"State Minds Drink Alike" is a new episode of Pencil 2.O, and until recently, there has been neither number nor date associated. In this episode, the family receive a visit from a very important person
Tuesday, November 9, 2012
Headmistress's Office
- Golf Ball: And why have I summoned you today?
- Salvador: I don't know, why don't you tell me?
- Golf Ball: You said a bad word. Those things are not to be spoken about, young man.
- Salvador: Why?
- Golf Ball: I … well … I have summoned your parents about this. They will arrive right—
[Enter Pencil and Pen.]
- Pencil: Oi, wot'd our son do this time?
- Golf Ball: —now.
- Pen: Yeah, what was it that I had to get out of my job for?
- Golf Ball: Ha, like you could ever get a job!
- Pencil: No, I've got the job, an' thet's the one involvin' me callin' me boss a' the floris's. 'E jus' usually says 'e's th' one with the job to fit 'is selfish needs!
- Pen: Selfish needs?
- Golf Ball: HEY! You two know why you're here, right?
- Salvador: Golf Ball says I've been saying bad words!
- Golf Ball: That's Headmistress Golf Ball to you!
- Salvador: What, you say fuㅋ you to a teacher, and suddenly you're in the headmistress's office! What is going on?
- Pencil: Aye, our school justice system's totally fuッケd up.
- Golf Ball: Alright, I have created a schedule for you people, and you are to follow it so that your son does not speak that offending word again!
- Pen: No, you can't tell my family what to do!
- Golf Ball: Yes, I can. It so happens that this paper comes with a surveillance camera on the back.
- Pencil: Oh come on!
- Golf Ball: I will see you at midnight. [she winks] And if you don't comply, your beast of a son will be expelled.
- Pencil: Omg, Salvador, did'ee hear thet?
- Salvador: I'm a beast of a son!
- Pen: Penc, I don't think she's kidding.
- Pencil: Okay, we promise'ee we'll follow the schedule.
- Golf Ball: I don't believe you, but I will give it a try.
- Pen: We've also got a question.
- Golf Ball: What is it?
- Pen: How long do we have to follow this?
- Golf Ball: 'Til I say so. Now GET OUT!
[Exit familia.]
Girls' room
- Saye: I can't believe it!
- Yaretzi: Me neither! Wait, what's going on?
- Saye: It just so happens that the 8th Grade Mavuno Dance is in a week, and I haven't got a date.
- Yaretzi: Why do you need a date?
- Zorah: Isn't it obvious? So she can make the other girls jealous! That's going to be what I'll do when I'm old like Saye.
- Ximena: I'm pretty sure that's not that, and I'm in the second grade.
- Saye: I just really need a guy. Literally all the other people at school have someone! Oh, what's the point, I'll just go to the dance alone, sad, desolate …
- Citlali: Now that's quitter talk! Saye, you're one of the most nicest people I know! I think a guy would be smart to be your boyfriend.
- Yaretzi: Yeah, I suggest that you go to your phone and call every guy in your year! Somebody's going to have to take you by then!
- Saye: Sorry, but I'm not going to take advice from Lower-Division girls. And calling? That's so 1992.
[Exit Saye.]
- Citlali: Huh. I was sure she'd be a lot nicer.
- Ximena: This is why she can't get a date.
[The other girls laugh.]
Stairs
- Saye: [thinking] Ha ... 1992 ... that's so funny! Wait a second ... calling them actually sounds like a good idea! Gotta ask Mum how she feels ... [looking downstairs] Never mind, she's on the phone.
- Pencil: Kesho usiku?[1] ... Hiyo ni nzuri; mimi atakuwa na familia na nyumba kuweka wote kwa ajili yenu. Asante kwa wito![2] ... Bye!
[she ends the call]
- Pen: Who was that?
- Pencil: Um ... I can't tell'ee.
- Pen: Penc, are you trying to hide something I don't know about? Something Swahili-speaking?
