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"Two Rocks the Elderly" is the first part of the non-canon fifth episode of TPOT by Jacknjellify. It was released on 21 July 1974. This episode is only headcanon to me, that is, until the real TPOT 5 (or even TPOT 2) comes out. Before 8 July 2021, this episode was known as either "This Is Your Life" or "Thank You for Being a Friend" before the current title was moved here from the previous episode. Before the 11th, this was a very long one-parter episode called "Two Rocks the Elderly" (a title that has been moved for the last time to the second part).

Editor's note: Because of the vaguely special nature of this episode (hard-hitting life lessons that may or may not be present), I plan for this episode to be the longest of them all. After that, I'll have to seriously consider shortening them.

General note: The beginning of the flashback contains murder. Not like "Blocky ripping GB and TB off-screen", but actual killing. Read at your own risk, everyone!

Previous episode: "All Boxed In"
Next episode: "Two Rocks the Elderly"

Flash forward[]

A bleak landscape[]

  • Book: Are you sure this is how you make a memorial shrine?
  • Price Tag: I'm positive.
  • Book: It seems so dark.
  • Naily: That's what they said about the weather.
  • Book: I've never actually lived in a world where death is eternal. Should we be sad about that?
  • Price Tag: It is the usual thing, yes.
  • Naily: But not too blue. We don't want anyone to die of sadness.
  • Book: No one dies of sadness, silly.
  • Naily: I don't know. The way things are going at the moment, it might just happen.
  • Book: [sighs] I know. But how could it have come to this?

[The dreadful music gets louder as we see the makeshift headstones of the dead contestants as of this episode: Bottle, Nickel, Tree, Remote, Battery, Eraser, Lightning, Fanny, Saw, Pin, 9-Ball, Pillow.]

Inside a room in Two's hotel[]

  • Barf Bag: Uh... nice weather we're having today?
  • Clock: Oh, sure, cloudy with a chance of topsy-turvy!
  • Barf Bag: Sorry, I should have been more sympathetic to your position. If someone put me upside down like that, I wouldn't know what to do!
  • Clock: You said sorry.
  • Barf Bag: Yeah, I'm being polite.
  • Clock: Okay, say more.
  • Barf Bag: [sighs] I apologize for standing up for a host against a fellow contestant.
  • Clock: Thank you.

[Pause.]

  • Barf Bag: I think someone owes me an apology as well.
  • Clock: [sighs] I'm sorry for being a stickler up there. Numbers deserve their privacy as much as objects do.
  • Barf Bag: And?
  • Clock: Sorry for bringing up the barf molecules.
  • Barf Bag: So we're good?
  • Clock: Yeah.
  • Barf Bag: How could it have come to this?
  • Narrator: Ago.

Ago[]

Outside[]

  • Eraser: [to himself] No distractions, eh? I know what to do. Okay, TV, play Inanimate Insanity!

[Just as Eraser is about to run to his own team's cabin, his eyes suddenly turn red.]

  • Eraser: Oop... huh? What the heck is happening to meeeeeeeeee?!

[Ominous music sting.]

Death P.A.C.T. Again's cabin[]

  • Black Hole: ♫ ... but they were not heard from again.

[They all clap.]

  • Tree: Black Hole, that was lovely.
  • Remote: You rock our abode.
  • Black Hole: Thank you, thank you very much.
  • Lightning: I'll see you later, I've got to have a shower.

[Exit Lightning as he goes into the team's bathroom.]

  • Fanny: Lightning, wait! You're a lightning bolt, you're going to get— [to the others] I'd better stop this guy.

[Exit Fanny.]

  • Pie: And I'll see what's keeping Marker so late.
  • Tree: Don't take too long!
  • Pie: Duly noted.

[Exit Pie.]

  • Tree: So, what do you want to do now?

[Enter Eraser in his state of temporary evil. His eyes are still red.]

  • Eraser: I know what you're going to do.
  • Tree: Eraser, what are you doing here?
  • Eraser: I don't know. But I know what you're going to do today.
  • Tree: What?
  • Eraser: [very deep voice] Die.
MURDER PART STARTS HERE[1]
  • Eraser: Grrrrr!

