Pencil and Pen shabbat

Unfinished story ahead!

"Tonight we have to avoid completion of things, like, y'know ..." - Pen
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Asterisk Hedge


"Wot'n ale's fozz'r'ye doin'?" - Pencil
This page contains profanity, like the sentence above. I have created two ways to censor those words, but I've also discovered that on mobile view, they lie uncensored. So please, show some cognoscience about what you may see.

If you do have a problem with profanity, please refer to this page § 3.

"Dates and Schoolgates" is a new episode of Pencil 2.O, and until recently, there has been neither number nor date associated. In this episode, it's the first day of school for the younger kids and Pencil feels uneasy. Meanwhile, Pen accidentally finds something useful for the episode. (This episode chronologically, in regards to the school episodes, follows "Not Sco Much Viller")

Tuesday, January 7, 2014


  • Pencil: So, kids, are'ee ready fer yer firs' day o' school?
  • Sio: You mean our first day back from the winter holidays, mum.
  • Salvador: And in that case, we aren't.
  • Sio: Yeah, there's going to be so many tests.
  • Javier: But I love school!
  • Yaretzi: Me two!
  • Saye: Me three.
  • Yaretzi: Really, Saye? What do you like most about it?
  • Saye: The boys toys!
  • Citlali: Wow. I did not know you high schoolers play with toys.
  • Zorah: I thought they did!
  • Citlali: Zorah, this is rated G!
  • Pencil: Wote'er, I'd better get y' lot out to school in time. Can't make a firs' impression without bein' seen by e'eryone.

[Exeunt omnes nisi Qalam-Rassas.]

  • Qalam-Rassas: Mum, you're holding on for me.
  • Pencil: Aye, fer, like, an 'ole day, yeah?
  • Qalam-Rassas: But I'm not in Honours Kindergarten anymore! It's January, so now I'm Grade ½!
  • Pencil: Grade ½? Wot'n'ale's thet?
  • Pen: Penc, five of our kids went through the exact same thing.
  • Pencil: I know, but this is different!
  • Qalam-Rassas: Can I just walk with the others?
  • Pencil: N—
  • Pen: Ech-em?
  • Pencil: I mean "aye". [sigh]

[Exit Qalam-Rassas.]

  • Pencil: Pen, 'ave'ee got to go to work?
  • Pen: Apparently the bullet plane to Headquarters isn't accepting flights due to repairs, so they're basically giving me the day off.
  • Pencil: Ah. Wait, Pen, I think I left me water bottle in the girls' room. Mind if I get'e?
  • Pen: Actually, I think I should get it for you, like a true gentleman.

[He skips up the stairs to the room.]

  • Pencil: [sigh] Sad thet yer the only only left at 'ome now thet QR's run off. Do me a favour an' ne'er grow up fer me, yeah?
  • Cil: Goo!


  • Javier: Oh!
  • Capker: [realising] Hey, you look kind of familiar. Are you a mirror?
  • Javier: Well, we both should know that if any of us were a mirror, it would be rather uncanny if one of us were talking.
  • Capker: That's true. I'm Capker!
  • Javier: Oh my gosh, my name's Javier! I don't supposed they call you Capker because—
  • Capker: Yep, that's right. My parents chose my name based on the name day calendar.
  • Javier: Are you new here?
  • Capker: Yeah, I just arrived from America.
  • Javier: That's pretty interesting. So, did you get your schedule yet?
  • Capker: Yeah … [he shows his]
  • Javier: Wow, we have the same schedule! It's like we're twins!
  • Capker: Awesome! But don't say "sh"-edule like that, it's "sk"-edule. Or at least that's how it was in the old country.
  • Javier: Yeah, that's what I thought.

[They head off to class. Meanwhile, enter Zorah and her friends.][1]

  • Lawrenciah: Omg, I can't wait for our new teacher!
  • Zorah: You mean, our new prank victim?
  • Lawrenciah: Sure, if you want to think of it that way.
  • Chupalla: Maybe she's pretty.
  • Lawrenciah: Yeah, maybe …
  • Zorah: Come on, don't want to be late!
  • Lawrenciah: Wow, that was totally uncool.
  • Zorah: Sorry, it was just this stupid thing my mum told me.

Zorah's new class

  • Disco Light: Woah, baby!
  • Shieldy: Ain't she pretty!
  • Zorah: What the hell? Match, why are you here?
  • Match: Shh, I'll, like, tell you when the bell rings.
  • Lawrenciah: The bell rang ten minutes ago! We're just fashionably late.
  • Match: Omg, you're late! How do you spell tardy?
  • Chupalla: P-R-E-S-E-N-T.
  • Match: Maybe you should show me some R-E-S-P-E-C-T!
  • Chupalla: I hate her already.

