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*{{d|e}}: Hyuk hyuk hyuk!
 
*{{d|e}}: Hyuk hyuk hyuk!
 
*{{d|kat}}: That is dumb.
 
*{{d|kat}}: That is dumb.
[''Eventually, Match and Eraser reach their house. They knock frantically, and Pen answers the door.'']
+
[''Eventually, Match and Eraser reach their house. They knock frantically, and Kat answers the door.'']
*{{d|d}}: Hi!
+
*{{d|kat}}: Hi!
 
*{{d|m}}: Is Ari here?
 
*{{d|m}}: Is Ari here?
 
*{{d|d}}: Yeah, he's inspecting your room{{em}}
 
*{{d|d}}: Yeah, he's inspecting your room{{em}}
*{{d|m}}: My room? [''she pushes him out of the way''] Move!
+
*{{d|kat}}: My room? [''she pushes him out of the way''] Please move!
 
*{{d|e}}: Girls these days … now move!
 
*{{d|e}}: Girls these days … now move!
 
{{Scene|Match's room|Aristotelis is inspecting the room well.}}
 
{{Scene|Match's room|Aristotelis is inspecting the room well.}}

Revision as of 00:50, May 29, 2016

Pencil and Pen shabbat

Unfinished story ahead!

"Tonight we have to avoid completion of things, like, y'know ..." - Pen
Finishing an article? This story is not finished, and due to the creator's schedule, it may need waiting.

I suggest to all you readers that you be patient or make a suggestion with this story.

"Le Voyage dans la Poubelle" is the second part of the twenty-eighth episode of Pencil 2.O, having aired on 26 August 2016 in the second season. In this episode, Match accidentally throws out something that will be important to the plot. Meanwhile, Pencil and Pen attend a night college.

Match's house

  • Match: Omg, Penc-penc, you should have seen what they've done to our posters.
  • Pencil: [on the other side] Wot's'e?
  • Match: So you know those new Grade 8 history books your sister got— [Eraser runs by]
  • Eraser: Micka macka wooka …
  • Match: —after, like, textbook registration?
  • Pencil: I'm readin'e right now.
  • Match: Omg, you're so like a nerd.
  • Pencil: Wot?
  • Match: Nothing. [Eraser runs by]
  • Eraser: Hurgen splurgen urgen …
  • Match: Anyways, like, did you see page 329?
  • Pencil: Not yet, why?

[She goes to the page.]

  • Pencil: Omg!
  • Match: Right? Like, read the caption.
  • Pencil: "When anti-environmentalists gone wrong. Wot y'mus' know's thet it's very importan' to follow all rules an' listen to other …"

[Eraser runs in the background.]

  • Eraser: Salaca-doola-menchika
  • Match: Will you stop that?
  • Pencil: Why?
  • Match: Not you, Penc-penc … sorry, I've got to go yell at a freak. Talk you later!

[They hang up on each other.]

  • Match: Eraser, I'm trying to talk on the phone with Pencil! Don't you have, like, anything better to do than sing show tunes from fifty years ago?
  • Eraser: Not really. And Match, stop being a pain in the asש, literally.
  • Match: I'm just mad that summer's almost ending.
  • Eraser: Oh, don't worry. It'll just be for today.
  • Match: What are you even doing?
  • Eraser: Ho ho, ever since Pen … you know … every year I've found a large ball of dirt that looks sturdy but dis-segregates once even a feather touches it, and planted it in his side of the room, y'know, just to prove how much of a man he really is.
  • Match: That's so dumb!
  • Eraser: It gets smarterer. I'll tell him that he should whack it with this gavel Blocky and I stole from the Kenyan Supreme Court …
  • Match: You're so dumb!
  • Eraser: —and when he hits the ball of dirt, heh, it will sploosh all over his side of the room, making my side appear to be less dirty, which, really, I don't care about because I live in my own filth.
  • Match: Thank you, Eraser, for giving me a reason why we shouldn't go further in our relationship.
  • Eraser: Hey, I'm always open for other girls!
  • Match: M-nyeh!
  • Eraser: Nyeh!

[Enter Aristotelis from the other room.]

