Object History

Here is my attempt at explaining the history of the object universe. This is basically the scientific version which means to do no offence to religions and beliefs - I know that the Christians believe the world was made by God in seven days and the ancient Greeks believed in the personification of earth's qualities in gods on a complicated family genealogy.

In bold are the events that are unique to the object universe.

In the beginning

As usual, the universe started off with the Big Bang, 13,799,000,000 years from the present. This led to the creation of atomic particles like Quark, Proton, Neutron and Electron, whose cyclical descendants still exist today.

Then, atoms of hydrogen form amidst the mass of near-emptiness alongside with Dark Matter. Eventually, 500,000 of the hydrogen atoms instantly became helium atoms.

Cycle by cycle, new elements are made. By the eighth, the element oxygen is created, whose direct cyclical descendant is Mrs. Chembe.

A myriad cycles later, an unknown amount of those atoms came together to create the first star. Because the longest time for an object to not exist before being proclaimed dead and a new object taking its place is thirty minutes, many new stars are created in their place.

These stars create the first galaxy.

Free universe formation

Due to diaphysics which is caused by having a large amount of matter in various parts of the universe, the million object rule is no longer, and the rest of the universe forms as it would in the human world.

Nine billion years after the creation of the universe, in a quiet corner of the Milky Way Galaxy, the Sun is formed in the same way that the first star was. There is a catch, though. Gas and dust combine to form a protoplanetary disc, and sooner or later all eight planets are formed.

It should be noted that on planets with life, the million objects rule still applies, even if it applies to things such as air, nonexistence and rocks which seemingly have human faces on them.

Life on Earth

The early form of our planet had no water until asteroids delivered it to them. Yet despite with the water, Earth was still a violent place. The heat was unbearable, and the planet beared an uncanny resemblance to your Venus, your fire.

4.5 billion years from the present, the Moon was formed due to an asteroid collision. It is reported by many science teachers in the object universe that this is the first time of object interaction, but this is wrong.

3.9 billion years ago, the first life appears on Earth, in the form of tiny cells. But this is just not the history of evolutionary life on Earth. Nope. This is the history of the evolution of inanimate objects.

Inanimate history

Throughout Earth's history, all of the inanimate objects have been rocks or rock formations, whose direct descendents would be Rocky. Four billion years ago, in what is now Canada, the oldest rock belt is formed, who is called Acasta Gneiss. In the three-billion-years-ago range, similar rock formations formed in Australia and Greenland.

As all except for the animal kingdom have the ability to be vitalised, the fungi started to appear 560 million years ago, adding to the diversity of the object world.

The first plants appeared during the Phytogenic Era (Silurian Era to us), including the Cooksonia, an indirect ancestor to Leafy. 385 million years ago, the direct cyclical ancestor to Tree and Pine Tree was Wattieza.

At the same time of the dinosaurs, Flower's ancestors first appeared, and ever since then the object community had stayed the same until …

The Great Zoogenesis and the Cultural Revolution

An asteroid that could fit the distance between London and Milan hit the Earth, killing almost all animate life on Earth, yet something remarkable happened.

Apparently, the asteroid was carrying some sort of life-giving material, because all of a sudden one million objects developed the power to grow arm(s), leg(s), eye(s) and a mouth (all of which were optional). In an event known as the Great Zoogenesis to objects around the world, this was a huge leap in the ways in which the objects whom we know and love look today.

Although most of the period between Zoogenesis and the present (like, 90% of it) are full of objects being idle and barely interacting, these proto-objects began to change. With the number of years ago being in the single digits of millions, humans had just begun to evolve in the human world. Objects began to sync with the evolution of humans, establishing feats such as the act of creation. Firey's ancestor was made by early objects 400,000 years ago.

Stone tools were created eighteen thousand myriad cycles ago, giving objects the "clear-sign" to make most of the utility non-natural objects that exist today. 702 thousand years ago, the first art was made. This gave way to the first sculpture 40 thousand years ago, giving objects the first experiences of two versions of the second dimension.

Due to the strange plethora of events, objects created their own religion. It is a polytheistic belief system and it involved the worship of the astronomical objects that governed their everyday lives. This religion was reformed approximately 37.4 thousand years ago, where the first hand paintings were made by humans in Sulawesi, Indonesia.

