Asterisk Hedge


"Wot'n ale's fozz'r'ye doin'?" - Pencil
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Pencil and Pen shabbat

Unfinished story ahead!

"Tonight we have to avoid completion of things, like, y'know ..." - Pen
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"Battle for Cutest Couple" is the 38th episode of Pencil 2.O, having aired on 13 June 2007 in the third season. In this episode, upon receiving their yearbooks, the spot for "cutest couple" remains empty. Pencil and Pen battle Leafy and Firey for being the cutest couple.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007Edit


  • Dudelsack: Now, class, in order to make the perfect essay, you must follow AWRY.
  • Pencil: Awry?
  • Dudelsack: Ay. A stands for analyse the prompt. W stands for write. R stands for realise that your degree is teaching was a mistake and spend time crying in your kebbin for hours on end ... [Everyone looks at him strangely] and Y stands for yodel.
  • Pen: Why yodel?
  • Pencil: Aye, ain'tee jus' German fer bagpipes?
  • Match: And isn't this, like, human biology?
  • Dudelsack: Well, it's time to go.

[He exits the classroom.]

  • Pencil: Hey, 'e jus' left us!
  • Clarion: I wouldn't be surprised. This is, like, the fifth time he's walked out on us this week.
  • Pencil: Wots'e think causes'e?
  • Clarion: Don't know.

[Awkward silence. Pencil turns to her alliance in the class – Match, Pen and Ruby.]

  • Ruby: So, are you excited to get your yearbooks?
  • Pencil: Aye!
  • Pen: Sure, just as long as last year doesn't happen.
  • Ruby: What happened last year?
  • Pen: Someone subtly inserted an "inappropriate graphic" in the official copy. And look! He got expelled!
  • Match: Oh yeah!
  • Pen: Well, we know that it won't happen this year, thanks to our junior editor!
  • Match: Who, me?
  • Pencil: Aye, it's yer firs' an' las' year on the yearbook committee!
  • Ruby: Say, aren't you supposed to be handing them out?
  • Match: Shiת, I forgot!
  • Pencil: Don' panic, let's jus' 'ope they forgot about'ee.
  • Golf Ball: [on intercom] Match Zapple-kay, report immediately to the Activities Centre! We didn't forget about you!
  • Mrs. Secra: It's pronounced Zapałka.
  • Golf Ball: Never correct me.
  • Match: I guess I'll see you, like, later!

[Exit Match.]

  • Pencil: 'Ow committed.
  • Pen: Where's ours?
  • Pencil: Dear, we wen' over bein' demandin' to other people … [in the same tone] Where's ours?
  • Match: Omg, so I, like, have a gift for you, my friends, and Pen.
  • Pen: Er … thanks?
  • Match: One for Pencil …
  • Pencil: Ooh, can't wait ter open'e!
  • Pencil: Le' me guess … bad pic o' yerself?
  • Match: Nothing you can't prove!
  • Ruby: Huh—
  • Match: One for Bubble …
  • Bubble: Yoylecake!
  • Match: And one for Pen.

[Awkward silence.]

  • Pen: Where's mine?
  • Match: Omg, I forgot! [throws it into the car park] Here you go, but fetch it, dog, before the second graders get it.
  • Pen: [running after it] WAIT! DON'T GET YOUR HANDS ON IT YET! …
  • Pencil: One, why'd'ee do thet to me boy?
  • Match: Why wouldn't I've?
  • Pencil: Good point. An' two … only I call me boy a dog.
  • Match: And only she calls the dog a boy.
  • Bubble: So, Ruby and Book, are yoy going to get any yoirbooks?
  • Ruby: No, it's toga-lly fine I don't have one. I know my mother and sisters will probably throw it into the fire for their divination ashes.
  • Book: And why would I want to keep something in high school? It is like going to San Francisco right after that earthquake, you just do not do it.
  • Match: Now that "divination ashes" and "San Francisco" are done, how about we, like, open it up and review it, page-by-page?
  • Pencil: Fine.
  • Ruby: I'll look on with you, Pencil!

[At the same time, they all open their books.]

  • Pencil: Omg, a preface by th' headmistress!
  • All: Naaaaaah!

[They all turn the page.]

