December 15, 2005Edit
- Blocky: Okay, here's the plan: we wait for a distraction that Julie will have to leave the room for, and then we start to take over the intercom.
- Flower: Which Julie, boss? There are three of them.
- Eraser: Yeah, and all three of them are secretary.
- Blocky: If you don't mind keeping this operation a secret, there'll've been ary of you left to be alive by the day's done! So just shut up.
- [ · ]: Sorry, boss.
[Enter Headmistress Golf Ball. She doesn't notice the Gang at the hiding spot.]
- Golf Ball: And now, my ladies, a word with you.
[The Julies chatter amongst themselves quietly, exeundæ.]
- Blocky: Now, Gang, now!
[Scissors and Knife lock the doors as Trophy pushes a heavy box lest any teachers arrive.]
- Blocky: [on the intercom] Goooooooooood morning, stupid students, and we're the Gang of 8, who have just hijacked the Intercom system, here with my bros Eraser, Snowball, Flower and Pen.
- Pen: Um, maybe you shouldn't say my name in front of where it can be heard!
- Flower: I'm a girl.
- Blocky: You fuⴿing goody-goody son of a dead biⵞ, just fuⴿing let me talk for once! And I call all of you bro, so just deal with it.
- Snowball: Mean not to kill thy rant, but we're on air.
- Blocky: Shiⵝ! I tell you a plan, and you're supposed to go with it! God, how much I hate you so fuⴿing much!
- Flower: We love you too, boss.
- Blocky: Damn it, you people ruined my totally awesome rant!
- Golf Ball: You all have been receiving reports about many students' being absent, is this correct?
- Julie B.: Yes, ma'am.
- Julie W.: We believe that it's because of that outbreak of can't-go-to-school-itis.
- Golf Ball: Yeah … that was all I have to say to you. Carry on with your jobs!
- Julie N.: It was an honour to be recognised by such an awarding and well-rounded individual!
- Golf Ball: Oh … why, thank you! I feel a tiny bit better today.
[The Julies try to open the door, but it's been locked and the small door window has been covered by paper.]
- Golf Ball: Door not opening?
- Julie B.: That's queer.
- Julie N.: We don't use words like that, Julie B!
- Julie B.: I mean, this is weird! This door was unlocked earlier!
- Julie W.: Wait … check out that sheet on the door … "Prank paper, property of the Gang of 8".
- Julie N.: Shall I call security?
- Julie B.: I don't see why not!
- Blocky: And now, a poem by our own, Flower. Carefully listen, though, because she is really quiet.
[Moment of silence.]
- Flower: I LIKE TO SLEEP IN CLASS I LIKE TO SLEEP IN CLASS I LIKE TO SLEEP IN CLASS I LIKE TO SLEEP IN CLASS I LIKE TO SLEEP IN CLASS I LIKE TO SLEEP IN CLASS FUⴿ ALL THE TEACHERS!
- Blocky: And there you have it! Pen, would you like to add a few words?
- Pen: Er … well—
- Blocky, Eraser, Flower: ADD A FEW WORDS!
- Pen: Hi.
[All of a sudden, enter US Dollar.]
- U.S. Dollar: Stop! In the name of love! … See what I did there? Oh, wait, you guys are probably too young.
- Flower: Actually, I was 20 when that song was released.
[USD adjusts his glasses.]
- U.S. Dollar: Hold on! The Gang of 8? How many arrests can I make in a week for you guys? You know the drill, you're coming with me.
[They all get arrested and taken to the on-campus jail.]
- Match: Hey guys! Let's, like, talk about boys.
- Pencil: No, let's, like, not.
[Enter Pen and Eraser.]
- Pencil: Omg! Bubble, 'ide me!
[She hides behind Bubble.]
- Bubble: I'm clear; that'll do nothing.
- Eraser: Hey, Match.
- Pen: Hey, Pencil.
- Eraser: Hey, Bubble.
- Pen: Hey, Pencil.
- Eraser: Oy, you said that twice.
- Pen: [slapping Eraser] Say that again and I'll—I mean, sorry I had to do that in front of you girls.
- Match: Whatever.
- Bubble: Hoiy, what you guys did todoy was totally not cool.
- Match: Yeah, some people, like, like to listen to morning announcements!
- Pencil: Y' only listen ter'e acos o' thet 'ot-voiced announcer.
- Eraser: Hate to burst your bubble, but that's just one of the Julies with a voice modifier.
- Match: Omg, what?
- Bubble: So who let you guys out of joil?
