"Little Hotel on the Savannah" is the first part of the non-canon tenth episode of TPOT by Jacknjellify. It was released on 20 February 1976. This episode is only headcanon to me, that is, until the real TPOT 10 (or even TPOT 2) comes out. Until a few minutes after its being finished, this episode was known as "Press Two to Clear" until that title was moved to the next part.
Editor's note: I should have made this clear from the beginning, but every fifth episode is going to be a two-part special. It wasn't meant to be like this, but #10 turned out to be really long.
- Stapy: Hey, 8-Ball?
- 8-Ball: Don't talk. It will only start another argument.
- Stapy: But I feel like someone's... missing.
- Pencil: Huh. Me too. The air suddenly got a lot colder.
- Match: OMW, that's probably, like, me.
- Liy: What does that have to do with anything?
- Roboty: ... --- -- . --- -. . / .. ... / --. --- -. . .-.-.-
- Liy: Well, that was a long sentence.
- Pencil: Too bad none of us could understand it.
- Match: Omg, lol!
[They high-five again.]
- Dora: Dadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadada. [Subtitles: "Our dear robot friend is correct, for I too sense a great absence in the Exit."]
- Match: What's that, Dora?
- Dora: Dadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadada. [Subtitles: "Tell me, has anyone seen my arch-rival?"]
[Pause. Everyone gasps.]
- [ · ]: [ · ]
- Pencil: Bracelety!
- Bracelety: You're right and I'm wrong. Ice Cube is always with me! [She points to her midsection.] In here.
Outside the hotel
- Dollary: Rain.
[It starts raining.]
- Dollary: My prayers have been answered!
- Fanny: I hate getting wet!
- Clapboard: When the water floweth, the tree groweth.
[Next to them enter Bell.]
- Bell: Hey, Foldy!
- Foldy: [to Stape-O, to whom/which she is turned] Muh-muh-muh-muh-muh-muh-muh-muh—
- Bell: Foldy?
- Foldy: [surprised] Oh, hi, Bell!
- Bell: Yeah, I'll leave you alone.
- Basketball: Aw, Foldy, you broke our pact!
- Yod: [floats by] It's not a death pact.
- Foldy: What are you talking about?
- Basketball: Last challenge, you promised you wouldn't let a guy stand in the way of the competition!
- Foldy: And?
- Basketball: What were you just doing earlier?
- Foldy: Huh? [realizing] Oh! Basketball, meet Stape-O. Stape-O, this is the leader of The Strongest Team on Earth, Basketball.
- Basketball: So I am the leader.
[She pushes a button.]
- Stape-O: [romantic voice] I love you.
- Basketball: Sure, love you too.
- Foldy: Isn't he precious?
- Basketball: Wait, how do you even have that thing? I thought all our non-sleeping bag property got destroyed ages ago!
- Snare Drum: Yeah, that is interesting. But you know what's more interesting? My new fanfic!
- Alif: Is that what it is?
- Tape: It looks more like a medical pamphlet.
- CofTaVor: You said it; I just thought up the words.
[Enter 9-Ball and her friends.]
- 9-Ball: Anyone fancy a game of pool? Bat, Av and RF made a league.
- Battery: It's the most anyone has accomplished in a hundred days.
- Tewilda: Yeah, about that hundred days stuff... isn't it time for the challenge to start?
- Eggy: Oh, gosh, it's time for all of you to pretend not to exist again.
- Needle: It is! Hide me, Coiny!
- Coiny: What? You should be hiding me!
- Donut: [sprays Coiny again] Bad coin! You should be more polite.
- Barf Bag: Yeah, you should say, "Excuse me, Needle, but I would like to hide behind your greatness."
- Coiny: Never mind, Pin's back.
- Needle: I see.
- Ice Cube: Wha?
- Needle: No, not you.
- Pin: [to everyone] Hello! My fuh-rieeeend Clock and I have some important news about the competition.
- Needle: [Aside.] Don't say "friend" like that.
- Clock: It is Cake at Stake in five... four... three... two—
[Enter Two spontaneously.]
- Two: Well, why didn't you say so?
[Everyone gets silent.]
- Fries: This won't be an all-time thing, will it?
- Bomby: No!
- Fries: Bomby, I really appreciate your input, but I'm talking to Two.
- Two: [imitating Bomby] No! [regular voice] And have I got news for you! Come to the lobby, everyone!
[All 300 people enter the building, chattering excitedly.]
Second Hotel lobby
- Urhixidur: Wow!
- Discy: This won't get old in the future!
- Eraser: I could get used to this. [jumps into a swivel chair]
- Fries: [to Eraser] Eh, I've seen worse.