  • Bubble: Wow!
  • Ruby: That's so cool!
  • Book: Eh.
  • Pencil: Wots'e?
  • Match: It's a yearbook preface, by yours-truly!
  • Book: I am still not getting it, what is the big deal?
  • Match: The big deal, Book, is that, like, the students in the grade below us, like, interview the yearbook staff near the end of the year, and publish it for, like, people who want to join the yearbook association later on!
  • Pencil: Let's read yours!
  • All: Yeah!
  • Pencil: "Dear future students o' this school."
  • Match: "Well, like, first of all, I am soooooooooooo excited to be here."
  • Book: "Like I have been saving up to being joiny to this?"
  • Ruby: "If I could have a word of dispect to anyone in the yearbook club thing, it would be 'sadajsdiojaiodjoiajda' because you all drive me crayyyyyyy-zed. #dispect"

Car parkEdit

  • Pen: Hey! Give that back, this instant!

[Nickel and Baseball talk together.]

  • Nickel: We were … then we decided against it.
  • Baseball: Yeah!
  • Pen: Well, that's stealing, and … I just want you to please give it to me. It would really mean a lot to my friends and me if you— [They run off.]
  • Nickel: Ha!

Near the maths campusEdit

  • Match: Map of the school, nope … alma mater, nope … staff— Skip!
  • Book: Hold on!
  • Bubble: Woit is it?
  • Match: N- nothing!
  • Book: No! [turns to the staff page. She finds herself amongst the professors.] I am now a professor!
  • Pencil: Someone's got a li'l explainin' to do, bruv …
  • Match: Like, I am the junior editor.
  • Book: I just want to say, thank you.
  • Match: Aww, hug me!
  • Book: Are you kidding, poison ivy is more embraceable!
  • Match: … aaaaaaand now for the students!
  • Pencil: Coolio! Skip to the 1989 births[1], please?
  • Match: Why?
  • Pencil: To see me Pen!

[Bubble clears her throat.]

  • Pencil: Oh, an' me Bubble too.

[She flips to the page.]

  • Bubble: Yoylecake! I look noice!
  • Pencil: An' so does Pen! I jus' want to take yer yearbook 'ome an' jus' kiss'e.
  • Match: Pencil, you have your own.
  • Pencil: Aye, totally forgot'e. But 'e's jus' so amazin' an' graceful e'erytime I see'e!

[Nickel and Baseball run by with Pen's yearbook.]

  • Nickel: Ha-ha!
  • Baseball: I may be uncatchable, but Nickle sure is!
  • Nickel: It's Nickel!

[Pen is behind them.]

  • Match: Yes, how graceful.
  • Pencil: Quick, switch to the 1990 births!
  • Match: On it! [she skips to the "P" section]
  • Ruby: Hold on, you forgot you!
  • Match: No, I did not.

[Ruby takes the book and tries to find Match. Pencil, Bubble and Book find an ugly picture of Match[2] on her page.]

  • Match: I was having a bad face day.
  • Pencil: I jus' checked mine, an' I look fine!
  • Match: Okay, let's, like, go to the categories, sholl we?
  • Book: It is sholl we, you know. And when will some of us see ourselves?
  • Match: Never, and on to categories!

[She flips to the page.]