[Eraser lunges at Tree.]

  • Eraser: This is what you get for being mean to Pen!
  • Tree: The seed are you talking about?
  • Eraser: You've made a big fat mistake, bro.
  • Tree: I didn't do anything, I swear!
  • Eraser: Hup!

[As Eraser fights Tree in the background.]

  • Remote: Oh no, Eraser is causing death.
  • Black Hole: This is all very unsettling.
  • Remote: Should we do something?
  • Black Hole: You could fight back.
  • Remote: But the death prevention rules...
  • Black Hole: The only rule is that you have to prevent death. Stopping a fight would, in theory, comply with the rules, for the prevention, of Tree's death.

[Silence. Remote's eyes go big.]

  • Eraser: Okay, I killed him.
  • Black Hole: [a little shocked; or, more shocked that we have heard him before] And Tree is dead.
  • Eraser: I'm out of here.

[Eraser is about to go, but not before smiling with his many rows of teeth.]

  • Black Hole: Remote?
  • Remote: I have an idea. Goodbye, Mr. Hole.
  • Black Hole: Wait...

[She takes Battery out of her—thus dying—and chucks her at Eraser's head before she can be powered off.]

  • Battery: Finally, I'm freeeeeeee! Oof!
  • Eraser: Oh! Aaaaaaaaaaah!
  • Battery: I only saw the light for five secooooooonds!

[Eraser and Battery fall into the fireplace and die.]

  • Black Hole: I... don't know what to—

[Fanny and Lightning can be heard screaming from the other room, along with the sound of the shower running.]

  • Black Hole: [inhales] The mad one's eye strikes again.
MURDER PART ENDS HERE

Vending machine[]

  • Marker: Hmm... what should I get? This one, or this one, or this one...
  • Cloudy: Why not collect the nougat? The one at A3.
  • Balloony: [misunderstanding] "New kid"? I don't think they'd put people in... [sees the vending machine] Och, you've been saying "nougat" the whole time!
  • Winner: It makes so much sense now!

[Enter Pie.]

  • Pie: Hey, party people, I've come to collect Marker.
  • Everyone: Yeah!
  • Cake: But you're cutting in line.
  • VHSy: Queue-jumper!
  • Pie: Good grief, it's only a worldly vending machine.
  • Pillow: A vending machine and nothing else.

[Suddenly, to the sound of pleasant harp music, the vending machine turns into Two. All the contestants scream and back away.]

  • Pillow: [who has been at the back of the queue] Oo-oh, whoa!

[She falls into a manhole. There is a sign next to it that says "To the underworld" in bright colours.]

  • Rocky: Bulleh! [vomits into the hole]
  • Donut: [rushing up to Two] Two, you're back!
  • Two: That's right, I'm here, in the flesh.

[Two smiles broadly, though one doesn't have to be a fool to see that they're faking it.]

  • Two: So what's happened while I was gone?
  • Donut: Oh, a lot of things! We accepted a number of new contestants on the show—
  • Two: [interrupting Donut] Wait... all these people cannot be here. They weren't voted in!
  • Cloudy: Uh oh, I think Two's talking about you.
  • Balloony: I'd better go book a room, quick.
  • Cloudy: Yeah, I'll go with you.
  • Balloony: Come with us, little one.

[Exit Cloudy and Balloony, who drags Rocky away with him into the hotel.]

  • Donut: ... But Two, what should we do with them?
  • Two: They must go back toOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[The TPOT intro plays.]

  • Two: —my hotel.
  • Salt Lamp: But I want to compete!
  • Leek: If my free trial period has expired, then I'm going to overstay it.
  • Two: No, you aren't! All those who are not original TPOT contestants, please enter my hotel and don't come out.
  • Pie: Goodbye, everyone.

[All of the failed debuters, as well as the characters recommended for this episode, rush into the hotel.]

  • Marker: O-kay!
  • Bell: That was a little harsh, Two!
  • Basketball: Anyway... what are we doing next?
  • Two: [sigh] Let's do Cake at Stake.