- Puffball: I miss the pink.
- Mini Cyclone: If you want pink, just look in the mirror!
- Quaddy: Ha! Good one!
[The cross-talk fades as Two speaks above everyone else.]
- Two: Well, this is awkward! The maximum capacity of this room is 299, and it looks like there are 300 of you here.
[Everyone talks again.]
- Golf Ball Clone: What, you counted all these people, Two?
- Rubber Spatula: Wow! I know how to count!
- Pen: Cool, me too!
- Protactinium: I ship it!
- 9-Ball: You smell bad.
- Salt Lamp: Give the radiated guy a break.
- Cloudy: What do you mean?
- Naily: She's saying that radiation isn't always that bad.
- Price Tag: Really? That's not what they taught me.
- Salt Lamp: What do you think I'm powered by?
- Tree: I'm going to step away now.
- Black Hole: This, this is him in many situations.
- Battery: Wait, what's smell again?
[Two claps again.]
- Two: I know what I must two—I mean, do. Since we're doing a show here, a show that most of you really shouldn't have a part in, I must ask most of you to leave.
[Cross-talk again, but not before Two interrupts it.]
- Two: And I mean it!
[Two uses their powers to raise all the non-participants (including the eliminated contestants) into the air.]
- Anchor: I'm flying! That's rad, bro!
- Avocado: So this is what being high is like.
- Scissors: This is how the angels do it!
[With a gesture of Two holding their arms in the same direction, the door next to the front desk opens (revealing what looks like a large filing cabinet). All non-participants are moved to this room only by the power of Two's hands. Cross-talk as the contestants fly into the room. Among the audible lines are these.]
- Boom Mic: Bye, Bracelety!
- Marker: Whee!
- Two: Yep, get in there Marker, you too, Leek!
- Leek: Oh, come on!
- Two: Don't come out, Stapy Body Pillow—
- Foldy: His name is "Stape-O"!
- Two: [quickly spoken] As for you too, 9-Ball, Needy—
- Needle: [slapping Two while flying] Don't—
- Two: Yep, yep, all of you, in there as well, Birthdaigny, Onigiri, I want ʻUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!
[The intro plays.]
Pre-Cake at Stake
[A continuation of the previous scene.]
- Two: —kulele, Snare Drum to make some music in there; ITRD, do your tax-ie-s in there, Long Cable, Folded Up, Gradient, Yon, Yod, Fries, 'kay, thanks, bye!
[The door shuts. Silence.]
- Coiny: That... was... amazing! I've got to have your powers!
- Two: I'm flattered that you remember what you're fighting for. If you haven't forgotten, then you know it's time for Cake at Stake!
"Cake at Stake"
[The Cake at Stake theme plays, with the added effect of rainstorm noises in the background. It's very therapeutic-sounding. As soon as the Cake at Stake song ends, Two stares at the camera for a few seconds, smiling.]
- Donut: Uh, Two? What are you doing?
- Clock: Don't worry; I'll snap 'em out of it. HEY!
- Pin: Oof!
- Clock: Sorry, that came out louder than I expected.
- Two: [monotonously] Nothing can make you destroy the beautiful scene before me.
- Barf Bag: [confused] What are you talking about?
- Two: Picture it: Goiky, 1975. A beautifully decorated hotel lobby, shielding me divided by me plus me times me to the power of me to the power of me, happy contestants— [view of the contestants, hardly any of whom look happy] ... from the torrential downpours that seldom ravage our scenery so. It makes me want to— It makes me want to—
- Bottle: Shout?
- Two: No! Even better!
- Donut: Ugh, here it comes.
[Two sneezes three unknown-bleck cylinders from their navel nostrils to the wet fart sound effect. As part of an upgrade to the animation, the cylinders vary in size this time.]
- Two: That felt good.
- Cake: Oh my gosh, are there dead people in there?
- Naily: We'll have to wait for it to say—
- Voice: [muffled] I'm freeeeeeeee!
- Puffball: I think I know exactly who that is.
- Two: I'm sorry, formerly dead person, what did you say?
- Voice: I said, I'm...
[Golf Ball frees herself from the recovery cylinder.]
- Golf Ball: FREEEEEEEEEEE!
- Eraser: Ooh, free food, where?
- Golf Ball: No!
- Golf Ball: What? No response, not even from my own team?
[TV applauds (through the clip of Firey and Coiny slapping each other). He is the only one among the contestants to do so.]
- Golf Ball: Thanks, TV.
- Coiny: Is that me on there?
- Donut: [about the footage] See, this perfectly illustrates your tendency to aggression.
