"Block City Rockers" is the non-canon seventeenth episode of TPOT by Jacknjellify. It was released on 29 August 1978. This episode is only headcanon to me, that is, until the real TPOT 17 (or even TPOT 2) comes out. During the creation process, this episode was known as "Old Time Rock and Roll".
- 1 Pre-credits scene
- 2 Pre-Cake at Stake
- 3 Cake at Stake
- 4 Post-Cake at Stake
- 5 Pre-contest
- 6 Pre-contest-ish
- 7 Contest
- 8 End of the contest
- 9 Post-credits scenes
- 10 Deleted scenes
- 11 Notes
Balloony's hotel room
- Balloony: [unseen] Is this thing on? Och, I guess it is. Welcome to my—oh, wait, maybe I should take the lens cap off.
[Balloony takes the lens cap off of his video camera, thus revealing to the viewers that he is inside a live-action hotel room.]
- Balloony: There it is; there I am! Good morning all, I've decided to make these video journals to show life as it is in the Filing Cabinet... not that a'body needs to see this, specifically the other contestants (under penalty of death), but 'tis aye a fun thing to do.
[He gives the non-existent viewers a room tour.]
- Balloony: Awright, there's the door, and there's the desk where I place my books. You can see there's a paper bag on this part of the desk. I've been tellt not to shift this because this is where food is spontaneously generated on the days I amn't in the food court. Anyway, let's see what happens when we move this, shall we?
[Balloony makes a struggling sound as he tries to pull the bag off. It is more pressed into the desk than anyone thought. He finally manages to take it off, revealing a hidden telephone underneath, the kind that was used in the 1970s. There is a piece of paper next to it. Balloony looks genuinely surprised.]
- Balloony: My God, it's a telephone. And there's a note on it. [reads it] "For emergencies... for calling other Cabinet-mates... for calling the payphone outside Two's Second Hotel..." Let me hae a gang at that. [to the camera] I've still got people competing in the game. Think I should give them a call! Please bear with me; the payphone number is pure long, but it does begin with twoOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
[Zoom in onto the "2" dial on the telephone as the intro plays.]
Pre-Cake at Stake
Back of the hotel
- Lightning: Aw, it's all my fault!
- Naily: [Aside.] I think that's the Catholic guilt talking.
- Lightning: Every team I've competed on as of late has come in last place. First Death PACT Again, and now with all of you.
- Price Tag: Hey, we're all pretty popular.
- Naily: We're going to nail this elimination!
- Cake: Yeah!
- Book: Hey, Taggy, I've been noticing that you're acting a lot more positive lately.
- Naily: Yeah, you've been wearing a plus sign on your head for days. Sometimes I do a double-take to make sure I'm not in Goikyan Switzerland!
- Price Tag: Aw, well, maybe everyone's right. I'd been looking at this TPOT thing through a pessimistic lens.
- Naily: Well, the point is to have fun. Full stop.
- Lightning: Aye, surely.
[Book notices Nickel pacing around in the background.]
- Book: Going to join us, Nickel?
- Nickel: As much as I love these cute little pep talks, I think I'll skip this one.
- Naily: Why, what's going on, Nick?
- Nickel: [sigh] It's been 454 days since I last talked to Balloony.
- Cake: Oh, I'm sorry. What's special about 454 anyway?
- Nickel: That's his favourite number. Cloudy could collect the whole integer system, but when it came to 454, it was "hauns aff".
- Book: That's a nice way to say it.
- Nickel: Poor guy, he's probably bored out of his mind inside Cabby.
- Cake: [confused] "Cabby"?
- Price Tag: Is that what he calls it?
- Nickel: You don't? [sigh] Anyway, I'm tired of all this waiting, so if nothing happens for the next few hours—
[The payphone rings.]
- Nickel: [excited] I got it!
- Cloudy: [flying over] Oh no, you don't!
[Cloudy and Nickel fight over who gets to talk over the phone first, all in good spirits, of course. The phone continues to ring.]
- Cloudy: Aw, I lost.
- Lightning: Em, how d'ye know that phone call is for you?
- Nickel: Have y'all forgotten? I'm the only one here who can afford a call.
- Book: [eerily] Remember Jante's law.
- Naily: Nah, it's because he's the only one who gets calls. Five cents ain't that much, Book.
- Cloudy: Besides, this has got to be the greatest coincidence in the history of coincidences. I want to collect it.
- Price Tag: Well, start collecting whoever's on the other end.
- Lightning: Yeah, the phone's been ringing.
- Nickel: Oops!
[Nickel picks up the phone.]
- Nickel: Hello? [Pause. He instantly gains a big smile.] Balloony, it's you! Hi! How— how are things going down there? [Pause. Balloony can be heard speaking gibberish through the phone, very quietly.] You're in the Filing Cabinet. [Pause.] You've just found the phone. [Pause.] You can't say anything else... [whispering] under penalty of death. [Pause.] Oh, I'm repeating what you're saying because Cloudy's floating next to me. [Pause.] Yeah, I'll foot it over to him.
[Nickel holds the phone up to Cloudy, who can't hold it.]
- Cloudy: Balloony, you're back! [Pause.] Oh, you can't say anything more. And it was a mistake to talk about anything, oops.
[Split screen of Balloony in the Filing Cabinet, talking to Cloudy on the outside.]
- Balloony: Na, ye cannae share your experience when you're outside the Cabinet, but when you're in there, it's braw.
- Cloudy: That's a strange rule.
- Balloony: I checked the rulebook and it's in there.
- Balloony: Och, my food's coming in thirty seconds. Sorry, I've got to end this call early.
- Cloudy: Okay. Anything you want to say before we say "cheerio the nou"?
- Balloony: Yes. I want you to go to Blocky's house and save Rocky!
- Cloudy: What? He's there?
- Balloony: Aye, but dinnae tell Nickel. You ken how sensitive he can get over things like that.
- Cloudy: I can't tell Nickel?
- Nickel: Tell Nickel what?
