"Drill Sergeant Daddy" is a new episode of Pencil 2.O, and until recently, there has been neither number nor date associated. In this episode, After being faced with the death of a colleague, Pen changes the way he treats his kids when asked to complete a project for someone.
Federal Court of CourtesEdit
- gavel[char tag?]: Will the jury foreperson please stand? Has the jury reached a unanimous verdict?
- OJ: Yes.
- gavel[char tag?]: If the jury has reached a verdict, the clerk will get the verdict form from the foreperson and had it to the judge. The judge will read it silently before handing it back to the clerk for the reading of the verdict.
- scrunchie[char tag?]: The jury finds the defendant not guilty.
- gavel[char tag?]: The jury is thanked and excused. Court is adjourned.
- Court Announcer: This concludes our mock trial in the Federal Court of Courtes. We thank all of you for coming today and for taking part in our program.
- gavel[char tag?]: Wait a second, you hired me for a mock trial?
- OJ: Of course! I can't see any of this happening at a regular court here.
- Clover: It's about getting an former exile out of another country into Kenya.
- OJ: That doesn't have to mean we have to get all up Hiroo Onoda in the place.
- iodina[char tag?]: Why would this happen at the Federal Court of Courtes? I thought this was the one that I had to do jury duty for.
- gavel[char tag?]: No, the Federal Court of Courts is the one that is the one you must be in, not the Court of Courtes. See, there is another "e".
- iodina[char tag?]: Aw, dijonnaise!
- gavel[char tag?]: Where is the defendant?
- OJ: We have covered them with a large cloth, them referring to her and her husband. The public does not have a good opinion on them, My Lord.
- gavel[char tag?]: The defendant is cube-shaped.
- Clover: Oh yeah. We have rented them a cage so they don't escape or show recognition, My Lord.
- gavel[char tag?]: A defendant has the right to be seen, citizens!
- OJ: Then it is a good thing that almost everyone has left.
[Judge Gavel removes the cloth from the defendant's chair; underneath it are Leafy and Firey.]
- Leafy: Ah!
- Firey: Hello!
- OJ: You guys, you're free to go.
- Leafy: We would have known, but Firey was sleeping so well in there.
- Firey: Who cares, we can go now!
Somewhere in KenyaEdit
- Firey: H- how long have we been walking?
- Leafy: A long time.
- Firey: This is terrible. We've been rejected from every house we wanted to buy.
- Leafy: Yeah, and we can't even get a realtor. Firey, you shouldn't ask if there are military discounts because that turns them down.
- Firey: Yeah, that's the thing. Leafy, ever since you've been at Yoyleland, you've been seen as a symbol of betrayal.
- Leafy: No, that's Quisling!
- Firey: That sport from those books where— Hey, wait! That leaves me with a great idea.
- Leafy: Which is? I mean, what?
- Firey: Do you remember that girl from the first season of BFDI?
- Leafy: Which one, there were ten, me being one of them!
- Firey: What was her name? Oh yeah, Bubble!
- Leafy: You want us to go to Bubble's house?
- Firey: Yeah! You know that I gained my memory of BFDI's past … Leafy … Bubble … frieeeeeeeeeeends. [he does the appropriate hand gestures]
- Leafy: Ex-friends. She tried to kill us with her little Vietnamese friend.
- Firey: Maybe you have a point. I mean, she's not going to be accepting at all.
- Leafy: Gee, that surely cheers up a lady. Now let's just go to Bubble's house and we can see if she'll let us in or not.
- Bubble: Oi'd be glad to let you in!
- Firey: A house for us?
- Bubble: Of coirse! We do have a very special froindship.
- Leafy: Oh my gosh, thank you so much Bubble! I can't start telling you how bad I feel about betraying you … and you betraying me and me feeling bad about the feeling I got once I got betrayed …
- Firey: Bubble, let me just say that I can't wait to see what kind of interior you have!
- Leafy: It's very—
- Firey: Where are the furniture?
- Bubble: It is a part of my coilture to live the small loife. That means living in honest modesty and no flashy stuff.
- Firey: Bubble, your country is like the sixtieth richest country in the world. I'm sure you can afford stuff!
- Bubble: I'm sure you're roight. But I reject material culture, and Oi'm not one of those people who stalk celebrities on the Internet.
- Pencil: Citlali, wot're'ee doin'?
- Citlali: Stalking celebrities on the Internet.
- Pencil: Turn'e off. Y'know the rules! No devices smaller than Daddy's ego a' the table.
- Citlali: Aw, come on! If I can't catch up on Greenlynn and Madagasker Card-Ash-Yin, how will I stay catch up on life?
- Pen: Yeah!
- Pencil: Y'agree with this, bruv?
- Pen: Of course. I think that a child has the ultimate right to know what's going on with the Card-Ash-Yin family, even if their theme of naming is misspelled islands.
- Pencil: Wote'er, m8! An' 'Avier, no playin' with food a' breakfast!
- Javier: I'm not playing with it, I'm composing it! It's good enough that you gave us alphabet soup for breakfast, I'm trying to recreate The Complete Works of Shakespeare, and I am 0.01% done!
- Pencil: I should'a known thet was a mistake.
[The phone rings.]
- Pencil: Nobody get thet!
- Salvador: [going to the phone] I don't follow directions.
[He picks up the phone. On the other line is Firey.]
- Firey: Hello?