- Two: Enough of that blather; look who else I've freed from my holey nostrils!
- Cloudy: [cringes] Can you please not say that again?
[Tennis Ball is freed.]
- Tennis Ball: [breathes out] Ooh, it must have been 90° Fahrenheit there.
- Golf Ball: TB! It's great to see your face again! But please, don't use Fahrenheit.
- Two: And he will have to go. If you remember last time, your "Ti-yee Bi-yee" destroyed my hotel by throwing it into the atmosphere. He is eliminated. [to Tennis Ball] Please enter this room with the others and don't come out.
- Golf Ball: Goodbye.
- Tennis Ball: Aw! [walking into the room] The weirdest thing is, I don't even remember destroying a hotel.
[Two slams the door shut.]
- TV: Should we still do Cake at Stake now that TB has been eliminated?
- Winner: Yeah, I'm not really in the mood for it now that there's rain.
[The rain clears.]
- Two: Well, I was going to... but then the wetness cleared.
- Winner: Wow, and it's all because someone said the word "rain!"
[It starts raining again. Two looks at Winner with an angry expression.]
- Winner: Sorry, heh, heh.
- Pin: This deserves to be tested.
- Saw: Let's control the weather!
- Book: Let's all say the word "rain!"
- Everyone: Yeah!
[The rain disappears.]
- Everyone: Rain!
[It starts to rain.]
- Everyone: Rain!
[The rain disappears.]
- Two: So that's the new upgrade with the sky. Due to the strange weather, we will not have Cake at Stake today.
- Golf Ball: That was absolutely stupid.
- Voice: [from the final recovery cylinder] If it was so stupid, why'd you take part in it?
[Golf Ball stands speechless.]
- Two: Come on, let's go outside.
[Exeunt omnes. The cylinder breaks, revealing Pie inside. Once freed, she takes the jar of sweets from the front desk to the room where the other eliminated contestants are.]
- Pie: This is mine now.
Outside the hotel
- Pen: [walking with everyone else] Y'know, I'm glad Golf Ball doesn't know I was team leader while she was dead.
- Eraser: Come on, she's going to hear about it anyway. The voters' votes have to go somewhere. [Pause.] Wait, you're not scared of bossy-bot GB, are you?
- Pen: I mean...
[Just like in that Gumball episode where we get a glimpse into his head, we get to see and hear what Pen is thinking as he talks to his brother. Instead of insult-demons, there's just a bunch of crude animations of Pen in different costumes.]
- Pen: [in a baseball uniform] Oh, crab, she'll know you made your team lose. [in a turtleneck and glasses] She's gonna give you heck, buddy. [as a devil] Hope you look swell in vulnerable! [as a hippie] Whatever, man.
[Back to real life.]
- Pen: Pssh, I'm not scared of her.
- Eraser: And I am the professional shark hunter.
[Everyone stops in their paths as Two is about to explain the contest.]
- Two: I'm so glad you followed me here!
- Clock: You used a force field to keep us from running off.
- Two: Anyway, your next challenge is... wait a minute.
- Pillow: We have to wait a minute? Got it! One comfy pillow, two comfy pillows...
- Two: No, there's a big problem that I had overlooked. Even though Golf Ball has risen from the dead, there are still two contestants missing who, in reality, should be here!
[They count the members of each team in their head.]
- Two: Six, four, four, four, seven, six... The Strongest Team on Earth and Death P.A.C.T. Again, have you any idea who you're missing?
- Basketball: Unfortunately, we do.
- Black Hole: Hmm, there haven't been any requests for clarification lately.
- Grassy: And Grassy feels autonomous!
- Two: That's it. Well, they can wait. I'm sure they'll show up whenever—
[The doors of the hotel open. Out come Lightning (dressed as a business-bolt, i.e. in a collar and tie) and Snowball (dressed as one of those "naughty elevator mechanics" from the Halloween store). Both are shocked by the crowd of contestants watching them.]
- Lightning: Well, this is awkward.
- Snowball: WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?
- Eggy: I have so many questions.
- Foldy: Save them for later?
- Eggy: Right.
- Remote: Lightning, where were you?
- Fanny: And why were you with Snowball, the murderer?
- Snowball: [raises his fist at Fanny] I'll show you murderer!
- Black Hole: Halt.
- Snowball: Sorry.
- Naily: I can't take him seriously in that silly outfit.
- Price Tag: I know, right?
- Cake: I've got a type and that ain't it.
- Two: SB, LN, what were you doing in my hotel?
- Lightning: So, to clarify, what we were doing was turning that blank canvas of a hotel into what you see now. I have a knack with me for making things exciting, you know.