- Cloudy: [to Nickel] Er, say goodbye to Balloony before he has his lunch.
- Nickel: Alright. [takes the phone] Bye, Dad, love ya!
- Balloony: Bye now!
[Nickel hangs the phone up.]
- Balloony: [nemini loquitur] And now to hang up this bag afore th—
[A burrito falls from the sky and onto the desk.]
- Balloony: Food comes in.
[Meanwhile, outside the hotel, huc teleportat Two.]
- Two: Cake at Stake!
Cake at Stake
[Cake at Stake theme.]
Cake at Stake place
Cake at Stake I
- Eraser: [in the audience] Yeah, elbow room!
[He reclines, bumping into Eggy.]
- Eggy: Hey, watch where you're putting those big, sweaty arms!
- Eraser: You know you could scooch back, eh?
[Beat. We see that the audience area is a lot less crowded this Cake at Stake.]
- Eggy: Oh. There's, like, not a lot of people here.
- Two: That's right! If you recall from the last episode, both Just Not and Cold Woe Bunch were up for elimination! It is the first time that a viewer could type in "[K]" in the comments section since BFB!
- Snowball: That's so not interesting!
- Two: Pin.
- Pin: Yeah, Two?
- Two: Last episode, [number] people were moved by your rousing speech about saving the planet.
- Pin: Ooh, that's great! My plan is slowly falling into place.
- Two: That's the highest number of votes for this episode. You get a prize.
[Two throws a reacher-grabber at Pin, as they do with everyone else declared safe.]
- Pin: Yay! Wait, what is this?
- Donut: Ooh, it looks like a reacher-grabber.
- Golf Ball: [in the audience] That's because it is a reacher-grabber.
- Yellow Face: We sell those for $4,000!
- Coiny: Um, Two? That's kind of offensive.
- Two: And why's that, Coiny?
[Two throws a reacher-grabber at Coiny, who is the second one declared safe.]
- Coiny: 'Cause I don't need this at all! I'm big enough to reach the top shelves.
- Needle: [in the audience] Sure, Coiny, at Pennies Я Us.
- Coiny: Yeah, but you know what, Needle? You're, you're a giant!
- Needle: One thing we giants are good at is stepping on coins like you.
- Two: Okay, enough with the bad banter, children. The third safe is... Lightning.
- Lightning: Oh, yes!
- Two: Now, I'm going to read off the names of the next six safe contestants really quickly: [really quickly] Price Tag, Nickel, Donut, Naily, Book, Barf Bag, you're all safe.
[They all receive their reacher-grabbers.]
- Book: This counts as a toy, right?
[The spotlight shines on Cake and Yellow Face, the two contestants that were least voted.]
- Two: Cake. Yellow Face. Say your goodbyes.
- Nickel: We'll miss you, dude!
- Naily: Yeah!
- Price Tag: Peace, brother, peace. [Beat.] No one else?
- Cake: Y'all were a great team, let me just say that.
- Donut: Bye, Yellow Face. You were an honourable teammate.
- Coiny: Keep the W.O.A.H. Bunch glory alive!
Cake at Stake II
[Cake and Yellow Face are moved to the platforms. Death PACT Again are standing on another one on the side.]
- Two: Cake and Yellow Face, you two got the fewest votes. It is up to Death PACT Again to decide who'll stay, or will be eliminated.
- Tree: This decision will be a team effort.
- Two: I suppose that makes sense; you all think the same anyway.
- Remote: That was amazingly on point.
- Black Hole: You two huddle, and I'll be in the back, contributing.
[Indecipherable whisper sounds, a bit like when Beep were choosing their team name in BFB 1.]
- Two: Well?
- Black Hole: Our team will go with... Yellow Face.
[Yellow Face smiles.]
- Yellow Face: YAY!
- Remote: Sorry, Cake. The two boys wanted YF, but they forget that he stole my fork in the first episode of BFB.
- Tree: Weird grudge to have. Besides, Remote, forks can cause death.
- Black Hole: That he takes dangerous instruments from other people, is still a reason for him, nine years later, to be in a team that is about preventing death.
- Remote: How logical. Welcome, Yellow Face.
- Cake: Aw. I guess I'm out then.
[Two uses their powers to send Cake to the Filing Cabinet.]
- Two: Have you any last words?
- Cake: Yes, I do! The winner of TPOT'd better be from Just Noooooot!
- Two: And now that Cake's gone, I can start giving out cake as Cake at Stake prizes again! Say yay!
- Naily: Er, Two? He can hear that!
- Cake: [offended] I sure can!
- Two: No, no, Cake! Nobody's going to be eating you out here!
- Cake: So I'll be eaten in there? Noooooooooooooo!
[Cake disappears through the portal.]
Post-Cake at Stake
Back of the hotel
- Cloudy: [to himself] Aïe. [heavy breathing]
[As this happens, enter the rest of his team: Golf Ball, Puffball, Eraser, Pen and TV.]
- Golf Ball: Are you okay?
- Rest of her team: Yeah!
- Golf Ball: I was speaking specifically to Cloudy.
- Cloudy: Yeah, I'm okay.
- Eraser: Really? 'Cause it looks like you're making yourself a payphone sandwich.
- Cloudy: No, really, I'm fine.
- Puffball: If you say so.
- Pen: Alright, well, Golf Ball's having a team meeting to talk about our plans for the next contest. You don't have to show up if you don't want to.
- Eraser: Yeah, none of us are going.
- Cloudy: Thanks, but I'd rather be alone right now.
- Pen: Okay!
- TV: Nice to know I'm not the only introvert here.
[The team disperses—no one wants to discuss plans with Golf Ball.]
- Cloudy: Oh, Golf Ball, can I ask you something?
- Golf Ball: Yes! You may ask me something!
- Cloudy: Do you have a spare wind-up mechanism?
- Golf Ball: Why do you want a wind-up mechanism?
- Cloudy: No reason.
- Golf Ball: No reason is still a reason. I'll go down to my Underground Factory and see what I can do.