- Salvador: Who is this?
- Firey: Um, it appears that I have the wrong number. I am looking for Pencil and Pen, who appear to have the same address according to the Green Pages.
- Salvador: DAD, MUM, IT'S FOR YOU!
- Ximena: Ow! I'm afraid of loud noises.
- Pen: I got it from here, son. [he takes the phone] Schreiber residence.
- Firey: Sir, you've got to come here!
- Pen: Firey, I'm a veteran soldier, not a 999 dispatcher. Where's "here" supposed to be?
- Firey: Bubble's house.
- Pen: Bubble's house?
- Pencil: Give me thet … aye, wot about Bubble's 'ouse?
- Firey: Woah, sir! Your voice turned into Pencil's!
- Pencil: No, this truly is Pencil.
- Firey: Wait. You guys live together?
- Pencil: Wot'n'ale? We're married!
- Firey: Huh? I could have sworn that Leafy and I were the only couple on the show.
- Pencil: If yer goin' to call us jus' to deny our existence or says Leafy's name, I'm a-leavin'.
- Firey: Wait!
[She hung up.]
- Sio: Mum, you're supposed to say "goodbye" before hanging up. I feel like this should be a more enforced rule around here!
- Yaretzi: So should the aboition of anger, yay!
[Pen is on his phone.]
- Pencil: Oi, give'e.
- Pen: Wait, it's important!
- Pencil: Okay, I shall wait.
- Citlali: Mum, the Card-Ash-Yins are important too.
- Pencil: I guess they are.
- Pen: Alright everyone, we have to go to Bubble's house.
- Pencil: An' we've got two kids still sleepin'. Pen, dear, wake 'em up please?
- Pen: Yes, honey.
[He goes upstairs.]
- Pencil: Alrigh', we're all goin' to Bubble's 'ome!
- Zorah: Is it far?
- Pencil: Aye, it's in the Rift Valley, on Peptide Lane.
- [ Aww! · ]:
- Yaretzi: Yay, I love street endings with four letters!
- Cil: Goo!
- Pen: Hey, everyone, today's going to be a really important day today; we're going to help out some of our friends. So in order to make this day better, why don't you all wake up?
- Pen: [from upstairs] HEY, PENC, THEY'RE NOT GETTING UP!
- Saye: [waking up] Uggh, we're awaaaaaake, Daddy.
- Zorah: Why so early, Dad, it's noon.
- Pencil: Wot's goin' on, are they awake?
- Pen: Apparently they are now!
- Saye: Good morning, mum, dad, can I sleep now?
- Pen: There's no time, we have to leave, like, soon!
- Zorah: What's the big rush, there's not another Bar Mitzvah again, is there?
- Pen: No, look, your sisters are already coming in.
- Saye: I'm awake and hiding my diary, dad!
- Javier: What is with mother today? She's never usually this mean!
- Salvador: Are you kidding? Pencil's amazing right now. The only thing I'm worried about is Pen. He's starting to sound like you, Javier, just without that … y'know, thing you're known for.
- Javier: Intelligence?
- Salvador: Yeah.
- Sio: You do realise that he's always like this. I mean, when our mother acts mean, Dad becomes relatively nicer. It's a law that Lego taught me after we climbed Machu Picchu.
- Javier: You climbed Machu Picchu.
- Sio: Yeah! On the Internet.
- Salvador: Boo!
A few minutes laterEdit
- Pen: Alright everyone, Firey needs us and our mission is to help him.
- Saye: Wait. Firey from, like, BFDI?
- [ · ]: Omg, omg, omg!
- Citlali: I heard that he won!
- Sio: It's too bad we didn't finish the series after mum left.
- Pencil: Aww, y'didn' watch the finale?
- Salvador: We didn't watch anything.
- Javier: Alright everyone, I have the directions for the car.
- Pencil: Car? Why drive an' waste precious petrol when we can walk?
- Zorah: Why walk?
- Ximena: Yeah, isn't that in the Rift Valley?
- Pen: I don't think it's such a bad idea; it's a very short and easy route: We just follow everyone else!
- Yaretzi: Street endings with four letters, my favourite!
- Pencil: Why don't we all start walkin'?
- Sio: Yeah, let's go before weird things happen.
Pencil: Fer once we live Isolierung aus
Today we're off to Bubble's 'ouse,
As it's unknown why where we're go'n',
I'd like to see me friends.
Pen: We don't know why the invitation
Could it be just condemnation
For the fact that Leafy's back;
Her ire on us she spends.
Pencil: [spoken] Oh, bother, Leafy bein' back won' be a good thing fer either of us.
Pen: Yeah, it'd be awkward to see her again after we tried to, y'know …
Pencil: Oh, I know.
- [The scene moves to other characters, who have also been invited.]
Match: How weird's this text to start the day?
I won't respondez s'il vous plaît
Eraser: Just park it, dear,
So then we'll hear
The sound of Bubble's voice.
Flower: I can't believe we have to go!
Snowball: We shan't see death for all I know!
Flower: Blah blah blah blah!
Snowball: Blee blee blee blee!
Blocky: Who cares, we have no choice!
Tennis Ball: Imprudence in most a degree
With passive aggresivity
In having known Firey alone
Golf Ball: We can't ignore the flame's concerns
I shouldn't be a maid'n who spurns
Regardless of my ego's dove
Just Firey's only why-y-y!