Cake at Stake[]

Cake at Stake place[]

  • Two: Alright, it appears that Just Not lost last episode.

[Two sighs before reading from index cards, each of which they throw away immediately after reading.]

  • Two: Price Tag is safe, Naily is safe, Book is safe, Nickel is safe, Pillow is safe, Cake is safe, Bomby's eliminated; we're good? We're good.
  • Naily: Oh no, Bomby's eliminated!
  • Bomby: I'd like to say a few words!
  • Two: Please enter my hotel and don't come out.
  • Bomby: But I—
  • Two: [about to cry] Just go, will you?

[Jump cut to the living members of Just Not, i.e. Book, Cake, Naily and Price Tag, saying their farewells to Bomby.]

  • Price Tag: I guess this is goodbye.
  • Book: I missed cranking the HPHPRCC with you, bud.
  • Naily: You're the bomb dot com!
  • Bomby: [rushed] Okay, goodbye.

[Exit Bomby into the hotel. He closes the door very slowly.]

  • Bomby: [imitating the door] Eeeeep!
  • Naily: That was weird.
  • Price Tag: Is it just me, or is everyone acting a little off today?
  • Cake: Eh, it's probably nothing.

Post-Cake at Stake[]

Cake at Stake place[]

  • Donut: Two, you'll be happy to know—not that I'm happy to see a former Icy Boi sent home—that Bomby is the fourth to be eliminated after Pie, that invisible one from episode 3 and Ice Cube.
  • Two: You mean to say that Icy is eliminated then?
  • Donut: Yeah.
  • Yellow Face: [to Ice Cube] Goodbye, again.
  • Ice Cube: Aw!

[Ice Cube packs up her tiny bags and goes into the hotel, for she was eliminated last episode.]

  • Two: Hey. There's a smaller crowd than usual here. What happened?
  • Donut: Um... some people kind of died while you were away.
  • Two: Like who?
  • Book: Well, Nickel got eaten by Shampoo.
  • Two: What?
  • Black Hole: Remote killed Eraser by throwing Battery at him...

[Gasping sound effect.]

  • Two: Double what?
  • Black Hole: It's because he was killing Tree.
  • Two: Triple what?
  • Black Hole: Also, Lightning and Fanny died by taking a shower together.
  • Two: Quadruple what?!
  • Grassy: And Saw, Pin and 9-Ball got abducted by unfriendly aliens!
  • Two: Eh, that I can believe.
  • Clock: Well, you can bring them back, right?
  • Two: Er, I don't, don't know.
  • Clock: Why do you look so down anyway, huh?
  • Two: Well, I was, um...
  • Clock: And why did you disappear so long?
  • Two: Uh...
  • Clock: Where the tick did you go?
  • Two: Butt...
  • Clock: Answer the question, Two. Don't make me use my hands.
  • Needle: [gleefully, to Coiny] He's so forceful!
  • Barf Bag: Whoa, Clock, you can't be like that!
  • Clock: Why not? We contestants deserve the answers!
  • Barf Bag: Two deserves their privacy!
  • Clock: They're a host.
  • Barf Bag: You're only putting pressure on an already depressed number.
  • Clock: I'm not putting pressure on anyone.
  • Barf Bag: Don't boss around someone who can move a forest.
  • Clock: It is against the rules for a host to disappear without saying why.
  • Barf Bag: You're making that up!
  • Clock: Oh yeah? Read my mind!
  • Barf Bag: If I did, all I'd find would be broken gears!
  • Clock: Well, if I read your mind, all I'd find is barf!
  • Two: [in the same way that Squidward yelled in that dancing episode of SpongeBob] EEEE-NOOOOOOOOOOOUGH!

[Just as Teardrop often stomps away from arguments (as in BFB 1), Two stomps all the way inside their hotel and slams the door shut. They come out again.]

  • Two: Oh, wait. Forgot something.

[Two grabs Clock and Barf Bag and they head to the hotel.]