- Cloudy: Okay-dokay!
- Puffball: [overhearing] C'est ma réplique, mec! [Subtitles: "That's my line, dude!"]
Front of the hotel
- Two: Who knows what today is?
- Eggy: If you announce it's Earth Day again, I'll have no choice but to—
- Two: Do what, Eggy? [smiles big]
- Robot Flower: She's going to respectfully refute you, because it's not Earth Day! It is the first day of summer!
- Two: That's right. It is the first day of summer.
- Tree: I thought summer was six months from now.
- Remote: Remember where you are, Tree.
- Tree: Scratch that.
- Tennis Ball: But we're almost on the equator, so the concept of four seasons doesn't apply.
- Two: I say today is the first day of summer and anyone who disagrees with me is wrong!
- Puffball: Hmm, already seen.
- Two: [happy] Anyway, I think you will all enjoy this contest.
- Basketball: Ooh, are we doing anything special?
- Two: As a matter of fact, we are! Today, we are going to the Freezer Fair!
- Barf Bag: No way! I've always wanted to go to the Freezer Fair! [Aside.] What's the Freezer Fair?
- TV: The Freezer Fair is a travelling funfair that tours the hottest nations in the world.
- Saw: It takes place inside a giant refriger8or!
- Pin: And you can have fun there without breaking a sweat!
- Black Hole: I remember when they came to Goikyan Nigeria back in '63. Good times.
- Barf Bag: Meh. Where I come from, it's always cold.
- Eraser: That's right, every winter we've got the Microwave Oven Fair.
- Pen: It's the only place where you can enter with two eyes and leave with five.
- Barf Bag: So about that Freezer Fair...
- Two: Oh yeah. I want everyone to pack their things because we are going to spend the entire day there.
- Everyone: Yay!
[Exeunt omnes. Two stays behind and stares at the camera.]
Back of the hotel
- Golf Ball: I had to look long and hard for a wind-up mechanism before I realized I had never created one, so here it is: my first wind-up mechanism, just for you!
- Cloudy: Is this gold?
- Golf Ball: Yep, just like my new heart!
- Cloudy: Thanks, Golf Ball.
- Golf Ball: Now did I miss anything about the contest?
- Cloudy: Two announced it. We are all going to the Freezer Fair, and everyone's getting their things.
- Golf Ball: Freezer Fair? Isn't that some kind of amusement park?
- Cloudy: They say it will be fun.
- Golf Ball: Fun, in my competition? But we've got work to— [realizing] I mean, sure, we can have fun. Let us all celebrate not having to work for a prolonged time, the way they do in most developed nations but my own!
[Exit Golf Ball. At the same time, the contestants start trickling out of the hotel, one by one, with some of their belongings.]
- Yellow Face: Mm, Cloudy, the payphone sandwich look really suits you!
- Cloudy: I'm not trying to eat this! [Aside.] Oh, si au moins je n'avais pas l'air si embarrassant...
[Enter Snowball, who slams the door open. A lightbulb appears above Cloudy's head, but Snowball grabs it and throws it to the ground.]
- Snowball: Ha ha, I crushed your light thing, wimp!
- Cloudy: Oh, Snowball, can you—
- Snowball: Nyuh!
[Snowball lifts the entire phone box and drops it on the ground. It makes a loud crashing sound.]
- Snowball: YEAAAAAAAAH!
[He beats where his chest is meant to be. Enter Just Not, who chatter excitedly. Lightning stops and stares at Snowball.]
- Naily: Catch up, Lightning!
- Lightning: Yeah... I'll...
- Price Tag: Meet you at the limo?
- Lightning: [turning around] Sure! Why's Two got a limousine again? It isn't like you need one if you can teleport...
[Huc teleportat Two.]
- Two: [in the background] Glad you asked!
- Cloudy: Uh, thanks, Snowball.
- Snowball: War!
[Snowball walks off. Enter the other members of Death PACT Again.]
- Remote: Be still my batteries. A machine freed from its fetters.
[She hugs the fallen phone box.]
- Cloudy: Greetings, Deathagainners.
- Tree: Howdy.
- Black Hole: Hello.
- Cloudy: Is it true that you've gone to Blocky's house?
[Black Hole, Tree and Remote look at each other, worried to tell Cloudy the truth about Balloony.]
- Tree: Yeah, why do you ask?
- Cloudy: I want to go there and rescue Rocky.
- Black Hole: Oh. Sure, the, the flight is extremely fun.
- Remote: When he speaks in that tone of voice, he really means it.
- Cloudy: Do you know where he lives?
- Remote: I can give you the coordinates.
- Tree: Actually, I can tell him in non-Mechanical Mind terms.
- Remote: Darn.
[Tree shows everyone his journal.]
- Tree: Gawp all you want.
- Cloudy, Remote, Black Hole: Ooh!
- Tree: Don't touch my book.
- Cloudy: Sorry.
- Tree: Anyway, I've got his home address. It's been two years, so they're probably divorced by now, but he and his family live... here. [He shows Cloudy the inside of his journal.]
- Cloudy: Thanks for the info.
- Tree: Hey, no problem.
- Cloudy: Are those drawings of Pen?
[Tree quickly closes his journal.]
- Tree: Okay, that's enough gawping.
Front of the hotel
- Two: Is everybody outside now?
- Everyone: Yeah!
- Two: Now before we go, I'd like all of you to have these.
[Two throws thirty giant socks in the direction of everyone.]
- Lightning: Two, what are these for?
- Two: Since we're temporarily leaving the area where we normally do The Power of Two!, there's a chance that people might recognize us from the show. Speaking for myself at least, I would never want to be mobbed by hordes of unsightly... objects.
- Price Tag: Well, that sounds a little biased.
- Two: No, it doesn't! These socks are designed for your safety as Z-list celebrities. When you wear them, you take on a brand new identity.
- Clock: Good to know that I'm the lowest of the low.