Ice Cube: I'll never know why Firey made me come with,
It is trying just to waste my precious time.
Needle: Come on, Leafy was somebody I had fun with,
Wait, that doesn't rhyme!
Pin: Why must both of us be guiding the all the rejects
To this ngu ngốc thing at nhàm chán Firey's place!
I regret to see the old crew
And by old crew, I mean "mold crew"
Spongy: 'Cuuuuz oooof whaaaat's heeeer faaaace?
Everyone: Leafy, oooh, Leafy!
All guys: She's such a terror;
She also steals.
Everyone: Leafy, a girl of lore ye
All girls: Your fake sad story
Gives us no feels.
Everyone: Leafy, oooh, Leafy
You're using Firey
To make us come!
Tell me, oooh, tell me!
Pencil: You'll only be so—
Ice Cube: Nice but forceful—
Tennis Ball: Irremorseful—
Eraser: Lazy giver—
Needle: Don't call me Needy!
Pencil: Full o' bad ick—
Match: Love my Firey—
Golf Ball: Cheating dealer—
Pin: Island stealer—
Snowball: Theththethetheth …
Everyone: Horribly, horribly, horribly, horribly,
Thievingly, extremèly dumb!
- [Ending is a G-major chord.]
- Pencil: Whoo, thet was so fun!
- Pen: Our little impromptu musical number really got us together!
- Golf Ball: I agree, Tennis Ball, does this not remind you of our college orientation, 1981?
- Tennis Ball: Indeed! Now the only people who aren't with us are Flower and Snowball!
- Eraser: What can we say?
- Blocky: We still hate that thieving leaf.
- Tennis Ball: Yeah, about that …
[Suddenly, the kids appear, out of breath.]
- Salvador: Pencil, Pen, we're here.
- Pen: Snowball, back off. You have a restraining order against all of my children.
- Snowball: Damn it, son-of-a-houndess. First Teardrop, now thy children? Anger!
- Ximena: Dad, we're carrying these machines that you asked us for.
- Salvador: And I was the unlucky chap who got to carry Cil!
- Pen: We never asked you guys to carry any machines.
- Sio: Sorry, we just thought that if we got the stuff already, you would reward us by having us go to bed an hour later.
- Pencil: Absolutely not.
- Pen: Well, we can make an arrangement—
- Citlali: [screams] Oh my gosh, you're- you're the cast of BFDI! Blocky, Coiny, Flower, Golf Ball, Ice Cube, Pin, Rocky, Snowball, Spongy, Teardrop, Tennis Ball, Woody, Aunt Needle, Aunt Match, Uncle Eraser! It's all of you!
- Pencil: We feel obligated ter introduce'ee to our children: Sayé, Citlali, Salvador, Cil, Yaretzi, Sio, Qalam-Rassas, Ximena and Zorah.
- Tennis Ball: You brought your kids with you?
- Golf Ball: We would never do that. Our children attend four different universities in the Ivy League.
- Match: Oh great, the Ball family are back at it again with the I-vy League.
- Pin: #Takehisa, you've got a lot of children. Kenya's fertility rate hasn't even been at 9!
- Pen: Nine, what do you mean? We have ten kids!
- Pin: Yeah, and they've all got Mexican-ish names! What happened? You're Swahili and he's Greek.
- Pen: It's a long story, let's just say that.
- Pencil: [to Salvador] Oi, Chavo, no playin' on yer mobile when meetin' new people.
- Salvador: This isn't mine.
- Pencil: Fine, don' play on someone else's mobile.
- Golf Ball: Wow, Pencil. You have really matured and become motherly, and not that fun-loving girl you used to be.
- Pencil: [starting to cry] I know!
- Pen: By the way, is it okay with you guys if we stop at a sharpening facility? The wife needs help with her girl problems.
- Sio: Told you …
Outside the sharpening facilityEdit
- Coiny: Pen, I never thought that my sister-in-law would take this long.
- Needle: Sometimes we just need that to happen, Coiny.
[With the kids.]
- Saye: She should be out in a few.
- Salvador: What's she doing?
- Saye: I don't want to say this with grown-ups around, but … boys, this is what happens to Mum every month.
- Citlali: Me too!
- Saye: You? Since when?
- Citlali: Nothing, I just wanted to make a point.
- Saye: I learned in Proto-Biology that a girl, like our mother, will often have her point getting gradually duller and duller, due to this thingy that happens in the, like, atmosphere, and this will make things happen that might just interfere with our personalities. To get them back to normal they have to go to a sharpening facility. Like here.
- Sio: Well that makes sense.
[Enter Match hiding Pencil.]
- Match: Attention, everyone, it's the new and improved Pencil Badhrasa Carmencita Ohisa Triángolo Schreiber!
[Pencil is revealed; she looks exactly the same as in prior episodes.]
- Pen: Wow, she's hot!
- Pencil: Thanks! I feel so much better than usual!
- Golf Ball: Alright, how about we get the more irrelevant characters to speak here!
- Spongy: Moooooo …
- Match: Get out, Spongy, I can get, like, pepper spray.
- Firey: Leafy, what you are going to do once they come here is greet them with open arms, and hug them.
- Leafy: That's all?
- Firey: Pretty much.
- Leafy: Yay! Hey, what are you eating?
- Firey: These? Oh, they're just some Congrats-on-Your-Reentry cupcakes from iiLetter.