- Snowball: And I knack people's brains out!
- Book: [Aside.] Somehow I know what that means.
- Donut: Then it was you two behind the hotel lobby design.
- Snowball: Yes, it was! We're the smartest!
[A laugh track sound effect plays quietly.]
- Tree: Explains the odd, minimalist Viking vibe I get when I go inside.
- Lightning: Sure, Goikyan Sweden is well popular right now! Remember "Mamma Mia"?
- Eraser: [who isn't one to admit that he listens to that kind of music] Duh, of course I remember my mother!
- Two: Well, I can't say I'm not shocked. But how could you have done the lobby so quickly? I was there from night 1!
[As seen-before and never-seen-before flashbacks to the previous episode play.]
- Lightning: We were after starting our work when Snowball used me like a shovel with his big, meaty claws.
- Golf Ball: Bleh!
- Lightning: It's that that we'd been doing in our bivvy bag since, em, episode 8.
- Barf Bag: So you've just been working on a living space no one knew would become a reality?
- Bell: Ding, that's far out, dude.
[Lightning smiles a bit.]
- Remote: That explains the funny laughing.
- Two: And the bizarre noises I heard when I was sat at the reception for a hundred days.
- Snowball: What noises?
- Lightning: I paint in silence! If SB makes noise, I get distracted.
- Black Hole: That's kind of sad.
- Snowball: [to Two] You lie Two much!
- Lightning: Ach, wait! I think... they're talking about our reverse strip parcheesi game that got out of hand. One move and it was on. [blushes] Don't think I ought to clarify that further.
- Fanny: [bitterly] Please don't.
- Snowball: Two hundred days straight, wimps!
[Beat. Everyone looks at him and Lightning either confused, amazed or shocked.]
- Two: You done?
- Golf Ball: Two, introduce the contest before my inner Rocky comes out!
- Basketball: [shudders] Yeah, I don't think anyone's interested in hearing about SB's hotel room hijinks. [covers Grassy's "ears"] For innocents' sake.
- Grassy: I'm Grassy!
- Two: So you want to know today's contest?
- Gaty: No, we want to know why birds suddenly appear.
- Naily: Slay it, Ka-ty!
- Two: Today's challenge is to clean up your team cabins! Remember those?
- Clock: BOOM!
- Pin: [surprised (she's still standing next to him)] Wee-yer!
- Naily: Wow, Clock, that was really out of character.
- Clock: I'm sorry, but some of us enjoy tidying up.
[He immediately shoots Cloudy a dirty look.]
- Cloudy: Eh?
- Two: I also want you to take all your belongings to your team's new hotel rooms. [Everyone gasps in excitement.] The team that clears their cabin first wins! You will find more information on the signs posted in the lobby. Go!
[With Death P.A.C.T. Again.]
- Tree: Okay, Death P.A.C.T. Again, let's systematically pack up our things.
- Remote: But what things can we pack?
- Black Hole: She has a point; I believe Two zapped all our stuff out of existence.
- Two: [spontaneously appearing] That's what you think. But go to your cabins and you'll be in for a surprise!
- Tree: And?
- Lightning: Wow!
[The contestants' point of view: They see their cabin as it was a few episodes ago, with everything they own in its position as of then.]
- Black Hole: What the hole?
- Remote: How did this happen.
- Fanny: Why is all our stuff here?
- Tree: Er, Two?
- Two: [from outside, with The S!] It's simple! When I zapped everyone to their assigned location in the last episode, I also sent your stuff to their own assigned location. It's your cabins, where you were meant to sleep. What happened, people?
- Black Hole: Isn't it obvious?
- Lightning: Your ohel-tay was estroyed-e-yay by Ennis Bat-ta-lay.
- Remote: That's not how you do Pig Latin.
- Fanny: I hate prescriptive grammar!
- Two: Well, I'll leave you teams alone. I'm off to check on the others.
[Exit Two spontaneously.]
- Tree: Black Hole, do you think you might be able to—
- Black Hole: Let me guess, clean everything with my singularity?
- Tree: That depends. When you say "singularity", do you mean one of your black hole parts, or you doing it all by yourself?
- Black Hole: Neither, I'm talking about Goikyan K-pop.
- Winner: Whoa.
- Saw: Thank goodness we all moved out as soon as d8urned to night.
- Gaty: Speaking of moving, we'd better get our stuff from the team8s' cabin.
- Saw: What if Coiny and the others are there?
- Gaty: Make as little eye contact as possible.
- Saw: Gr8 idea!
- Yellow Face: Mm, I'll go too!