- Two: And you don't even have to worry about bumping into things at random, either. Last night, I drilled two eye holes in each sock so you can watch your surroundings.
- Book: Oh, how undercover-y. So do we put them on, or...
- Two: We disguise ourselves as soon as we get to the fair. The organizers should know that thirty contestants from The Power of Two will be there to do a special show, anyway.
- Coiny: Yes, I get to be the centre of attention!
- TV: And I get to be on TV!
- Golf Ball: But TV, you're already a—
- Tennis Ball: It was a joke, GB.
- Golf Ball: Oh, a joke. [She does her trademark laugh.] Ha, ha!
- Two: Everyone into my limousine, for here we go!
- Everyone: Yay!
[In a blur, everyone rushes into Two's limousine, similar to FreeSmart in BFDIA 5a. When it looks like everyone has made it into the car, Two quickly drives off.]
[While everyone is gone, Cloudy stays behind. Without saying a word, he has attached Golf Ball's wind-up mechanism to the back of the fallen phone box. He winds it up a bit, causing it to levitate.]
- Cloudy: Success!
[Cloudy winds up the box a bit more and it starts to fly in one direction.]
- Cloudy: Whoa, reviens ici! [Subtitles: "Get back here!"]
[The phone box falls to the ground.]
- Cloudy: Hmm...
- Voice: Nice mod you've got there.
- Cloudy: [startled] I'm competing!
[The owner of the voice reveals himself from behind the bushes. It's Nickel.]
- Nickel: Yeah, you should be. What are you doing here, Cloudy?
- Cloudy: Et tu, Nicolaë? Shouldn't you be having fun at the Freezer Fair?
- Nickel: I think Just Not's got that covered just fine. They never sleep! So... is there a reason you're putting wings on a payphone?
- Cloudy: [sigh] I'm not meant to tell you this, but Balloony wants me to fly to Blocky's house and save Rocky.
- Nickel: Save Rocky? But what's he doing at Blocky's?
- Cloudy: I'm just as confused as you are. That's why I've decided to skip the contest, so I can go there.
- Nickel: Yeah, Blocky's just bad news. Hope Rocky's not going through an infinite death loop.
- Cloudy: Well, whatever torture he may be suffering, it ends today. I am going to get my son back.
- Nickel: All right!
- Cloudy: Now wind with me.
[Nickel helps crank the mechanism with Cloudy like in BFDIA 5.]
- Nickel: So where exactly does Blocky live?
- Cloudy: Tree said he lives in New York, in the United Goikyan States.
- Nickel: You're going to the UGS? Man, that's way better than some dumb old carnival.
- Cloudy: Hey, don't say that. You could have gone on any ride you wanted, and I'm having this adventure all by myself.
- Nickel: But you're not going to, 'cause I'm coming with you. Tadig. [Subtitles: "Breton for 'father'."]
- Cloudy: That's right. Say, I wonder what they're doing at the Freezer Fair, anyway.
Outside the Freezer Fair
- Spongy: Tickets, please.
- Two: Here you go. [Two hands Spongy 31 tickets.]
- Spongy: [Aside.] Mm-hmm, raking in the dough! [Aloud.] And how many adults and children are there?
- Two: One adult algebralien from the glorious Equation Playground, and thirty... objects.
- Spongy: I meant, are the objects adults or children?
- Two: Well, excuse me, suhhh, I am Two from The Power of Two, and I demand entry into your funfair for today's very special challenge!
- Spongy: I'm sorry, kind number, but there are a lot of strange people out here that look like you.
[Spongy shows Two a bunch of people dressed up like them.]
- Winner: That's right, it's also "International Day of Two Cosplay".
- Clock: How tawdry.
- Spongy: Nevertheless, you seem pretty genuine, so I'll let you and your corps of objects in.
- Two: Okay. Thanks!
[As the limousine drives by.]
- Donut: [sitting in the front] Hey, is that Spongy?
- Barf Bag: Hi, Spongy, remember me?
- Spongy: Yeah, hi, Barf Bag, Donut, all the TPOTers!
- Naily: Eyy! Spongy Rectangle No Pants!
- Spongy: Iiiiiiiiiiit's Naily! Have a nice day, guys!
- Naily: [to Price Tag] We were in the same team in BFB.
- Book: He flooded the entire world with lava!
- Price Tag: Oh, that was him? Chiz!
Inside the Freezer Fair
- Two: Welcome, everyone, to the Freezer Fair.
- Yellow Face: This place looks like so much fun!
- Remote: That it does, Yellow Face.
- Tree: Hey, Black Hole, where's your disguise?
- Black Hole: Oh, I might have accidentally eaten it. You do not put black holes into containers, wallahi.
- Tree: Well, let's pray that no one recognizes one of the most popular contestants in the show.
- Girl #1: Omg, is that Black Hole from The Power of Two?
- Boy #1: It is! Mr. Hole, can I have your autograph?
- Black Hole: [Aside, to his team.] Oh, um, publicity. What shall I do?
- Remote: Leave it to me. [to the children] Don't do it. He sucks.
[Tree and Black Hole look at each other.]
- Boy #1: Aw! Can we get your autograph instead?
- Girl #1: It's got to be you under there, Remote.
- Remote: Sure.
[Remote signs a blade of grass and hands it to Girl #1.]
- Girl #1: Yay!
- Boy #1: This is going to sell great at the Z-list celebrities' memorabilia auction!
[The children run off.]
- Tree: Really, Remote?
- Remote: I apologize, but when I said that Black Hole sucks, I meant it—
- [ · ]: Literally.
- Black Hole: What else can she say?
- Yellow Face: Come on, let's go on rides!
[Yellow Face drags Tree and Remote with him.]
- Tree: Er, Yellow Face, I don't think you should be pulling thaaaaaaa...
- Black Hole: Yellow Face, let go.
- Yellow Face: [happy] Nope!
[Meanwhile, with Just Not. Book and Lightning are in charge of carrying Price Tag. Naily walks beside them.]
- Price Tag: Thanks for carrying me, by the way.