  • Aristotelis: Alright, people, I think we should have a family meeting. But first, where's Pen?
  • Eraser: He's gone and played BUATA baseball.
  • Aristotelis: BUATA baseball?
  • Match: It's this new shiת he's doing, like, "Beat-Up-And-Then-Apologise" baseball.
  • Aristotelis: And where's your mother?
  • Match: She's buying Buddha statues at the mall.
  • Aristotelis: My wife is beating up and apologising to statues? I knew I married a thimonhi[1].
  • Eraser: She meant Buddha statues. Y'know, like the Buddha?
  • Aristotelis: I hope that's kosher. Oykh, I think having only 60% of the people here at the family meeting is good enough for me.
  • Eraser: So what's the meeting for, dad?
  • Aristotelis: You know the new American family that we've met, right?
  • Match: The Boozemans?
  • Aristotelis: No, the Bozemans.
  • Eraser: Tomayto, tomarto.
  • Aristotelis: That's like saying Austria and Australia! Oykh, they're coming over to this house next week.
  • Match: Why, it's not like it's a particular holiday.
  • Aristotelis: They are our new friends and they are coming over. Now,</math> I understand that you, my only children, offspring of a different universe, bespringten of a …
  • Eraser: WE GET IT!
  • Aristotelis: [sigh] You all like living in dirt. And by you all, I mean Eraser—
  • Eraser: Dad, it's a rite of passage for people who've been men for so short of a time … that happens every year.
  • Aristotelis: And that's what we have to do. So from today to next Friday, you will make your rooms as clean as possible.
  • Match: But my room is—
  • Aristotelis: Dirty as hell? By Friday, I want all of your rooms to be so spotless, with everything that's not supposed to be in its place in its place, d'ya hear? Mum and I will be running inspections of the room just before the Boozemans Bozemans arrive.
  • Eraser: [sigh] Yes, fath— Wait. Are these all Kat's words?
  • Aristotelis: Yes.

[Exeunt Aristotelis and Eraser.]

  • Match: [thinking of Ari's words] "Everything that's not in its place in its place. Everything that's not in its place in its place …"

[Her eyes widen, leading to the theme song.]

By the Norwegian University of Nairobi

  • Pencil: Mum, 'ave I got to go to this night college thing?
  • Estigua: Yes. Your counsellor called me personally and requested that you be taking a foreign language to count for credit. Otherwise you can not go to college, which means you can't get a high-paying job which means you can't make money, which means you can not supply me with goods for my future!
  • Pencil: Mum, I know e'ery language in the world. Why'n Earth must I take another class fer'e?
  • Needle: Nuh-uh! You don't speak Latin.
  • Pencil: Well, Latin's dead.
  • Nelson: Latin can never die, soror mea
  • Estigua: And we're here.

[Pencil gets kicked out of the car.]

  • Pencil: Wait, don' leave me 'ere!

[The car drives away.]

  • Pencil: Nice.

Fifteen minutes later

  • Vindström: Salve.
  • Pencil: 'Ello.
  • Vindström: NO! Absolutely not shall you bellow at me! When you enter a room, I expect a salve from each other, do you hear this miss … F!
  • Pencil: Yer a-givin' me a h'F on the firs' day!?
  • Vindström: No, I am saying the F-word to myself because professors aren't allowed to scream expletives in anger!
  • Pencil: An' apparently thet's the only rule 'ere.
  • Vindström: Now that we've got this rude nuisance out of the way, let me introduce myself. My name is Cordelia Africa Vindström, but you can call me Africa.
  • Pencil: 'Sthet mean we can call'ee Vindström?
  • Vindström: Not in the name of everything you and your darned mind thinks of! If you dare call me Vindström, the name into which I was forced to live out 99.9 years, I will severely punish you by stripping off your recovery licence and forcing you to 99.9 years of eternal torture! I hate the name Vindström, as it represents my ancestors' suffering from millions of decades of colonial rule by the stinky, hog-brained lunatics known as the people of—
  • Unknown Voice: Excuse me, but you aren't a very good example of a college professor of Latin. At least the ancient Romans were tolerant of all people no matter what their race or nationality was.
  • Vindström: What kind of nonentity are you? No apologies, but I tend not to give a hoot about the people whose tuition goes to me.
  • Unknown Voice: Some may call me a drifter.
  • Vindström: Take off your disguise.
  • Unknown Voice: Some may call me a greaser.
  • Vindström: Take off your disguise, NOW!
  • Unknown Voice: But I'm just an athlete …
  • Vindström: If you don't reveal your identity, I will immediately alert the authorities.
  • Unknown Voice: … who plays BUATA-baseball!

[The voice reveals itself—it's Pen.[2]]

  • Pencil: Pen?
  • Pen: Better than ever!
  • Pencil: Wot's'e doin' 'ere?
  • Pen: My mother told me that if I did a language this year I could go to college.
  • Pencil: Omg, s- same thing, an' 'ere we are!
  • Pen: Cool.
  • Vindström: Alright, now we are going to partner up for our first "activity". But partner with someone you don't know! Or else …

[At once, all of the class partners up, leaving the two high schoolers.]