  • Barf Bag: This is wrong, Two!
  • Clock: I order you to put me down, now.

[Two slams the door shut.]

  • Fries: Okay, what just happened?
  • TV: And what do we do now?
  • Coiny: [angry] I'll tell you what we can do now!
  • Black Hole: Hey, Coiny, tone down the rage.
  • Donut: Yeah, we've had enough negativity for today.
  • Coiny: I was only joking! I was going to say...

[Long and awkward pause.]

  • Fries: Just let it out, Coiny!
  • Coiny: LET'S PARTAY!!!

[Techno music begins to play as colourful lights fill the previously bleak landscape. Everyone begins to dance.]

  • Eggy: This feels so wrong!
  • Basketball: Yeah, our friends died and our host is probably torturing those two poor souls as we speak.
  • Bell: Who cares, let's dance!
  • Grassy: Grassy loves this song!

[View of the remaining contestants (Basketball, Bell, Black Hole, Book, Cake, Coiny, Donut, Eggy, Foldy, Fries, Gaty, Golf Ball, Grassy, Marker, Naily, Needle, Price Tag, Puffball, Robot Flower, Snowball, Tennis Ball, TV, Winner and Yellow Face) dancing in an uncharacteristic manner.]

Back of the hotel[]

  • Hop Bell: Oh, hello.
  • Silvery: Greetings, youth. We have arrived for tonight's Gogmatic Pilgrimage and Workshop Revival Camp-Turned-Auditorium Meeting Convention.
  • Hop Bell: I'm sorry?
  • Gertrude: Our spiritual guide Squeeplonk will only choose five people to join him on his journey to the physical, ethereal beyond, and we think we ought to look our best for the occasion.
  • Hop Bell: Oh, that's what it is, the, the convention.
  • Silvery: No. It is the Gogmatic Pilgrimage and Workshop Revival Camp-Turned-Auditorium Meeting Convention.
  • Hop Bell: Well, I'm sorry, sirs, ma'ams and enby clams, but the senior entrance is temporarily unavailable.
  • Walker: Heavens to bakery!
  • Hop Bell: You will have to go around the hotel and join the queue with everyone else, and quickly too; there's a crowd.
  • Gertrude: Oh bother, I should hate to walk through a crowd!
  • Hop Bell: We at Two's hotel promise to have this entrance repaired as soon as possible for your convenience. Thank you for your understanding.
  • Cash Reefun: That's what they always say.
  • Silvery: Clams?

[Cash Reefun, Foldy Fan, Gertrude, Silvery and Walker make their way to the front of the building where. However, they have to walk a long distance because the hotel is very large.]

Front of the hotel[]

  • Cake: Huh?
  • Winner: Where's the music gone?
  • Price Tag: Aw, I really liked this escapism.
  • Black Hole: There's a piece of paper falling from the sky.
  • Golf Ball: Let's read it!

[Puffball grabs hold of the paper with her mouth.]

  • Puffball: Um, it's a lot of words. Can you read it for me, Book?
  • Gaty: How about we each take turns reading it?
  • Golf Ball: Huh?
  • Gaty: We've been through so much just today, that it wouldn't hurt, to go back to basic reading strategies.
  • Golf Ball: Okay. Who here does not know how to read?
  • Snowball: I ain't gonna read that!
  • Basketball: That's right, Snowball can't read hard texts!

[Golf Ball starts to laugh. Tennis Ball looks worried as Snowball begins to make a threatening face.]

  • Snowball: Don't laugh, you, you Golf Ball!
  • Tennis Ball: Geeb, it's kind of a serious problem.
  • Golf Ball: Fine.
  • Gaty: Okay, let's just get this started.

[Fade to the contestants sitting in a circle (more like a weird-looking oval), except Snowball. By now the clouds in the sky have become much darker and it even looks like it's about to rain.]

  • Gaty: [clearing her throat] "Dearest contestants—"

[She passes the paper on to Book.]