- Gaty: Wait, Yellow Face, you're not...
[Dialogue fade out; exeunt.]
- Clock: [looks at Cloudy's collection] Hmm.
- Cloudy: I know it looks like a lot.
- Clock: It doesn't look like a lot. It is a lot.
- Cloudy: [disappointed] I knew you were going to say that.
- Winner: Wait, did your collection get bigger?
- Cloudy: I guess it did. [Aside.] Thanks, Two!
- Clock: Uh-huh.
- Winner: This is kind of, er, bad. [awkward laugh] I can't even find my own things!
- Clock: Cloudy, we need to talk.
- Cloudy: I don't tell you how to live your life! [limblessly gestures towards at Clock's "wall of alarm clocks" by his bed]
- Clock: F— come on, Cloudy, I wasn't talking about you, I swear! Far be it from me to judge others for what makes them happy. I'm just worried because we won't be able to get all this out before the other teams.
- Bottle: Hey, Esses, look!
[Everyone turns around to see Bottle putting her things inside her.]
- Bottle: It tickles!
With Are You Okay
[Enter Are You Okay, the first team to make it to the hotel stage (while the others are packing up).]
- Eraser: Wait, so why don't we have our things again?
- Golf Ball: TV explained it to you five times!
- Eraser: Maybe he can explain it a seventh?
[Golf Ball face-soles.]
- TV: Okay. When we were last in our team's cabin 27.63 minutes ago, I stored all the physical and functional information about everything in there. Thanks to GB's top-class mechanical skills, I can resynthesize the inside of our cabin when we get up to our room.
- Eraser: Gets more confusing every time I hear it.
- Pen: Oh, it's not that bad.
- Golf Ball: You'd better listen, boys! Our team will not lose again, like last time!
[Golf Ball begins to march upstairs.]
- Eraser: [Aside.] Oof.
- Pen: Maybe she's talking about when we lost Fries, eh?
[Golf Ball stops.]
- Eraser: She kill you.
[Pen gasps quietly.]
- Golf Ball: I want to know the floor we are going to.
- Pen: [relieved] Uff.
- Puffball: We are... [sees the sign] on the top floor.
- Eraser: We get the top floor?
- Pen: Wowie, so cool!
- Golf Ball: Yes. Whatever. Onward march, team!
- Puffball: I can float, you know.
With Just Not
[Enter Just Not, who are all carrying suitcases with them. Naily and Price Tag have one big suitcase together—the latter is attached to the top of the case.]
- Price Tag: Whee!
- Book: Let's see what floor we're on.
[She reads the sign.]
- Book: Huh. Just Not, third floor.
- Pillow: My favourite floor number!
- Cake: [to Two, who is sitting at the front desk] How did we get the third floor, anyway?
- Two: What's that?
- Cake: HOW'D WE GET THE THIRD FLOOR?
- Two: Oh!
[Two teleports from the desk to the sign.]
- Two: Where your team is staying is entirely dependent on what place you got in the last episode's challenge. Death P.A.C.T. Again, they won, so they get the first floor, while Are You Okay—
- Just Not: Yeah?
- Two: They get the top floor.
- Naily: But wouldn't the top floor be the best?
- Two: Ultimately it might be. But because they lost last episode, they have to walk the most to get to their destination.
- Price Tag: Ah, I see what you're saying, Two!
- Nickel: It makes perfect sense!
- Two: Good for you.
[Awkward TPOT 1-esque silence.]
- Price Tag: Yeah, we're going up now.
- Two: Laters, Just Notions!
[Two goes back to the front desk, apparently waiting for the checking-in of a tourist group that will never arrive. They speak to no one in particular.]
- Two: And now, back to work.
[Before Two sits down, a series of knocks from the eliminated contestants' room can be heard. Two's eyes get big as the knocks get louder.]
- Two: Sooner or later I'll have to answer the door.
[Fade to black as these words appear on the screen.]
To be continued
in TPOT 10b
- There are contestants left in the game. I think.
- From now on, I'm going to call these things "recovery cylinders" because the spell checker has no idea what unknown-bleck is.
- A bit of context is necessary here: In the Yterbian collection of object show headcanons, clothing is considered as titillating for objects as (partial) nudity is for Westerners. Of course, it's not all sensual; nudity can be tasteful for mature people (as in art—they don't do the equivalent of stripping when they put on The Pirates of Penzance).
- Oops! It is in the north that it is pronounced Weezer. Not a reference to the band (the same way that Nickel saying it isn't recorded on the Other Wiki)—the Vietnamese expression of pain is spelt as ui da, which is pronounced...