  • Pencil: So can we be partners?
  • Pen: Well, Vindström [throwing up in the background] said that we have to partner with someone we don't know.
  • Pencil: Do we really know each other, Pen, do we?
  • Pen: [sigh] Let's be partners!
  • Vindström: What the H is this? Two of the babies of the class partnered up?
  • Pen: Yes.
  • Pencil: Aye!
  • Vindström: And now that all of the class have been partnered up with each other, I would like you to do something … introduce yourself to your partner.

[They all do that.]

  • Pen: Hi, I'm—
  • Pencil: I know 'o ye're, m8.
  • Vindström: Next, you will explain to your partner why you are forced to be in this stupid class.

[They all do that once again.]

  • Pen: So why are you here?
  • Pencil: Ugh, 't all started with me mum. She got a letter from me councellor sayin' thet I mus' take a foreign language class 'ere, since I'm unable to classify fer any other language on school; I may know all living language, not Latin.
  • Pen: And I definitely don't know Latin.
  • Pencil: Why are y' 'ere, Pen?
  • Pen: Y'know how I got blacklisted from, say, 99.9% of our school language programmes for cheating?
  • Pencil: Aye, why?
  • Pen: Kat tells me I must go here instead, since it's not connected to the high school for credit.
  • Pencil: Omg, thet sucks.

[The malevolent teacher comes by and hears them talking.]

  • Vindström: What's this? Reasonable discussion? You're banned from existing here! Get out of this classroom so I can call the dean to permanently remove you from this building.
  • Pen: You can't do that!
  • Pencil: Me middle-class mother actually paid fer somethin' related to me education!
  • Vindström: Fine, you may stay here. But stay with the schedule.

[Exit Vindström.]

  • Pencil: Wow, this professor's really makin' our lives like a livin' 'ell 'ole.
  • Pen: Oh, whatever. I mean, it's not like we'll be here forever!

Monday

  • Pencil: I can't believe we're in 'ere on a Monday!
  • Pen: What kind of nonsense is this? I asked to be tortured lightly.
  • Vindström: Surprise, M.
  • Pencil: M?
  • Pen: That movie from the 1930s?
  • Vindström: No, dumbus. I'm not allowed to say the "mother*******" word, so I'm just initialling it. OK?
  • Pen: I don't have a mother …
  • Pencil: Alright, we've got to get out of 'ere!
  • Pen: How?
  • Pencil: I don' know, but I really don' feel comfortable bein' in school.
  • Pen: Why, because it's summer?
  • Pencil: No, it's the weekend!
  • Pen: True. I probably missed another BUATA baseball game.
  • Pencil: Will'ee stop with the BUATA baseball? Beatin' people usually's not very attractive!
  • Pen: Why do you care if what I do is attr— Oh ship.
  • Pencil: Let's pretend like this conversation ne'er 'appened.
  • Pen: Good point. [awkward silence] Y'know, BUATA baseball isn't about beating people up … like, 75% of the time, we're just so good at that game that nobody loses and we just beat each others' bats. I swear, it's one of a heck of a misleading name, eh?
  • Pencil: Sure. But I still feel guilty o' missin' all the parties. Wot'm I goin' to tell the cool kids? "Oh, we were at school?" Add thet with bein' a weekend an' in summer, an' we'll get kicked out o' thet party faster than Irish dancers standin' behind golf balls.
  • Pen: Golf balls?
  • Pencil: Not really the main point 'ere.

Match's house

  • Match: Mail. On Sunday? I thought a Christian country like Kenya didn't do that!
  • Katarzyna: Actually, this is important.
  • Match: Oh pish, what could be more important than— [she opens the letter] "Recommended school supplies"? That's so, like, lame!
  • Katarzyna: Come, let's just go shopping for the school supplies, when they're on sale.
  • Match: Shopping? I can deal with that! Come on, Eraser, you're going shopping with me!
  • Eraser: Like, at an actual store?
  • Match: It sounds amazing, like, it's better than, like 120% of those nerd novels.
  • Katarzyna: My series of non-fictional books?
  • Match: Potato, maize.

Generic School Supplies Store

  • Match: Omg, this is where all the nerds and geeks go!
  • Katarzyna: Matchke, they happen to be two different types of subsets of people.
  • Match: Yeah, not my type. [Eraser rolls his eyes]

[They enter the store.]

  • Test Tube: Welcome to GSS, where you can find the world's best school supplies! Non-sentient, of course.

[Match goes up to a display of pencils on sale.]