- Leafy: But I stands for Inconspicuously and Inserted!
- Firey: So?
- Leafy: The cupcakes that iiLetter usually sends are filled with a particularly mean toxin that makes people all drowsy and lethargic and … basically Spongy. Just don't tell him I said that.
[The crowd of past contestants approach Bubble's house.]
- Everyone else: We want Leafy! We want Leafy!
- Leafy: They sound mighty angerful.
- Firey: Quick, hide in the closet!
- Blocky: Open up!
- Snowball: We know that you are thither!
[Enter Firey from the door.]
- Firey: Hey, guys!
- Citlali: Oh my gosh, Firey! You won BFDI!
[She is about to hug him.]
- Pen: Wait, Citlali! He's, y'know ...
- Citlali: Sorry, I hadn't realised that you've set fire to so many people during the show. I'll stop now!
- Firey: [after laughing a little bit] I guess you have no idea why I invited you here.
- Pin: Is Leafy here? I'd like a piece of her.
- Firey: Nope, she's ... still at Yoyleland!
- Leafy: [in the closet, to herself] Lying is mean, Firey!
- Pencil: Wot abou' Bubble? She's wot we came 'ere fer!
- Firey: She's the reason that I invited you here. Well, a third of it.
- Coiny: You know something, don't you?
- Firey: Yeah. That you're dumb!
- Coiny: I know you are but what am I?
- Firey: A giant—
- Pencil: Firey, not before the children.
- Ice Cube: Yeah! Some of us are insensitive to swearing fires! And G-rated fires ... come to think about it, all fires.
- Firey: Bubble shouldn't be back here until like 30 minutes from now. She's gone shopping for a surprise!
- Coiny: You don't even give a shiᏘ, don't you?
- Firey: I do, considering that it's my house.
- Tennis Ball: Being the second-in-command to my school, it's my job to make decisions for you. There I propose this: all of the men follow me, and women and young children just stay.
- Pencil: In the cold?
- Tennis Ball: Yes!
[They quickly split themselves: Blocky, Coiny, Eraser, Firey, Pen, Snowball and Tennis Ball against the others.]
- Tennis Ball: Alright, members of the male gender. We ... are going to make this house into a home.
[General caterwaul of acclamation.]
- Pen: What do you say, are you going to give us hard hats?
- Firey: And when you do, will they be resistant to fire?
- Tennis Ball: Actually, nothing will be necessary! All you need is this program I've got, and then you can see the infrastructural creation in real-time!
- Blocky: What?
- Eraser: Heinous! Heinous!
- Snowball: I should have known manual work was not necessary! [he punches a wall, leaving a hole through it]
- Coiny: We're going to need some stuff.
- Pencil: This is so unfair.
- Match: Yeah.
- Pencil: So much sexism's out 'ere, I swear.
- Match: Yeah.
- Pencil: We should start workin' ourselves, yeah?
- Match: Yeah. Wait, did you say working?
- Pencil: No, I said workin', there ain' a G in sight.
- Match: Never mind, leave us tied down, men.
- Golf Ball: I'm with you, sister.
- Match: What the hell do you want, GBGB?
- Golf Ball: [sigh] I remember in my day when my mother first applied to a job.
- Saye: Ooh, what was she?
- Golf Ball: A caddie.
- Saye: Okay ...
- Golf Ball: Anyways, it was the year 1972, and my mother had been weening for an occupation. I had been taking care of myself at the humble age of eight. But when my momma stepped onto the green, applying, she was horribly rejected.
- Needle: So you let yourself think in that way just because of what happened 42 years ago?
- Golf Ball: Yeah! How else did I become the headmistress of the school?
- Zorah: Let me guess: head and mistress?
- Citlali: Zorah, thet's completely not PG-rated!
- Pencil: Well, I fer one shall stand up to this injustice! Why can't I be with the other guys?
- Match: Ooh, you want to be with Pen and watch him work, eh?
- Pencil: Maybe!
Pencil: So jus' acos I'm female means I sit on the sidelines,
Jus' acos I'm female means I've no respe't
Suppose we've outliven our masculine counterparts
Earth shall not perish yet!
- [On the other side.]
Pen: Living as a male has got me wondering
Why is it that women can't be here with me?
It's not hard work, rather working with technology
They don't have stupidity.
- [Sudden overview as in past episodes.]
Yet according to the Balls, segregation's best.
Some day soon, equality shall thrive.
Salvador: [with a selfie stick] I am sorry, Internetizens, I filmed this live.
Pen: Just the fact that she's a woman—
Pencil: —gives me unemployment.
Leafy: Closets aren't really a working space, too!
So if those men don't appreciate my sanity,
[she slams the door open] Them all, that's who!
- Sio: What was that sound?
- Match: It sounded pretty ugly.
[The women and children rush inside. They see Leafy, and then scream.]
- Pin: Leafy!
- Citlali: OMH, I'm your biggest fan! [realising] Sorry, I hadn't realised that you hated her in real life too.
- Needle: Firey was lying about you! Girls, let's give him a piece of our minds!
[Agreeing statements. They approach Firey, who is reclining one of those beach chairs you can buy at those stores.]
- Firey: Hey, girls, what's up?
- Golf Ball: The jig is! [Beat.] Teardrop, stop dancing. [she stops]
- Pencil: We know ye brought in Leafy.