- Book: You're welcome, Taggy!
- Lightning: It's a bit messed up that Two didn't put the eye holes where your eyes actually are.
- Price Tag: And they didn't make it in my size. I mean, look at me. I look like a blobfish on a Sicilian dinner plate!
- Naily: No wonder, that sock was meant for Nickel.
- Price Tag: Oh, it is? Where is that guy anyway?
- Lightning: Maybe he's being sad about Cake being gone. [Pause.] What, they were close!
- Naily: Well, wherever he is, I hope he's not too down in the dumps.
- Nickel: And I was like, "Everybody, grab onto Cloudy!", and you went zooooom!
- Cloudy: That was such a golden moment.
- Nickel: What's your favourite memory on Beep?
- Cloudy: Probably when Leafy was eliminated. "Collect that leaf! Collect that leaf!"
- Nickel: Ha! That line never gets old.
- Cloudy: We won't see her for a while.
- Nickel: Yeah, heh. Hey, is this all we're going to do, have a conversation?
- Cloudy: There's nothing else to do up here, Nickel.
[Zoom out, to an extremely wide-angle view of clouds, with a tiny Cloudy, Nickel and the phone box in the middle. Harsh air sounds in the background.]
- Nickel: Where are we?
[Zoom back in.]
- Cloudy: Somewhere over the Central Goikyan African Empire.
- Nickel: Oh. Cool. [Pause.] I'm guessing you can't fly any lower.
- Cloudy: Five thousand metres is the limit for me.
- Nickel: Mm?
- Cloudy: Now, if we were in a plane, that'd be a different story.
[An aeroplane flies above them.]
- [ · ]: Whoa!
- Cloudy: I've collected five planes that look just like that.
- Clock: Hup! Two, three, four, hup! Two, three, four...
- Saw: Gosh, Clock, do you have to do that here?
- Gaty: Yeah, we're just stopping for corn dogs, not visiting an army base.
- Saw: Does one visit an army base?
- Gaty: To be painfully honest, I don't care.
- Tennis Ball: In some countries, you can.
- Saw: Well, that's fascin8ing!
- Winner: Oh, hi, TB and GB! What brings you two over here?
- Golf Ball: Tennis Ball and I have been dying to have some fair food.
- Tennis Ball: We haven't had a day of rest outside in years.
[Clock nudges Gaty.]
- Clock: Gaty, it's your turn to order.
- Gaty: Yeah, I could tell by the zero people in front of me.
- Saw: Oh, this is really bad, I'm up next! What if someone recognizes me by my voice?
- Winner: Why don't you ask Gaty to order for you?
- Saw: 'Cause not even she knows what I like on my corn dogs.
- Clock: Fear not, Saw, for if you're under a sock, no one can spot you.
[Saw steps up to order.]
- Hepta Wandy: No way, is that Clock from TPOT?
- Winner: Ha!
- Clock: Why would you assume that?
- Hepta Wandy: Don't play foolish with me, Tick-Tock Boi, I've analysed every episode frame by frame, and you walk with a certain cadence that no one dares to imitate.
- Clock: [Aside.] Crap, I've been discovered.
[Gaty and Saw giggle in the background.]
- Clock: [Aloud.] Step back, citizen!
- Hepta Wandy: And the gratuitous use of military jargon in a civilian setting? Oh my gosh, now I know it's you, Clock! You're my favourite contestant! Can I get your autograph?
- Clock: Um... sure.
[He removes the sock from his head and writes with his mouth.]
- Clock: Here you go.
- Hepta Wandy: [reading] "Keep calm and be on time"? Yay! Sahha!
[Exit Hepta Wandy. Clock pogs.]
- Clock: [amazed] She knows Darja.
- Gaty: See, aren't you glad you took that hideous sock off?
- Clock: Nyeh. What about you three?
- Saw: Oh, we were just w8ing for you to do it.
- Winner: Yeah, you're, like, rulebreaker #1 here.
- Clock: As horrible as that sounds, I wouldn't be so sure of that.
[Clock points at Pen, who is happily taking selfies with some fans. He is wearing sunglasses. Winner, Saw and Gaty take their socks off their head.]
- Winner: Why does Pen have to act so extra?
- Clock: What?
- Winner: I'm serious. There's something I really don't like about the guy, but I can't put my one arm on it.
- Clock: Winner, in the five years that I've known you, you've never said anything bad about anyone. Even Two, and they deserve all the hate!
[Two's voice rings over the intercom.]
- Two: Cuballubing uball cubontubestubants ubof Thube Pubowuber ubof Twubo!
- Clock: Huh?
- Two: Ubifyubouwubouldbubesubokubind ubandjuboinmube bubehubind thubeduboor thubat subays bubumpubercubars—
- Clock: [shouting] Two, what the tick are you babbling?
- Gaty: Don't get so hot-headed, man, this is a freezer.
- Saw: I'll transl8 for you! Two wants us to go behind the door that says bumper cars!
- Clock: Oh.
- Winner: You speak Ubbi Dubbi too?
- Saw: I'm having lessons.
- Tennis Ball: Don't feel bad, Clock. Everyone knows this language except us old people.
- Clock: Wonderful.
- Golf Ball: Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go!
- Tennis Ball: But my corn dogs!
Bumper cars waiting room
- Two: Ah, everyone's here!
- Eraser: No, not everyone.
- Two: Why, who are we missing?
- Eraser: Well, there's Cloudy.
- Naily: And Nickel!
- Two: Eh, if they miss what I'm saying, that's on them. [to everyone] Now in the words of Bottle, I am so excited to announce the seventeenth contest!
- Eggy: It's not bumper cars, is it?
- Two: Why would you think that?
- Eggy: 'Cause you dragged us to a place under a sign called "bumper cars".
- Two: Oh. So I did. Anyway, that is today's challenge! ♫ Bumper cars! ♫
- Winner: Nice singing.
- Two: Thank you.
- Lightning: So to clarify, today's challenge is bumper cars?