- Eraser: Officer Dollar said that we two did the least swearing, so he let us go!
- Pen: Besides, how did you even know about that?
- Match: It's on Rumours Daily!
- Pencil: Aye, she paid School Newspaper two lakh in bobs to write th' bes' rumours o' this week.
- Bubble: To be honest, I think it was roight of Dollar to arrest you guys.
- [ · ]: Hey, that's not nice!
- Pen: And yet so true!
- Eraser: What? How? That was one of the greatest pranks of this month.
- Pen: I know, but …
- Match: Hey, can you, like, take this somewhere else?
- Pencil: Aye, whilst'ee bore us with yer borin' guy talk, we'll try an' bore'ee with our girl talk.
- Bubble: So, let's talk about boys!
- Pencil: Aye, let's do thet!
- [ · ]: Bye!
The Schreibers' placeEdit
- Pen: No, of course I don't want to leave!
- Eraser: Then good!
- Pen: It still seems pretty weird that on my university applications I'll have to put "member of a prankster gang" in the extracurriculars.
- Eraser: Oh … hey, Dad! You're home early.
- Aristotelis: Yeah, I let myself leave.
- Pen: Aren't you going to ask how our day was?
- Aristotelis: What for? Your school newspaper just arrived.
- Match: [watching TV] I was let out early!
- Aristotelis: Why would you kids take over the school intercom just to swear, do bad poetry, and make some kids cry?
- Pen: What?
- Match: It says so on page 4! Like, Penc-penc and I saw a bunch of people, like, start leaving class to cry because of you guys!
- Eraser: It wasn't just us, y'know.
- Aristotelis: That's not the point right now. By being arrested and taking over the announcement, you gave our family a bad reputation. I wanted to move into this country to give ourselves a better life, but you two just have to ruin it.
- Pen: [sigh] Oh, I wouldn't have done it if it had made so many people cry! Why do I feel so guilty right now?
- Eraser: Making people cry is our job! If you're just noticing that it's such a bad thing right now, then you're just not doing your job right.
[Eraser runs upstairs.]
- Pen: Eraser! We have to talk!
[He runs upstairs to him. Enter Katarzyna, who has been intently listening.]
- Katarzyna: Oh, I know how bad you feel. Honestly.
- Aristotelis: Také?
- Katarzyna: I've also got a few words for you.
- Aristotelis: Oh, what are they? Hopefully they'll cheer you up.
- Katarzyna: Well … they're your sons, not mine.
[She laughs as she exits.]
- Pen: [in his sleep] No … I'm not … ah!
[We get a glimpse of Pen's dreaming mind at night as the camera zooms and blurs into a white background.]
- Pen: What's going on? Where am I?
[Suddenly, Match appears.]
- Match: Poof!
- Pen: Match? What are you doing here? In most of my dreams you don't even exist!
- Match: Well then! Besides, my name's not Match.
- Pen: Then who are you?
- Match: I'm the Ghost of Christmas Past!
- Pen: What? But we don't celebrate Christmas, and I'd expect the least of you to know that.
- Match: Omg, has anyone, like, heard of the ghost of Hanukkah past? How about the ghost of Kwanzaa past? And don't get me, like, started on the ghost of Holiday past. That makes, like, no sense! Like, no way I'm going to use those other names. I'm just saying it for the traditional factor, y'know. And besides, I've got to take you somewhere. And quickly, I've got to get to the next kid in a few minutes.
- Pen: O-kay …
- Match: Come on!
[She drags him out of the white-background dream.]
Jomo Kenyatta International AirportEdit
- Pen: The airport? Ooh, are we going on holiday? Because I know the best place to—
- Match: No! This is the airport on December 2, 2005.
- Pen: And you say this is the past.
- Match: Well, it was, like, two weeks ago.
- Pen: Hey! There I am, following Eraser and Blocky!
- Match: In dreams like this, you can't speak to anyone, and they can't see you either.
- Pen: Really? 'Cause it seems I had a really bad case of bad cap day back then.
- Pen: [repeating the events of two weeks prior] Hey, where is this going?
- Blocky: Shut the fuⴿ up and just come with me.
- Eraser: Blocky's right. This country is called the land of contrasts, and who knows where the contrast is right here!
- Pen: Fine.
- Match: See how you just mindlessly followed the others? That is not good behavior, mister.
[She skips timeframes, and in a secret room of the airport, in the dark, are Blocky, Eraser and Pen in hiding, along with the rest of the Gang of 8. They seem to be creating an upside-down star out of candles.]