[They take her seats.]

  • Match: Hello, class, my name is Ms. Merrier!
  • Surfboard: Dude, that's such an inappropriate name.

[The whole class laughs.]

  • Match: Excuse me, but it's more like an ex inappropriate name, just like me!


  • Zorah: Wait, Ms. Merrier.
  • Match: Yes, Zorah?
  • Zorah: Two things … Why are you here and can I call you "Aunt Merrier"?
  • Match: Apparently, Headmistress Ball said she'd only hire me because nobody else wanted the job. You see, I heard your old teacher was caught … er … doing unteacherly things!
  • Surfboard: We know!
  • Shieldy: Mr. Tolmerson was caught drinking alcohol … at a bar!

[Everyone gasps.]

  • Shieldy: What? Just because I'm the oldest person here doesn't mean I don't know what's going on!
  • Match: Alright everybody, let's let the teacher talk!


  • Zorah: [whispering to Chupalla] If you think it's not unteacherly that my aunt Match is teaching us, she was something much worse a year ago.
  • Chupalla: [whispering to Lawrenciah] If you think that is not a teacherly Match my aunt teaches us, it was something much worse a year ago.
  • Lawrenciah: [whispering to Shieldy] If you think this is not a Match teacherly aunt teaches us, it was something much worse there one year.
  • Shieldy: [whispering to Disco Light] If you do not think this is Match teacherly aunt teaches us, it was something much worse is not one year.

[Pretty soon, the trail of translations travel across the whole room as Match reads a book, ending with Surfboard.]

  • Surfboard: Uh, Ms. Merrier?
  • Match: Shh, I'm reading!
  • Surfboard: Think bad Teacherly, she agrees.
  • Match: The hell? [she goes back to reading]


  • Pen: Penc! Come up here!
  • Pencil: Wot's wrong?
  • Pen: Just look!

[She goes up to the girls' room, and it is a mess.]

  • Pencil: Wot 'appen'd 'ere? Thought y'was lookin' fer th' water bottle I left in 'ere!
  • Pen: Oh, I found that already.
  • Pencil: Aye, y' threw thet down the stairs. Be careful, thet could make the stairs wet an' y' don't want to scare ol' 'ydrophobe Sio, m8!
  • Pen: I know, but I found something even more horrible than water!
  • Pencil: Please, wot could thet be?

[He shows her.]

  • Pencil: Saye's diary?
  • Pen: Yeah, it's her diary!
  • Pencil: 'Er diary she told'ee not to touch?
  • Pen: I couldn't help it, it's a father's intuition!
  • Pencil: Thet doesn' explain why you made this room a mess.
  • Pen: It's really simple, I promise. Y'see, as I got your water bottle, there was this reflecty thing in it and out of the corner of my eye, I saw it.
  • Pencil: 'Er diary.
  • Pen: No, my old goggles. I think Citlali stole it for one of her fashion mannequins because they were … well … on there. There wasn't much resistance, but it was still hard for me to pull, which caused me to fall onto her bed where I found for some reason Saye's diary.
  • Pencil: You messed up ther 'ole room!
  • Pen: Check what's on the last page!

[She opens it.]

  • Pencil: It's in Japanese.
  • Pen: But she clearly erased her real entry. Isn't that why Saye looked a little missing on the top? Take a look. It says, "Going on a date, not telling my parents."
  • Pencil: Wow. Thet's terrible!
  • Pen: We have to stop her!
  • Pencil: No, we don't. Like, wot if the guy Saye's a-datin' a good person?
  • Pen: Please, if he were a good person he would take the time to meet me first to get my approval.
  • Pencil: Jus' go back to cleanin' thet room, m8. I need to grieve.

[Exit Pencil. She goes back to watching TV.]