- Firey: So?
- Pin: You know we all hate her!
- Firey: I don't care.
- Ximena: You don't care?
- Saye: You may think that you're lucky that all the women and children that you so ungraciously segregated can not beat an adult male up, but you're wrong.
- Ice Cube: Yeah, we've got the power to tell the men that they can fight you!
- Firey: Oh, them? They're just getting materials to patch up this embarrassing hole that Snowball punched.
[Enter all the men who got separated from the women and children.]
- Five of the men sans Tennis Ball: Hut hut hut hut!
- Tennis Ball: [slowly following] Yes indeed ... hut.
- Firey: Hey, will you let them know that there is nothing wrong with letting Leafy stay here?
- Blocky: What?
- Snowball: Thou lettest that thief in this house?
- Match: That's it, we're, like, out of here. [going, but stops] Unless you still love me.
- Firey: No.
- Match: Come on, let's go!
[Everyone leaves. At the same time, enter Javier, who has not appeared since the scenes at the house.]
- Javier: Excuse me, but have you seen my parents?
- Firey: If I have, they probably betrayed me.
- Javier: Oh, what did they do?
Behind the houseEdit
- Tennis Ball: Are we really just going to be in the back of the house; you can see all of us from the that Kenyazillow shot!
- Coiny: Don't worry, Tennis Ball, he's too stupid to know!
Inside the houseEdit
- Leafy: Come on, Firey, can't I just stay here?
- Firey: Sorry, but nobody here likes you!
- Javier: I like you, Leafy!
- Leafy: Thanks, Small Yellow Monocled Pen, but—
- Javier: Wait, did you just call me that?
- Leafy: Yeah, that's your object name!
- Javier: Firey, I suggest that she leave this house.
- Firey: Yeah, you definitely have to go.
- Leafy: Where?
- Firey: How about the furniture store on Sweden Street, IKNO?
- Leafy: That's a great idea!
[Exit Leafy. Firey goes out to alert the others.]
- Firey: Hey, I hope you're happy.
- Yaretzi: Mr. Firey, cheeriness is a part of my personality!
- Firey: I just sent Leafy out of this house, so now we can just work again.
- Coiny: Wow, Firey, for once you've done something that's not a waste of thousands of bytes!
- Firey: Don't start with me, Coiny.
- Pencil: Right'o, but if ye all be workin', it'd be better fer the women an' children to work with'e all.
- Blocky: Yeah, Tennis Ball.
- Tennis Ball: I personally believe they should not and they should let all the men do the work.
- Golf Ball: Well, TB, let me teach you something I should have said a while ago, and knowing your position in academia I shall phrase it in lengthy terms: WE CAN WORK AS WELL AS YOU!
- Tennis Ball: Okay, now I think that you all can work.
- Everyone: Hooray!
- [ · ]: Whatever. [They look at each other.]
- Pencil: Omg, I totally ship'e!
- Match: Ew, not with that!
- Firey: Alright, people, so now what I want you to do is ... to ... [he falls asleep]
- Ice Cube: What's happened?
- Pen: It appears that Firey's become drowsy and lethargic.
- Spongy: Baaaaasiiiicaaaalyyyy meeee ...
- Coiny: Well, I'm Firey's best friend so I think I should be in charge of this.
- Needle: Oh, so when Firey's unconscious you decide to be his friend?
- Coiny: A dead flame does not argue. Now, everyone, keep doing what you're doing, just do it more productively.
Inside the house.Edit
- Pen: Javier?
- Javier: Hey, you're all here!
- Pencil: Aye, we are!
- Saye: Where were you?
- Javier: Oh, as soon as you all left, I was in the small yellow monocled pen's room, that's what.
- Citlali: And you managed to follow us?
- Javier: Nope! I just used the GPS that Salvador stole from Uncle Eraser's car!
- Eraser: You did that?
- Salvador: It was really fun! I set your house to Antarctica!
- Coiny: Guys, focus. Tennis Ball, send a crew of 10 to the computers, and for the other 15, have them go to the furniture store on Sweden Street!
- Match: Ooh, shopping!
- Pencil: Which store?
- Zorah: IKNO!
- Pencil: If y'know, which one is'e?
- Coiny: And ... [clapping his hands once] Go!
- Tennis Ball: The twelve I nominate are: Flower, Golf Ball, Ice Cube, Needle, Rocky, Snowball, Teardrop, and Pencil, do you mind giving me two of your kids?
- Pencil: Okay, 'Avier an' Zorah, you go with the nice ol' man.
- Golf Ball: Hey! My man isn't nice!
- Javier: Right'o, mother!
- Zorah: Fine, I'll do it. But remember, I'll never be a Squashy Grape again!
- Pencil: Understands'ee, me squishy cherry girl.
- Salvador: Mum, for the love of G-d will you stop? You sound like a pop hit from 1962.
[Exit the rest. Tennis Ball opens his computer to the program.]
- Tennis Ball: Alright, now that we can continue what we've done, this is a computer program—
- Golf Ball: —that I created!
- Tennis Ball: Here's how you play: first you take a wall from the "Walls" folder, and you place it where it should be.
[He does so, and a large crash is heard from the house. General interrogatory noises from the recipients.]
- Coiny: [up from his lounge chair] What was that sound?
- Needle: The sound of progress, Coiny.
[They check the room and see a wall constructed in the exact same area as planned.]
