Not Sco Much Viller

Unfinished story ahead! "Tonight we have to avoid completion of things, like, y'know ..." - Pen Finishing an article? This story is not finished, and due to the creator's schedule, it may need waiting. I suggest to all you readers that you be patient or make a suggestion with this story.

"Not Sco Much Viller" is a new episode of Pencil 2.O, and until recently, there has been neither number nor date associated. In this episode, Pencil and the rest of the family experience many changes to their lives

Living room

• Saye: Omg, Shelly, I have great news!
• Shelly: [on the other line] Oh my gosh, Sayé-chan, there are so many possibilities of what you might say as being part of the great news! Like, did my nail files come in yet? I mean, I think that it's weird that I have nail files considering that I have no nails in the first place …
• Saye: Nope!
• Shelly: How about the fact that that cute guy in my Algebra 1 class?
• Saye: What?
• Shelly: Well, I saw him at the mall shopping at that Bulgarian football shop and I actually shipped myself with him so hard. I mean, sure he hates me for being three shades too blue for his colour-blindness, but I totally freaked out! Okay, I'm done talking now. So, what's going on, Scheißmeister?
• Saye: First of all, you know I don't like being called that! I asked my mum what it meant, and she told me that it meant master of … well, that stuff my mum's stalker got explained to in Inanimate Insanity. It's so hurtful, though, she called me a guy!
• Shelly: Sorry …
• Saye: Oh my gosh! I totally have the news now!
• Shelly: You do?
• Saye: Yeah!

[Zorah's image comes on the screen as a separate line.]

• Zorah: Daddy's a girl!
• Shelly: Zorah? I- is that you?
• Zorah: Yes. Yes it is.
• Saye: Wait, how have you intercepted this conversation? It's a cell phone chat, one on one.
• Shelly: Yeah, I've checked the calendar and nowhere in the year are the numbers 199.
• Zorah: Not!

[She laughs. Saye looks behind her, and Zorah is on the other phone. Her laughter dies out slowly.]

• Saye: Anyways … I just wanted to let that out to you because it's honestly, like, news that impacted our family so much. Please don't tell anyone about this, yeah?
• Shelly: Okay, thanks Penc-penc!
• Saye: You're w— Wait, that's my mother.
• Shelly: Sorry, Ms Penc-penc … Hello?

The next morning

• Sio: [to Saye] You are under violation!
• Saye: Of what? Touching something that doesn't exist?
• Sio: Of not saying "good bye" after your calls.
• Javier: [with his face up to the computer] I can't believe this!
• Saye: I can't believe that I'm being chastised by my brother two years my junior! Mum, may I be excused?
• Pencil: Sure thing.
• Citlali: Ooh, Saye, do you have a boyfriend?
• Saye: No, do you?

[She sits back down.]

• Qalam-Rassas: If Saye gets a boyfriend, can I be the person who … who will say "Now kiss"?
• Saye: [going upstairs] Aye, thet would be nice. Gotta go!
• Sio: What's going on, Avi? You're really interested with whatever you're looking at.
• Salvador: So is Pen!

[Pen has his face really close to his newspaper.]

• Cil: Goo!
• Javier: I'm not interested with my computer, I'm interested with what's on the computer!
• Zorah: This isn't going to end well.
• Yaretzi: What's going on, Avi?
• Salvador: Yeah, I want to know. Actually, no, I was just kidding. Don't tell me anything else, Prudence.
• Javier: Did you know that the chemical capsaicin has the highest number on the Scoville scale? 16 million.
• Sio: I did not know that.
• Citlali: Wait, what does that mean?
• Javier: Basically, the Scoville scale is a scale to measure how spicy certain foods are.
• Sio: Y'know, one time I ate one of those jalapeños at that market on Guatemala Street.
• Ximena: Oh yeah! Your mouth was on fire for so long, I thought you needed an exorcism.
• Salvador: Honestly, it was one of the funniest moments of my life.
• Javier: It says here that the jalapeño's Scoville units are about 3,000.
• Citlali: And that Caspian thing is, like, 16 million?
• Salvador: Bro, you can kill someone with that!
• Pencil: 'Old'e. No one's killin' anyone. [she rolls her eyes] I jus' know yer not real kids.
• Citlali: For the last time, do not call me "bro", Sal! I'm your gosh-darn sis … ter.
• Salvador: Don't call me Sal, Oddish!
• Citlali: Don't call me Oddish, or I'll make you recite your own Kaddish!
• Javier: Hey, I recognise an obscure Pokemon reference when I hear it!
• Yaretzi: No, that's obviously a reference to Squirrel Meets World, am I right?
• Pencil: Thet's enough! Now, I really need'ee to get out o' this place fer school, acos Dad an' I've got to get things done, okay?
• Citlali: Sorry, mum.
• Yaretzi: See you after school!