  • Pencil: Oh, 'avin' so little kids is such a bad idea. I hate ther ideer of all me kids in one place … e'en Match! Oh, 'ow I miss 'em …
  • Cil: Maybe you shouldn't take the downhearted sides to this experience, but think of it as an experience. Having ten children is potentially stressful as heck, but what you need for all of them being gone is a daily holiday, wouldn't you like that?
  • Pencil: Aye, I would like thet. Thanks, Cil … wait a minute, you talk?
  • Cil: Goo!
  • Pencil: Of course …


  • Saye: Hey, guys!
  • Chocolatey: Hey!
  • Popsicley: Can you believe they gave us a test just as we came back to school?
  • Minola: This is the high school life!
  • Shelly: I always thought we would be cooler than that.
  • Saye: Aww, that's great. Anyways, I have a date with Nickel tonight!
  • Boat: On a Monday? Man, you people are weird.
  • Saye: Oi, says the girl who's eating a baguette.
  • Boat: [realising] Not again!
  • Saye: Well, I have proof that Nickel and I are going on a date, as you can clearly see in my dia— No! I left it at home!
  • Chocolatey: Wait. You have a diary? That's so cool!
  • Popsicley: Sure, if you like recording things that happened in your irrelevant life.
  • Chocolatey: It's like an autobiography.
  • Popsicley: Ah! A big word!

[She sprays her with a hose away from the table.]

  • Chocolatey: Mum …
  • Saye: Guys, this is terrible! I don't want people to see my diary! It's got foreign writing on it.
  • Minola: So?
  • Saye: My mother!
  • Minola: Oh yeah, I got you at "mother".
  • Saye: Like, what if my dad finds out I've got a date?
  • Shelly: Calm down, you probably hid it in a secure place where your dad can't find it.
  • Saye: [sigh] I guess you're right.

[Suddenly, Match finds the girls.]

  • Match: Omg, hi girls!
  • Saye: Aunt Match?
  • Boat: What are you doing here?
  • Match: Thought I'd like to meet my most mature niece.
  • Saye: Aww, that's so nice—
  • Match: I was talking to Shelly.
  • Shelly: Really?
  • Match: No, just kidding.
  • Boat: So, did you decide to be a teacher?
  • Match: Yeah. It's really cool how they just let people work here without a degree!
  • Minola: Says a lot about our education, doesn't it?
  • Saye: Whatever. By the way, Aunt Match, can you keep a secret?
  • Match: I don't know. Is is "may I"?
  • Saye: IDK, English class is fifth period.
  • Match: Oh, just tell me!
  • Saye: Okay. I have a date tonight but I'm going to tell my mum and dad that I'm off to a friend's house.
  • Match: OMG, YOU HAVE A DATE!?

[The girls laugh.]

  • Saye: Shh, not so loud, Aunt Match!
  • Match: Sorry, I get really happy about things like that! Here, take my dating handbook.
  • Saye: You just randomly had that with you?
  • Match: No, I brought it with me for my first day! My class keeps telling me to stop reading, but maybe I should stop, just for them.
  • Saye: Not just them.
  • Match: Wait, but which friend are you at?
  • Saye: I'm not really at a friend's house! It's a date, remember?
  • Match: I know, but what if your mum and dad ask where you'll be?
  • Saye: They won't ask that!
  • Match: Aw, come on, of course they're going to ask that! I speak mother. Hey, tell you this, I'll walk with you all the way home. That way your mum won't even pay attention to you guys, eh?
  • Pencil: I guess you have a point.
  • Match: YES! I have a point! See that, class of '22? I have a point! [she chases after them]


  • Golf Ball: And in Mrs. Harlow's class: Soap-hia Andrews, Isa-bell-a Chiu, Soap-hia Silver, Idaka, Soap-hia Cleaner, Zonophoney, Isa-bell-a Narice … Qua … Cal …
  • Qalam-Rassas: [getting up] That's me!
  • Golf Ball: Calvin Sanchez. Sorry, I couldn't read that. And that's all for Mrs. Harlow's class.
  • Qalam-Rassas: No!
  • Golf Ball: And now for my class. Dustball #1, Dustball #2, Dustball #3 … and Qalam-Rassas Schreiber.
  • Qalam-Rassas: What? That's so unfair! The Dustballs are mute!
  • Golf Ball: The correct word is unable to speak, son of a—
  • Tennis Ball: Hey, not in front of the children. Mr. Schreiber, I am sorry, but we can't move you to another class.
  • Qalam-Rassas: But this isn't fair! All of my friends are in the same class, why can't I?
  • Golf Ball: It was chosen randomly, and so you're randomly with me! [evilly laughs] Now everyone, go to my classroom at once! March two three four … march two three four …

After school

  • Match: Finally, my day of tortune is done!
  • Qalam-Rassas: Mummy! [he hugs her] I'm never going to school again!
  • Pencil: Wot—
  • Zorah: You'll never guess who my new teacher is … Mrs. "Merrier"!
  • Pencil: Match, I told'ee, they'll respect'ee more if y' ectually go by "Ms. Zapalka".
  • Match: Oh, but what's the fun in that?
  • Pencil: Good point!
  • Sio: For lunch we went to the pond and ate there!
  • Pencil: Thet's cool, but—
  • Javier: I made a new friend!
  • Pencil: Now thet's amazin', but I'm lookin' fer one person now.
  • Match: Oh, that's Saye. She's … busy.
  • Pen: Right.