- Snowball: YEAH! This is a man's work!
- Golf Ball: Excuse me, Sir Sexist, but I must have you corrected; 80% of the people working your supposedly "man's job" we're the ones rejected by my husband. It's an all-purpose-job.
- Snowball: FIGHT ME, BRO!
- Zorah: Snowball, don't talk to a woman like that!
- Snowball: [immediately softening] Hey there, baby.
- Javier: Ora, the restraining order!
[She pulls back.]
- Zorah: Sorry, I'm such a fan of sadists like you!
[Suddenly, many crashes are heard. More walls have been dropped.]
- Needle: Yay, it's finished!
- Ice Cube: Can we go now?
- Coiny: Actually, something's missing.
[Teardrop gives the thumbs-up. She takes Coiny's chair and brings it to the front.]
- Coiny: Hey, what are you doing?
- Javier: That's what's missing, the doors!
- Needle: Don't worry, Javs, your parents should be back with them.
- Javier: No they won't. They're hooked on shopping!
- Pencil: Oi, thank God we're 'ere; I'd ne'er think I'd drive this since BFDIA!
- Pen: Since BFDIA? You told me that it was a vintage classic!
- Pencil: Oh, it is, bruv.
- Eraser: Hey, hey, hey bruh, we're at, like, the IKNO right now.
- Blocky: Stop here!
- Pencil: Alright, I will.
- Eraser: Hey man, chill out and increase with me, bruh.
- Blocky: Yes. I shall endeavour with the increasation.
- Qalam-Rassas: You guys are weird!
- Blocky: Hear that? Child of the weak Gang traitor said you're weird!
- Pencil: Pen, can'ee please shut 'em up?
- Pen: I'd be glad to ... Er, guys back there? Could you maybe, like, keep it down; I'm just asking ... for a friend.
- Pencil: I don' think'e matters; we're 'ere already.
[They get out, but are interrupted by sounds of screams and people getting into their cars.]
- Saye: What's going on?
- Yaretzi: It appears that something is going on inside.
- Match: Yeah, because they probably saw Spongy in the back.
[Spongy is seen on top of the van.]
- Pin: Danger or not, we still need to buy furniture for Firey.
- Saye: Okay, but if we die out here I will thank you because we left our Recovery Centres at home.
[They approach the IKNO store.]
- billy[char tag?]: Everyone, you've got to get out!
- Eraser: No, we have to buy things for our friend!
- Blocky: You mean "guy we work with"?
- billy[char tag?]: Well, go ahead if you want to be molested by a plant thief.
- Salvador: Ha ... molested. [laughs a bit]
- Pen: Get your mind out of the gutter, son, it means annoy!
- Salvador: Sorry.
- Pin: Wait, what do you mean, plant thief?
- billy[char tag?]: Well, it's a ... to say ... [he screams, and then runs away]
- Match: Come on, let's, like, go in.
[They all go in, but ...]
- erin[char tag?]: General Sofer?
- Pen: Ach, Corporal Sharp! What brings you here?
- erin[char tag?]: Sir, I present important news.
[As the others go in, Pencil and the other kids notice.]
- Citlali: Dad, what's going on?
- Pen: This is Corporal Erin Sharp, the first female whom I appointed into our nation's armed forces.
- erin[char tag?]: Hello. Please get these people out of here.
- Pen: You might want to do some shopping now.
- Pencil: Right'o!
- Ximena: Just keep on hiding stuff, Dad.
[They go in.]
- erin[char tag?]: Sir, there has been a great sadness.
- Pen: What happened?
- erin[char tag?]: Sergeant Ngao Kijeshi died this morning.
- Pen: Oh my G-d, that's terrible! Was the cause of his death disclosed on our website?
- erin[char tag?]: He was killed in action off the coast of Mogadishu.
- Pen: Please tell President Triángolo that the General sends his condolences.
- erin[char tag?]: I shall do it, and then fly back to Dublin.
- Pen: Thanks for telling me this, Corporal. [going]
- erin[char tag?]: And by the way, check the trends on social media. This may pertain to officers and ex-officers.
[Exit Erin Sharp.]
- Pen: I wonder what could she mean by social media.
[He checks a news article and reads it to himself: There have been many social media challenges made for children and teens, such as the Overweight Lagomorph Challenge, Hyperacidic Cinnamon Challenge, and the Stand Like the Statue of Liberty As You Get Robbed Challenge. However, a new challenge, the Drill Sergeant Challenge, might appeal to fathers who may not be into the same antics as their children. This challenge requires the father to order around his family as a drill sergeant would in the military, for after all, he is the one who should command his family.]
- Pen: Oddly sexist, yet oddly inviting.
Food isle at IKNOEdit
- Citlali: Okay, this is pointless.
- Sio: You're right. Why walk in circles when we can just amble in rectangles!
- Pencil: Sure sounds great an' all, but as he can see, we've got practically nothin' done!
- Pin: With my leadership skills, I have devised a plan to have everyone where they should be!
- Sio: Let's hope this works.
- Pin: Match, Pencil, you go shopping for things we don't need!
- Match: [shocked] Unnecessary shopping?
- [ · ]: How awesome!
- Pin: And I will lead the kids.
- Saye: Ooh, can I go with mum?
- Pin: Like I care.
- Saye: Yes, I do.
- Blocky: What about us?
