • Match: Pencil!
  • Pencil: Match!
  • Pen: Excuse me, Match, but, we're trying to get ready for the social worker to come here.
  • Match: What're you talking about? I am the, like, social worker!
  • Pencil: Omg, yer the Madam MZ in the paper?
  • Match: Duh!
  • Pen: I can't believe you'd take a job.
  • Match: Well, Ari refuses to, like, pay me anymore.
  • Pen: Hmm.
  • Pencil: Jus' to be curious, why are'ee workin' this? 'Ave'ee got a date?
  • Match: Omg, yeah! One of my sideboys is, like, a time-traveller from, like, 1888, and I, like, learned all of the basics of Victorian etiquette!
  • Pencil: So, yer jus' goin' around teachin' others 'ow ter act in a repulsive sexis' society?
  • Match: No, it's a gorgeously beautiful society! It's just, we don't get … down much.
  • Pen: There's a baby in the room, y'know.
  • Cil: Goo!
  • Match: Cil, OMG! You're right—Sorry guys, but, like, I've got seven minutes left with you, so I will, like, pack as much information as I can give you.

[Seven minutes later. Pencil and Match are casually talking.]

  • Pencil: Omg, I can't believe she thought dark red an' ligh' red would work on'ee!
  • Match: I know, like, obviously it doesn't! Do you see why I can't, haven't, like, got my hair dyed in, like, three years?[4]
  • Pen: I hate to burst your talking and stuff, but, like, I think your seven minutes are up.
  • Match: Omg, you're right! Bye, everyone!
  • Pencil: Wait, don' leave yet!
  • Match: Huh?
  • Pen: Don't you want to save our son?
  • Pencil: An' me honor?
  • Match: Oh, sorry, but I've got to go. There's a bar mitzvah at, like, Beth Israel and I've been ordered to go there.
  • Pen: It's not even shabbat!
  • Match: Doesn't have to! Anyways, here's, like, a book of Victorian etiquette I made for you people!
  • Pencil: An' this is fer free?
  • Match: No. Pay up, fam! Minimum tip is 387 shillings![5]
  • Pencil: Oh. I ain' got no money. Pen, y' got some?
  • Pen: Actually, I do. But can we pay, like, not up front?
  • Match: Sure! Penc, you'll give me some next time we go to the mall, right?
  • Pencil: O' course!
  • Match: Shalom!
  • [ Pencil · Pen ]: Bye!

[She skips out of the house and closes the door.]

  • Pen: Hopefully this book will actually teach us.
  • Pencil: Good thing I'm good at readin' quickly! By the time the kids come 'ome, we'll be ready.


  1. (Sw.) "Tomorrow night?"
  2. (Sw.) "Alright, I shall have the family and house all set for you. Thank you for calling!"
  3. (Sp.) "Cool!"
  4. XX 0651
  5. IV 0501
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