[Enter Saye.]

  • Saye: Hello, mum, dad! This is Aunt Match. She works at my school now!
  • Pen: Well, enough about her, tell us about your day … and your future plans, eh?
  • Saye: Life's good, I'm getting an A in five of my classes!
  • Pen: Are you going anywhere tonight?
  • Saye: Yeah, a friend's house.
  • Pencil: Ooh, which friend?
  • Match: Told you.
  • Saye: It's nothing, I'd better go.

[She tries to go up.]

  • Pen: Hold it! By any chance are you doing anything that rhymes with eight?
  • Saye: You mean stuff like "bate", "Kate", "m8", "great", "aggressively self-hydrate", "late" or "fate"? Wait a second, you read my diary?


  • Saye: You did read my diary! I'm never speaking to you again!

[She slams her door.]

  • Pencil: [sigh] I'd better go up there.
  • Pen: I'd better follow.
  • Ximena: Hey, do you want to know what happened to me at school today?
  • Sio: I think I'll pass.
  • Salvador: It's a no from all of us.
  • Yaretzi: I have to de-dust the countertops.
  • Ximena: That's actually good, nothing happened today! It was all boring. Boring, boring, boring!
  • Zorah: Same thing, sister. And same thing, Ms. Merrier!
  • Match: I'm sorry, but I just didn't know what to do! They don't give detentions in grade 4, so I was stuck reading a novel that could be better
  • Zorah: Maybe you could have flipped my card to the red one. Nobody looks at those!
  • Javier: Aunt Match, on the bright side, you don't have to tell mum and dad about Saye's date!
  • Match: Wait, how did you hear that?
  • Javier: You shouted it at us.
  • Match: Ah.
  • Qalam-Rassas: Aunt Match, can you be my teacher?
  • Match: I wish I could, preschoolers are so much better than fourth graders.
  • [ Zorah · Yaretzi ]: Hey!

The girls' room

  • Saye: It isn't fair!
  • Pen: [from the other side] Open up!
  • Pencil: We need a talk with our daughter.

[She opens the door.]

  • Saye: What do you want?
  • Pen: About reading your diary …
  • Saye: Why would you think this is cool? You're invading my privacy! Dad, I'm fourteen, I can write what I want here!
  • Pencil: We know yer old enough to write, m8, but we're still in charge of'ee. An' when we see somethin' thet you've writ in yer diary, it makes us, yer parents, feel worried.
  • Saye: Mum, you have nothing to worry about!
  • Pen: What about the time you ran away to Terwiter's Germany? You don't think we were worried then?
  • Saye: Well, yeah. But that was only in November! It's going to be my birthday in a month and I want to do what I want, not just what you want!
  • Pen: Saye, do you know how dangerous dates have the possibility of being? What if he's an old man in disguise? Then we'll have to get Officer Coiny involved, and …
  • Saye: Dad, you know who my date is!
  • Pen: Really?
  • Saye: Aye, he's Nickel, the love of my life.
  • Pencil: Nickel, as in Needy's … [slap] lover's brother?
  • Saye: Yeah, him!
  • Pencil: I don' know, me sister says 'e's jus' Coiny with an attitude. An' we can't 'ave two people from the family be datin' from the same family?
  • Pen: Unless you want your family tree to look like an electroencephalograph.
  • Pencil: Oi Pen, this is girl talk.
  • Pen: Sorry.

[Exit Pen.]

  • Pencil: I get'e, Saye, 'tis yer firs' date.
  • Saye: Well, my first real date.
  • Pencil: Wot?
  • Saye: Nothing.


  • Salvador: And then it dropped, and they watched as they saw the very destruction of the city! Cool, right?
  • Match: While your description of the 1943[2] atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki were descriptive and graphic, that still doesn't beat what happens between me and Eraser.
  • Citlali: Censored!


  • Sio: So, Avi, you have a new friend?
  • Javier: Yeah! His name is Capker, and he looks a lot like Citlali!
  • Ximena: So that means he looks like you too?
  • Javier: Nope!
  • Qalam-Rassas: Izzie, what was your first grade like?
  • Yaretzi: I can't say it was good, because it happened while we were living with Grandma.
  • Qalam-Rassas: So is first grade supposed to be horrible?
  • Yaretzi: No, it's supposed to be fun!
  • Zorah: Yeah, except when they take away nap time.
  • Qalam-Rassas: Wait. No naptime? Nooooooooooooo!
  • Zorah: There's more coming for you about that too.