- Eraser: Do we do anything here?
- Pin: Blocky, Eraser, Spongy and Woody. You guys don't shop, you shoplift. Just do whatever. And [claps once] go!
Shopping with Match, Pencil and SayeEdit
- Pencil: Omg, really?
- Match: Of course! Like, Eraser said he wasn't interested in it so I got to my backup and—
- Saye: Woah now, we don't need the details!
- Match: So what should we get?
- Pencil: Hold on, I'm 'earin' a noise. [someone is singing to herself. They go to the noise and find out that it's Bubble.]
- Pencil: Bubble?
- Match: Why are you, like, here?
- Bubble: I've been here this whole toime! Foirey sent me here because he was planning a surproise.
- Match: That's cool!
- Saye: He and the others are completely renewing your house!
- Bubble: What do you mean, renewing?
- Saye: Sorry, I couldn't resist. I can't trust celebrities anymore.
- Pencil: Luckily, we can jus' spend our time shoppin' 'ere!
- Match: Yay! After all, you know what they, like, say: "To shop without people is, like, like shopping with people, only without people."
Front of the storeEdit
- Blocky: It sucks having to babysit these two babies.
- Spongy: Heeeey, Iiii aaaam fiiiive yeeaars oooold.
- Eraser: Zip it, zippy. You're the only guy Match says doesn't look good in the future.
- Blocky: Yeah, you know what?
- Spongy: Whaaaat?
- Blocky: I'm going to wring you out of this store.
[He tries to pick him up, but fails to do so.]
- Eraser: Try the little one? He is balsa.
- Blocky: Good idea. Hey, wood thing! Prepare to get taken out!
[Woody noises. Blocky lassos him up and throws him out of the store. Blocky tries to do the same with Spongy, but only does it by getting him on a cart and pushing it out.]
- Blocky: Yeah! [they hi-5 each other]
- Eraser: I'm going to the bathroom for increasation, coming?
- Blocky: Hell yeah!
- Pencil: Why would'e—
- Saye: Leave him.
- Match: Excuse me?
- Pencil: Saye, thet wasn' nice. E'en though Uncle Eraser an' Aunt Match love other people sometimes, they still're obligated to live with each other!
- Match: Preach, sister in law!
With the kids and PinEdit
- Pin: Alright, children, how did you come about?
- Sio: It was very simple. Our parents ...
- Salvador: Pencil and Pen.
- Sio: ... both walked into the maternity ward together. And there we waited until they—
- Pin: Woah, too much information! I didn't want an audio-book of Match's ... y'know ...
- Qalam-Rassas: Novellas!
- Pin: Yeah, that.
- Sio: Pin, you're the same age as our older sister, yeah?
- Pin: 1999.
- Sio: Great, you're not old enough to boss is around.
- Yaretzi: Come on, Sio, let's just be happy that both of our parents are not controlling us, just as they did before!
- Ximena: That is true. Remember when mum was really mean to us this morning?
- Qalam-Rassas: I hope she's never mean again!
[A small but imposing figure steps into the background.]
- Pen: Ten-hut! I'm now in charge of this search and rescue!
- Pin: Seriously? This isn't a search or rescue. We have a shopping list to get through, man!
- Pen: Am I to be addressed as man? That's all I've got to hear from you; drop and give me a non-specific high number!
- Pin: More like roll if I want to!
[She rolls out of the store because no arms or legs.]
- Ximena: Quick! If we suddenly walk away, he won't find us because we'll be with Mum!
- Pen: Hold it! You're not going anywhere unless we get this list done!
[They all sigh.]
Home Furnishing AreaEdit
- Pen: Hup! Two, hup! Three, hup! Four, hup! Five ...
- Pencil: Oi, wot's thet noise?
- [ · ]: Don't know, don't care.
- Pencil: Saye, yer comin' with me.
- Saye: Okay!
- Blocky: Hey, bruh, y' doing good?
- Eraser: Yeah, I'm having fun.
- Blocky: Now can I go out and do that thing I promised we'd do?
- Eraser: Thing? You ain't promised no thing, bruh.
- Blocky: Yes, I did. But why are we in the girls' bathroom? [camera pan up, revealing the sign]
- Eraser: I thought Snowball would be with us, bruh. He was a Squishy Cherry too.
- Blocky: This "character trip" is too much, I swear.
[He leaves the bathroom and goes to the front desk.]
With Pen and the kidsEdit
- Cil: Goo!
- Pencil: Wot'n'ale's 'appenin' 'ere?
- Citlali: The art of paying our debts!
- Saye: What the ...
- Pencil: Oi, where'd'ee get th' epaulets, glasses an' thet Canadian Mountie hat?
- Pen: Y'know, madam, not all Canadians are Mounties. And for that misconception, now do three laps around the store!
- Pencil: I mos' certainly shall not! You knew, ye can't jus' force 'alf o' yer children to do physical labour right in public!
- Pen: I'm sorry, ma'am.
- Pencil: Kids, ignore me words fer now, but ... [shaking him] Wot the fuク's wrong with'ee?
[Due to the absence of everyone from Leafy's presence, Blocky gets to the cash register, takes out a large amount of money and quickly rushes out of the store. From the lack of money sounds the alarm, causing an armada of police officers to arrive at the scene.]
- U.S. Dollar: [on a megaphone] Everybody, outside immediately with your hands up!