  • Match: Oh, Pencil, if you were here …
  • Eraser: Cool, a pen display!
  • Katarzyna: Don't touch it!
  • Eraser: Heh, look! [he grabs a blue pen and a pencil from the display] "Oh Pencil, I love you." "I love you too!" Match, that's a British accent.
  • Match: What is this?
  • Eraser: It's me, shipping Pencil and Pen!
  • Match: Wait. You think they'd be, like, a good couple?
  • Eraser: Uh—
  • Match: Just yesterday, when we were watching one of Mum's soap operas, you shipped Spinning Wheel and Loom. Then it was revealed that they're really step siblings.
  • Eraser: So?
  • Match: You still continued to ship them! I mean, like, you can't ship two people who will never end up together.
  • Eraser: You don't think Pencil and Pen will end up together?
  • Match: Absolutely not. Eraser, what kind of drugs have you been taking, because … wait, never mind. [sigh] The moment you realise that the jokes you make actually do make, like, sense.
  • Katarzyna: I've got it!
  • Match: What?
  • Katarzyna: I've been on a mission … it's like a race of all the mothers who want to buy some school supplies at the last minute!
  • Match: The letter came in the mail, like, this morning!
  • Katarzyna: Anyways, I have what you need. A bubble blower, thirteen books about feminism, a keyboard that makes cat sounds, a Farsi-English dictionary, and a blue stapler.
  • Eraser: Why'd you buy a blue one?
  • Katarzyna: They were really specific. Said that if anyone bought a green stapler they and all of their descendents would be expelled from education forever.
  • Match: Weird.
  • Eraser: Do you need anything else, like food, water, clothing, air, shelter and women's accessories?
  • Katarzyna: Um … actually, there's still something on my list.
  • Eraser: Women's—
  • Katarzyna: No! Match, do you know where you can buy a quote book?
  • Match: A q- quote book?
  • Eraser: Yeah, you know … a book full of quotes?
  • Katarzyna: Eraser may be right … it says that any student planning on taking art in the 2006–2007 school year must bring their quote book from the last year.
  • Match: If I want to take art?
  • Katarzyna: Yeah, art.
  • Match: What art? There is no art, art is a sociological concept and, like, totally not visible what-so-ever.
  • Top Hat: [upon hearing her] A philosophess in the artistry aisle. How curious!

[He walks away. Match, Eraser and Kat exchange glances.]

  • Match: Mum, I have a bad feeling that we should go home.
  • Katarzyna: Without paying? I don't work that way, and you know it!
  • Eraser: But I can! Come on, Match.

[Kat rolls her eyes and pays for all the stuff.]

  • Textbook: Thank you for shopping, have a so-so, stressful day!

[She finds a payphone in the middle of the car park. She calls up Match's phone.]

  • Katarzyna: Match, this is your mother.
  • Match: We're running home!
  • Katarzyna: Oh my G-d, please tell me Eraser didn't steal any women's accessories.
  • Match: Nope, even dumber. He stole the sign that said "women's accessories".
  • Eraser: Hyuk hyuk hyuk!
  • Katarzyna: That is dumb.

[Eventually, Match and Eraser reach their house. They knock frantically, and Kat answers the door.]

  • Katarzyna: Hi!
  • Match: Is Ari here?
  • Pen: Yeah, he's inspecting your room—
  • Katarzyna: My room? [she pushes him out of the way] Please move!
  • Eraser: Girls these days … now move!

Match's room

  • Aristotelis: Books stacked according to height? Perfect … The Hunchhead of Alabaster Andrews, The Catcher in the Pumpernickel, A Book of Quotes by Match Zapalka … this must be a new release! Let's see what's inside. [He begins to take out the book]
  • Match: Wait! [she runs into her room]
  • Aristotelis: Match! You should never interrupt an adult when inspecting his stepdaughter's room … and that sounded really bad; I'll try to rephrase that into words even Blocky can understand. Leave this room alone, please!
  • Match: You can't! Like, you have a really important call!
  • Aristotelis: Huh?
  • Match: You know Tonka [looks around the room] Biogusettes?
  • Aristotelis: Yeah, he was once of my worse inferiors!
  • Match: Really? I mean, really! Anyways, you know that he used to work for you … until today. He's mad at you because apparently you fired him, and he's planning revenge.
  • Aristotelis: Omg, I need to block his number!

[He sprints to his room. Match gets the book.]

  • Match: And the book is mine! Woo!

[She runs to the garbage can in the kitchen, her mother unnoticing.]

  • Katarzyna: Match, what are you doing?
  • Match: There was, like, this dirty thing in my room and I've decided to throw it out!

[She panics and throws all of the plates into the can. Kat looks up.]

  • Katarzyna: Good thing we didn't need to use them until Passover, eh, Match?
  • Match: Right, heh …

Notes

  1. (Heb.) "Eccentric"
  2. Honestly, who was surprised?
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