- Price Tag: I don't think you can get more self-explanatory than that.
- Two: That's right! Now I want you all to form a nice, straight queue and go through that door over there—
[Everyone hurries through the door.]
- Two: Or you could do that.
[Two goes through the door along with the invisible camera holder, but suddenly a white screen with words on it appears.]
- ?: Because the author did not feel like writing down the actions of thirty people riding bumper cars, film cameras are not permitted in the bumper cars area... even if it's for a special episode of The Power of Two!
Above the sea
- Cloudy: Don't look down, Nickel.
- Nickel: Why? [looks down] Oh gosh, that's why! [holds on tight to the phone box]
- Cloudy: This is the second largest ocean in the world.
- Nickel: Don't want to know what the first largest one looks like.
[The phone rings.]
- Nickel: I'll get it!
- Cloudy: Who could be calling now?
[Nickel picks up the phone.]
- Nickel: Hello?
- Balloony: [on the other end; we can see him in his hotel room] Nickel, hello!
- Nickel: Hey, Balloony!
- Cloudy: Besides us, what's up?
- Balloony: Have you got Rocky yet?
- Nickel: Rocky? We're not even halfway there.
- Cloudy: You know I can fly faster.
- Nickel: Maybe after the phone call, okay?
- Balloony: It's pretty airy-sounding out there. [as air sounds are heard] You're flying now?
- Nickel: No, Balloony, we're inside a giant blender. I mean, yeah, we're flying. We're over the Goikyan Atlantic Ocean.
- Balloony: Mint!
- Nickel: So what's going on with you?
- Balloony: Oh, nothing. Just wanted to tell you I got a new roommate.
- Nickel: Yeah, who's that?
- Cake: Hi, Nickel!
- Nickel: Cake! You're Balloony's new roommate?
- Cake: Yep! It was the strangest thing. See, I reckon that you knew a lot of people here, so I talked to the robot lady when I got eliminated, and she said I could room with your show-dad!
- Balloony: It's so interesting. I ne'er knew your best friend in your team was Cacob here.
- Cake: He just found out you could watch live footage of TPOT from the hotel room. [to Balloony] It's the first thing you see when you turn on the TV, man!
- Balloony: Aweel, I'm an airhead.
- Nickel: Couldn't agree more.
- Balloony: Anyway, we just wanted to wish ye good luck, you and Cloudy.
- Nickel: Aw, thanks.
- Cloudy: Yes, thank you for that.
- Balloony: Och, food's comin'. Cheerio, guys.
- [ · ]: Bye!
[Balloony hangs up the phone.]
- Nickel: Well, that was nice.
- Two: In two! Two! Two! Two! Two! Begin!
[Noises of excitement. Enter Pin from the bumper cars room. She looks anxious.]
- Pin: [nemini loquitur] I can't do this.
[Pin walks out of the room and sits on a bench. She is eating popcorn. Again, recommended characters (and their names) are seen in the background. Pin accidentally bites into a kernel.]
- Pin: Ow, stupid kernel! I thought popcorn was meant to be good for you.
[Enter Coiny, concerned.]
- Pin: Coiny!
- Coiny: Hey, Pin, is everything alright?
- Pin: Well, no. I don't think I can do this contest.
- Coiny: Why not?
- Pin: It's just... it's just... it's just...
- Coiny: Spit it out.
- Pin: Okay.
[Pin spits out a kernel.]
- Coiny: I mean, what's really going on here? Why don't you want to take part with us?
- Pin: You remember what I said earlier. Me wanting to save the planet.
- Coiny: You want to do it in any way that you can.
- Pin: Exactly. I don't think I can participate in this challenge if I'm a part of the issue.
- Coiny: What do you mean?
- Pin: If I get on one of those bumper cars, I would be emitting carbon dioxide into the air, thereby contributing to the pollution problem and breaking my promise. You see the pictures in the news, Coiny; in some cities you can't even tell if the sun is shining or not, because all the smog is in the way.
- Coiny: That may be true, and it is an issue, but this is different. Besides, you got into the limo when Two drove us to the fair, right?
- Pin: It's carpooling with thirty people. The pros far outweigh the cons.
- Coiny: Sure, Pin. But yeah, these are bumper cars. Toys you can sit on! You should be fine on one of those.
- Pin: Really?
- Coiny: I promise. [puts his arm around her] You sure you don't want to go in now?
- Pin: Well...
[Coiny and Pin have attracted the attention of some onlookers who throw food, drinks and other objects at them.]
- Man #1: Boo!
- Woman #1: Get your hands off him, Flora the Red Menace!
- Man #2: We ship Coineedle more!
- Old woman #1: He make baby!
- Coiny: Get out of here, will ya?
[The onlookers disperse at Coiny's command.]
- Pin: Yeah, I'm going back.
- Coiny: Good idea.
[Coiny helps Pin up and they walk back to the bumper cars room hand in hand.]
- Pin: You know, the worst part is that they want to invade people's privacy.
- Coiny: No, the worst part is that these people are adults.
- Pin: Yep...
- Nickel: D- do we have to go this fast?
- Cloudy: I've got to do what I've got to do. This is all for my son!
- Nickel: That's great and all, but with the water and the air, I think I'm getting sick.
- Cloudy: Water? Water you talking about?
- Nickel: Don't ever say that again.
- Cloudy: I'm serious, look below.
- Nickel: What? I ain't going to—
[Nickel looks down and sees green.]
- Nickel: Hey, we're on land!
- Cloudy: Welcome to Goikyan America.
- Nickel: Yep... that's where I'm from. [Beat.] This is Yankee country, isn't it?
- Cloudy: I believe so.
- Nickel: Never mind.
- Cloudy: What?
End of the contest
Bumper cars waiting room
- Two: That's the biggest difference between the expected competition time and the actual time I've ever experienced. What happened?
- Spongy: Well, duh!
- Barf Bag: Um, didn't you see, Two?
- Donut: You were making bad jokes about it the whole time.