[Qalam-Rassas sighs. Meanwhile, Saye and Pencil walk down.]

  • Saye: And that's when we started dating on the American holiday of Thanksgiving. We were so in love, and in fact we still are!
  • Pencil: It's great yer 'appy, m8, but you've better be h'early to yer date. Wouldn't wan' to keep yer sweetness waitin', no?
  • Saye: That is a good idea. I'll see you all sometime in the near future, people!

[She heads to the door, but Pen stops to rush it.]

  • Pen: Halt, soldier!
  • Saye: I'm just going to a friend's house!
  • Pen: Which one?
  • Match: NAGASAKI!
  • Pen: Alright, you seem good.
  • Saye: Thanks, I'll text you if anything is necessary. Bye!

[Exit Saye.]

  • Pen: Did anyone else notice she had eyelashes?
  • Pencil: Oh, Pen, leave'e. She's jus' growin' up an'ee've got to respect thet.
  • Match: I told you Pencil was the mature one!

Later that night

  • Pen: Huh?
  • Pencil: Wot's thet?

[He opens the door.]

  • Nickel: Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Schreiber.
  • Pen: Excuse me, but my title is Gen, so it's "General Schreiber".
  • Nickel: Sorry, Saye's dad!
  • Saye: Sorry we got home late. What happened?
  • Nickel: Yeah, you guys look like a mess!
  • Saye: Oi, Nickel, let me do the talking here?
  • Nickel: Sorry, baby.
  • Pen: It's our fault. We promised each other that none of us would fall asleep until our daughter comes home.
  • Saye: And then?
  • Pen: We fell asleep.
  • Pencil: So, Saye, 'ow was yer date?
  • Saye: It was so fun! We went to the cinema and watched The Girl.
  • Nickel: And Saye was crying because of the subtle references to the issues in today's society.
  • Pen: Isn't that, like, rated 18? Y'know, for those over 18?
  • Pencil: It's okay, she's a growing teen.
  • Pen: You mean growing pain?
  • Pencil: Wot the shiト, m8?
  • Pen: Hey, it's a joke!
  • Pencil: The bouncer clearly can't make good jokes.
  • Saye: Y'know, maybe I should fall asleep. Don't want any nightmares about old British houses!
  • Pencil: Aye, if'ee don' sleep soon, you'll be h'a-gettin' nightmares o' houses with British people! [pointing to herself]
  • Saye: Hey, can Nickel stay the night?
  • Pen: No.
  • Saye: Good night, love you!
  • Nickel: See you at school tomorrow!

[Exit Nickel.]

  • [ Pencil · Pen ]: Good night!
  • Saye: I gotta sleep.

[She runs up, ending the day.]

Wednesday, January 8

Saye's room

  • Saye: Ah, just a lovely day in NickelAndMeVille.

Dining room

  • Saye: Morning Nimena, Iaretzi, Cil, Kalvador, Evier, Lallie!

[Expectant sounds. Saye gets some donuts from the refrigerator, but soon sees that the box is empty.]

  • Saye: Why are there no donuts here?
  • Ximena: Saye, you hate donuts!
  • Saye: I know, but my boyfriend loves them!
  • Salvador: If your boyfriend ever comes over, can I pour strawberry yoghurt on him?
  • Saye: [in a very deep voice] NO!
  • Citlali: Saye-chan, are you okay?
  • Saye: Why wouldn't I be?
  • Citlali: Last night you were up all night kissing a picture of Nickel.
  • Saye: I was most certainly not.
  • Ximena: Then why did I have a dream about me at the beach making the biggest sand castle in the world, and when you were in it you were kissing Nickel in a photograph?
  • Yaretzi: Yeah, you were kissing him and saying "I love you, Nickel!"
  • Zorah: I had the same dream of both of y'all, but instead of being at the beach I was on the moon. And Saye wasn't in it. And neither was a phone.
  • Yaretzi: Speaking of phone, how is school for you, Ora?
  • Zorah: Our teacher is Aunt Match. Wait, how did you get—
  • Javier: Hold on a nanosecond. You're actually letting our Aunt Match teach you?
  • Zorah: Yeah, she's awesome! She's better than any teacher that you people ever had.
  • Javier: Then let me know when I see all the strikes on your grade 4 report card like I always do.
  • Zorah: Well!
  • Salvador: Hey, Sio! You ditching school today?
  • Sio: Yeah.
  • Pencil: Wot'n'ale? 'O's a-ditchin' school?
  • Salvador: Two words, Pencil. My. Brother.
  • Sio: Mum, it isn't a class or anything; it's lunch!
  • Pencil: Oh, okay, I feel'ee. When I was at thet school we always went off-campus fer lunch. So where'ee goin'?
  • Sio: The Inventing Club and I are going to—
  • Saye: I'd love saying it, but I'm in love, I'm in love, in love!