- Pen: That's funny. I don't seem to remember this.
- Match: Oh, that's because they drugged you up so you could forget once initiation ended.
- Pen: What?
- Match: Shut up and listen!
- Blocky: Nunc et vſque in æternum cum hac caterua conuerti volo.
- Gang Members: Nunc et vſque in æternum cum hac caterua conuerti volo.
- Pen: Since when did I know Latin?
- Blocky: And now that concludeth my knowledge of Cult Latin, let the initiation start.
- Flower: Yeah, for our Canadian boiz!
- Snowball: The word is "boys" if thou wert orthograph.
- Blocky: When I count down from five, you will stick your tongues out and … catch a mosquito, and if you experience a hard stinging sensation, you will officially be a member of the Gang of 8!
[The Gang members uncharacteristically cheer raucously.]
- Pen: How is it that I don't remember that?
- Match: Ooh, sorry. I've, like, got to go. There's a bad kid in Mombasa whose personality I've got to change. Bye!
- Pen: Wait, so I have to watch this?
- Blocky: FIVE! FOUR! THREE! TWO!
[All of a sudden, the Gang members disappear, including the two-weeks-ago Pen. Suddenly, enter Bubble.]
- Bubble: Hoiy, is there a "Pen Schroiber" in this place?
- Pen: Er, that would be me. Why?
- Bubble: Oi'm the Ghost of Christmas Present!
- Pen: Wow, coolio! A present!
- Bubble: Oi, maybe you should just come with me.
[She drags him to another scene.]
Sky above NairobiEdit
- Pen: Why are we floating again?
- Bubble: Being the Ghost of Christmas Present, and a bubble, it's my job!
[The camera zooms in a bit.]
- Pen: Hey, why does it seem like we're falling?
- Bubble: That's because we are!
[Eventually, they crash into a very familiar-looking house.]
- Pen: Ow! Where are we?
- Bubble: Shh! Wait, you don't have to be quoiet, I was just kidding with you this toime. Listen! YOYLECAKE! They won't wake up!
- Pen: Wait a second … is this Pencil's room? Aww, shoop, I've always dreamed to be in here! Just, don't tell her … I mean, this is a dream, right?
- Bubble: Okay, but our focus is not on hoir today. We're going into Nelson's droims now. That's Pencil's yoinger brother.
- Pen: For some reason, I already knew that.
- Pen: This is inception!
- Nelson: I'll never surrender! Never!
- Snowball: Thou comest with us if thou want'st to fain live, lest I shall use the tam grand statu'rie.
[Trophy hits his fists together, menacingly.]
- Nelson: Fine, take me.
[He gets taken to a prison.]
- Eraser: Bad afternoon, citizens of Ibanesia. Today we are ranked 168th on the Press Freedom Index, just right under North Korea. We found their freedom to be too liberating!
- Pen: Wow, good job, Eraser! It's always been Dad's dream for you to have a good part in the apocalypse.
- Bubble: Let's step outside for a moment …
[Outside is a dystopian version of their school. Flower's Announcer Crusher from BFDI is crushing random students. Meanwhile, Blocky is sitting on a watchtower with his binoculars, being held the other way.]
- Flower: If you say anything bad, I'll crush you with my Announcer Crusher!
- Blocky: Get her, girl!
- Bubble: Ooh, quick. … We'd better get inside.
- Pen: Good idea.
[He sees the prison, where a man in uniform that looks surprisingly like him enters. That's because it is him.]
- Pen: Wow, I look really good in that.
- Bubble: Coilm down, it's just a dream.
[Bubble then winks at the audience, suggesting something.]
- Eraser: Alright, Pen, because you're the softie of this gang, you get the most intimate role.
[He hands him a pair of boxing gloves.]
- Eraser: Now, with these gloves, do what we were meant to do—beat people up. In the meantime, I'd better say that the chance of fire raining from the ceiling is 110%.
- Pen: But sir, that isn't mathematically possible!
- Eraser: Just hit him!
- Pen: Wow, I can't believe I'd be so violent! Everyone knows I'm the peacelover of the Gang!
- Bubble: This is a dream. Insoide of a dream. Well, Oi'd better go. Oi just got an alert from Christmas Past that kid's soirt of choinged, according to GhostAlert™, avoilable for your moboile phones, pagers, beepers, must be 18 years or older to order. Bye!
- Pen: Wait, you can't go! I can't see myself hit anyone!