  • Book: Wait, that's all you're going to read?
  • Gaty: Well, there's enough words to go around for everyone.
  • Book: Okay. "I am very disappointed in myself that you had to watch me explode before Clock and Barf Bag…

[In this lengthy sequence (skipped over in later broadcasts), she passes the letter to Cake, who passes it to Naily etc.]

Cake: "Who I know are your friends, or sometimes enemies. I had to do what I had to do…
Naily: "Even if it was out of my normally peppy character that you all see me as.
Price Tag: "The reason I was away for so long (and this is a personal thing, by the way),…
Robot Flower: "Was that I was at the Equation Playground for an important meeting.
Basketball: "Many years ago, I had broken the Playground's rules…
Black Hole: "By leaving when I still had a requirement to fulfil…
Grassy: "Before I was permitted... to travel interplanetarily.
Bell: "It is the duty to do community service in things such as…
Foldy: "Planting trees or helping the elderly, which I did not do…
Marker: "On account of my youthful incompetence.
Donut: "The administrators of the Equation Playground had…
Eggy: "Hastily ticked off the boxes of every algebralien, including me…
Fries: "Without noticing that I hadn't done everything that everyone else had done.
Puffball: "After the recent discovery of my breach of these heavily-enforced rules…
Tennis Ball: "I was not allowed to leave the Equation Playground until today.
Golf Ball: "I am currently on my break, but only for one day.
TV: "Tomorrow, I shall return to the Equation Playground...
Winner: "And you will not have a host for two or three months.
Coiny: "I wish none of you had to suffer in boredom because of a mistake that I made in my youth…
Needle: "And that is why I am explaining here that today's challenge is..."

[Needle hands it to Yellow Face, who eats the paper.]

  • Yellow Face: [while eating] Om nom nom nom nom! Mmm!

[Everyone starts to complain.]

  • Fries: What the heck was that for, Yellow Face?
  • Yellow Face: It looked delicious!
  • Golf Ball: But now we don't know what today's challenge is!

[She appears behind him, about to deliver a kick.]

  • Golf Ball: Spit it out, spit it out right this minute!
  • Basketball: Wait a sec, GB, what if the challenge isn't a challenge?
  • Price Tag: She's right. Two looked pretty sad because of that whole community service thing.
  • Naily: Hey, why don't we help Two do their community service?
  • Tennis Ball: Then, Two can bring our friends to life, and everything will be good again!
  • Golf Ball: You'd like that, wouldn't you, TB? I'd like that too, but don't call that dead-weight Eraser our friend.
  • Snowball: This, this why no one likes you, Golf Ball!
  • Donut: Come on, everyone, let's all join together and help a host!
  • Most of the contestants: Yeah!
  • Fries: Whatever.
  • Bell: Um... how should we begin?
  • Foldy: Bell's right, where are we going to find some trees to plant?
  • Eggy: Or some elderly people to help?

[As soon as she says this, Cash Reefun, Foldy Fan, Gertrude, Silvery and Walker can be seen walking to the front of the hotel.]

  • Foldy Fan: We are finally at the front!
  • Cash Reefun: Oh, great, now we have to wait in a line!
  • Gertrude: It is in fact called a "queue".

[Lightbulbs visibly emanate from the heads of everyone (except Snowball).]

Pre-contest[]

Hotel lobby[]

  • Hotel Bell: I'm sorry, sir, but this hotel has a policy against puking rocks.
  • Balloony: What? That's discrimination! I demand to see your high-heid-yin!
  • Cloudy: Easy there, Balloony, don't be a Match.

[Meanwhile, in the back of the queue.]

  • Gertrude: Oh, heavens, this is taking forever.
  • Walker: I'll be dead before they give us a room.
  • Cash Reefun: Heck, I'll be dead before we go to the meeting.
  • Gertrude: That's so unpleasant to hear, innit?
  • Cash Reefun: Dark humour is the way some people cope with tragedy.
  • Silvery: There's nothing tragic about our being in this line. Don't tear yourself down, senior citizen.

[Enter Tennis Ball, who had previously been waiting in the stairwell for a while. All the other (remaining) contestants are behind him—hardly anyone walks past them just because Balloony is being difficult.]