[Exeunt omnes.]

• Saye: Wait for me! [runs downstairs out the door]
• Pencil: Ah, finally the kids'a left.
• Pen: Yeah, Penc, we need to talk.
• Pencil: I like where this is be goin'.
• Pen: Do you see what's going on in the paper?
• Pencil: [looking] Aye, it's 20 degrees out.
• Pen: Not that, the story!
• Pencil: Wot?
• Pen: [reading] Government-based violence in Mombasa towards LGBT objects, especially the transgender community. This is terrible!
• Pencil: Oi, from a diplomatical perspective we're not e'en in Kenya anymore. This is a foreign an' international zone.
• Pen: But Pencil, something must be done. I can't just let people who've probably had the same experiences as I suffer so much stigma just for being them!
• Pencil: Ah, fuss less, dear, a' leas' nobody else knows about yer situation, so y' can't be judged, yeah?
• Pen: Yeah. That will be kept between the twelve of us. Well, the sixteen of us.

School

• Boat: [sigh] Dusting people is so much fun.
• Chocolatey: Yeah. Y'know, Seh-chan, I never knew your boyfriend would ever come from this school.
• Minola: I totally ship you with him poxxxxx!
• Saye: Mi'a, we're already dating.
• Minola: Right, I totally knew that.
• Popsicley: Holy frozen treats, he's here!

[They stand behind the lockers.]

• Nickel: How's my sweet sweetness?
• Saye: I'm sweet … how are you?
• Nickel: That depends. I'm fine, just as long as that small crowd of yours is out of here.
• Saye: Oh, they're not. [she hits the lockers. Much laughter emanates from it]
• Nickel: That's nice, why not have the whole city of Nairobi hide inside a giant pair of pants?
• Boat: What, that can happen? [she is promptly shh'ed]

[Enter Shelly and Slurpy.]

• Shelly: Saye!
• Saye: Er … wot d'ye want, Shelly, I'm kind of in the middle o' somethin'.
• Shelly: I have some terrible news!
• Nickel: As if we totally care that you saw your crush at the mall in that Brazilian sports shop.
• Shelly: Bulgarian!-
• Slurpy: Shelly, stick with it …
• Shelly: Alright … did you read the paper?
• Saye: No—
• Nickel: —body does that.
• Shelly: I have it right here! "Mombasa-pohjainen hallitus kohdistuvaa väkivaltaa LGBT esineitä, erityisesti Transgender yhteisössä"
• Slurpy: Uh, you've got the Finnish version.
• Saye: I've got this … [she gets out her phone and translates it] Mombasa-based government violence against LGBT objects, especially in the Transgender Community. Oh no.
• Nickel: What's wrong?
• Shelly: I think I know what's wrong! Saye's worried that as the government is violating the rights of transgender people, because her father—
• Saye: —being one of the chief lawmakers in Kenya, will decide wheather the people are guilty or not.
• Shelly: But I thought— [she sees Saye glaring at her] Nothing.
• Slurpy: Come on, Shelly. I think popularity's really gone to your head.

[Exeunt Shelly and Slurpy.]

• Nickel: I'd better go, too. I have a class to get to and this isn't like one of those sitcoms where people spend like ten minutes in the hallway.
• Saye: See ya later!

[Exeunt Nickel. On the way there, he gets hit with a book falling from the sky.]

• Saye: What the hell? [she runs over]
• Nickel: Where did that book come from?
• Saye: [looks inside] Printed in Bangalore © 2004 …
• Nickel: No, I meant why are there books falling out of the sky? I don't think I owe anything to the library today.
• Saye: Oh, I think I know what's going on. Senior pranks!
• Nickel: Doesn't that usually happen near the end of the year?
• Saye: Usually, except the Seniors have not been accustomed to this new "American-style" school system where i t ends in June.
• Nickel: Ah.
• Saye: Eh.
• Nickel: Uh.