[She literally dances out of the house.]

  • Javier: Wait for us!
  • Pencil: Aye, I recommend thet'ee go out an' catch up with yer sister.

[Exeunt omnes nisi Qalam-Rassas.]

  • Pencil: Well, wot're'ee a-waitin' fer, QR, go with 'em!
  • Qalam-Rassas: I don't wanna! And I thought you didn't want me to leave!
  • Pencil: I don' know, jus' all o' the recent news about yer sister's got me more focused, an' I really think thet you can totally 'andle a day at school.
  • Qalam-Rassas: But mum!

[Enter Pen in his business suit.]

  • Pen: What's going on? I admire myself in the mirror for at least three minutes when on the other side in the window I see our eldest daughter waltzing like it's 1864!
  • Pencil: Oi, I'll explain thet later. But firs', Qal's got somethin' to tell'ee.
  • Pen: What is it, QR?
  • Qalam-Rassas: Daddy, I don't want to go to school!
  • Pen: Why? Personally, I believe that our education system has improved within the past nine years.
  • Qalam-Rassas: But it's my teacher. She's so mean!
  • Pen: I'm sure she's not that bad. When I was at that school the meanest teacher I think was the dean of discipline or something. Not only was she a morally questionable person on BFDI, but she was so mean and she was so old, and she had so many dimples that she triggered your Uncle Nelson's fear of holes.
  • Qalam-Rassas: That's the one! Dad, fire her!
  • Pen: Ha, only my father can do that. Y'know, they called him the—
  • Qalam-Rassas: Trump of Tel Aviv. Didn't he already call himself that?
  • Pen: Yeah, but I thought that now would be a better time than ever to reference that name.
  • Pencil: Oi, don' be Coiny with yer meta-ness! [to QR] Qal, if'ee needs yer professor to be threatened, y'says these words t'r'a: Either [in the same voice as Pencil from BFDI(A)] "I don't promise!" er "Sorry, GB, can't do that!"
  • Qalam-Rassas: Hey, those words were from your show, Mummy!
  • Pen: Yeah, your voice cracked like mine never did!
  • Qalam-Rassas: I'll say it once I can catch up with the rest of the crew.

[Exit Qalam-Rassas.]

  • Pen: What were we talking about again?
  • Pencil: Oh, nothin'. By the way, now I can swear without feelin' guilty. Wot the fuク'r'ee wearin'?
  • Pen: This?
  • Pencil: Aye. It's neither too formal nor informal to wear clothes.
  • Pen: Yeah, it's casual Wednesday at the embassy.
  • Pencil: Interestin' …

[Awkward silence.]

  • Pencil: Omg, Saye's in love!
  • Pen: With Nickel?
  • Pencil: No, with the washin' machine. Aye, with Nickel! An' I'm a-startin' to notice thet she's going a little too obsessed with'e.
  • Pen: Don't worry, teenage girls are always like that! I wouldn't be able to tell you how the experience was because I was never a teenage girl, but I'm sure you can provide me with some perspective, eh?
  • Pencil: Pen dear, I've spent the mos' o' me teenage years without a father figure present. If anythin', me mum encouraged me to date'ee!
  • Pen: Of course. And besides, who can't find me irresistable?
  • Pencil: Anti-Semites, Brazilian soldiers, Anti-Semitic Brazilian soldiers …
  • Pen: I'd better go.
  • Pencil: So yer okay with Saye datin' Nickel despite 'erself not arrivin' pas' curfew, not sayin' good night ter us, not 'atin' donuts as she used ter an' not waitin' fer the kids to ready an' go to school
  • Pencil: Pretty much. Bye!

[He kisses her, and then leaves. Cut to the other side of the door.]

  • Pen: Hate that guy!

[Meanwhile, inside.]

  • Pencil: [groans] Why can't e'erythin' be the same way 'twas yesterday?
  • Cil: [from his living room crib] Are you sure that you want everything to be your way as it was yesterday? You sure was more unhappy with leaving my older brother.
  • Pencil: An' then there's thet!
  • Cil: Goo!