- Pencil: Wot d'ye think, this announcement involves all o' the family!
- Pen: Then if it does ... KIDS, GET DOWN HERE, YOUR MOTHER HAS AN ANNOUNCEMENT!
[The kids run downstairs.]
- Sio: Yeah, Dad?
- Ximena: What's going on?
- Cil: Goo!
- Saye: What's the announcement, mother?
- Citlali: Is this about me?
- Pencil: Well ... sit 'round the dinner table, e'eryone! Thet way I can surely tell'ee with ye 'n captivated an' civilised!
- Javier: Is it dinner? Because that is really important, and without it, we would die.
- Cil: Goo!
- Pencil: Eh ... sure.
- Qalam-Rassas: I'm hungry!
- Pencil: Kids ... tomorrow night, our house's gettin' a visitor.
- Yaretzi: Alright!
- [ Yaretzi · Zorah ]: Who is it?
- Citlali: Can it be the Queen of England? I hear she's also the queen of fashion.
- Pencil: Yer grandpa. 'E's the one comin' to visit.
- Ximena: Yay!
- Citlali: Is he going to bring his limo with him?
- Sio: I've always wanted to ride in a limo!
- Salvador: I've always wanted to trash a limo!
- Pencil: No, not 'im.
- Pen: Wait. If my father's the grandfather not coming here, then who is?
- Pencil: Oi, ye can't know thet it's mine! My dad's th' one; 'e's comin' o'er 'et night.
[Everyone looks at her in shock.]
- Salvador: Your father's the one coming over?
- Sio: Your father, the most formidable Colonel Triangle Triángolo?
- Citlali: The guy who appears in all of our history books?
- Javier: Because it's mandatory under law?
- Pencil: Aye, thet's 'im.
- Pen: Oh, the actual Commander-in-Chief of the Kenyan Army coming here, tomorrow night?
- Saye: I thought he was in some country in the Middle East!
- Pencil: 'E was, but apparently now's 'is downtime so 'es free to come 'ere.
- Pen: Oh, this is horrible! He's going to have great expectations of me again! You know that pressure kills you, eh?
- Pencil: Wot's yer problem? I 'an' seen me father in so long, an' one wrong move'll make'e be ashamed I's e'er 'is daughter.
- Pen: Oh, it's not that bad for you.
- Zorah: Dad, what do you even know about shaming your father?
- Pen: What do you know about shaming your father?
- Zorah: May I start now?
- Salvador: Zorah, unkindly shut up!
- Saye: How about the time when we were at Shōhakoku during that debt thing in Greece?
- Javier: Yeah. Ashamed of your ancestry, you tried to pass yourself as an Italian, and when asked what your favourite Italian food was, you said …
- Pen: Moqueca capixaba.
- Pencil: Thet ain' Italian, it was e'en one o' me mother's famous dishes!
- Pen: I blanked out! I just thought of the "soldier's delectacy" when I was stationed at Guarapari.
- Sio: Tell that to Grandpa, who was standing behind us the whole time.
- Zorah: Hate to break your bubble of the past … wait! No, I don't. But we still have no game plan for tomorrow!
- Pencil: Aye! With no preparation, 'e may ne'er come back again!
- Pen: Tell you what … we do nothing tonight, and we put off until tomorrow, y'know, the day he actually comes here!
- Saye: Ah, I see! It's the teenager method … [everyone looks at her] … Not that I've ever heard of it.
- Salvador: Right …
- Citlali: Mm-hmm.
- Sio: So who wants to know about my crazy day at school?
[A.R.I.]
- Sio: Today, me and my buddies—I mean, my buddies and I saw this guy, like, eating lunch by himself.
- Pencil: Aww, 'ow sad!
- Javier: This is me every day!
- Sio: And when we went up to him, we found out that he only speaks Spanish!
- Pencil: ¡Guay![3]
- Sio: Then I had an idea … what if we made this device that you could speak into in one language, and sound waves in another language came out?