[Awkward silence. Enter Rooftile, their senior-year friend.]

• Rooftile: I know what's going on! So, like, the seniors are taking all of the books in the library and leaving them everywhere around the school. Then they take the bookshelves in the library and fill them with … [whispers something to them]
• Nickel: Oh my God …
• Saye: Thet's disgustin' … we don't know where the library books will end up!
• Rooftile: Usually places like, say, on buildings, on bathrooms, on toilets, in toilets, below toilets …
• Nickel: You forgot "people's heads"!
• Rooftile: Inside toilets, mixed with toilets, juxtaposed incorrectly with toilets, around toilets—
• Saye: Oi, why are all of the books in toilets? That must really mess up the plumbing system around here, eh?
• Rooftile: Sorry about the toilets, it's just I really have to go!

[Exit Rooftile, running.]

• Nickel: Go where?
• Saye: Hold on. If all the books in the library have been replaced with less … good ones, then—

Library

• Dewey: Shh, buddy, in case you haven't noticed, this is a library.
• Javier: I know. I'm a frequent visitor of yours, Mr. Card.
• Dewey: Really? What can I help you with?
• Javier: I'm looking for a book, Fantastic Spices and Where to Find Them.
• Dewey: Oh, that book!
• Javier: Don't I have to, like, look it up on a computer?
• Dewey: Not really, since about 30% of the people who come here originate in India and are in a cooking class.
• Javier: Cool.
• Dewey: Right now, due to the senior pranks, your book would be found … [he looks it up] … on the third floor of the Grade 3 building.
• Javier: Thanks, I'll get there out of breath.

[Exit Javier. At the same time, enter Zorah and her friends.]

• Zorah: Ohmigosh, I can't believe she said that!
• Chupalla: I know, like, she's so out of fashion. Chemically, of course.
• Lawrenciah: You know I can hear you back here!
• Dewey: Shh! Do you know where you are?
• Zorah: No …
• Lawrenciah: Isn't this a place?
• Chupalla: Oh! This must be where the squares to hang out, right?
• Dewey: As a fellow quadrilateral, I must say you're correct. But why are you here?
• Zorah: Well … ohmigosh, you tell him Lauren …
• Lawrenciah: We hear that the library has replaced the books with magazines from the distant past, is that true?
• Dewey: No, not at all … they're from the "this thing" past, a time of naïveté between the … well, you're all in grade 5. I'd rather not give out the details because that could lead to a lot of paperwork being signed, and I have no arms.
• Zorah: Hey, there they are!
• Chupalla: Er-mer-diers!

[They each grab a magazine. Mr. Card sees them about to sit down.]

• Dewey: Sorry, but I'm going to ask you to leave now; there are fifteen classes teaching in this media centre and all of them are from the high school buildings.

[Exeunt omnes, reading.]

Outside

• Lawrenciah: I really think that we shouldn't read them.
• Zorah: Why not? We're animate objects, what do we have to hide?
• Lawrenciah: Our dignities? Our sense of immaturity?
• Chupalla: Whatever …

[They start reading.]

• Zorah: Dammit, there's a protective cover!
• Lawrenciah: Now they'll know that we read!
• Chupalla: But does it really matter?
• Zorah, Lawrenciah & Chupalla: Nah!
• Lawrenciah: K, let's do it, but I ask for complete silence.

[They read for a few seconds, until …]

• Chupalla: ¡Ay, Dios mío!
• Lawrenciah: Gosh dammit, Abaya!
• Chupalla: No, do not call me that, the inquisition is removed! And besides the inquisition, the guy on the cover of my magazine looks very familiar. And besides that, his name is very similar to yours, Zorah!
• Zorah: Really? What is it?
• Chupalla: Lieutenant Sofer. I'm reading Cap-turbated an intrusive fashion magazine for writing utensils. This is not anyone you know, right? I mean, you did say that your father did serve in the military.
• Zorah: That won't be him, my daddy's a general, not a lieutenant.
• Lawrenciah: Maybe it was made in the past.
• Zorah: Goddarn it, Lauren, stop making this world boring!
• Chupalla: This edition was in year 7 of the great war against Brazil.
• Zorah: Gimme that …

[She sees the cover, and her eyes widen. Qalam-Rassas and his class arrive.]