  • Shelly: Hey, Saye! [she sees her spinning and not noticing] Frau Pencil Camania Sayéne Schreiber, what is wrong with you!?
  • Saye: [dazed] I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love!

[She spins near Boat, Chocolatey, Minola and Popsicley.]

  • Boat: Does anyone else see Saye spinning around like a record baby?
  • Minola: Watch out, here she comes.
  • Saye: [not noticing] I'm in love, in love, in love!

[She crashes into a wall and falls down.]

  • Saye: I'm in wall.

[Javier notices her as he walks with Capker.]

  • Capker: And that's when I learned to code for the National Technology Board back in 2006—
  • Javier: Oh my gosh! Saye!

[He runs to her.]

  • Javier: Capker, fetch a nurse.
  • Capker: Why? It's not me who's in pain!
  • Javier: [sigh] I knew there was a flaw in you all along! We're through, and find yourself a new best friend at it too; my sister is in pain!
  • Capker: That's okay with me. My time at the student exchange programme is done.

[Exit Capker.]

  • Javier: Saye, are you okay?
  • Saye: Apparently, I'm not.
  • Javier: [sigh] I made a big mistake. I told my best friend he was of no use since he didn't get you a nurse.
  • Saye: You can always hang out with Bae Nickel and me, y'know, be my third wheel and all.
  • Javier: I think I'd rather do some independent study at that.

[Exit Javier. At the same time, enter Saye's friends.]

  • Chocolatey: Oh my Ghent!
  • Popsicley: Saye, how did you end up here?
  • Minola: Should I call my mother?
  • Saye: I'm fine, I'm just in love!
  • Shelly: Saye, Nickel isn't here today. He's sick and he's going to be in America for a few days, they told us today.
  • Saye: If my Nickel's going to be sick, then I will too!

[The other girls look at each other.]

  • Boat: I'll get the nurse to make you sick then.
  • Minola: I've never heard of an un-nurse before.
  • Saye: They'll do it!

Golf Ball's class

  • Golf Ball: All right, students. Today we will start with math. Who can tell me the quadratic formula?
  • Qalam-Rassas: Can I phone a friend? Oh, wait. They're all in the other class.
  • Golf Ball: And you're not allowed to use a phone in the lower grades. JUST TELL ME THE QUADRATIC FORMULA!
  • Qalam-Rassas: I don't know it, I'm not like my brother Avi!
  • Golf Ball: Then let me teach it to you. First you draw an X. Do you know how to draw an X?
  • Qalam-Rassas: Yes, Mrs. Ball, but I don't know what the alphabet has to do with—
  • Golf Ball: You don't! First, you put your chalk on this part of the board. And then, you move diagonally, making a 45° angle with the board. We do it … do it … do it … [her walkie-talkie rings] Ugh, what is it now, TB?

[Tennis Ball's voice is heard on the walkie-talkie, words being indistinguishable.]

  • Golf Ball: Okay … yes … I've got it … I'll be right there!

[Exit Golf Ball.]

  • Qalam-Rassas: PARTY!

[One of the dust balls blows over.]

  • Qalam-Rassas: Oh yeah, maybe I should go party at Mrs. Harlow's class.

Mr. Avenue's class

  • Avenue: And that's why the letter A should be the last letter banned from the alphabet.
  • Sharpener: That's not the only reason why, teacher!
  • Sio: I wouldn't be so sure about that.

[Enter Golf Ball.]

  • Golf Ball: Is there a [reads the paper] Pen Schreiber II in this class?
  • Avenue: Yes, Your Majesty, but he graduated. Wonderful student, I'd say.
  • Golf Ball: I don't need to hear the good things!
  • Avenue: Sio, you are excused from class.

[He goes out into the hall.]

  • Sio: Excuse me, Headmistress Ball, but why am I here?
  • Golf Ball: I am sentencing you to detention Friday night.
  • Sio: What? Why?
  • Golf Ball: You were seen at the beach at lunchtime today, and being off-campus for the purpose of not eating is forbidden, young man.
  • Sio: Aww! Now I've got something to do on Friday!
  • Golf Ball: Oh, and I've got your friends to be there too.
  • Sio: Awesome. I mean, no!

[Enter Singaporean Dollar.]