- Salvador: That sounds like the most boring invention ever!
- Sio: Well, it's not. It actually helped Lego speak English more better!
- Javier: More better?
- Zorah: Even I know that's wrong.
- Ximena: Uh, Mum? I've got a problem.
- Pencil: Aye?
- Ximena: Grandpa's coming over tomorrow night?
- Pencil: Aye, why?
- Ximena: I've got chalumeau lessons at eighteen hours!
- Pencil: Thet's no problem, I'll jus' tell me dad thet I've got nine kids. Just let me confuse'e'n 'o Mona's in the family postcards.
- Citlali: Nobody actually reads those postcards!
- Salvador: Yeah, they're fu킹 worthless!
- Pen: Oh! Chavo, you just reminded me.
- Salvador: Fine, I'll add in two shillings.
- Pen: No, we've got an announcement.
- Yaretzi Another announcement?
- Saye: Is it Holy Week already?
- Sio: What've you got to say now?
- Pencil: We had to go to school today acos yer brother's actin' a bit … 'imself.
- Salvador: Gee, that's reinforcing.
- Pen: And until she says so, Headmistress Golf Ball has made a schedule for us to follow lest Salvador get caught in bad behavior, or else he shall be expelled—
- Salvador: —which means I get the longest school holidays ever!
- Saye: Dad, that's so unfair!
- Pen: What?
- Saye: I'm a teenager, I'm supposed to say that.
- Citlali: Are you really going to follow directions from that dimply old hag?
- Yaretzi: Wow, your disrespect for authority really showed right there!
- Zorah: That's my thing!
- Citlali: I'm sorry, it's just … she Dress Coded my bow because it was the colours of a rivalling school!
- Pen: Neon is not a school colour.
- Pencil: Oh yeah, thet was yer 80s fashion phase!
- Ximena: Well, that phase ending was good for all of us.
- Qalam-Rassas: Is she really going to dispel my brother?
- Salvador: If we don't stick to that schedule she will.
- Javier: And it's expel, not dispel.
- Qalam-Rassas: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
- Pen: Alright, I think it's getting a bit late.
- Pencil: You kids should all get to bed whils' Dad an' I plan 'ow ye lot shall see us tomorrow's changed men … I mean, changed man an' woman!
Boys' room
- Qalam-Rassas: Sio?
- Sio: Yeah?
- Qalam-Rassas: What do Mummy and Daddy mean when they say that they're going to change?
- Sio: They're just changing how they act for us.
- Salvador: Yeah!
- Sio: Hey, just so you know, we're doing this for you. Maybe you should, like, be a little grateful.
- Salvador: What's wrong with big grapefruits?
- Sio: [to QR] He can't hear us …
- Qalam-Rassas: Good night, everyone!
Wednesday, November 10, 2012
School
- Map: Hey, Sio, how'd Sysetta turn out?
- Sharpener: Sysetta? I thought we named it Rostran.
- Sio: I haven't taken it home. I gave it to Lego, though.
- Shieldy: You gave an invention away? For free?
- Sio: Yeah, why? We're friends with him, eh?
- Shieldy: No, the language barrier is too big.
- Map: You're learning Spanish right now!
- Sharpener: Yeah, you shouldn't be so judgmental. [Aside.] It's like a shield problem, I'm telling you!
[Enter Lego.]
- Lego: Hey guys!
- Sio: Hey, Lego! How much English have you learned?
- Lego: A whole bunch, actually! One might say I'm fluent!
- Sharpener: Oh, and you've got an Australian accent with you!
- Lego: Yeah, I do! [to Sio] By the way, you can have Sysetta back.
- Map: Ha! Told you her name isn't Rostran!
- Sio: Thanks, but I don't what to do with it. My mother speaks every language known to … a common group for all of us!
- Lego: Well, you should keep it as a relic of the time you really helped a friend.
- Sio: Okay, I will! I'll go and do that.
- Lego: ¡Adiós!