• CA-92: And here is the media centre, where you may be able to purchase books.
• Idaka: May we go inside there, teacher?
• CA-92: Absolutely not.
• Zonophoney: Madame California instrument, why must we travel around the school at this time of day, every day?
• CA-92: So we can make sure that everyone knows where things at school are … everyone.
• Bowey: I use the stairs so I can sit on them!
• Qalam-Rassas: [seeing Zorah] Hi, Ora!
• Zorah: Oh my gosh … hide your shiㅌ!
• Qalam-Rassas: Zorah … [leaving the queue] I think I saw someone I might know on that magazine.
• Zorah: No, you don't.
• Chupalla: That magazine is a lie.
• Lawrenciah: Same.
• Qalam-Rassas: No, that's dad! Y'know, when he was soldiering in the army!
• Zorah: You don't say.
• Chupalla: Child, which should be in class before telling the teacher that left him.
• Lawrenciah: Touché.
• Qalam-Rassas: That doesn't make sense!

After school

• Sio: Fancy!
• Ximena: What's happened with the furniture?
• Citlali: If you're doing that feng-shui thing, you're not doing it right.
• Pen: Actually, we're not doing either of that.
• Saye: You know what that means, then!
• Salvador: Family game night! Oh, how I can't wait to cheat this time …
• Pen: Though I must admit having your own son cheat at FGN is a source of pride and joy for me, that's not why we're changing the furniture.
• Javier: Then, why?
• Pencil: We're goin' to listen ter a speech from President Triangle, er, me father.
• Yaretzi: Oh boy, grandpa's coming!
• Cil: Goo!
• Pencil: This ain' supposed to be an 'appy momen', kids.
• Pen: The President is to arrive here to speak about the events that happened this morning. Should we tell them?
• Pencil: I don' think so … [to the kids] An' kids, please be on yer bes' behaviour when 'e's arrived an' don't call'e "grandpa"; there'll be a lot o' media an' the press'll come visit, so you'll be watched.
• Zorah: He's just the President!
• Pen: Yeah, Pencil. From a diplomatical perspective we're not even in Kenya anymore. This is a foreign and international zone!
• Pencil: Oh, so 'e may be a bit o'erbearin'. Doesn' mean ye can repeat the same line as I did earlier!
• Pen: Come on, can't you see I'm under stress? Whatever the man's going to say might affect all parts of my life, so—

[There is a knock on the door.]

• Pencil: "The man" is 'ere right now. Kids, stand in the back so ye can' be on the television.

[They do so. Enter Triangle with his entourage.]

• Triangle: I wholly forgot that I should knock before entering my daughter's home. Hello, Pencil. Salutations, Dear General.
• Pencil: 'Ello, dad!
• Pen: If it may.

[Pencil tries to hug him, but she gets stopped by his Secret Service.]

• 1890 USSS Badge: Bankoku-basho-no daitōryō-wo ataraba shinu-bekari tare-mo achi-ni orazu-wo, o-tomurai-nite nakimasen zo!
• Pencil: Wait. Why's th' American Secret Service 'ere?
• 1890 USSS Badge: Makoto gozaimasu. Yonjū-yon nemmaye-ni shirizokimashitari. Ima bankoku-basho-no daitōryō-no oru-koto-wo sarezo!
• Triangle: Please let me go now, dōmo arigatō gozaimasu.

[He gets onto the podium and begins his speech as everyone listens intently.]

• Pencil: My dad is so good.
• Pen: If by good you mean conservative and martial, you've hit the jackpot.
• Pencil: Oh, stop'e m8.
• Triangle: Mr. President, Mr. Secretary General, members of the press, my Honourable First Daughter, him: It is with great shock and sadness that we mourn the loss of the seven people who were caught and murdered by a group of so-called "vigilantes". A disaster as such shall warrant more feelings of intolerance and negativity to our protecting country.

[As Triangle speaks, the kids sit in the back.]