  • Match: Bubble: Most likely to fall down and not be able to get up.
  • Bubble: That's soio troiue!
  • Match: Book: Most likely to be new headmistress if Ball doesn't retire any time soon.
  • Book: May I say, what a flattering job this "junior editor" is doing here.
  • Match: Hey, look at what I wrote for Eraser: Most likely to be the next emperor Caligula.
  • Ruby: Huh? [Book whispers it] Ew!
  • Match: Oh! And, like, Ruby, you're in Student Stats: Who has the most sisters who don't go to school here?
  • Ruby: Me!
  • Pencil: Where're we?
  • Match: You'll see!
  • Bubble: Probably in best froinds.
  • Ruby: Or most shippable non-couple!
  • Book: Or most annoying pair.
  • Match: Match: Best junior editor.
  • Pencil: Oi, they's spelt "junior" wrong!
  • Match: Exactly.
  • Pencil: Where's I an' Pen?
  • Match: Check out the last votables …
  • Pencil: Eh, "cutes' couple" an' "secon' cutes' couple".
  • Ruby: Should have known it belonged to those grey question marks!
  • Match: Oh, those aren't grey question marks. They're, like, to be voted on.
  • Book: What?
  • Match: Every year at this school, the students choose two junior-year couples and vote on how cute they are.
  • Ruby: What an unfair advantage of unfairness!
  • Match: But get this … the prize for first is two tickets to go wherever they like, whether it be out-of-country, out-of-continent, out-of-planet or out-of-dimension!
  • Pencil: Omg, Pen an' I'd be the perfect firs'!
  • Match: Yeah, but, like, second place has all their valuables taken from them and, like, used for the school fund.
  • Book: Which department?
  • Match: Sports.
  • Pencil: Cool!
  • Book: Not cool! I have heard stories of number two couples going from riches to rags!
  • Match: That can happen?
  • Book: Of course! According to school legend, for thirty years straight just one couple has made it to the #1 spot!
  • Pencil: Ah, yes. Golf Ball an' Tennis Ball.
  • Book: Use their titles, please.
  • Pencil: 'Eadmistress Golf Ball an' Mr Tennis Ball.
  • Book: Anyways, legend has it that the most popular couple in their grade has had all of their possessions taken away, and they now roam the bad neighbourhoods of Nairobi at night begging for money and using love for evil!
  • Bubble: And how much toime do you spoind on the Internet doily?
  • Book: 18 hours.
  • Bubble: Ah.
  • Pencil: Omg, why's e'eryone so worried? I am positive we're goin' ta win. [sees Pen] Right, me love?
  • Pen: Sure, right after I get to see myself in the yearbook that those delinquent kids took!
  • Nickel: Fine, take your stupid book, you conceited asסhoל!
  • Baseball: See, Nickel, I told you diplomacy was better than our childish mischief.
  • Pen: Can you believe them? I sure wouldn't want to have met someone in the past who acted like that!
  • Match: Me neither. /s
  • Pencil: Pen, come 'ere!
  • Pen: What is it?
  • Pencil: Well, Mai'oldin'th'y'bookcompfe'cu'scoup'a'ewan'ee'nme'neso'ls'eepart'te'nconvincin'res'oa'schoot'othe'reacu's'coup'ran'no'ce'ns?
  • Ruby: English?
  • Pen: Oh, I understood all of it.
  • Book: [sigh] Of course you did.
  • Pencil: So now our competition's the headmistress an' 'er mate.
  • Pen: Don't worry, I've got this one.

[He leaves and then returns with Tennis Ball's legs tied up.]

  • Match: What the ...
  • Pen: Apologies if I haven't told you yet, but Firey taught me this really convenient way to tie someone's legs up.[3] Yep, should be sturdy.
  • Tennis Ball: Someone get me out of this!
  • Pen: Sorry, but I can't. If you're tied up, then you can't participate in the campaign!
  • Match: Oh, I forgot to tell you!
  • Pen: What?
  • Match: TB and GB aren't your competition.
  • [ Pen · Pencil ]: [ What? · Wot? ]
  • Pen: And you could have told me this before I potentially could have got tried for assault on a hall monitor?
  • Match: I just like seeing you suffer.
  • Book: Same!
  • Pen: [untying TB's legs] Don't tell anyone about this.
  • Tennis Ball: Yes, sir!

[He runs off, crying.]

  • Pencil: Wait, if they ain't our competitors, then 'o is?
  • Match: You're lucky. I got someone you're sure to defeat!
  • Pencil: 'O?
  • Match: Firey and Leafy.
  • Book: No, they are TOUGH to defeat.
  • Match: Whatever. Hey, Ruby! I heard you are joining the show too. Who are you coupling with!
  • Ruby: It's me and Nickel.
  • Match: Oooooh. Do you have a crush on him?
  • Ruby: Not telling.
  • Book: Wait, who was the host again?
  • Match: Instagram.
  • Pencil: Wait, you mean the girl from school that dosen't care when her skirt is up just because she thinks she's so fabulous?
  • Ruby: I know! She's the only girl that acts like Gelatin's not around!
  • Match: Yes, Pencil. That girl. Let's hope she dosen't show her underwear around and make the boys like her again...
  • Pencil: *laughs* That way, there is no winner of the contest!
  • Ruby: I know, right!
  • Instagram: I HEARD THAT! Also, Book, your right. This is a contest live in the auditorium, and almost 5 couples signed up!
  • [ Pencil: I didn't know that from the start– · Match: *walks up to Instagram* ]
  • Instagram: I don't care! You signed up, and there is no signing up. I am the host, I make the rules. Now, you can't really drop out of the-
  • Match: *flips Instagram's skirt up*
  • Instagram: * continues*-race unless someone was expelled, or suspended during the race. That is in the rulebook. So, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I can't help you with that. I guess you are still in the race then. *walks away, not knowing the front of her skirt is on top of her blouse*
  • Match: Pencil, you were right.
  • Pencil: The host was wrong, I didn't want to drop out.


  1. Due to the apparent lack of school grades in the upper branches, they are sorted by birth year.
  2. Like this for reference.
  3. XXX-E 0200
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