As in the human world, objects developed government, racism and a little bit of both combined. Well, instead of racism, it's more like bracchism. The Agricultural Revolution of about twelve thousand years ago gave many objects the ability to work, and Cuneiform documents written five millennia after showed that those with arms were favoured a lot more than those without.

It should be noted that although bracchism existed until the Fifth World War, true interspecies racism is negligible. A few people may think that different types of objects should mate with each other, but interspecies couples make up 94% of romantic relationships. Occasionally, two interspecies parents may create children that are pure object, such as Dia and Ari making Pen and Eraser, but this is a phenomenon that only happens one out of four times.

Development of Object Civilisations

For each section, assume that the original inhabitants of each land are objects native to the land that have been used during that time period.

The Middle East and Africa

The Middle East was the beginning of civilization. Agriculture developed in the Fertile Crescent valley in 3498 bce, and the first writing system started here. Sumerian objects created the Cuneiform, after the objects inscribed on rocks became alive themselves. The Cuneiform logography became objects themselves, yet stayed in Mesopotamia.

In Egypt, 3302 bce, artists vitalised the famed Egyptian hieroglyphs, and they were the first alphabetical characters to migrate. By 1702 bce, the Proto-Sinaitic alphabet had consisted of Egyptian characters affected by the weather of Egypt and slightly misshapen, whilst at the same time the Egyptians made a ghost version of themselves that travelled back near the Nile. Ghost alphabets such as these do not die, yet they live as ghost whilst the official population registry counts them off the official results.

The Egyptian hieroglyphs cloned themselves once more, creating a demotic script, a version affected by the changing weather of Egypt.

The Phoenician alphabet was created out of the Proto Sinaitic alphabet in what is now Israel and Lebanon. They cloned themselves to be Aramaic, whilst at the same time becoming Greek. Aramaic characters stayed in the Middle East, whilst Greek moved up to Europe (see below).

Eventually, the Phoenicians and Aramaics gave way to Syriac and Hebrew, in which the latter still is used today and its characters reside among the Jewish communities of the world including the US, UK, Canada and Kenya.

Syriac soon became extinct, giving way to the Nabatean alphabet which produced Arabic. Originally, Arabic was not written with diacritical marks or dots distinguishing consonants, yet by using raw materials found with the Old South Arabian alphabets which have soon "ghostified", they added diacritics to themselves.

Both characters of Syriac and Arabic moved east toward Asia in the modern period, creating the Thaana alphabet of the Maldives in 1689 and Old Uyghur around Xinjiang, China, which of course, by 1202 made the Mongol alphabet, which fluorished yet did not spread and slowly died in Asia.

Meanwhile, in Africa, alphabets were slower to develop. Some characters from Old South Arabian migrated by the Red Sea to Ethiopia, where they made the Ge'ez alphabet, suitable for use by Amharic, Tigrinya, Oromo and many other languages that appear as Kenyan minorities.

The Neo-Tifinagh alphabet developed much later, in 1978, based on an old script.

The Latin alphabet from Europe spread down to many parts of Africa, particularly near the southern part, but in West Africa, namely Sierra Leone and Mali, the Vai syllabary was created in 1828 and finally in 1947, the N'ko script, free and independent from outside sources.

Europe

Greek was not the first language in Europe, it was just the first to arrive from elsewhere. On Crete, Linear A and Linear B represented the Minoans and Mycenaeans, respectively a few cycles before the Greeks arrived.

About one cycle later, in 702 bce, the Old Italic alphabet developed, almost independent from Greek. Italy was inhabited by Old Italic-writers, where some of the characters still carrying the spirit of the recently-deceased ancestors like the Etruscans, travelled up north to Scandinavia and Germany to make the Runic script in the year 98.

Greek settlers from Cumae, in the tens due to the Hellenistic period spreading to Asia, make the Latin alphabet that we all know today.