- Bubble: What's that sound?
- Match: IDK, but we'd better, like, go.
[As they leave the plants section, Leafy's head is shown popping out of the potted plants section.]
- Leafy: Finally, for once a crime not done by me!
- U.S. Dollar: Alright, as the main officer on duty right now due to my son at at enemy's house, I want to see those hands up, baby, hands up.
- Pen: Should we give you our hearts too?
- U.S. Dollar: That's a sass, you're under arr— Hey, wait! You're wearing the official #DrillSergeantChallenge outfit! Are you participating?
- Pen: Why, in fact I am.
- U.S. Dollar: Then you're exempt.
- Pen: Awesome! Come on, kids.
[They go to the SuperVan, leaving behind Blocky, Bubble, Eraser and Match.]
- U.S. Dollar: What about y'all? Someone was stealing money, and it's necessary that I know ... at IKNO, get it?
- Bubble: Unfortunately, I think we doio.
- Blocky: Officer, we were doing the increasation in the bathroom and after that I took the money in the cash register.
- U.S. Dollar: That's it, you're arrested.
- Blocky: What?
- U.S. Dollar: Not only did you steal money from a major department store, but you— Do you really think I can't keep up on slang here? I know that means illegal things in Kenya and you're going into the slammer! With your little eraser friend, too!
[They go to the police car, exeundi with United States Dollar.]
With the othersEdit
- Coiny: I can't believe Snowball and Flower had a fight, destroyed the entire house and yet Firey didn't wake up!
- Tennis Ball: He must be really tired.
- Needle: Do you think we should fix it?
- Javier: Nah, the house belongs to an evil lady who called me a small yellow monocled version of my father.
- Zorah: Yeah, can we go now?
- Needle: In a minute, I see your parents' van.
[They all come back, without Spongy and Woody.]
- Golf Ball: You're back! Come see what they did to the house.
- Match: Girl, you need to, like, hire an interior decorator!
- Snowball: Where are Blocky and Eraser?
- Pen: They got arrested.
- Snowball: Wha—
- Match: Can we, like, go now?
- Saye: We can't; Bubble is still in the car, and once she gets out ...
[Bubble gets out of the car, and once she notices the house in ruins. Her mouth is wide open in shock.]
- Needle: Bubble, we can explain.
- Bubble: Exploin what? ... This is amoizing! My family back at Yoyleland would love to see my interest in minimalism.
- Salvador: Here's the furniture!
[He throws it out of the car.]
- Bubble: We don't need it anymoire, Salvador, throw it into the foire!
[Pen takes care of it all.]
- Pen: Here's for a waste of money! Oh, Bubble, we're keeping the seats.
- Bubble: Yoylecake!
[He throws it onto Firey, although it does not crush him as it burns up.]
- Pin: Alright, our work here is done!
- Pencil: Kids, say goodbye to yer new friends!
- Kids: Bye, everybody!
- Cil: Goo!
- Yaretzi: That's just Cil's way of saying goodbye.
- Ximena: And hello.
- Sio: And "Mum, Dad, can we leave now?"
- Pen: Say, who wants to go back home with us?
- Coiny: Thanks for being a change from your wife, Pen, letting us into your van.
- Pen: Hey, that's Sergeant, I mean, General, I mean ... you were right the first time.
- Ximena: Dad, are you going to say sorry?
- Pen: [sighs] Sorry I acted like a total jerk at the store. From now on, I dedicate this hat to the Royal Canadian Mounted Police!
- Pencil: Aye, y'should be.
- Pin: Yeah, but you'll never guess where I ended up rolling!
- Needle: Ooh, where?
- Pin: At a Porky-pph-Titu concert!
[The kids laugh.]
- Pen: But hey, I did teach them well, eh? What did we learn, kids?
- Sio, Yaretzi, Citlali, Ximena, Salvador & Qalam-Rassas: Never trust Mum with a shopping list, sir!
- Pencil: Aww, alright, me little soldiers. So funny.
- Match: Yeah, you should never trust Pencil with, like, a shopping list.
- Ice Cube: Touché ...
- Pin: Come on, everyone, let's sing what we sang when we got here!
- Group of characters: Yeah!
[The orchestral music comes on again.]
Everyone: Leafy, oooh, Leafy!
A thief of islands
And houses too;
Leafy, oooh, Leafy,
It's your trustee fee
That's not for you;
Leafy, oooh, Leafy!
How dare you make us
Your rehab guys!
Match: [spoken] And girls!
Everyone: Tell me, by means of Firey,
You failed to make us your allies!
[The song ends on a G major chord.]
- Javier: Okay, what did I really miss this time?
- ↑ That is, in reference to their main show.
- ↑ This is probably not how courts work in Kenya, although they do have the same legal system as California, the state where seemingly all television writers (and I) live here.
- ↑ She's referring to how Leafy and Bubble were born practically together.
- ↑ (Vn.) "stupid"
- ↑ (Vn.) "boring"
- ↑ No, it's not a room.
- ↑ C: Why would Firey hear Tennis Ball outside if it's heavily implied that he's inside?
- ↑ IKNO: Ingvar Kamprad Nairobi Occidental
- ↑ C: Pen wouldn't appear until later.
- ↑ This includes Pencil, Pen, Match, Ice Cube, Needle, Pin, Coiny, Tennis Ball, Golf Ball, Flower and Snowball.