- Two: [proud] I was, wasn't I?
- Lightning: Why, what's happened?
- Book: Snowball went berserk, lifted up a bumper car and threw it at a bunch of people.
- Naily: Now his whole team are banned from the fair for life.
- Price Tag: And Saw, TV and Robot Flower are dead. #RipInPeace.
- Naily: We turned you around so you wouldn't be disturbed or aroused or anything.
- Lightning: Oh, I think I'm way past that now. [Aside.] Was it hot?
- Snowball: [being escorted off with the rest of TSTOE] I didn't mean to kill them!
- Eraser: Sure, Snowball, and I'm a writing utensil.
- Clock: Two, you can recover our fallen comrades, can't you?
- Gaty: Yeah, I want Saw back!
- Puffball: And I miss TV.
- Two: Well, I mean, seeing all you contestants smiling and happy in a public place is always a beautiful sight. We've never had moments like this in the history of The Power of Two! And I'm still in a good mood from the churro stand that caters exclusively to the algebralien community, so... why not?
- Gaty: Yes!
- Spongy: You're not going to sneeze dead people from your nose, are you, Two?
- Two: Nope!
[Sternuit tres cylindrum receptatorum. Some bystanders flee in horror, though not all of them do—if they watch TPOT, they know what Two is known for.]
- Two: That should do it.
- Spongy: Two, you told me you weren't going to sneeze from your nose.
- Two: I don't have a nose! But what I do have are nostrils. See them?
[Two shows Spongy their nostrils where their navel is meant to be.]
- Spongy: Okay, I'm banning you from the fair as well.
- Two: Aw.
[Robot Flower breaks out of her cylinder, followed by TV and Saw.]
- Robot Flower: We're back!
- Golf Ball: Valued team member TV!
- Gaty: Saw, I am so sorry for what that big, dumb oaf did to you. How are you feeling?
- Saw: Hi, Gaty, I feel great!
- Gaty: Well, that's... wait. What did you say?
- Saw: I said, I feel great!
[Gaty pogs. After seven years, Saw's vocal quirk is gone.]
- Two: Can you get out of the way, please?
- Crowd: No!
- Two: I'll include you in the voting sequence, then. [to the audience] Vote in the comments using the letter and square brackets for who you don't want to be eliminated! Vote for who you want to stay! Because there really wasn't a winner in this contest, the two people with the fewest votes will both leave the show! That's right! Double elimination time!
- Robot Flower: Vote for me, everyone! I'm the only one on the team who hasn't been banned from the park!
- Spongy: Eh-em.
- Robot Flower: Cubor blubimubey.
[Robot Flower vanishes. Roll credits.]
In front of the house
- Nickel: That was awesome!
- Cloudy: Tell that to my... Oh, wait, I landed without a scratch.
- Nickel: I still feel like we're in the air. Give me a minute.
- Cloudy: You're such a land lover.
- Nickel: A what?
- Cloudy: A land lover. You know, like what pirates say.
- Nickel: Oh, you mean "landlubber"!
- Cloudy: Landlubber? What is that, Prussian?
- Nickel: I don't know; it's just called that.
- Cloudy: And what's a "lubber" anyway?
- Nickel: Tell you what, Cloudy. When we get back, we ask Book about all that stuff.
[The door opens. On the other side is Taco. She is wearing a large headband.]
- Cloudy: Oh. Hi, Taco.
[Her eyes grow wide.]
- Taco: [ominously deep voice] The day has come.
Inside the house
- Taco: I have called this family meeting for one reason and one reason only: We must give, from our family to theirs, the rock that they deserve.
- Nickel: Pretty small family.
[Cloudy does the limbless equivalent of elbowing Nickel.]
- Taco: No, he's right. We aren't as big as we were before. Where's Mario, anyway?
- Ricardo: Did you forget, Ma? It's his week with... with...
- Taco: Oh. Yeah. Right. Never mind. [Aside, to Cloudy and Nickel.] I assume you haven't heard about Blocky and my D-word.
- Cloudy: "D-word"? Are you talking about "duplicatus"?
- Nickel: Nah, I think she means "dime".
- Ricardo: She means "divorce"!
- Taco: Yes, dear, I am talking about the divorce of me and your stepfather. And you know better not to yell when contestants from your favourite show are around, huh?
- Ricardo: That man was never my dad to begin with.
- Taco: Now, Ricky, remember. The Blockster and I talk to each other all the time; we're basically friends. Just not... married friends. [Aside.] Tweenagers.
- Ricardo: Hmmph.
[Ricardo sulks and leans back on the sofa. Cloudy and Nickel look at each other.]
- Cloudy: Anyway... can we, um, have Rocky back?
- Taco: Oh. Sure.
[Taco goes into a room. Awkward silence for a few seconds.]
- Cloudy: So, Ricky, you're a fan of TPOT, huh?
- Ricardo: [quietly] Yeah.
- Cloudy: If you've got any questions, we'll be happy to answer them! Right, Nickel?
- Nickel: Sssss- sure. Why not?
- Ricardo: Okay. Is Two weird in real life, like on the TV?
- Nickel: Pretty much.
- Cloudy: Maybe even weirder.
- Ricardo: [starting to smile] Gee, I bet.
[Enter Taco. She is carrying Rocky with her; he has never changed, even after the two years we last saw him.]
- [ · ]: Rocky!
[Rocky runs out of Taco's arms and gives Cloudy and Nickel an armless hug.]
- Taco: [poignantly] Aww!
- Cloudy: It's been so long, but now you're back with us! This is the greatest day ever!
- Taco: Now isn't that cute?
- Ricardo: Yeah, I guess.
- Cloudy: And look, your big brother Nickel came to save you too!
- Nickel: Got any words for me, little one?
- Rocky: Bulleh!
[Rocky vomits on Nickel.]
- Nickel: I'll take that as hello!
- Taco: Oh, let me get you a towel. Ricky?
- Ricardo: Coming, Ma!
[Taco and Ricardo go into the kitchen.]