Eventually, the Latin alphabet expanded with the Roman Empire, settling into areas such as Spain, Portugal, France, Italy and Romania. They stayed there and sent alphabetical representatives to England, Germany, Sweden and even Scotland and Ireland where they formed themselves to their environment. The Latin alphabet later became known for being the most duplicated alphabet, finding descendants of their Greek ancestors in Vietnam, most of the Americas, Africa and Oceania.

Once reaching Georgia and Armenia, the Greeks reformed themselves to suit the language of the objects living there, as they had done when returning to Egypt and Central Europe to make Gothic.

Meanwhile, in Eastern Europe in the year 851, the Greeks spread themselves as the Glagolitic alphabet, merging with the locals to create Cyrillic in 938. This marks possibly one of the earliest object-alphabet offspring. The Cyrillic characters spread out of Russia west into Bulgaria, Serbia and Belarus and east to Central Asia, Siberia and Mongolia, although the eastern characters took a longer time to spread.

Asia

In Asia, several types of scripts emerged. First, in 1252 bce it was Oracle Bone script in China, which evolved without derivation to be Seal Script in 1048 bce, and in 143 bce, the first recognisable form of Chinese characters were made in the clerical script. Then Chinese started to be used for other languages, for example Japanese in 648. The original Japanese versions of kanji and their derivations as hiragana and katakana had the Japanese language be independent from Chinese. This was a boon—in Unicode as of April 2016, 59,472 Variants also appeared in Taiwan, 1916, as the Bopomofo or Zhuyin Fuhao system.

In Korea, something remarkable happened in 1441. Though inhabited lightly by Chinese speakers and their Idu, Kugyŏl and Hwangchʼal descendants, King Sejong created hangŭl, an alphabet for all Koreans to speak. Though it is shown that it was scientifically derived through shapes of the human throat, objects in Korea thought of the morphogenesis as mystical and unlike anything they had seen before. Much mating followed, and by 1954, the number of possible hangŭl syllables numbered 11,172.

In Southern China, the Yi logograms took up most of the population, having been derived from several Chinese minority languages, but in 1972 a conservation effort caused a syllabary instead be for the Yi language.

The case of South Asia showed mainstream evolution. Already in 402 bce South India the Telugu script was coexisting with Brahmi, its ancestor. Brahmi went through many geography-based variations from 2 bce to 1598, namely most scripts in India, Bangladesh, Tibet and Southeast Asia. However, it should be known that in maritime Southeast Asia (the Philippines and Indonesia), most of these scripts have been semi-dead for years in prefer to European-based Latin orthographies.

The Americas and Oceania

In the Americas, alphabetical characters developed independently, due to their isolation from Afro-Eurasia. By 202 bce, a new script had formed in what is now Mexico, called the Maya script. Though most of its members died out due to the spread of the Latin alphabet, the settlers actually incited new orthographies to be made.

From 1808 to 1818, the Cherokee tribe in America needed a written language, so the members of the Roman alphabet bred with each other to make Cherokee.

In Canada in the 1830s, a new system of orthography for First Nations languages was implemented, which became popular with the Cree, Ojibwe, and in the 1860s, the Inuit speaking Inuktitut.

South America had only one native script, Afaka for the Surinamese Enjuca language, which was independently created in 1908.

Oceania was nearly devoid of characters until an unspecified time, where a person or people from Easter Island created the Rongorongo script, which still remains undeciphered as of today. In Woleai, Micronesia, another script has been discovered, whose members had been long gone, possibly due to the wars between the present and its fluorishing point before the 1940s.

Human Encounters

In 1924 in the third dimension, English explorers George Mallory and Andrew Irvine attempted to ascend Mount Everest, the highest mountain, when they suddenly disappeared. Headcanon dictates that all people declared dead in absentia travel to the object world.

According to katyj98's BFDI(A) trivia, there are at least 110 "David"-type people, each representing one person in absentia. It is not known how many people have disappeared to reside into the object universe, yet the David cloner's most popular assumed function is to take people outside of their dimension and make them into Davids who can only say "Aww, seriously?"