- Bubble: Don't worry, becoise when you troy to hit him, it—
White background roomEdit
- Pen: Hello? [silence] Good thing that's over. Now to sit down.
- Voice: YOU CAN'T SIT DOWN! You gotta move, move, move, around and 'round! … Oh, come on! You don't get it?
- Pen: I do know that Flower was 18 when that song was released.
- Voice: Come to the next scene with me.
- Pen: Ooh, are you the Ghost of Christmas Future?
- Voice: Yeah.
- Pen: Y'know, you kind of sound like one of those movie narrators who do all those nature documentaries.
- Voice: Do I? Maybe it is just the way I hide myself with this veil.
- Pen: I suppose so.
- Voice: Come on now, child, it's time to go.
Sky above NairobiEdit
- Voice: This is life in Nairobi, eleven years later.
- Pen: 2016! What on earth could happen that year?
- Voice: Let us find out.
[They enter a cemetary.]
- Pen: Why are we at a cemetary?
- Voice: The other ghosts have taken you to your exact locations, and I am simply following suit.
- Pen: But why here? I've got to be a mortician.
- Voice: No, you're dead.
- Pen: Oh, that's a relief, I th— Wait. I'm dead? I've got at most eleven years to live?
- Voice: It is an inevitable fact that being a member of a gang comes with great violence. There's your headstone, right there!
[The voice points to a small rock, with seven others arranged in an octagonal fashion.]
- Pen: What?! It's against my religion to be buried with other beliefs! Even the dream version of me would know that!
- Voice: Just think that if you hadn't followed that Gang all these years, you'd be still alive, raising a family by now.
[The voice walks away, and as Pen looks back, he sees that the interior of the cloak has a sharp
lead graphite point on the bottom.]
- Pen: Wait!
[The voice turns around.]
- Pen: Before I get in, would you mind taking your cloak off?
- Voice: I do not know, would you mind taking your cap off?
- Pen: I see your point.
- Voice: You do? Hold on, I'd better fix this.
[The voice tries to fix his/her cloak, but it falls off, and what is revealed is that the voice is Pencil.]
- Pen: P- Pencil? That you? I'd have never known that. What happened to your accent?
- Pencil: Y'see, your brain was too lazy to make up an improper urban English accent, so you received the one that Match was watching on TV when you and Eraser got home.
- Pen: Woah, how do you know that?
- Pencil: It is a dream. Anything can happen.
- Pen: I don't like this dream. Can you make it stop?
- Pencil: Sure, but it will use a bit of effort from you. All that you must do is to wake up.
- Pen: What?
- Pencil: You know when they tell you, "Pinch me, I must be dreaming"?
- Pen: Yeah, why?
- Pencil: I want you to do that to yourself.
- Pen: I can't; I'm too weak.
- Pencil: Here, let me try.
- Pen: No, wait, I'm pretty sure I can do it mys—
December 16, 2005Edit
- Pen: Oh my gosh, I just got pinched by the most … interesting girl in school!
- Eraser: What?
- Pen: Really!
- Eraser: No, I'm pretty sure that was a dream.
- Pen: Well, it doesn't matter, because I know exactly what to do!
[He runs out the door, about to head to school.]
- Eraser: Hey, we still have an hour until school starts! Three hours if you're a Gang mem—
[He closes the door.]
- Eraser: —ber.
- U.S. Dollar: So overnight, we have installed a high tech security system.
- Julie W.: I've always wanted that!
- U.S. Dollar: Well, it can tell when a stranger is on the Intercom. And to further prevent any other interruptions, it includes a motion sensor so that you'll know when a certain someone is entering this building …
[Enter Pen. The alarm almost sounds.]
- U.S. Dollar: … if they're heavy enough.
- Julie B.: Oh no! A Gang member!
- Julie N.: Julies of the office, unite!
- U.S. Dollar: Hold yourselves on, I've got this one to handle! [to Pen] Be gone, malevolent spirit of the education system!
- Pen: Wait, I didn't come here to attack. I also came here alone.
- U.S. Dollar: What?
- Pen: I'm here because I owe you guys an apology. It was totally uncool and against the school rules to disrupt yesterday's morning announcements. I, like, deserved all the punishments you guys carried out.
- U.S. Dollar: Oh … you're welcome? Don't you guys have an anti-apology rule, though?
- Pen: What the Gang does doesn't matter.
- U.S. Dollar: Well, I'm glad you feel that way. But the other members of the Gang aren't forgiven.
- Pen: I'm actually okay with that.
[Exit US Dollar.]