• Zorah: Omg, Saye, you like provalocative stuff, right?
• Saye: No, what am I, Aunt Match?
• Zorah: Never mind that. Anyways, me and my friends—
• Javier: My friends and I.
• Zorah: My friends and I were at the library …
• Salvador: You were in the library? There are books in there!
• Citlali: Did you not notice the senior prank?
• Zorah: Will everyone shut up? Anyways, I was in the library and my friend Chupalla had this magazine, and guess who was on it?
• Ximena: Kenan Thompson! Sorry, I've always wanted to say that in response to a question … carry on.
• Qalam-Rassas: She found Dad!
• Sio: What? … … … Oh. As if imagining Dad in one of those adult-only magazines was bad enough.
• Yaretzi: Wait, why is it even an adult-only magazine? Nobody's got anything to hide.
• Javier: It's a human thing. I'm pretty sure people our age are allowed to read it.
• Saye: Well, what did he look like? It could have been another pen.
• Citlali: Yeah, maybe it was in black and white …
• Javier: Sure, the throwback to the 1900s issue: People from our past who look like people kids are too uneducated to know about!
• Zorah: Well, Avi, you were right about the military part. The picture was taken back when he was Right-enant in the Army. He was in this weird magazine, Cap-turbated.
• Javier: Hey, a pun!
• Saye: Cap-turbated?
• Zorah: I know, bad name.
• Qalam-Rassas: Why are we saying this? Where are mummy and daddy?
• Yaretzi: I see them! They're on the other side of the room. I'm sure they can't hear— aaand Mum's giving us the dead eye.
• Saye: And now she's giving Dad the signal …
• Sio: Now Dad's getting out of his chair and going behind the press so as to not disturb Grandpa's speech.
• Triangle: … and that is why I invented square dancing. Now, I invite you all to take a moment of silence to remember this shameful day that shall remain in our books as a day of countryman against countryman.

[The kids, oblivious to Triangle's commands, still speak faintly amidst the silence. Pen gets to the same side as the kids.]

• Pen: Howdy, kids, I'm gonna need y'all pard'rs to escape to the guests' room, if I reckonie so.
• Zorah: Oh, don't say it, Zorah, don't say it …
• Cil: Damn!
• Zorah: The one time …
• Citlali: Dad, I hate when you play Good Cowboy-Bad Cowboy with us.
• Pen: Into your room, let's go!

[They all go into the guest room.]

• Pen: Now, just go and, like, watch TV.
• Salvador: Any channel this time?
• Pen: I recommend the Satire News Channel; see if the Internet remixed your conversations yet, will ya?

The guest room

• Citlali: Saye-chan, what's with the sneaky laughter?
• Saye: Oh, nothing. It just reminded me of last Thanksgiving.
• Yaretzi: What's Thanksgiving?
• Javier: It's this American holiday the day before people go to Black Friday, and that is when a bunch of people go to retail stores and shop.
• Sio: Wouldn't it get all crowded?
• Javier: That's the point!
• Saye: Okay, so remember last week when I told you I was staying over at Boat's house?
• Salvador: NO.
• Saye: Well, I actually took a plane to Washington, which is in America, so I could spend the Thanksgiving holidays with my boyfriend!
• Citlali: Ha! So you do have a boyfriend!
• Saye: Aye, his name is Nickel.
• Qalam-Rassas: As?
• Zorah: What the hell is with the young people in this family swearing up a storm?
• Qalam-Rassas: No! As in, like, there is a boy in my class from Switzerland named Nickle and his real name is Nicolas. True story.
• Saye: Want to know how we became dating?
• Salvador: No.
• Saye: So I got to Nickel's house, and nobody was there. That's when I realised that it was midnight, so I went to the store that Nickel, like, texted me about.

[Flashback.]

• Saye: [narrating] Anyways, so Black Friday was crazy! I was hearing strange dialogue, like …

Chicken Salesman: Customer #99999, your Fried Deep-fried Fried Deep-chickened Scrap Metal is ready!

Saye: That's right, they didn't serve chicken, they served scrap metal turned into chicken. A-ha! [finding Nickel]

Nickel: Saye?

Saye: Nickel!

Nickel: I can't believe you travelled an ocean just to see me!

Saye: I know! In the real world this would be considered stalking.

Coiny: Lucky for you, these words are considered the real life.

Saye: Omg, hi Coiny! How's it being Nickel's older brother?

Coiny: Oy …

Nickel: That means you're going to die sooner than me!

Coiny: Hey, you two should date.

[ Saye · Nickel ]: Okay.

[Back to the real world.]

• Saye: And that is how we began dating. [she sighs]
• Javier: What does that have to do with being locked in a room?
• Saye: It doesn't; I just wanted to let that out.
• [ Pencil · Triangle ]: WHAT?