Home
- Pencil: Clean up yer 'alf o' the room, m8, the social worker's a-comin' to make us suitable.
- Pen: Oh, come on. I'm pretty sure every social worker gave up on us just because they saw our family, eh, Cil?
- Cil: Goo!
- Pencil: Don' blow this jus' yet, me boy, also remember we're a-fightin' to keep our son in school, wot with Bossy Bot's orders.
[There is a knock on the door.]
- Pencil: Oi, they're 'ere! Fake smiles ready?
- Pen: I've read smiling makes you look more attractive. If it's supposed to be fake, my name's not General Pen Dion Schreiber!
[Pencil opens the door. Match is on the other side.]
- Match: Pencil!
- Pencil: Match!
- Pen: Excuse me, Match, but, we're trying to get ready for the social worker to come here.
- Match: What're you talking about? I am the, like, social worker!
- Pencil: Omg, yer the Madam MZ in the paper?
- Match: Duh!
- Pen: I can't believe you'd take a job.
- Match: Well, Ari refuses to, like, pay me anymore.
- Pen: Hmm.
- Pencil: Jus' to be curious, why are'ee workin' this? 'Ave'ee got a date?
- Match: Omg, yeah! One of my sideboys is, like, a time-traveller from, like, 1888, and I, like, learned all of the basics of Victorian etiquette!
- Pencil: So, yer jus' goin' around teachin' others 'ow ter act in a repulsive sexis' society?
- Match: No, it's a gorgeously beautiful society! It's just, we don't get … down much.
- Pen: There's a baby in the room, y'know.
- Cil: Goo!
- Match: Cil, OMG! You're right—Sorry guys, but, like, I've got seven minutes left with you, so I will, like, pack as much information as I can give you.
[Seven minutes later. Pencil and Match are casually talking.]
- Pencil: Omg, I can't believe she thought dark red an' ligh' red would work on'ee!
- Match: I know, like, obviously it doesn't! Do you see why I can't, haven't, like, got my hair dyed in, like, three years?[4]
- Pen: I hate to burst your talking and stuff, but, like, I think your seven minutes are up.
- Match: Omg, you're right! Bye, everyone!
- Pencil: Wait, don' leave yet!
- Match: Huh?
- Pen: Don't you want to save our son?
- Pencil: An' me honour?
- Match: Oh, sorry, but I've got to go. There's a bar mitzvah at, like, Beth Israel and the kid's mum wants me there stat.
- Pen: It's not even shabbat!
- Match: Doesn't have to! Anyways, here's, like, a book of Victorian etiquette I made for you people!
- Pencil: An' this is fer free?
- Match: No. Pay up, fam! Minimum tip is 387 shillings![5]
- Pencil: Oh. I ain' got no money. Pen, y' got some?
- Pen: Actually, I do. But can we pay, like, not up front?
- Match: Sure! Penc, you'll give me some next time we go to the mall, right?
- Pencil: O' course!
- Match: Shalom!
- [ Pencil · Pen ]: Bye!
[She skips out of the house and closes the door.]
- Pen: Hopefully this book will actually teach us. [he flips through the pages] Cool, uselessly conversational French!
- Pencil: Good thing I'm good at readin' quickly! By the time the kids come 'ome, we'll be ready.
After school
- Qalam-Rassas: Cow. C-O-W!
- Javier: Ah, vocabulary word of the day!
- Qalam-Rassas: Yeah! On Monday, it's going to be how. And I know how to spell it; H-O-W!
- Sio: I guess it's so he doesn't have to think about um-May and ad-Day's ange-chay.
- Javier: Hey, that's Pig Latin! "Mum and Dad's change", right?
- Sio: Well, it was.
- Javier: Hey, where's Salvador?
- Sio: Oh, he's playing BUATA baseball.
- Citlali: I thought they got that game banned years ago! Y'know it stands for "Boys Under Aged Two Attack" baseball.