Surely a period of assimilation exists, whether physical, mental or both. For example …

• physical - not all David-type humans look like David exactly. Jacknjellify have made versions of Ariana Grande, Harry Potter, Justin Bieber, Joe from Blue's Clues and Purple Girl with Wind Hair and Angry Eyes. There's also an Inanimate Insanity example: Nick-Le looks completely different from David, yet all he says is "I'm highly offended."
• mental - Steven voted for Ice Cube.
• both - Inanimate Insanity is a particularly good example of this. Santa Claus is depicted as a human. Of course, this is due to folklorical practices of him being anywhere with life, but what about Adam? Yes, that's right, Adam Katz is depicted on the show. He is actually shown as an integrated human.

No, Adam is neither dead nor in absentia, but have we also seen cases of people dying for a few minutes and reviving themselves? It's possible that in the object-version of the human world as in the one in the show as opposed to the one in real life that essentially makes the real world even more drastically different than how it should be, and it's possible that a recoveree could have been a scientist who found a way to transfer to the object world. That scientist might have even brought people in order to "civilise" the objects, which, let's be honest, are pretty barbaric. Of course, this is mostly impossible, because you can't intend on making people unintentionally disappear without Schroedinger's paradox being forced into play.

My theory, and the only theory on this subject so far (probably) is that the missing dead people are the ones influencing the objects. Obviously, this would mean that the death of Henry Hudson would be the first time humans interacted with objects, but the site of his death was on a boat in the Atlantic Ocean, so little to no objects had contact with him. The number of missing deaths remained at a very low number until the 1910s and 1920s, where the cases increased and objects had started to formally interact with humans. These humans brought many things with them that were originally for their profession, yet changed in order to "civilise" the objects.

The objects learned many things from those humans, including news on Earth, religion and the controversial practice of eugenics.

Objenics

For a slightly shorter longer version of the words printed below, please go to Objenic War.

At the time of the Great Zoogenesis, it was some objects could be faceless and limbless, yet be fully sentient. That object could also have three arms, one leg, two mouths and zero eyes. In fact, all possibilities were possible; the idea of dominant and recessive genes in objects did not exist yet, and any object had about a 4% chance of getting what they wanted.

Due to rapid progress after the Agricultural Revolution, these "mutant objects" that would probably not look good on an object show calendar became less and less, as evolution took place, favouring limbed objects with an anatomically correct face. At the time, there was a 22% chance of being in the optimal condition fit for working, and the lowest quality (having (zero/three) eyes, two mouths, (one/three) arms and (one/three) legs had a 1:36,000 chance.

Once the humans came to the object world in the 1910s, they terrified the objects, who heckled them, and tomatoes were even throwing themselves at them. Humans were regarded as ugly beings, yet they had two eyes, a mouth, two arms and two legs, among other body parts. But only 22% of objects could be born into that condition, and they were the type revered among the public. And thus started one of the darkest moments in object history: the objenics. Started in the 1934 when someone started to say "Someone should do something about this", the governments of several countries, including those affected by fascism such as Germany, Italy and Japan and even beneficial countries such as Great Britain, the United States and Switzerland. Whilst almost no action was actually done, long-term effects were severe.

Limbed scientists led by Test Tube created a potion in the form of a gumdrop that identified a person's status, and granted them a number of cycles. Everyone in the world had to take it. Armless and limbless people were set to live for nine cycles, causing their permadeath dates to be in the 2800s, whilst other non-fully limbed people were forced to permanently die once their life cycle was over. A particularly heartbreaking story comes from an Irish man who was 99 years and 364 days old once fed the gumdrop (his story won't be included here, primarily because it would be full of expletives.). Students were taught to feed the gumdrop to each other, who pretty much turned on their armless teachers, and then their students. Children determined the lifetimes of their parents, various-status friends turned on each other, brother to sister, commoners to celebrities, enemies to enemies.

By 1943, the war had been over - all million people had eaten the gumdrop. Effects were not visible immediately, but by 1965, twenty-two years later, 4,400 objects set to die by the objeniarchy died. Two infant prodigy scientists, Tennis Ball and Golf Ball, created a potion to nullify the effects of the previous gumdrop, and many older scientists who were for bracchism and objenics, such as Test Tube, were okay with the plan. So it is true that neither racism nor bracchism can be eliminated from society, but today children around the world can grow up in an environment where being different is, frankly, not bad.

See also

• Life of objects