  • Tennis Ball: [awkwardly] Oh, hello, celebrated creatures of age.
  • Walker: Are you a Gogmatic too?
  • Foldy: [from the stairs] YES!
  • Tennis Ball: No, we actually work here. My twenty-three co-workers and I are always ready to serve our honoured guests, and we will do anything you want.
  • Foldy Fan: [to Silvery] He's kind of cute.

[Enter Golf Ball from the railing.]

  • Golf Ball: Not in your dreams, madam; he's mine!
  • Foldy Fan: And who might you be?
  • Golf Ball: I, my twenty-two co-workers and my Tennis Ball will be taking care of you for the time being.
  • Gertrude: Really, that's wonderful.
  • Golf Ball: I assume you don't want to sleep all in the same room together.
  • Walker: Oh, heck no.
  • Cash Reefun: Gertrude farts from her eye.
  • Gertrude: It is an incurable medical condition.
  • Golf Ball: Sounds disgusting, but doable. Now, we have decided that our six teams of workers will take care of each of you, and whoever does the worst job is up for elimination.
  • Silvery: It is all swell with me. Whatever "elimination" means.
  • Golf Ball: Who wants to be helped by my and Tennis Ball's team?
  • Foldy Fan: I'd like to volunteer for that.
  • Golf Ball: Absolutely not, we're taking this one.

[Golf Ball drags Cash Reefun with her leg.]

  • Cash Reefun: Ouch, watch the leg!
  • Golf Ball: Let's go, Are You Okay!
  • Rest of her team: Yeah.

[Exeunt Cash Reefun and Are You Okay (Fries, Golf Ball, Puffball, Tennis Ball and TV) to the room.]

  • Robot Flower: You must get along with old people.
  • Golf Ball: [tripping upstairs] Hush!
  • Winner: [to Foldy Fan] Good day, kind person, would you like us to take care of you instead?
  • Foldy Fan: That would be wonderful!
  • Yellow Face: Don't mind the golf ball. She's a bit rude.

[Exeunt Foldy Fan and The S! (Winner and Yellow Face) to the room. Meanwhile, as the rest of the teams decide which person they should be caring for, with The Strongest Team on Earth...]

  • Snowball: This is so stupid! I don't want to take care of old people!
  • Bell: Snowball, have a heart! They're called "older elderly senior people citizens".
  • Basketball: Yeah, SB, and aren't you, like, old anyway?
  • Snowball: No one calls me old!
  • Basketball: Anyway, let's talk strategy. There were five people in that crowd, yet there are six teams.
  • Robot Flower: We are also the fullest team. None of us are dead!
  • Snowball: That's because we are The Strongest Team—
  • Basketball: Uh-huh.
  • Bell: Guys, what about the disadvantage we have? We can't all take care of one person without falling into conflict!
  • Basketball: Bell's right. You all remember when Two sent that letter to us. Community service isn't just helping the elderly!
  • Snowball: Are you saying we have to do things?
  • Eggy: Well, the letter said we could plant trees. I'm sure there's nothing wrong with that!
  • Basketball: Okay! Come on, let's go plant some trees.
  • Grassy: World-saving! Nature be.

[Exit The Strongest Team on Earth out of the hotel.]

The contest[]

With the team8s[]

  • Donut: I'm going to the VHS rental to get some entertainment for our guest. Sure you'll be fine together?
  • Gaty: Oh, we'll be fine. Fine and smooth. Like peanut butter.
  • Donut: Okay, then.

[Exit Donut. Coiny and Gaty look away from each other, somewhat out of shame.]