- Sio: I thought it was "Beat Up and Then Apologise" baseball.[6]
- Yaretzi: Saye! I've got an important question!
- Saye: No, I di'n'.
- Javier: Wow, how did you know what she was going to say?
- Citlali: Wouldn't you like to know?
- Saye: We call it magic sister powers.
- Zorah: Ha! That sounds so wrong!
- Saye: I was too nervous to tell anyone.
- Zorah: That's horrible! From this point I am no longer your sister.
- Saye: Omg, you're so dramatic.
- Zorah: Saye, we're Schreibers! If we want something, we go for it.
- Yaretzi: But do it nicely.
- Ximena: Yeah, not like Mum and Dad did.
- Saye: You know what? Tonight, I will call every boy in school and if they say no, they won't remember in time for Remembrance Day!
- Zorah: That's more like it!
- Sio: Can't do that. Grandpa's coming over for dinner.
- Saye: Tonight already?
- Zorah: Oh no, that means I have to be nice for two hours!
- Ximena: It's worse for me! I have to pretend I'm not your sister!
- Qalam-Rassas: And that means Mummy and Daddy are going to change! Nooooooooooooo!
[They get to the door.]
- Saye: Well, let's hope for the best.
- Ximena: Or the worst.
[Saye opens the door with her eyes closed.]
- Saye: DON'T KILL US!
- Citlali: Omg, Saye, relax! Nobody's home!
- Qalam-Rassas: This is weird. Someone get me out of here!
- Yaretzi: Yeah, everything's become so fancy … I like it!
- Javier: I'd be glad to!
- Qalam-Rassas: Mean!
- Yaretzi: Whoa, check what's on the whiteboard!
- Ximena: We have a whiteboard?
- Sio: I don't think we've ever used it before.
- Qalam-Rassas: What's it say? I can't see "how" or "cow" there!
- Saye: It says: "In accordance to your grandfather's visit, the parents of this family shall decree that our children tidy their rooms lest we appear badly before him." Wow. Fancy!
- Qalam-Rassas: No!
- Ximena: Clean up our rooms? We can do that!
- Sio: Race you upstairs!
[The boys race upstairs, and the girls go to their room.]
Outside
- Pen: Ready to put on a show for everyone?
- Pencil: I don' know. This dress's awfully tight.
- Pen: That's how men liked them in 1888.
- Pencil: You wan' me to walk so all the time, fuッキng wot, m8?
- Pen: Hey, I said 1888, not 2012! And you probably shouldn't be swearing out here; the walls aren't exactly the permeable type.
- Pencil: [sigh] Ready, my French fop?
- Pen: Trois … deux … un !
[Pen opens the door for Pencil, in the way a Victorian gentleman would do.]
- Pencil: My dear, the fog in the capital's streets were as comparable to the pit of Hades!
- Pen: Then it shall please you that I had come to carry you off the streets to save the bottom half of you!
- Pencil: I dare beg the question, though … where are our children? And where is our maid? O Camelia!
[Saye peers out from the door.]
- Citlali: What do they look like?
- Saye: Omg, horrible! They look like Vanity's quinceañera dresses last week, except, y'know … it fits them!
- Yaretzi: I don't know what that is, but it sounds really fancy.
- Ximena: Will they still take me to chalumeau class tonight?
- Zorah: Why don't you ask them.
- Ximena: Omg, I will!
[She goes out in the open.]
- Pencil: My, what a lovely child!
- Pen: Simone-Ancoula, we congratulate thee for being the first child to appear before our very humble eyes.
- Ximena: Why are you talking all funny? And am I going to chalumeau class tonight?
- Pen: Why, thou shall not! We have got a visitor coming at this very night, and thou and the others shall be in charge of setting the table.
- Ximena: I thought we weren't supposed to sit on tables!
[Enter Citlali.]
- Citlali: No! She means set tables, which is what most normal families do.
- Pencil: Bless my heart, Cassandra, we are a normal family coming straight out of 1888 London, that's for the truth.