- Julie B.: Wow. What you said there made us Julies feel different about you.
- Julie W.: That was a real mark of character, son.
- Pen: If you don't mind, I'd want to take a personal call.
A few minutes laterEdit
- Nelson: Ms. Julie, why did you call me here?
- Julie N.: Have you met Pen?
- Nelson: Peace folks, I'm out!
[He starts to go out the door.]
- Pen: Nelson, we've got to talk.
- Nelson: Okay, I'm listening.
- Pen: Sit.
- Nelson: Why would you call me up to the office? Is this another prank?
- Pen: About that … do you ever feel threatened by us? As in, like, the Gang?
- Nelson: Well, no— I mean, yes.
- Pen: I've been told that
- Nelson: Who told you?
- Pen: That's not important right now. What is is that I am personally sorry for allowing the rest of the members to be mean to you, every single time, and I promise that I'll never do anything mean to you again!
- Nelson: Wow, that's so sweet; thanks, Pen! Now I can tell my sister that she doesn't have a—I mean, to be afraid anymore!
- Julie B.: Feels good to be nice, right?
- Match: You're still, like, tired?
- Pencil: Aye, couldn' sleep with Nelson, like, screamin' th' entire night.
- Bubble: Must have been a very bad noightmare!
- Pencil: You know the drill, Bubble!
- Bubble: I'm roight ahead of you!
- Match: What are you doing, like, here?
- Pen: I've decided that gang life isn't the path I want to choose.
- Bubble: Good.
- Match: There are, like, better ways to live your life …
- Pencil: Aye, an' thrustin' yerself fer danger like thet won't try an' get'ee h'anywhere.
- Pen: Thanks, guys, for your nice words.
- Match: Of course, starszy brat. You can sit here all you want.
- Pencil: Aye, any time … thet I ain' h'absent.
- Pen: It's just that the last twelve hours of my life have been absolute—
- Blocky: There he is!
[The Gang of 8 circle the table.]
- Bubble: What's going on?
- Pen: It appears we're being ambushed.
- Match: Why is Trophy staring at me?
- Pencil: You wan' thet to stop?
- Match: No, please keep staring. Maybe he'll, like, fall in love.
- Blocky: Pen, what the fuⴿ are you doing here?
- Flower: Sitting with these loser girls!?
- Match: We are not loser girls; we are loser women.
- Flower: Whatever!
- Snowball: Thou shouldst be with us eating luncheon now!
- Blocky: Yeah, we're going to the Year 7 tables and exploiting their awkwardness. Join us!
- Bubble: Actually, Pen says he's happy to stoy here.
- Pen: I can argue for and against that.
- Blocky: So … our behated Pen has chosen to rather eat with you girls than his own Gang, is that so? … Cuck.
- Pen: Hey, that word might happen to have a derogatory sense many years in the future. It's wrong; Eraser, tell him that it's wrong.
- Eraser: I want no part in this whatsoever.
- Blocky: WANNA FIGHT?
- Pen: No thanks, you know my stance against physical violence.
- Blocky: Okay. But just remember that you'll always be a Gang member, no matter how much you don't want to. Let's go, boys.
- Flower: Hey, I'm a girl!
[Exit the Gang of 8.]
- Match: Omg, are you sure you don't want to go with them?
- Pen: Yeah, I'm sure.
- Bubble: In that case, welcome to the alliance!
- Match: If we're, like, time periods, then I'm your Past!
- Bubble: Oi'm your Present, and she's … Pencil?
[Pencil is holding onto Pen, entranced almost.]
- Pencil: Oh, sorry, me mind's gone a-wanderin' … lack o' sleep. Sorry!
- Match: Don't worry, she, like, does that a lot.
[The Alliance laugh, thus ending the episode.]
- ↑ Whenever I think of secretary names, I automatically think of Julie.
- ↑ (Yi.) "Really?"
- ↑ 
- ↑ This is just one of the moments that makes Season 1 a lot darker than the rest of the show.
- ↑ (Latin) "I wish to be affiliated with this gang now and forever."
- ↑ A deleted scene was to have Eraser recite the Nairobi weather on the announcements, only he would have been saying the weather from a year prior.
- ↑ Interpret that how you would.
- ↑ II 0131
- ↑ Just extrapolating for the technological trends of 2005.
- ↑ Ha!
- ↑ Ha!
- ↑ (Pol.) "older brother"
- ↑ As far as the Internet's concerned, this is not a censorable word.
- ↑ XII 0403