- Taco: And while you're here celebrating this very special reunion, would you like something to eat, drink, anything?
- Cloudy: Well, we'd love to, thanks, but we have to get back to Two's hotel. They might be coming back already.
- Taco: Oh yeah, you're still competing.
- Ricardo: Not Rocky, he's eliminated.
- Taco: That's right, you smartie.
- Cloudy: Taco, if you need us, we'll be out in the yard winding up this phone box up so I can fly these two back home.
- Taco: Sure enough. Have fun!
- Ricardo: Bye bye!
[Cloudy goes outside.]
- Nickel: Wait, Taco.
- Taco: What's up?
- Nickel: Does... Woody live with y'all?
- Taco: Oh, Woody! He's doing well. He's just graduated from high school and is already living on campus in Goikyan Wisconsin. Says he wants to study psychology.
- Nickel: That's great. Of course, he could have chosen a Southern college, but good for him!
- Cloudy: [from outside] Nickel, can you help me with the winding again?
- Nickel: Yes, monsieur!
Taco's front yard
- Nickel: What's going on?
- Cloudy: I'm trying to wind this thing up, but Rocky won't move.
- Nickel: Oh, you don't know Rocky like I do. I was inside him for months!
- Cloudy: And?
- Nickel: [dead serious] Cloudy, I'm going to advise you to hold onto the phone booth as best you can.
- Cloudy: Why?
- Rocky: Bul—
[Cloudy and Nickel gasp and hold on to the phone box.]
- Rocky: LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH!
[Rocky vomits, sending the box (with Cloudy and Nickel) into the air. Taco waves goodbye from inside the house.]
- Taco: Wait now, tell Saw, Gaty and Book I said hi!
- Nickel: Wheeeeeeeeee!
- Cloudy: It's a good thing rocks know how to find their way home.
- Rocky: Mm-hmm!
- Nickel: Hey, Cloudy, um, can I ask you something?
- Cloudy: We're going incredibly fast, so ask quickly.
- Nickel: Why was Ricky so sad that Taco and Blocky are divorced?
- Cloudy: In some families it's like that, you know. Divorce can be quite a lot for kids to take in, especially when they're young.
- Nickel: Oh. You mean, like... you... and Balloony.
- Cloudy: Well, that... that is something we haven't any time to talk about now, even as we fly above about ten countries.
[Nickel looks sad, at least for his younger Beep-mates (Rocky and Woody).]
- Cloudy: Don't be sad, Nickel. Balloony and I are still the best show-parents a team can have.
- Nickel: Yeah, you are. Both of you.
- Cloudy: And look... we're already above Two's hotel, see?
[The clouds below clear up and Cloudy and Nickel look at a "satellite view" of Two's Second Hotel: It is in the shape of Two and is visibly sparkling.]
- Nickel: Nice.
- Cloudy: And now, we land.
Outside the hotel
- Eggy: Aw, you sure we can't change our name?
- Two: This isn't to get around your team's ban from the Freezer Fair, is it?
- Needle: Ha, ha, totally not.
- Grassy: Grassy wants a new name!
- Two: Okay, what do you propose?
- Snowball: We are "The Strongestest Team on Earth!"
- Tennis Ball: But "strongestest" isn't a word.
- Snowball: You want to fight?
- Tennis Ball: No, thanks!
[Late-night version of the original TSTOE jingle, showing all the team members (except Snowball) rolling their eyes at their new name: THE STRONGESTEST TEAM ON EARTH!]
- Eggy: Yay, now we can go to the fairrrrrr... [sees Two glaring] ...ytale section in Book's library.
- Basketball: Nice save, Eggy.
- Snowball: No, it wasn't!
- Needle: Shut up, SB.
[Exeunt omnes (except Two). Manet Tennis Ball, who stays outside to go stargazing with Golf Ball. Cloudy, Nickel and Rocky fall from the sky and Two stands, amazed. They point at Rocky.]
- Two: Oh, there you are, Rocky. You're eliminated!
[Two uses their powers to send Rocky to the Filing Cabinet.]
- Cloudy: I guess this is goodbye.
- Nickel: Bye, Rocky!
- Rocky: [vomits through the portal] Bulleh!
- Cloudy: If you get a chance to room with someone, choose Balloony!
[Rocky falls through the portal, still smiling.]
- Nickel: Eh, at least we got to travel the world with him.
- Cloudy: Moving in a straight line above the clouds doesn't count as travelling the world.
- Nickel: It does if you're a "land lover"!
[Cloudy and Nickel laugh as they go into the hotel.]
- Match: No, no, no!
- Liy: What is it now, Match?
- Match: These people are, like, so boring. Like, do we have to see thirty minutes of Cloudy and Nickel being, like, family?
- Firey Jr.: Really? I thought the Cloudy bits were interesting.
- Stapy: You said he was bland.
- Firey Jr.: A flame can change his mind.
- Pencil: Well, I thought the episode was 4/10. Needed more Pen.
- Match: He got what was, like, coming. Winner hates him? Omg, I could so see that.
- Pencil: I can't!
- 8-Ball: It is because you are blinded by love.
- Pencil: Like you are blinded by the number 8.
- 8-Ball: I don't have a favourite number so that is so untrue.
- Dora: Dadadadadadadadadadadadadadadada dadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadada dadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadada dadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadada. [Subtitles: "Surely one thing is for certain: My former colleague Saw is no longer blinded by the number 8, if going by her first lines after being recovered from the nares of a sneezing algebralien."]
- Bracelety: Guys? Is anybody going to pay attention to the knocks?
- Everyone else: Nah.
[View of the EXIT. Fade out as the rhythmic knocks get louder.]
- Had to make a plot point out of it somehow.
- BFDIA 5a: 12:55.
- Or at least the '70s version of a selfie.
- Lost in translation! When Nickel says "Yankee", he means the North (or the part of the country where the Yankees are the most popular baseball team). When Cloudy hears it, he thinks he's talking about the whole U.S.