  • Ringgit S.G.D.: Attention, Headmistress Ball, but you are no longer allowed to be teaching Primary 1.
  • Golf Ball: Good, because I'm from A-me-ri-ca and it's called first grade for your information.
  • Ringgit S.G.D.: That is what I meant, lah. You are suspended from that grade.
  • Golf Ball: What? Why?
  • Ringgit S.G.D.: According to the school rules: "No teacher who is a ball with 336 holes is allowed to take even a minute off her job."
  • Golf Ball: Darn it, I wrote that law to enforce workaholism.
  • Ringgit S.G.D.: Now I must assign to you a new teaching position.
  • Golf Ball: Uh, SG, how about I carry you? You know this is a treat from the headmistress to our school security guard.
  • Ringgit S.G.D.: I am a man of great honesty, Headmistress, and I will take the offer generously.

[She starts walking, carrying him.]

  • Sio: So am I off the hook?
  • Golf Ball: Wh- whatever!
  • Sio: Yes, now I'll go call my friends!
  • Golf Ball: Hey, no phones!
  • Ringgit S.G.D.: Can you go any faster than this?
  • Golf Ball: Stop complaining.

Super secret room

  • Infosym: Schreiber, just the man for whom I was searching.
  • Pen: Hello, sir.
  • Infosym: Your mission today: On the Internet there are several forums advertising hate speech, and it is your job to stop it.
  • Pen: There's always going to be hate speech on the Internet. It's just something that can't be stopped. I'm sorry, sir, but I can't fully carry out this mission.
  • Infosym: Okay, but you might miss something directed against you.

[The word "you" resonates with Pen.]

  • Pen: If it concerns me, I'll definitely go!
  • Infosym: [handing him a paper] Here is the address.
  • Pen: [reading] It's in America? But that means I'll have to take the Underground Rocket Launch! And I don't like when it's loud, it makes me want to give my wife a hug …
  • Infosym: Schreiber, this isn't going to get better before it gets worse.
  • Pen: That doesn't make sense.
  • Infosym: Dang it, that was me trying to sound deep! [getting more serious] Also, Schreiber, remove the business suit. It isn't casual Wednesday.
  • Pen: Soarry 'boat that.

Zorah's class

  • Shieldy: This is so fun!
  • Chupalla: I never thought we could not really do anything at school, but enjoy ourselves!
  • Lawrenciah: Yeah, I'm getting hit with all kinds of stuff!
  • Surfboard: Maybe we should shut up just a little bit so Ms. Merrier can read. She is really busy with her book.
  • Shieldy: And those noise-removal headphones really hit the spot.
  • Chupalla: She probably did not even realise that we are having so much fun!

[Enter Golf Ball. Everyone in the class returns to their seats.]

  • Golf Ball: Match Anastasia Achsah Zapałka! Are you aware that your entire class has been in chaos for almost four hours? This is an outrage! I am so mad that I can fire you on the spot!
  • Surfboard: Dude, Headmistress Baller …
  • Golf Ball: WHAT?!
  • Surfboard: She can't even, like, hear you right now. She's wearing Deats.
  • Golf Ball: I know what Deats are.

[She grabs the headphones, yankes it out of her head, and makes her go at her lever.]

  • Match: Oh, hey, GBGBWTF, what's going on here?
  • Golf Ball: YOU'RE! FIRED! I'm taking over your class now.
  • Students: No!
  • Golf Ball: You all talk badly about me and you all get detentions!
  • Students: [halfheartedly] Yay!
  • Surfboard: I'm so getting a refund on those headphones.
  • Match: Fired? It's one of your rules that you can't be out of your job for more than a minute, eh?
  • Golf Ball: [blandly] I'll be in my room.

Mrs. Ball's (former) classroom

  • Golf Ball: Alright, everyone, I'm leaving for the fourth grade.
  • Qalam-Rassas: But I won't have a teacher!
  • Golf Ball: Actually, you'll be transferred. After I realised that the Dustballs aren't even students at this school but just regular dustballs, I made sure that you would be at … [shudders] Mrs. Harlow's class.
  • Qalam-Rassas: In that case, I don't promise, and sorry, GB, can't do that!

[Golf Ball gags, and exits.]

Somewhere in the United States

  • Pen: Huh. Y'know, I've always wondered what a house looks like in the land of the free.

[He peeks through the vent, and sees something surprising.]

  • Pen: [trying not to scream; in a deep voice] Holy smokes!

[Fortunately, nobody notices Pen's reaction to [3]]


  1. C: Please stop inserting the word "skirt" in the fanfics. They add nothing and only open the door to more potentially provocative edits. Thank you!
  2. In reality 1945.
  3. I have this figured out already, I just don't want to spoil it.
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