  • Needle: Well, this is a Firey–Leafy moment.
  • Coiny: [softly] Look, Gaty, why don't we try working together? I mean... we've both lost the people who mean the most to us. You don't have your Saw.
  • Gaty: And you don't have Pin.
  • Coiny: And Naily doesn't have David.
  • Gaty: Okay, why do people keep saying that?
  • Coiny: Never mind the crack-ship, our task is to get our guest to sign— [holds up a crudely-drawn permission slip] this paper so Two can turn it into the Equation Playground and they can be our full-time host again.
  • Gaty: That's right. But no special treatment this time, alright? As equal team members, we will give equal attention to... to...
  • Silvery: Silvery.
  • Gaty: Silvery, just as I trust Silvery will give equal attention to each of us.
  • Silvery: Thank you. Wait... [to Coiny] You're Coiny! You're Pin's one and only!
  • Coiny: That's me, in the copper coating!
  • Silvery: Pin has told me so much about you in the little conversations that I'd had with her, ever since I was freed from my cardboard box! I am so happy to finally find someone whom I can recognize at this hotel; why, I feel like I know every aspect of your life and your totally harmonious relationship with Pin. [to Needle] And you must be Needle, Pin's best friend forever!
  • Needle: Yeah!
  • Silvery: I think you two are my favourite hotel workers.

[Gaty makes the same face she did in TPOT 2 and Golf Ball and Tree did in BFB 13.]

  • Silvery: [about Gaty] Who's that?

With Death P.A.C.T. Again[]

  • Gertrude: One feels it very necessary to thank you two boys for looking after me as we ascend this high, steep and dangerous flight of stairs.
  • Black Hole: It's really no problem, Mrs…
  • Gertrude: Gertrude Dionysia Philomysia Winifrysia Duggitton Chuggitton Southwarksbraugh.
  • Black Hole: That.
  • Marker: Are we on your floor yet? You're a bit heavy!
  • Gertrude: Well!

[Gertrude slaps Marker and gets off his back.]

  • Gertrude: I can get up by myself, thank you!

[At once she runs upstairs at record speed.]

  • Black Hole: Marker, that's not how you treat an object.
  • Marker: So I guess we won't get this signed, then.
  • Black Hole: We've got to be extra nice from now on. That's called tact.

With Just Not[]

  • Book: Alright team, it looks like we're going to be taking care of Mr. Walker McCare.
  • Cake: [Aside.] That name sounds familiar... but I can't put my frosting on it.
  • Walker: Please, kind young people, call me Walker.
  • Naily: Sure thing, Walker! Now, what would you like to do first?
  • Walker: Would y'all please help me into that broken chair over there? I shouldn't be telling you this, but I have this condition where the meringue—I mean, the malingue—atop my head has stopped working, and it really hurts to stand.
  • Cake: [Aside, suspicious.] Hmm... but I have a meringue on my head!
  • Price Tag: We can do that! [to Naily] Race you to the replacement wheels?
  • Naily: Thought you'd never ask.
  • Book: I'll go get you some water. Do you want cold or warm?
  • Walker: Cold.
  • Cake: Grandpa, it's YOU!
  • Walker: Oof, the hearing aid!

[Enter Naily and Price Tag, confused.]

  • Book: What are you talking about, Cake?
  • Cake: This Walker is my grandfather, and he is in disguise!
  • Walker: No, no, you've got it call wrong, Cake!
  • Cake: [gasps] He even knows my name!
  • Book: That's silly; you're clearly a cake.
  • Cake: You don't get it! The love of cold water, the "meringue atop his head"? Even the name, "Walker McCare", is just my grandpa's name with the letters switched round!
  • Book: Cake, while all this makes for some compelling evidence, it would be nice if we treated our guests like strangers and not intimate family. This man is not related to you and you've just got to accept that.
  • Walker: Alright, alright, you've got me talking.

[Everyone looks at him, confused.]

  • Walker: My name is Walter McRae, and yes, I am Cake's grandfather, and yes, I am in disguise right now.

[The screen goes black and words fill the void to the sound of generic gasping. So say these words:]

To be continued
in TPOT 5b
someday

[The credits play. Viewers are instructed not to vote for who should stay, but for "whom they love", just like at the end of BFB 13. Instead of contestants, they are all just the same picture of Four (for some reason) duplicated over sixty times.]

Notes[]

  1. I don't know, I thought it was a pretty dark passage, even for BFDI.
  2. Yes, the same Silvery that appeared in Jacknjellify's Silver Play video.

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